THE SUM OF ALL FEARS: Terrorist threatens to nuke the Puppy Bowl
Ass. Press Wire Service
The evil terrorist Tahp Rahman from the vicious terrorist group Al-Nightlong (all night) has threatened to horrify the world by nuking the Puppy Bowl. According to Al-Nightlong's press release, which we will happily reprint without doing any research ourselves, Tahp Rahman will carry out this attack by placing a puppy in a microwave oven and broadcasting the video live on Youtube at the moment the Puppy Bowl begins.
Youtube CEO Susan Wojcicki said "There is nothing in Youtube's terms of service that would forbid a terrorist from using our service to broadcast himself nuking a puppy in the microwave. Youtube maintains a commitment to diversity and welcomes the viewpoints of minorities no matter how unpopular they might be." Youtube then banned a video which had claimed that the federal debt had expanded under the Obama presidency and a Learning Channel video that said sex chromosomes determine whether a newborn baby is a boy or a girl.
The puppy, whose name is Floppers, is a beagle-basset mix with floppy ears and big brown eyes who enjoys playing in the grass, chasing butterflies, and not being nuked in a microwave.
Procter and Gamble recommends Spic & Span for cleaning puppy innards out of a microwave. The Southern Poverty Law Center has listed Spic & Span as a hate group.