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If you had to be a fictional character for the next 9 million years...

Last posted Dec 06, 2012 at 11:47AM EST. Added Nov 29, 2012 at 03:00PM EST
57 posts from 40 users


“Killing time in the animals-image-macro-infested forum, a website called Know Your Meme where every sick maniac confeses his love for horses…and old school spiderman. Just the usual, users posting images or a red mercenary, a man by the name Deadpool, in every entry they dislike. Hell know what goes through the minds of these no-face humans, what dreams of idiotic dreams and catchphrases like “yolo” and “swag”.
This site is afraid of me, I’ve seen it’s true face, It only shows up when a entry lacks information or when a user makes the mistake to have a different opinion about horses. Yes, the site is filled with horses, just like half of the internet, like streets filled in blood and mud."


Well he’s really the only fictional character I can think of that’s 9 million years old. He’s already 300 million.

Plus he’s a fucking dinosaur that shoots lasers.

Last edited Nov 29, 2012 at 08:40PM EST

Reticent wrote:

I’d be God.

inb4 the rustle

Your inb4 is rather late because JFF gets a fair amount of threads relating to fictional characters and someone always says God. It’s just not as funny as it used to be. And I did find it funny, because I am on the very non-serious side of religion.
Anyways, I think I’d like to be Mario. Seems like fun, with all the parties and racing and sports and whatnot. And saving the world, being paper-thin, crossovers in SSB, yeah, seems like good times.

Reticent wrote:

I’d be God.

inb4 the rustle

I actually wouldn’t think being God would be all that great.

You have everything. You are everything. You have so much power. With the snap of your fingers you can create worlds and with a sweep of your hands you can erase them. You can create a perfect world. With millions of loyal followers. You can bend them to your will. You can sit in your castle or where you wish and watch as your followers die in your name. You can have sex with anyone you want. Everything is perfect.

But, since you have everything. What’s next? You can make whatever you want. You make a monster to destroy your followers. This amuses you until all of them die, but then what? You create another world. Be entertained for a few thousand years then erase it. You keep doing this, getting less and less entertained. Not caring of the things you make or destroy.

You make a friend, with no flaws. She/he’s fun for awhile, but you get tired of his sucking up to you and quickly erase him. Again alone. You keep making a friend, adding flaws so she/he’s not like some robot. You can make him/her live for eternity. After two hundreds years past, showing him/her making worlds, how the sentient creatures and animals react to the obstacles you put in your way and then finally getting bored and destroying them. He/she also seems bored.

He/she suggests making a world in their liking. You agree, thinking it’ll be entertaining and make a world. You find out it’s not as fun as you thought it was. Instead of being war mongering world or high tech cops from the future fighting aliens, your friend made the world into a peaceful land.

This is boring, you then destroy it with a flick of the wrist. Your friend becomes enraged. You declare it’s boring and suggest doing something else. Your friend wants back its world. You argue and suddenly you erase you friend just as you erased many other worlds.

Again, you’re alone.

(TL;DR: Being God is hard)

Last edited Nov 30, 2012 at 04:50PM EST

Let’s define all terms, shall we? If I become this fictional character, do I retain my own mind, or is my perspective merely shifted within his body, so that his personality, thoughts, and manner of thinking are all retained, and my consciousness effectively ceases to exist, outside of the new perspective? Further, if I merely assume the body of this guy, do I gain all of his physical abilities (i.e., if I chose any sort of fighting character, would I have a mastery of his techniques and similar reflexes); I think it’s clear I’d gain any supernatural powers, or else this wouldn’t be fun.

Is my lifespan extended to 9 million years? Or do I die after the ordinary lifespan of this character, and revive in my own reality after the full 9 million years spent?

Once the 9 million years are up, do I simply revert to my old self, or do I travel back in time and resume my life from wherever I left it?

Does this fictional transformation make me a fictional character within our world, or would I inhabit the world of whatever character I might choose? And if the former, does my journey as this person begin before or after their arc in whatever fiction they inhabit?

Honestly, this choice might hinge more on what universe I want to inhabit, rather than which character I think is best.

Lich wrote:

I actually wouldn’t think being God would be all that great.

You have everything. You are everything. You have so much power. With the snap of your fingers you can create worlds and with a sweep of your hands you can erase them. You can create a perfect world. With millions of loyal followers. You can bend them to your will. You can sit in your castle or where you wish and watch as your followers die in your name. You can have sex with anyone you want. Everything is perfect.

But, since you have everything. What’s next? You can make whatever you want. You make a monster to destroy your followers. This amuses you until all of them die, but then what? You create another world. Be entertained for a few thousand years then erase it. You keep doing this, getting less and less entertained. Not caring of the things you make or destroy.

You make a friend, with no flaws. She/he’s fun for awhile, but you get tired of his sucking up to you and quickly erase him. Again alone. You keep making a friend, adding flaws so she/he’s not like some robot. You can make him/her live for eternity. After two hundreds years past, showing him/her making worlds, how the sentient creatures and animals react to the obstacles you put in your way and then finally getting bored and destroying them. He/she also seems bored.

He/she suggests making a world in their liking. You agree, thinking it’ll be entertaining and make a world. You find out it’s not as fun as you thought it was. Instead of being war mongering world or high tech cops from the future fighting aliens, your friend made the world into a peaceful land.

This is boring, you then destroy it with a flick of the wrist. Your friend becomes enraged. You declare it’s boring and suggest doing something else. Your friend wants back its world. You argue and suddenly you erase you friend just as you erased many other worlds.

Again, you’re alone.

(TL;DR: Being God is hard)

If I was God, I’d just flip coins. All day. For Eternity.

Lich wrote:

I actually wouldn’t think being God would be all that great.

You have everything. You are everything. You have so much power. With the snap of your fingers you can create worlds and with a sweep of your hands you can erase them. You can create a perfect world. With millions of loyal followers. You can bend them to your will. You can sit in your castle or where you wish and watch as your followers die in your name. You can have sex with anyone you want. Everything is perfect.

But, since you have everything. What’s next? You can make whatever you want. You make a monster to destroy your followers. This amuses you until all of them die, but then what? You create another world. Be entertained for a few thousand years then erase it. You keep doing this, getting less and less entertained. Not caring of the things you make or destroy.

You make a friend, with no flaws. She/he’s fun for awhile, but you get tired of his sucking up to you and quickly erase him. Again alone. You keep making a friend, adding flaws so she/he’s not like some robot. You can make him/her live for eternity. After two hundreds years past, showing him/her making worlds, how the sentient creatures and animals react to the obstacles you put in your way and then finally getting bored and destroying them. He/she also seems bored.

He/she suggests making a world in their liking. You agree, thinking it’ll be entertaining and make a world. You find out it’s not as fun as you thought it was. Instead of being war mongering world or high tech cops from the future fighting aliens, your friend made the world into a peaceful land.

This is boring, you then destroy it with a flick of the wrist. Your friend becomes enraged. You declare it’s boring and suggest doing something else. Your friend wants back its world. You argue and suddenly you erase you friend just as you erased many other worlds.

Again, you’re alone.

(TL;DR: Being God is hard)

Being God doesn’t sound very hard. Screw with the people for your own amusement. The second they all turn their backs on you, you have no need for them. Wipe them all out, start a new civilization, screw around with them. Rinse and repeat. Endless laughs.

Edit: Also, who needs friends when you can have pawns?

Last edited Nov 30, 2012 at 07:51PM EST

Dr. Free Cake Needs More Cowbell! wrote:

Your inb4 is rather late because JFF gets a fair amount of threads relating to fictional characters and someone always says God. It’s just not as funny as it used to be. And I did find it funny, because I am on the very non-serious side of religion.
Anyways, I think I’d like to be Mario. Seems like fun, with all the parties and racing and sports and whatnot. And saving the world, being paper-thin, crossovers in SSB, yeah, seems like good times.

Oh, I didn’t mean that god.

Choices, choices… So many I’d want to be, but I can only choose one? (sigh)

But in the end, I think I’d probably go with Optimus Prime. At least I’d always have Decepticons to shoot over those nine million years…

Skeletor-sm

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