Wait a minute… if the goal of the thread is to go anywhere you want, why is it called “Don’t Go There”? I feel like you’re sending mixed messages.
Well anyway, here’s one I heard a long time ago.
There was once a little girl who was, for better or worse, born into a “good Christian family”. As a result, before she even pronounce the word Bible correctly, she was forced into Sunday school. As is natural, this bored her to tears. She would much rather be watching the R-rated films that she viewed from her cracked-open bedroom door when her parents thought she was sleeping.
One day, around the time she turned eight, a new layer of unpleasantness was added to the experience by way of a boy about her age moving into the area and joining the class. He was assigned to sit right behind her, and in minutes moved his finger towards the small of her back. At that moment, the teacher asked “So, just to refresh, could someone tell me who God’s son is?”
“Jesus Christ!”, she exclaimed as she was jabbed. The boy giggled obnoxiously as the teacher praised the girl for her correct answer.
The next week, the boy went to repeat his rude action, but this time a bit harder, as the teacher asked “Boys and girls, what happens to the poor souls who commit acts of sin and to not repent?”
“GO TO HELL!” the girl almost screamed, and almost whipped around and face the guilty party before the teacher again congratulated her. However, she also told her to quiet down and raise her hand next time.
Another week passed, and all the children returned to the classroom. Seeing the little piece of shit standing around and shoving a snack all over his face, still not yet punished by anyone, already made her furious. But she sat down anyway, and sure enough…
“This is a tough one, but I think you guys can get it. Explain Eve’s relationship with Adam after they took bites of the forbidden fruit and were banished in the garden.”
“I SWEAR IN THE NAME OF GOD, IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL RIP IT OFF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!”
Thank you, thank you very much. I’ll be here all week.