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It's humiliating to tell you even this much. In order to be believed, I have to tell everyone about my childhood trauma, my sex life, my health issues, my breakup, what went on in therapy, the mental ward, how my accuser wanted to use me for sex, and how I almost died because of this. It's extremely painful to talk about. People think they're owed that from me, and no one will listen if I just say "I didn't mean that" or "I was only a teenager." This is the price I've paid to show I wasn't preying on someone. I refuse to call it a win that I could explain myself in this way. I didn't win when I went through that. After my recent psychological training, I think my childhood trauma is also how I went through so much of life thinking that there was a clear line between my kink and my interest in shoes; also just how "normal" the roleplay felt. I had only my interest for most of my life; my roleplaying started innocently long before I enjoyed anything physical or even knew I had a kink. All I knew for a long time was, "I think shoes are funny," and I didn't think it was particularly strange that I worked them into stories or talked about them so much. I would act out stories about my own shoes when I was little and just never really stopped doing things like that. It's also where a lot of my sense of humor has always been, and it really was just a joke for many years. The realization that there could be some crossover happened much later in life. I compartmentalized things into what was sexual and what wasn't, probably because I did it for so long without a kink and thought I could go on separating those things by not saying anything arousing for me. It was just very messy and flawed logic for a lot of reasons and intertwined with something I struggled to make sense of. I definitely needed psychiatric help for this, and I'm really sorry to everyone I hurt because of it.

Chuggaaconroy "Me at 19" 2


Uploaded by Phillip Hamilton Apr 17, 2024 at 10:50AM EDT

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Origin Entry: Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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After communicating with Emile, we would like this message out there. Yes, Emile and I were engaged. Keeping it private was a mutual decision, especially through the first several years. After that, when Emile expressed interest in becoming public, I was hesitant because of how much social pressure was already put on our relationship. He was respectful of that, and we proceeded with the status quo. We do not condone the harassment of any party, and the omission was an effort to prevent speculation about our now very separate personal lives. Ultimately it was a personal matter and a joint decision between two adults. I would like to reiterate that my objective with my previous post was just to be left alone, and that has not changed. I was being asked a lot of invasive questions with increasing frequency, as I'm sure Emile has as well. We do not want to be associated, we do not want to hear of each other moving forward- a mutual sentiment as our paths are now completely separate and we want to move on with our lives. Although I cannot be a part of his journey, I wish Emile luck on his healing and his path forward.
Regardless of my clarifications and context, I definitely still made mistakes and learned lessons, as well as learned new things about how my mind works. I don't want to get carried away and make it sound like I'm 100% blameless. I needed psychiatric help for my depression and roleplay behavior. I took your criticism of my person seriously and am forever working every day to ensure nothing like this could ever happen again. It will not happen again. I'm a fan of numbers, so let me show you. Since privately confronted about this, I: •Saw my therapist 6 times before anything was made public. •Completed 11 behavioral health sessions with a psychologist. Continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. •Spent 5 nights in a mental ward and have met with my doctors twice since then. •Read numerous medical articles to understand my conditions better and how to avoid mistakes. •Have never missed a dosage of 4 medications and supplements that better regulate my brain activity. •Have not ever wanted to roleplay again. •Feel more self-aware and cognizant than at any point in my life up to this point. I can be absolutely certain I would never disappoint you like this again. And I say that knowing you will hold me to a higher standard than ever. I have and always will continue to give it my all in the psychiatric help I sought out. In my mind, nothing after my apology changed that I meant every word and was already in the process of making good on all of this. Months before anything went public. Some of these, I learned and grew from many years ago. I would have been here to tell you this sooner had my mental trauma not kept me from it. I needed to heal.
Moving Forward I'd like to make an ode to my friends. Several reached out the night I came home from the hospital. They didn't want me to be alone and still believed I was a good person. Heck, I think some of you believed I was more innocent than I did. It took me a while to see this your way. I love all of you, my friends. Even if you were critical of me, I cannot bring myself to not love you. Some of it was things I already agreed with, some of it was things I needed to hear. And some of it was telling me this wasn't as bad as I thought. I want to thank my best friend Tim/NintendoCapriSun. He handled so many decisions in all of this for me when I was not well enough to make them for myself. He cooked for me every day when I wasn't allowed near the knives. I think you really saved me. Please support him with all you can. I didn't say this last time. I'm so sorry for all the heartache and worry I caused my friends and caused you. I worked hard every day to make sure I would never make you feel like this again and could be dependable once more. I really didn't mean to do harm here, and feel I've learned about myself in ways I didn't know I needed to. These are positive things.
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    Uploaded Apr 17, 2024 at 10:50AM EDT

    Origin Entry

    Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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    chugga allegations, chugga, lady emily chuggaaconroy

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