Virgin vs. Chad - Chad vs Ahmed vs Bruce vs Marco vs Vladimir

The Brayan:
>has 7 children, all illegitimate, from different mothers, and he doesn't even know he has kids
>already has your phone and wallet
>beats his wife
>blasts reggaeton at 3 am with his pals, doesn't give a fuck about your sleep schedule
>smells like Axe chocolate spray
>his profile pic on facebook is a picture of Spiderman with an America shirt
>while you were reading this he stabbed and shot you. you're now in purgatory

• >"diet of vodka, mayonnaise and anime girls makes him impervious to any damage"

It appears I am only 2/3rds of the way to achieving complete invulnerability.

…Now to become an alcoholic of the kind known for extreme hepatic fortitude!