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What do you look for in a significant other?

Last posted Feb 19, 2013 at 04:26PM EST. Added Jan 31, 2013 at 08:44PM EST
80 posts from 47 users

Tell me, KYM, what would you look for in a significant other? A boyfriend/girlfriend or even a spouse? Don’t worry; it’s all hypothetical. I’m forever alone too. I’d prefer you describe the personality traits or psychological attributes, but physical descriptions are not off of the table in the slightest. I plan to include some in my description a little later.

Let’s just not have this turn into a boobs ‘n’ butts thread, friends.

I actually look for a shy and quiet man, and I for some reason like men that are a year or two younger than me. I like someone who loves watching movies with me, especially animated movies. I’m not quite sure if I’m interested in dating an artist (or rather, someone looking for a career in art) like myself, because it’d be nice to have at least one person in the relationship who can feed themselves lol starving artist joke. As far as looks go, I am a huge sucker for green eyes.

Last edited Jan 31, 2013 at 09:20PM EST

Boobs ‘n’ butts.

No, but I really haven’t thought about it that deeply. Well, if I had to pick the attributes and such, I’d say someone supportive, well-intentioned, and… cheerful, I guess. Thing is that I am resilient for the most part, but when I go down, I go down hard and I need someone who will be there for me. Basically, someone who can balance out your negatives and complement your positives is ideal for me. I’m not picky, I just look for honesty. I also think it would be for the better if it were someone who can put up with me, for the most part, I am too playful for my own good. Frankly, I’d do anything for a significant other’s happiness. Really. I feel happy when others are happy and I can make them happy. ’Sweird.

lol I’m taking this thread seriously.

Last edited Jan 31, 2013 at 09:29PM EST

I find women with a head on their shoulders, who are kind and loyal to be the most attractive. Physically, I really don’t care much unless their very overweight, and that’s mainly because I see it as very unhealthy and to me that’s just generally an indicator of how well they can handle themselves as well. I don’t know why, but I pretty much see right through people. If their an awful person on the inside, it shows on the outside to me, and vice versa. It’s served me well. Only thing I say a women would have to have is to be understanding…a relationship with me probably wouldn’t last more than a few hours without that. I’m rather different in a number of ways. It’s hard to explain from my point of view, that’s the best I can do I think.

Syndic wrote:

Uh… how ‘bout a girl who’s got a brain, who always… speaks her mind?

My top qualities are that she’s also a Christian, that I can have both very deep and very shallow conversations with her, that she be very touch-oriented (not in a sexual way, but in an expression of love kind of way), and that she’s level-headed enough to think through her own decisions and interactions with me, since I expect the same thing of myself.

I also find red hair to be REALLY attractive, but that’s not a make-or-break for me.

I am actually really not sure.
Maybe a girl who is a bit rough but has a good heart?
The athletic type of girl who has exactly 5 friends and a turtle as a pet…
why a turtle?


Mind if I move this to General, Mack? This seems to be something you may have wanted to discuss somewhat seriously.

As for me, briefly, a geeky girl who doesn’t get on my nerves.

In a little more detail, someone about my age (within 3-4 years, always exceptions), someone who is at least qualitatively Christian (not as important in dating, very important when considering marriage), someone who shares my interests or at least is open to them (e.g., I don’t expect a girl who loves Final Fantasy to love college football as well or vice versa, but she’d at least have to show a little more interest than “I don’t mind if you go play Fantasy Fight or whatever that game is with the spiky hair/I don’t mind if you go to the football game. Just don’t tell me about it, OK?”

Briefly, in terms of personality, I’ve liked very shy girls, moderately aggressive girls; girls who are a bit tsundere, girls who are a bit clingy; girls who talk a lot, girls who you have to lead into a conversation; girls who don’t like to think about heavier things, girls who’ve stayed up with me until the early morning talking about the meaning of life…I think it could be simplified as girls who have an interesting mind, preferably something that gets my own mind or is similar to my own mind.
For those who don’t really know or haven’t given it any thought, you’ll meet more people in life. You’ll come to know what you like in a significant other and what you should actually be with. Sometimes, the two don’t coincide.

Once I’ve gotten rest, I may come back and actually give more detail. But this might suffice.

I guess I’d want a shy, weird extrovert (don’t know how that works either) like me. Someone who is an optimist at heart, but a pessimist in projection. Someone who I can really connect to, on both deep emotional and intellectual levels. Someone who shares my sense of humour and gets all my references- and then respond back with even more obscure ones. Someone who is patient with all my idiosyncrasies and faults. Someone that just wraps his arms around my shoulders and envelops me in his warmth. No need for talking- just being there together will do.

Whenever we watch a film or television together, which would be often, he would have to be able to over-overanalyze me (and believe me, I try). He would have to have the same eclectic taste in music that I do, ranging from the moody and atmospheric to the achingly catchy. And he would have to be able to endure my tendency to burst into extremely sardonic renditions of pop music.

Also, the guy has to have a British accent (or at least be able to talk in a really sexy one), be 180 cm tall, give or take 2 cm, have a singing voice that harmonizes with mine, and look good both with and without glasses. He’d better have perfect teeth too cuz I ain’t putting my mouth anywhere near a toxic cesspool of filth.

(I’m not good at all with this romance type of stuff am I)

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 03:15AM EST

Hm… where to begin…

Looks wise, I like more Caucasian or Asian girls. Fit and cute (or if she is just pretty I wouldn’t mind. “Hot” isn’t exactly my thing). And well that’s just the general thing I am looking for. Breast size doesn’t really matter too much, anything that is natural looking and fits the body type.

Personality wise, probably somebody who I can relate to. Namely in terms of hobbies instead of just specific interests. Like drawing or cosplaying. Creating stuff with/with the help of somebody I can bounce off of.

A bit of dominance would be nice as well.

And to tell the truth I already know a few girls like this, so just maybe…

And if it was a guy: Again, fit and cute looking. Leaning more towards Caucasian on this side. However, in this case I would rather be the dominant one. Same personality traits apply.

(Though I am Bi, my bi-ness is directly tied to my swinging Gender Queerness. This makes it a bit hard for me when looking for a mate, as 20 minutes later I am suddenly the opposite gender mentally and the same person suddenly doesn’t seem as attractive anymore.)

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 03:35AM EST

I don’t ask for much, just someone who understands me.

She could be the football cheerleader or the dorky bookworm. To be honest I don’t think I’ll care about the details so long as it’s someone that can cherish who I am for who I am, however quirky I may be.

I’m just not the average person. I need to find my people: the non-average people


Well maybe that is asking much.


Further thought:

I do recognize a flaw in my logic; Expecting to find someone more like myself will be an effort in futility if I am so unique. But then again my tastes are not that specific, in fact I’m pretty open.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it won’t matter to me if she’s a bit of a weirdo, or isn’t the same skin tone, or doesn’t have a perfect set of boobs etc etc so long as we can relate to each other. What’s the point having a significant other that you cannot communicate with?

More importantly; can we talk about things we both like, engage in the same fandoms, play the same video games together, help each other in our responsibilities or listen to the same music all the while not judging each other for our each induvidual quirks and accepting them as part of who we are? It’s those kind of qualities that I value. People like that are the ones you can keep.

IMO: It takes a real woman to have that kind of deep understanding

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 05:59AM EST

Someone who would just love me. Someone I can trust. I mean, they don’t have to like all the same things as me or have to look super hot or super cute. When I’m around them, I want to feel at ease and comfortable. They don’t need to be good at cooking, cleaning or a hard worker. All I care about is that we’ll always be together. A person I can play and tease with and get the same treatment back. A person that I can endure hardships with. Someone who needs me just as much as I need them. I need someone there to hold when I feel like like the world is cold and they’re there to remind me there’s still warmth out there.

Even though I’ve failed a lot in my life, they’ll still accept me. Someone who can soothe my anger. Someone who can brighten and color my grey world.

Really, all I care about is that they wont abandon me and just love me.

Perfection does not exist, so I do not look for that in women. And to find a woman who’s like a Rule 63 me, that’s impossible.

I prefer a more calm woman, bit shy who seems rather distant at first, but once you get to know her really opens up. I’m the listening ear type, so I would have no trouble with hearing what she has to say. Bit geeky perhaps, not the massive outgoing type. One that’s able to get close to you, one that you can fall asleep with while cuddling with on the couch and not even notice.

Brains are appreciated, she doesn’t have to be from an University (I’m not either), but I don’t need her to ask me simple basics. As for looks, those are details. I don’t fall on obese, but she doesn’t have to be super thin. Make-up doesn’t make a woman more attractive to me. I don’t mind simple stuff like a bit off mascara and rouge, but I’m the type that falls on a natural look, even if it makes her less attractive than with make-up.

Tastes like music and type of movies isn’t something I bother with, these things differ per individual. I know people who are very much alike personality based, but their taste in music lays miles away. If she likes it, then so will I (to some extend).

Appreciates going out in the weekend, whether a bar, the movies, or just some friends, but doesn’t make it a must. If we’re in a mood to stay home and bang till the sun rises just watch tv or something, that should be doable too.

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 09:56AM EST

I like someone who always has something to say when the conversation gets slow/dull. They have interesting thoughts and have interesting topics to have a conversation about. I just get bored so easily, I need to be with someone who can keep my attention. Being funny or goofy/having a great sense of humor is the best, because I love to laugh and smile. I want to be able to talk about anything and everything. Sometimes I love having serious conversations and sometimes I like stupid ones. What I want to talk about is always changing and they need to be prepared!
The person I’m with defiantly needs to love all kinds of affection. I love cuddling, hugging, kissing, all that, and I like to do it all the tiiiime. They need to be able to put up with my worst moods and my best moods. Someone who will be there for me no matter what is going on in my life, no questions asked.
I would love to be with someone who is super outgoing and has shit going on in life. I’m so nervous around people, it always makes me feel better to have someone around me who isn’t as awkward as me.
Guh so awkward…


When it comes to looks I really don’t care at all.
I guess what I would PREFER though is someone taller than me. I really like tattoos on guys. AND I absolutely love facial hair. Unless it looks creepy and bad, then no.
I always liked dating older guys. I think like 9 years is my limit on how old they can be compared to my age, haha. I don’t think I’d date anyone more than 2-3 years younger than me.


I guess that’s it?
It’s hard to explain what I like in a person..

Jack Candle wrote:

Four fingers and a thumb.

So that she may caress and appreciate your orange texture?

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 10:37AM EST

Let us see…

I like a girl who are not afraid to be themselves. I like openness, and honesty. I’m into cute more than hot, but that really doesn’t matter if I can get along with them, right? I love the ladies all over the world. I would rather be with a person who share many common things that I have as well.
Age really doesn’t matter to me unless it’s a giant gap of 20 somethings years older than I am, and something that won’t possibly get me jailed. I’m 19, so a young person in their teens, or early 20’s.
Anyway I am Bi, and my taste in men is slightly different.
I actually like effeminate men, and depending on the situation I rather be the more dominate partner.
Either way there is a certain girl that I cherish so deeply, and she is also a member of KYM as well.

Last edited Feb 01, 2013 at 11:44AM EST

Being serious now

I’d want somebody that I can trust to keep the things I tell her between us, and likewise understand that I am somebody she can trust to do the same. She’d also have to be smart, and have a sense of humor. I’m tired of dealing with people who aren’t easy going enough to take a joke, or are too dim to understand one. I’d also like somebody who understands that we are still friends, no matter how far the relationship goes. She needs to be somebody that I can have fun talking to or playing games with.She’d need to be one who is accepting of our differences and disagreements, and not withhold her opinions or feelings because I might dislike what she says. I’d like to be with somebody casual, cool, and trusting. So really, just a person I can be great friends with.

I would like an elegant companion from a more civilized age who isn’t all that touchy-feely.

Then again, I could also spring for a more bubbly girl, so who knows. My taste in women is pretty varied from day to day.

I guess, though, I’d like someone who I didn’t need to talk to in order to communicate with, and here’s what I mean by that: I’d love nothing more than to be with a girl at about 2 AM, the two of us just sitting around. Not having sex, not really doing anything. Just enjoying each other’s presence. We wouldn’t talk because we wouldn’t have to. Just sounds freaking awesome to me. And really, that could happen no matter what kind of personality my hypothetical significant other would have.

Now, I’d also like her not to be too physically clingy. First of all, it would take me forever to even begin to be comfortable with that, and second, on the rare occasions that we held each other, it would be extraordinarily valuable. I’ve always hated PDA, so none of that, hopefully because we wouldn’t have to.

I don’t want her to be cold, though, just not OVERLY expressive. Aside from the extreme extrovert, I feel like there’s a lot of leeway there in terms of personality.

Being Christian is kind of a dealbreaker, if for no other reason than I’d just like to not argue all the time. Someone who shares my values, ya know? I also like a girl who keeps secrets.

Physically. Hm. Height? I’d like someone on the taller side, but really any height will be fine. Weight? Just not morbidly obese. Sounds shallow, but that would probably be a dealbreaker as well. As for hair, just like every other male on the planet, I like red hair. But a rich brown, almost a deep red, is amazing. I’d also prefer a longer haircut. Ethnicity is no object. In fact, I think it would be cool to date someone of another race who has an atypical eye color, though I’m sure the chances of that are slim to none.

Let me also say that I freakin love girl’s eyes. Not in a gross, keep em in a jar sort of way, but in an admiring way. I love expressive, large features, and eyes can be gorgeous. I prefer colored eyes (green, preferably) but I’ve seen plenty of brown eyed girls that are gorgeous. I love big eyes. Oddly colored eyes. Shiny eyes. Anne Hathaway’s features are a good example.

Well he needs to be kind at least. I generally look for a guy that’s nice and is fairly intelligent. While I’m not fussed physically, I do prefer shorter hair. I just want someone who’s normal really.

Olivia Gulin wrote:

a lot of poop, but not too much poop, just a generous amount

I also feel like I’m drawn to people with lots of poop, but for me, I don’t think there’s such thing as “too much.” IMO, I’d rather be in a relationship with someone who’s very open and transparent about having copious amount of poop to deal with than someone who keeps some of her poop hidden in the closet, only to find out after we’re already in too deep.

Oh and HBO subscription is crucial.

I just finished taking a Pokémon quiz with a question related to this. I thought those here might want to think about it.

What do you first and foremost look for in a partner? (My answers are in bold.)

  • Loyalty.
  • Being able to laugh and have a good time with the person.
  • Something that just ‘clicks’ about them.
  • That they love you.
  • All-around getting along with them.
  • Being reasonably well-off.
  • You don’t want a partner.
  • Anything goes.

*If you’re really chatty, then you can say which one(s) and why. Or for bonus points, why the others aren’t as important.

  • Sure, it would suck if my partner cheated on me, but I’m not so attached to people right now that I expect people to hold to me if they don’t want to. I’d only want them to be loyal to me because they want to be with me. I wouldn’t care if they weren’t really a loyal person. I would hope that there’s something about me that makes them want to be loyal to me. If that person is just naturally loyal, then I wouldn’t know if they were loyal because that’s their nature or if it was because they only wanted to be with me.
  • At this point, I’m not actively looking for “love.”
    That will come in time, I think, and I’ve got a lot of emotional and career-based things to get in order first. You’ll always develop until you die, and you’ll develop with your partner, but going into a relationship expecting it to fix all of your problems sounds dangerous to me. You may only be attached to your partner for what they can provide for you in terms either of material things or emotional needs. Once those needs are met/are met by another person, then your attraction to your partner would fall off. It wasn’t based on love; it was based on what they used to provide for you.
    Anyway, I’m more looking forward to enjoying my time with a person than having that feeling of love right now. When it comes, it’ll be nice if it’s reciprocated. But I’d mostly want to spend my time with someone I’m romantically involved with.
  • Getting along with them would actually be a close number three. But I don’t mind coming to discuss, debate, and even argue with someone I care about as long as it isn’t too often and as long as we still care about each other afterwards. It might even be a little dull if we always got along and agreed on everything.
  • I would hope that no one would look for someone who’s financially secure, but there are those who can’t/don’t want to do it on their own. I can’t judge if a person has thought things through and has come to that conclusion.
    But at the same time, I’ll say what I said before. If you come to find that you no longer need that person to feel financially secure or they are no longer financially secure, then you lose what was most important to you in that relationship. You could stay with them, but you’ve lost what was so important to you about them in the first place. You’re kinda just staying with them out of obligation. That isn’t what I’d want my girlfriend to feel, and I most certainly wouldn’t want a girlfriend to find my salary to be the most important thing about me.
  • Um, I do want a partner. I’m in no rush, but I’ve dated girls and have been in a few relationships before. As long as it’s a healthy relationship, I’d much rather be in a relationship than be single. But that isn’t to say being single is terrible.
  • Anything goes? If “anything went,” then I’d end up with a person I didn’t like. I…would break up with that person pretty quickly. In terms of most people, I can get along with them for a certain period of time and only in certain circumstances.
    I refuse to spend my free time (or a lot of it) being with people I don’t like. Like, I’m still young, but I only have a limited amount of time on Earth. I want to spend it with people I like.

At this point in time, I just want to enjoy being with a person. For whatever reason, most women don’t make me laugh. Many are funny, but many don’t make me laugh. (I’ve wondered why that is, but I’m not sure.) But that’s fine. If I can enjoy my time with them, and they enjoy spending time with me, then that’s really all I want right now. I think enjoying time together would be enough to make the time spent worth it, and even if it ends, I wouldn’t think it was a waste of time.
But there is something to be said for “clicking” with a person. Even when things go sour for a while, you know that you get along with a person in a way that you don’t get along with most people. I’ve said it before: I’m actually a jerk. I don’t love a lot of people once I really get to know them. I’m not mean to them (usually,) but if you were to ask me the people I really liked (friends or potential objects of romantic interest), there wouldn’t many. It takes a lot of mental effort to deal with people I don’t want to be with. And after getting done with work or school, I don’t want to work more when I’m relaxing or at leisure.

To find someone that things work really well with (e.g., finish each others sentences, sorta get a feel of how the other person feels, think on the same “wavelength,” etc.) would be really nice.

Last edited Feb 03, 2013 at 12:08PM EST

Someone who can understand what I like, but not have to apply herself to what I like just for the sake of the relationship.

I honestly don’t have too many preferences over women. The right one will come to me eventually. I’m not actively looking just yet.


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