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Behold The Dewgarita And Weep, For There Is Truly Nothing Left On This Earth Worth Saving
If you ever wanted to pay an exorbitant price for the type of swill you used to pregame frat parties with, then boy, does Red Lobster have the thing for you.
Today, Red Lobster and PepsiCo announced the "Dewgarita," which is a margarita made with America's greenest soda, Mountain Dew. The drink has a "secret recipe," though we do know it has tequila and Mountain Dew in it (the dust coating the rim of the glass in the promotional photo is sadly not Doritos).
For a nihilistic bunch of Twitter users, the Dewgarita felt like the final straw, the late capitalism cherry on top of a 2020 cake that has given us COVID-19, violent protests against police brutality, Murder Hornets, sky-altering wildfires on the West Coast and a menagerie of other disasters.
The official drink of the dumpster fire that is 2020 has arrived. I can't even say "dewgarita" with a straight face. 🤢 https://t.co/IJdJ791z50
— Gretchen #WearAMask (@Gretchen_Em) September 15, 2020
I have to wonder if this was already planned, or if 2020 just got bored and spawned the DewGarita and its ad campaign out of thin air for the manic fun of it. I mean, the extra touch that it's only at Red Lobster is just art https://t.co/pOnSnRfOry
— Toᴘʜᴇʀ Soᴜᴛʜ (@tophersouth) September 15, 2020
Me: Can this hellscape of a year actually get worse?2020: Hold my DewGarita 🤦♂️ https://t.co/al0WuVEKdT
— Kevin Tressler (@KTress) September 15, 2020
Some were ready to chug it just to have an emotion again.
Fuck it. Gimme five of these and a biscuit and then shoot me in the face. Give my body to a pervert. https://t.co/PoxLSeZhmu
— Pu$$y-Cow (@PussycowLA) September 15, 2020
I know you’re all having fun w the DewGarita but I would drink 12 of those right now just to feel anything.
— Jeff Vote.org Nale (@JeffNale) September 15, 2020
buttchugging dewgarita’s in the abandoned family video parking lot, while my buddies do donuts in their early 2000’s Honda Civic Turbos https://t.co/oewbfttvGU
— däta (@CHARLESMlNGUS) September 15, 2020
And a shockingly high number of people seemed somewhat-genuinely stoked for it.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE DEWGARITA. DEWGARITA INNOCENT. https://t.co/ayM8kxOgbw
— karen han (@karenyhan) September 15, 2020
Catch me at the red lobster, gone off 10 dewgaritas, trying to weave several live lobsters together into armor to fight the waiter after he tells me he will not give me an eleventh dewgarita https://t.co/gWG6np7Exa
— adrian wormgruel (@arguendope) September 15, 2020
I want nothing more than to have Red Lobster take out, and sip on the finest DewGarita. https://t.co/vtP17ZTxDn
— Mason Bykowski (@MayoJarz) September 15, 2020
So here we are: enjoy your tequila/caffiene-induced hangovers, America, brought to you by Mountain Dew: Dew whatever the hell you want.
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