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File: enemy.png (1.47 MB, 1500x1500) Anonymous 11/04/21 (Thu)21:24:03 No.66024555 >be me >in poor apartment >living with roommate >roommate calls me from the kitchen (where our washing machine is located) >tells me he has to take a s--- and he wants me to take care of the washing machine while it's washing our clothes >the washing machine is acting up, if I directly touch it I could get electrocuted >it also starts jumping and moving in random directions when it is at it's peak of hostility >our stove is right next to the washing machine (we don't have any space to place it anywhere else, see 2nd paragraph) >its cooking a hot pot of borscht that's our only food for the next week >affirm my role as the protector of our crucial nutrients >my roommate goes to the bathroom, I prepare for the worst of happenings >a few moments later, the monster unleashes its rage upon the kitchen >ear-piercing loud, screaming like in the darkest, deepest piths of Hell >I freak the f--- out >power thrust it >d--- and balls get electrocuted, fall on the floor feeling defeated >try to regain my strength and crawl back up, but it feels like my pubic area got annihilated >do nothing but yell in agony >roommate runs over like the hero he is, no pants on, his ass sparkling and s--- dripping out of it >support has arrived, though the battle is not yet won >rommate grabs a wooden sweep handle, attacks the demon as I cannot do anything but stare and slobber at his exposed d--- swinging and flying >finally gather the strength to get up Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)21:24:43 No.66024566 File: pain.jpg (20 KB, 720x403) Victory. >dopamine kicks in like a disturbed horse >grab the pot and run with it like a goblin that just stole a trader's golden coins >accidentally sleep on some s--- my roommate has given to the floor as gift >hot borscht falls on my roommate's ass >he screams in pain >not much has fallen, the pot is still mostly full >slam the pot on our table, some borscht falls on my hard-erect d--- (don't ask why it's erect) >pain. >rommate finishes the washing machine and does a retarded run to this room, ass is red as a tomato >we calm down >look at ourselves in the eyes >it's over

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon needs to take the advice of the man with lightning | /r/Greentext

File: 1691174215938557.jpg (700 KB, 1920x1080) Anonymous 10/13/23(Fri)17:12:52 No.33140655 [Reply] >>331 >older brother asked me if I want to spend the day with him tomorrow Is this a...date?! 21 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 10/13/23(Fri)19:52:35 No.33142038 H-------- kys

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Anon has a breakdown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ACA 10/13/23(Fri)06:02:30 No.29946434 351 KB PNG >26, have lived with mom for 25.5 years >dad is a deadbeat >mom passed from cancer 5 months ago >can count my close friends on one hand but they won't be near me >never been close with majority of family >since then I've been working on moving on while living near my aunt (only family member I really kept in touch with) >finally have everything in order >moving to a new state tomorrow >got everything packed and being delivered already >have an apartment leased and ready >work can transfer and new location has already said they'll take me >sit down to relax until bed >everything hit me at once and I just kind of broke down crying >realized I'm f------ terrified of truly being alone How do I cope with this? Has anyone been through a similar situation and made the transition better? I think part of it is simply that I'm mentally and physically exhausted, plus I was hungover this morning and slept for only like 4 hours, so maybe my emotions are just all f-----. I've never been prone to anxiety but since the realization hit it's like I'm fighting to breathe. I know that, logically, I have nothing to worry about. I'm financially safe because I got an upper 5-figure life insurance payment, I have a job secured as well as a plan for college, and I know full well that I'm capable of taking care of myself, but I also feel like my brain's about to fry.

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Anon on Bluey fans. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/13/23(Fri)15:20:36 No.75053066 Why are bluey fans so retarded >bluey trips >the bluey fan gets depressed >bluey gets taken to the nurse's office >the bluey fan starts M 325 KB JPG crying uncontrollably >bluey gets a band-aid >the bluey fan makes a final post about how deep the show is and kills himself

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Anon doesn’t like animal abusers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/22(Wed)05:35:37 No.881050241 >meet a girl on omegle >she's super cute, definitely a 10 >we start talking on kik, we really hit it off >after a few minutes we Face Time >start talking about our interests >she's so passionate about her interests and loves to listen to me talk about mine >eventually ask each other questions about her life >shows me her dog "Yeah anon he's super cute. I feed him a lot of chocolate and he should be dead but he's fine honestly." 132 KB JPG >also says that she's "lowkey abusive but the dog still loves me" >she vents to me about how everyone she talks to on omegle just uses her and then leaves the next day/a few days later >I tell her I promise I won't do that and that I really really like her >eventually we start to get kind of frisky >she watched me j------- for a while >offers to show me her t--- >I accept and I c-- to her t--- on the Face Time >afterwards we keep talking about our interests again >before I go to bed she says "thank you for not leaving me like everyone else. I trust you" >I tell her I trust her too and that I would never leave her >hang up >block her on everything while she's asleep F--- that dog abusing bitch

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Greek Supremacy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/13/23(Fri)08:43:48 No.22597705 This happened to me 2 weeks ago, no bs >Walk into bookshop >Can't find Metamorphoses >Ask the shop-person if they have it >He squints 155 KB PNG >Metamorphoses... Kafka? >Ovid >He looks flustered >Ovid of course s-sorry I'm new >Hurried typing >Y-yes we do have it over there I didn't really believe in Greek elitism but every time I've gone to purchase anything Greek they've treated me like a higher form of being. It's so bizarre, anyone else get this too?

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Anon Gets Dumped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous HEY SENPAI 973 KB PNG BLESS WHAT >>75013950 # TO WEAR TODAY.... I dont understand what do I have to do I cant retroactively get more experience f------, i was lucky enough to not be a virgin in the first place. Ive never had a long term relationship what the f--- are guys like me supposed to do realistically. Its f------ over >>75013995 # 10/09/23(Mon)19:54:31 No.7501388: >start dating a girl > think its going well > she decides she wants to keep it platonic after a couple weeks because "you dont know what you're doing during sex >she starts f------ some drugdealer like directly after being with me : Anonymous >>75013888 (OP) # Why not get an escort for practice and just tell her that you're looking for experience? >>75013995 # 10/09/23(Mon)19:57:03 No.75013910 : Anonymous this never happened and you are still a virgin 10/09/23(Mon)19:57:39 No.75013922 : Anonymous >>75013888 (OP) # I don't believe this story for a second. Why do you come on /r9k/ begging for attention? Go larp on discord like everyone else. 10/09/23(Mon)19:59:03 No.75013937

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LETS GO GOHAN | /r/Greentext

Anonymous -D(Thu)2 (Thu)2.3 No.170913787 » »>170913839>>170913859 >>170913974>>170913975 >>170914120 >>170914224 >>170914623 >>170915957 >>170916170 I was just in a McDonald's and there was a group of Mexican kids crowded around a laptop watching the Dragonball Z Cell VS Gohan fight at full volume in Spanish

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A beef wellington ensemble with lettuce | /r/Greentext

File : 1289152006.jpg-(79 KB, 840x780, ImSoBritish.jpg) -I'M SO BRITISH I S--- THE QUEEN Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12:46:46 No.285473XXX >my face when americans call "wobbly flip-shutters" doors >my face when americans call a "Small Ben" a clock >my face when americans call a "chimey pushknob" a doorbell >my face when americans call "niffy loo pudding" feces >my face when americans call a "Hooty tooty point and shooty" a gun >my face when Americans call a "beef wellington ensemble with lettuce" a hamburger >my face when americans call "crockety snapwickets" markers >my face when americans call "cold on the cob" popsicles >my face when americans call a "loony chuckle fairy" a clown >my face when americans call a "cuff-link time Johnny" a watch Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12:49:07 No.285473XXX I lol'd...hard Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12:49:44 No.285473XXX >cold on the cob LOL Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12:51:04 No.285474XXX I'm English, and these are funny. Anonymous 11/07/10(Sun)12-51-16 No 285474XXX

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Anon has a work crush | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 232 KB JPG have fun <3" 02/25/21(Thu)23:27:35 No.848305823 >Crush from work seems to be into me >She makes plans to go drinking with me >She flakes out 3 seperate occasions >She suggests we should work out together >*Day to excersize arrives* >"Oh I worked out with my mom today, >On 1 night, she didn't have plans >Asks her out >"but we're so far away :(" >She lives 30 mins away b/ I'm not some smelly fat awkward retard, I'm in shape, and take care of myself... What gives, is she just stringing me along? Anonymous >>848305823 (OP) # Been there and I think so. She probably talks about you and laughs about you to her friends. 02/25/21(Thu)23:29:05 No.848305927

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Anon becomes based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous K 8 KB JPG 10/13/23 (Fri)10:38:07 No.907604387 >be me, not particularly religious >works in company with middle Eastern owner > pretty decent amount of gays and liberals in the company >Lots of diversity overall, pretty good environment >Higher up retires so there's a vacant spot >Company owner starts asking " you gay? What you think about gay?" While pointing fingers at people picked at random >People either say yes, or "no, but there's nothing wrong with it" >He points the finger at me >No, gay Haram >Stares at me in the eyes for 5 seconds, just walks away and stops asking people >Salary doubles and gets the open position

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Anon gets a new experience | /r/Greentext

Guy.jpg (49 KB, 508x718) Anonymous 05/18/21 (Tue)23:53:45 >Be me >Be gay >Start looking at femboys, I start to like them >Go on forums and learn they are real >Start fantasizing about them >Decide to do something >Go to a club to try to hook up >Meet this cute femboy at the bar >After a few drinks we go to my place >Start making out >After a while things get heated >He gets undressed >He has a vagina >She isn't a femboy, shes just a normal girl >MFW I'm actually straight and not a f-----

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anon is going to get strawmanned by readit normies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Q20GRQch) H why are normies such sociopath(...) 10/12/23(Thu)11:05:55 No.444491815 Savign 05/28/2010 23:25 COABD6B7-7563-4E2B-96DD-1EE1ADD6217C.jpg 308 KB JPG >saved 20 innocent people, who were born into this cruel, heroin-illegal, world against their consent, from a lifetime of suffering >made the sociopathic parents suffer, who don't not deserve it as they reproduced in a world where non-asexuals with micropenises, 9-5 lifestyle, kidney stones, gender dysphoria, genetic homosexuality in sheep-f-----(homophobic arab) countries, cancer and, even more f------ awful, r--- exists >considered an evil p------------, meanwhile there are billions of "people" who openly worship god despite the '44 Days Of Hell' case being proof that he is either fake or evil Yes, I almost have a lil sympathy for shooters; f--- off, sociopathic NPC retard. Adam Lanza saved somebody from being r---- and he deserves an eternal heroin high afterlife.

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Greentext Stories - romanian washing machine | /r/Greentext

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File: enemy.png (1.47 MB, 1500x1500) Anonymous 11/04/21 (Thu)21:24:03 No.66024555 >be me >in poor apartment >living with roommate >roommate calls me from the kitchen (where our washing machine is located) >tells me he has to take a s--- and he wants me to take care of the washing machine while it's washing our clothes >the washing machine is acting up, if I directly touch it I could get electrocuted >it also starts jumping and moving in random directions when it is at it's peak of hostility >our stove is right next to the washing machine (we don't have any space to place it anywhere else, see 2nd paragraph) >its cooking a hot pot of borscht that's our only food for the next week >affirm my role as the protector of our crucial nutrients >my roommate goes to the bathroom, I prepare for the worst of happenings >a few moments later, the monster unleashes its rage upon the kitchen >ear-piercing loud, screaming like in the darkest, deepest piths of Hell >I freak the f--- out >power thrust it >d--- and balls get electrocuted, fall on the floor feeling defeated >try to regain my strength and crawl back up, but it feels like my pubic area got annihilated >do nothing but yell in agony >roommate runs over like the hero he is, no pants on, his ass sparkling and s--- dripping out of it >support has arrived, though the battle is not yet won >rommate grabs a wooden sweep handle, attacks the demon as I cannot do anything but stare and slobber at his exposed d--- swinging and flying >finally gather the strength to get up Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)21:24:43 No.66024566 File: pain.jpg (20 KB, 720x403) Victory. >dopamine kicks in like a disturbed horse >grab the pot and run with it like a goblin that just stole a trader's golden coins >accidentally sleep on some s--- my roommate has given to the floor as gift >hot borscht falls on my roommate's ass >he screams in pain >not much has fallen, the pot is still mostly full >slam the pot on our table, some borscht falls on my hard-erect d--- (don't ask why it's erect) >pain. >rommate finishes the washing machine and does a retarded run to this room, ass is red as a tomato >we calm down >look at ourselves in the eyes >it's over

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