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ITT: It's the Wild West

Last posted Mar 16, 2021 at 10:43AM EDT. Added Jan 04, 2021 at 12:40PM EST
72 posts from 6 users

The roof of a building explodes, revealing Kommando sitting behind a Gatling Gun. Several uniformed men armed with Winchester Model 1873 Rifles step out from all the buildings.

"Howdy and I say even, how do you do on this wonderful morning?" Said Kommando, donning a gray Slouch Hat. "I shall introduce myself as Captain Kommando_Kaijin, the Hero of the Battle of Wassapottumottadishawappattommoo in the Civil War, or was it the Navajo Wars? Maybe it was the Shimonseki War?" Kommando mumbled to himself for a few more minutes in futile attempts to remember what armed conflicts he was a veteran of. "Ahhh, hogwash! Let's just get ta' settlin' things down here! You folks are making quite the ruckus out here in town while folks are tryna go about their business all peace-like and such. So, we can't have you going around shootin' holes in each other an' the scenery an' the dirt and the wildlife an' errything else under the sun the Lord so thoughtfully provided, so how's about either you two holster your guns and discuss things nicely down at Miss Smithson's little ol' Saloon down on the corner right there…" The camera pans over to Miss Smithson's saloon, a man is flung through the doors while the owner is heard yelling "No fights!" The camera returns to Kommando. "…or, as the town protectors, we'll just have to put you two in a heap a' hurtin' for shooting in town." Kommando began winding the Gatling Gun's barrels "So fellas? What'll be? Nice and easy or will we have to make ya?"

Omega MISSINGNO and Nigel the treasure hunter were surrounded and out-gunned, would they put their differences aside for now, or would their unknown dispute end in a more tragic way for both of them?

The stranger taps the silver star on his chest for Captain Kommando to see

"I'm an Arizona Ranger, won't be long in town. I came here to take an outlaw named Texas Red back alive or maybe dead. This man fits his description."

The Ranger keeps his big iron aimed at Omega MISSINGNO

Kommando sat back a little. "Well, guess I'll juss hafta take y'all down to the station." He then made a hand sign to the uniformed men and two of them handcuffed and escorted the two to the Sheriff's station and sat them down in chairs in front of a desk. A woman sat in the chair facing away from them, she turned around and stared at them. She wore a brown cowboy hat and black leather jacket, she was tanned everywhere her skin wasn't covered, although everywhere her hat blocked the sun was pale. Her arms and neck were notably muscular, her hair was white and her eyes were blue-green. She spoke: "I'm not the sheriff." She got up and left.

Someone came in through the back door and walked into the room with the rest of them, a Blonde girl with twintails that stood about 5'10" walked in first. A pink-haired girl and a roughly 5'5" stout brunette followed her, they all had badges.

"Howdy, folks. I'm Kitty Hawk, the sheriff around this town. These are my deputies, Pinky and Dusty, looks like you two were causing quite a commotion in town. So, what's all this about?" The blonde said as she sat in the chair behind the desk. Kommando's still surround them although Kommando was nowhere to be seen.

Kommando returned to his ranch, Shirley was on the porch hanging up the laundry while her sister, Sharla, and J were working in the field. Kommando walked up to Shirley and stood behind her, waiting for her to turn around. An albino woman rushed out to Shirley. "Oh Mademoiselle, I'm so sorry, don't stress yourself, I should be doing that, I'm a terrible maid, forgive me, I'm ashamed Monsieur _Kaijin has seen my terrible work!" *She exclaimed in a notably thick French accent while trying to pin all the laundry to the clothesline before Shirley could react. Shirley seemed confused. "Oh, don't work yourself too much, I need something to do anyways and-" She paused. "What about Kommando?" Shirley turned around and was surprised a little. "Oh Kommando!" She said. "How was your day? Did you finish your errand in town already?"

"Oh, it was nothing, just breaking a couple of folks coming through town quarreling." He replied.

"Sincerest apologies Monesieur, I'm sorry I let the Mademoi-" The albino maid was cut off by Kommando.

"It's fine Amelie, really, you do so much around here, you should really consider taking a vacation, let us do the cleaning for onc-" Amelie seemed horrified by the concept of a maid such as herself relaxing from her duties for any duration of time. "Monsieur, I am a maid, I did not take this job to be… be… la paresse." She responded, saying the las bit under her breath as if it were some sort of deplorable curse. "Oh, now, there's nothing wrong with resting a little especially with how you push yourself all day and…" Kommando and Amelie kept arguing as they walked inside with Shirley following them, giggling at Amelie's stringent dedication to work.

As Kommando and Shirley had sat down and Amelie had found some other task to attend to, a tall, almost impossibly gaunt figure walked in entirely covered head-to-toe towering almost to the ceiling at 7'2".

"I believe that I've discovered a new species of Cactaceae!" The figure said in a noticeable German accent as she unwrapped the scarf over her face, revealing that she, much like the maid, was also an albino. "Look at this sketch I made of it, it's noticeably wider than the more common Carnegiea gigantea and…" *Kommando merely stared as she explained the importance of her discovery. "Once I publish my findings, they'll be forced to acknowledge me! They'll be forced to acknowledge the genius and greatness of Azraella von Rostock! And then… …Diese verdammte Universität wird sich schämen, dass sie einen so klugen Verstand abgelehnt haben! Sie werden …" She had become excited and had accidentally reverted to speaking her native language. Everyone went back to what they were doing before as they could no longer follow her.

Kitty spun around in her chair, bored. The previous events had taken until sundown and Kommando in his "infinite genius" had strayed from the main events to do some irrelevant worldbuilding.

"So… are you two gonna talk? You're kinda acting like you're watching something else entirely." She said to Omega MISSINGNO and Nigel the treasure hunter, who appeared to be distracted some strange irrelevant character-establishing story.

(Oof, sorry I went off-topic there.)

"Well, take a look at this…" Nigel tried to reach into his pocket but forgot that he was still handcuffed. "Would ya mind removin' these, Ms Hawk?"

Since he has been disarmed by Kommando's men the sheriff saw little reason not to uncuff Nigel.

"Thanks. Now then…" Nigel pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and let it slide on Kitty's desk.

"There's an outlaw loose and runnin' by the name of Texas Red. Word has it that he's hidin' in your town." Nigel glanced at Omega sitting next to him. "This fella sure looks like him. I already had him at gunpoint and was about to shoot him. Heh, he was quite lucky that this Captain and his soldiers appeared outta nowhere and saved his life."

Nigel leaned back in his chair, giving Kitty a smug look. "Anyway, let's not prolong this matter needlessly. I got him first, so if ya don't mind I'll take my weapon and him to collect my well-earned bounty of five grand."

Kitty sat back. "Well, guess that's it, then." Kitty then ordered her two deputies. "Take them to court. This is the United States of America, everyone gets a fair trial."

Omega MISSINGNO was sat down in the accused's chair and was shown his lawyer, the tall, tanned woman from earlier walked in and sat next to him. "I'm not your lawyer, I'm just bringing him to you." She said as she sat a lamp next to Omgea MISSINGO and left.

Nigel the treasure hunter was at with the other witnesses, except that he was sitting alone. Pinky walked up to him. "Are there any other witnesses we should get in town before starting the trial or are you good to go?" She asked.

"I just arrived in town and wouldn't know any other townsfolk who could testify against him. However Texas Red is a notorious outlaw and his crimes should be well-known all the way from Arizona to here. Surely y'all've heard that he killed no less than twenty men? I reckon all ya need to do is confirm that this fella over there is indeed him."

Smithson stood behind the bar serving drinks. "What'll it be?"

Off to the side was Dixon, who was working as the dealer at an otherwise empty poker table. Two red haired twins sat at at table in the corner amongst themselves. The tanned woman from earlier was sitting at the bar. Nobody besides Smithson seemed to acknowledge the man that walked in.

"Ya juss gonna stan d'ere all day, sonny, or are ya gonna order a drink?" Smithson said.

Last edited Jan 05, 2021 at 07:42PM EST

"A shot o' whiskey'll do fine. My men are waitin' outside so I don't wanna stay for too long," said the suspicious man to Miss Smithson and slapped a shiny coin down the bar, leaning closer to her. "Somethin' extra for keepin' me current. So, any tidings?" He inquired with a notably lowered voice.

Last edited Jan 06, 2021 at 06:48PM EST

Smithson slid the drink towards him, but the man failed to click the beverage in the quick time event so he just sat there while it slid past him and off of the bar, shattering into a million pieces while whiskey splashed all over the floor.

"Hardly anything happens in this town…" The camera cuts to a montage of famous historical events happening in the town. "…But some dude that looked like you almost got into a shoot out earlier today, they're trying him before court right now." Smithson said. "And if you want to know how I know any of that despite being in here all say and never looking outside, I'm afraid I'll have to bury you, like that last guy that got too nosy."

Kitty sat in the Bailiff's seat when she suddenly realized something important. "Hey, where's the judge?" She asked. When nobody knew they all went into the back of the court house to the Judge's office. "Hey Old Man Jenkins! We've got a case! You ok in there?" Kitty shouted. There was no response. They opened the door and there sat Old Man Jenkins, the only qualified judge in 100 Miles, frozen as still as a statue behind his desk staring at some papers on his desk. "Hey, Old Man Jenkins! Old Man Jenkins?" There was no response. "Oh no!" Kitty said to herself.

"Huh, Old Man Jenkins died of old age… He was getting kind of Old… I guess we can't have any court cases until find a new judge." Kitty said, she then turned to Nigel the treasure hunter and Omega MISSINGNO. "Why don't you do just go down to Miss Smithson's saloon and just talk it out over drinks, maybe a game of poker or two?" She then went to her home as it was getting late.

Meanwhile on Kommando's ranch, Sharla and J had finished tending to the crops for the day and had decided to retire for the night. Castiellea, the robed woman, had returned to Kommando's ranch after from out-of-town business.

"Welcome back Castiellea! How was your trip?" Shirley said as Castiellea walked in.

"You know what this town needs Shirley? A school!" Castiellea said without any showing any notice towards Shirley's greeting.

"Eh." Kommando responded. "Everybody pretty much homeschools around here, and our literacy rate is the highest in the territory, is it really going to do much?"

"60% Literacy is a travesty and school is much more than just reading and writing, they need to learn Math and Science too!" Castiellea continued. "Look at poor J here, condemned to a life of hard labor with no alternative due to her illiteracy."

"I'm illiterate?" J said as she pulled her nose up from an almanac.

Sharla made a confused facial expression. "Wait, she's illiterate? What am I?" She asked.

"Wait." Castiellea said, now confused. "What was I talking about again?"

"You were talking about how you were absolutely thrilled to see us all again." Kommando aid.

"You're lying to me, I don't know what I was talking about, but it wasn't that." Castiellea replied. "Welp, good night." And she retired to her room.

Then another resident of Kommando's ranch. "Oof, what a long day. Sheriff work is insane. You would not believe who just died, Old Man Jenkins!" Said Kitty, as she hung up her jacket by the door.

Miss Smithson, Dixon, the Twins and the tanned woman all turned their heads to look at Nigel the treasure hunter and Omega MISSINGNO as they walked into the saloon.

Nigel the treasure hunter wrote:

> Dixon, who was working as the dealer at an otherwise

(Hilariously, that's kind of how I was going to have her be in the stuff I originally intended her for, basically: "This war sucks. I wish I was in college. TFW having to sneak into the enemy OF-5's front lawn and snipe him to disrupt their chain of command by crawling around at 1 inch per hour without getting caught. The guard dogs are too nosy. My elbows hurt. >Alternate 201X >Nowhere unaffected by WWIII")

(I was planning on actually doing this at the start when it was unclear if it was going to be authentic Wild West or just Wild West themed, but it looks like we're going for the authentic Wild West.)

(I don't want to spoil your fun, so I'll leave it up to you as to whether this is cannon or not.)

The next morning, everyone on Kommando's ranch was watching the front yard. Kommando stepped out and announced that he had created a new invention. A large six-legged machine stood up, squeaking and spewing steam as it did. Kommando ordered it to traverse a hill, but upon doing so it collapsed and exploded spectacularly. When he investigated the wreckage, all Kommando found was a trio of burnt, crushed and severely scalded Roman Legionaries. None of them were British or a Meme-making Dieselpunk robot, fortunately, so Soup King was unharmed. After the failure of his creation, Kommando and everyone returned to whatever they were doing beforehand.

Everyone inside Miss Smithson's Saloon was staring at Nigel the treasure hunter and OmgeaMISSINGNO, as they were still standing perfectly still in the doorway, having not moved at all.

"They're just standing there…" Lucy said to her sister, who responed. "…It's almost menacing."

"Sorry 'bout that misunderstanding earlier, but you're the spittin' image of Texas Red," said Nigel to Omega as they strolled over to Miss Smithson's saloon for a drink. Omega flung the doors open and almost barged into another patron who was about to leave.

A moment of awkward silence ensued, when suddenly the town drunk who was snoozing in the room's corner woke up. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief he exclaimed: "I'm seeing double! Four Texas Reds!"

Smithson shouted across the room the Nigel the treasure hunter, OmegaMISSINGNO and Texas Red and pointed to a sign on the wall that read "NO FIGHTING INDOORS" she then spoke angrily. "Am I gonna have to hand all three of y'all your asses on a plate, or are you gonna take that outside?" She seemed incredibly aggravated and her hefty and wide 6-foot tall figure only added to her intimidation factor.

Smithson sharpened her gaze at all three of them and the other patrons of the saloon all stood up.

Camera cuts to Nigel the treasure hunter, Omega MISSINGNO and Texas Red being launched out of the saloon's entrance,

"I said: NO FIGHTING INDOORS!!!" *Smithson shouted before stomping back inside her establishment.

Meanwhile, Sharla and J were tending to the crops when they noticed something that wasn't there before. Someone had place a sign reading "Kaijin's Love Shack Wholesome Ranch" in front of the house. They then told everyone else on the ranch and they all had a meeting to find out where the sign came from. Nobody knew who put it there, nobody knew where it came from.

"Guess I have my work cut out for me… to find the origin of this mysterious sign! Or else, I'm not Captain Kommando_Kaijin, the Hero of the Battle of Wassapottumottadishawappattommoo, still not sure what war that was, though…" Kommando announced.

"Are you going into town? Because I need to mail my discoveries off so I can finally get the notoriety I deserve for my genius!" Azraella asked.

"Uh… I guess?" Kommando responded.

"And I need to go to the bank to secure the funds necessary to construct the town's first school!" Castiellea announced.

Shirley walked up to Kommando. "Can I come with you? My cousin, "Curly" is supposed to be traveling through town. Maybe we could invite her to visit?" She asked.

"Well… I guess you're all going with me." Kommando said.

Kitty had already left to her office for the day, making it one less person Kommando had to bring along. The four set out for town, Azraella was covered entirely head-to-toe to help her tolerate the harsh desert sun, a wide-brimmed hat hid her hair and unless you knew her, her 7'2" stature and almost impossible gauntness would terrify most.

Kitty arrived in town and saw Nigel the treasure hunter, Omega MISSINGNO and a man that was completely identical to Omega MISSINGNO sitting in the dust in front of Miss Smithson's saloon. She looked down at the trio from atop her horse.

"You two just couldn't help but start a ruckus, eh?" She said.

Texas looked up to Sheriff Kitty and sighed. "Well, looks like I'm busted. But if ya kill or turn me in you'll will never find my treasure!"

Nigel perked up his ears. "Did ya say treasure?"

"Why yes of course! Haven't ya heard of my gang's daring heists?" Texas sprang up, dusted himself off, and proudly strut back and forth while raving about his gang's past exploits. "Me and my men ain't no bandits, but fair and upright brothers of the frontier! We've robbed banks, stagecoaches, and trains, takin' from the rich and givin' to the poor, and kept but a token share for ourselves, as reward for our gallant feats of arms! While most of our men drank and gambled their share away as soon as they got it, me and my two most trusted companions stashed ours away in a place that only we three together can find. I'd take that secret to my grave, and trust me, the loot we've stashed away is worth far more than the bounty they've put on my head!"

Last edited Jan 08, 2021 at 04:25PM EST

"Texas Red, eh?" Said Kitty. "Girls! Bag him!"

Pinky and Dusty appeared, grabbed Texas Red and dragged him a jail cell. Kitty would get to interrogating him later, she still had to find a judge to try him first. She then looked back at Nigel the treasure hunter and Omega MISSINGNO.

"You two still fightin'?" She said.

Kitty then grabbed both of them and threw them into separate jail cells. "We'll try you in the morning."

She then sat down at her desk and loitered.

Kommando, Shirley, Azraella and Castiellea had all arrived in town. Castiellea moved towards the bank and Azraella marched towards the post office, her all-covering garments and unusually tall and gaunt appearance attracting all sorts of confused stares from the townsfolk. Shirley stayed with Kommando as they marched towards Miss Smithson's saloon.

J and Sharla saw a strange metal man in a suit and top hat plant another sign on the ranch. They both ran towards him as Amelie watched on from inside the house. "Hey! That's the guy that been planting those weird signs! Grab him!" Sharla yelled.

"No you don't!" Shouted J as she grabbed the strange man by the ankles, her huge biceps twitching and shaking as she apprehended the stranger. The 6'9" Black-haired, hazel-eyed behemoth of a woman stood there. Sharla picked up the sign and charged the fleeing sign-planter, lunged and smashed the sign on his head. The 5'7" Dark-Brunette landed face first on the ground, she sat up and started brushing the dirt out of her hip-length twintails while studying J's struggle to restrain the strange metal man with her azure blue eyes.

Kommando and Shirley walked into Miss Smithson's saloon, Kommando sat the sign from his yard on on of the tables and began asking Miss Smithson and her establishment's patrons about it. Nobody knew anything.

Shirley was secretly brimming with excitement as she eyed the clock on the wall, eagerly awaiting her cousin's arrival. Her sister always made a disgusted face whenever her cousin, "Curly" was mentioned, but would never tell her why. All Shirley had heard about her cousin was that she and her could almost pass for twins. The notion of meeting her cousin made Shirley so anxious that she got up and left to sit at the train station until she arrived. She stood completely still on the platform, save for her ankle-length twintails flowing in the wind behind her, staring at the tracks as they trailed off over the horizon.

"Well, if nobody knows nothin' about this then I guess I'm out of luck. Welp, let's go to the train station, Shirley." Kommando had noticed that she was not present. "Did anyone see her go anywhere?"

"She went out the door a little while ago." The tanned woman said without moving.

"Thanks then." Kommando said as he exited the saloon and left for the train station. When he arrived there was nobody there, he scoured the station and left no stone unturned. Having no idea where his friend could be and beginning to worry, he left for the Sheriff's office to see if Kitty had seen her.

The camera then cuts to an outhouse that Shirley then emerges from and resumes her position on the platform, unaware of Kommando's failed attempt to find her.

Kitty opened Nigel the treasure hunter and Omega MISSINGNO's jail cells.

"OK, time for your trial-" Kitty was interrupted by Kommando, who just barged through the door.

"I can't find Shirley! Have you seen her?" He asked.

(Kitty isn't paying attention to the jail cells.)

Nigel too uses this opportunity to sneak with the other two out of the sheriff's office. The trio hides behind a wall, taking a moment to decide what to do next.

"Aight, looks like we all are in the same boat now. I say we get ourselves some horses and skedaddle outta here," Texas Red suggests.

Last edited Jan 13, 2021 at 04:41PM EST

(No! No! Texas Red's cell is still locked, Kitty only unlocked and forgot about Nigel the treasure hunter and Omega MISSINGNO.)

Kitty and Kommando had left to look for Shirley, Pinky and Dusty walked back into the jail from their lunch break. Dusty made a confused face at Texas Red.

"Isn't there supposed to be two of you?" She asked.

Castiellea and Azraella met Shirley at the train platform, they looked around for a couple of seconds and turned back to Shirley. "Where's Kommando?" Castiellea asked.

"He was at Miss Smithson's saloon last time I saw him." Shirley responded.

Castiellea left to look for Kommando at Miss Smithson's saloon.

"Uh wh-what?" Texas Red apparently dozed off in his cell before being woken up by Dusty. "Oh damn, it was just a dream that I and those guys… wait, where are they?"

While Red laments being behind bars, Omega and Nigel go about stealing a pair of mounts outside the general store.

Last edited Jan 13, 2021 at 10:39PM EST

Two suspicious-looking men are haggling with the store's portly proprietor, a German immigrant going by the name of Moritz Schuhmann, who tries to compensate for his thick accent by wildly gesticulating.

"𝔏𝔞𝔪𝔭 𝔬𝔦𝔩, 𝔯𝔬𝔭𝔢, 𝔡𝔶𝔫𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔱𝔢. 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔳𝔞𝔫𝔱 𝔦𝔱, 𝔦𝔱'𝔰 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔰 𝔪𝔢𝔦𝔫 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔲𝔫𝔡, 𝔞𝔰 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔰 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔡𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔯𝔰!"

"Gimme the dynamite," one of his customers orders, slamming some coins on the counter. Moritz inspects the payment.

"𝔖𝔬𝔯𝔯𝔶 𝔪𝔢𝔦𝔫 𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔲𝔫𝔡, ℑ 𝔠𝔞𝔫'𝔱 𝔤𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔠𝔯𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔱. 𝔎𝔬𝔪𝔪 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔳𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔞 𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢… 𝕸𝕸𝕸𝕸𝕸… 𝔯𝔢𝔦𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔯!"

The men fish some more coins from their pockets, and after Moritz nods approvingly, head for the store's exit, one of them with a box of dynamite under his arm.

Meanwhile, further west…
Finally left the island, hope time didn’t reverse too much.
I travel to the town
Weird, thought these towns would be bigger.
Uh oh, they didn’t divert the water yet. This is bad.
Getting.. hotter..

Oh hey, there’s a town down the hill! Hopefully they have a well.

Last edited Jan 13, 2021 at 11:53PM EST

Kommando and Kitty searched every building in town but didn't find Shirley. Meanwhile Castiellea had entered Miss Smithson's saloon to fin Kommando, but to no avail. Meanwhile Shirley and Azraella were waiting at the train station.

"So… your cousin's coming?" Azraella asked.

"Yes." Shirley responded.

"What are they like, exactly?" Azraella continued.

"I've never met her before but everyone in the family says she could almost be my twin!" Shirley said with excitement.

Kommando and Kitty eventually went to the train station and found Shirley and Azraella, Kommando was greatly relieved as he saw Shirley.

"I've been looking all over for you! Don't you know your sister's going to murder me and run my corpse up a flag pole if I ever came home without you?" Kommando said as he picked all 5-feet of her up and hugged her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know Sharla was going to do that." Said Shirley as she returned the hug.

All of them stood and waited for the train as Castiellea returned from searching for Kommando.

Meanwhile, the tanned woman from earlier stood leaning against the wall of the general store. She was watching the two men leave.

"H-hey! Stop, those are ours!" two passerbys yelled as Omega and Nigel rode away at full gallop, leaving a cloud of dust behind them, just as the men with the dynamite exited the general store.
"Dang, have ya seen that? Someone stole those horses!" one of them exclaimed.
"Can't have shit in this town," his partner with the dynamite added.
"Fortunately those weren't ours, hehehe," they cackled gleefully.

"Anyway, what're we doin' with this dynamite again?" the first one asked.
"Psst, not so loud ya dolt!" the man with the dynamite hushed his partner and continued whispering, "I told ya how I saw two guys walkin' with our boss at gunpoint outta the saloon and how they were brought to the sheriff. Our boss is in jail, so tonight we'll blow a hole into its wall and get him outta there."
"That sounds dangerous… and the bang will wake the whole town up!" his partner concluded.
"Eh don'tcha worry, we'll be long gone before they'll even realise what hit 'em!" the man with the dynamite assured, "or do you have a better idea?"
His partner scratched his head. "N-no."
The men saddled up and rode away.

Last edited Jan 14, 2021 at 02:29PM EST

All throughout town, Kommando's men patrolled with their strangely strict and uniform gait, making not a single sound as they haunted the back alleys and rooftops with their Winchester Model 1873 rifles in hand. Rumors were that there were also larger, four legged creatures wielding dual Gatling Guns seen in particularly remote areas of town.

Meanwhile Kommando, Shirley, Kitty, Azraella and Castiellea watched as the train pulled in and A woman, about 5'3 with dark brunette twintails curled into a corkscrew down to her ankles stepped off.

"Are you Shirley Estelleton?" She asked Shirley who delightedly confirmed.

"Nice to meet you, cousin. My name's Harriet although everyone just calls me "Curly!"" She said as she shook Shirley's hand while Shirley merely watched in excitement. "So, who are these folks? Friends? Townsfolk? And why are two of them covered head-to-toe?"

Shirley giggled. "Well Azraella's all pale and whiter than anyone else, so she doesn't like the sun a whole lot, it just burns her up and Kommando's… well Kommando, he's always dressed like that." She explained.

They all left to return to Kommando's ranch, but as they began to move Curly asked one more question. "Wait, why are they following us?"

"Oh, we all live on Kommando's ranch together!" Shirley said.

Curly briefly made an enraptured facial expression before quickly switching it to a more calm and indifferent one.

Meanwhile, Pinky and Dusty had entered Texas Red's jail cell and had began shoving his head into the toilet.

"Where's the money, Tex?" Dusty demanded as she plunged his head back into the toilet water.

"I want that money, Tex! Angel said you were good for it!" "She continued as she held him into the toilet and ripped him from it again.

"Where's the money, Tex!" *She yelled as Texas Red's head was submerged once again. "Where's the money, Tex!"

Dusty held his dripping wet head above the toilet and yelled directly into his ear. "WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD!!!"

Texas Red replied in between gasps for air. "It- augh, oof, It's down there somewhere, let ma take another look."

Dusty shoved him back into the toilet "Don't fuck with us!" She said.

"You're girlfriend owes money to Kitty Hawk, that means you owe money to Kitty Hawk." She continued as she threw him into the corner next to the toilet.

Pinky was squatting over Texas Red's rug, which really tied the room together.

"Ever thus to deadbeats, Tex." *She said as she- (if you get the reference, you get the reference. I don't want to type that sentence and unnecessarily horrify the people that don't.)

"No, no, don't do that- not on the rug, man!" Texas Red moaned in a disgruntled manner.

Dusty towered over him and pointed straight to Pinky as she (nope).

"See, See what happens, Tex? YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?" She said.

Texas Red simply scoffed and shook his head. "Nobody calls me Tex, you got the wrong guy, I'm Texas Red, man!" He said.

Dusty put one hand on her hip and pointed at him with the other.

"You're name's Tex, Tex. You're Girlfriend is Angel." She said with a smirk.

"My- my girlfriend? Angel? Do you see a dating ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking in a relationship? The toilet seat's up, man!" Texas Red complained to the two deputies.

Dusty pulled a bowling ball out of Texas Red's bag. "The fuck is this?"

Texas Red dragged himself onto the toilet and sat down. "Obviously, you're not a golfer." He retorted.



"Isn't this guy supposed to be a hot, muscular, tanned Texan drifter chick?"


"Yeah, waddaya think?" Dusty said as she was scratching her head.

"He looks like a fuckin' loser!" Pinky said as she turned to exit the cell.

"Hey, at least I'm house-broken!" Texas Red remarked as he watched them leave.

"Fucking time wasted." Dusty mumbled as she stomped out of the cell. "Thanks a lot, asshole!"

Texas Red sat defeated and soaked on the toilet, his jail cell was trashed and smelled putrid.

(Jail cell is locked, BTW.)

(Meanwhile, a considerable distance away from Kaijin's Ranch.)

"Well this is quite the predicament you've put us in ladies. I hope you are both feeling very proud of yourselves right about now."

There’s smoke over there! I must be getting close.
I go to the tree. I can see people in it.
What to do, what to do.
Hm, I didn’t find water yet, so I can’t do that…
I.. no that won’t work.
Hey! Over here! If you’re low enough, I suggest y’all jump.
I hastily build a platform to lessen the distance.

Sharla and J dusted the mud off of themselves and picked up the strange metal man's head.

"We've got you now, you… you… …fiend!" Sharla said.

"What are we gonna do with him now? He's just a head." J asked.

"Uhh, I don't know… we could fling him into the briar patch!" Sharla proposed.

"Duhh… nope! I'm gonna knock his head clean off!" J responded as she pulled a large branch from a pile of fallen branches to use as a club.

"No! No! No! No! He's already just a head, remember?" Sharla said as she wrapped her arms around the head.

Amelie than ran out to them to join in on the discussion. "We should shove him in a box and wait until Kommando or Castiellea to get back, they'll probably come up with an ingenious way to handle this… this… le semeur!" She said.

"Excellent idea!" Sharla shouted as she carried Soup King's head into the house. She put the head on the table in the kitchen and started reaching for a box on the top shelf to no avail.

"D'oh… J! Lift me up so I can grab this box!" She said. J hoisted her up and she started reaching for the box, almost reaching it.

Kommando, Shirley, Azraella, Castiellea and Curly entered the house upon which they were greeted by a loud crash and the sight of Sharla, J and a bunch of junk from the closet in a pile. There was also a strange metal head on the kitchen table. Curly made an interested facial expression towards Sharla and J.

"What happened? Are you ok?" Shirley said as she ran over to her sister and helped her up.

"What's this thing?" Curly said as she picked up the head sitting on the table and started inspecting it.

"I'm as confused as you. It looks like a head of some sort?" Kommando replied.

"That's the weirdo that's been plantin' those signs on our land!" J announced.

"But he's just a head?" Castiellea commented.

"He had a body, but he exploded when we grabbed him when he tried running away!" Sharla explained.

"Yeah! And we were waitin' for y'all to get back so we could figure out how to punish him for slanderin'!" J continued.

"Uhhh… I don't know." Kommando said.

Sharla had finished getting up and dusting herself off when she turned around and noticed who had appeared. A look of disgust came across her face when she saw Curly. She merely turned around and returned to what she was doing before she saw her, pretending that she didn't exist.

"Isn't it nice that cousin Curly is here, Sharla?" Shirley said, confused by her sister's reaction.

Kommando left to his room to try and think about what's going on.

The startled townsfolk hurried into their homes as suddenly soldiers and strange, spider-like automatons marched into town, now roaming its roads and outskirts. One of the few civilians who evidently wasn't terrified was the local undertaker, a gaunt man looking like a deformed Abe Lincoln, who approached one of the soldiers.

"What's goin' on here? Are we at war, Mister?" he inquired.
"No? Oh that's a pity," the undertaker continued, "we didn't have too many deaths recently, only Old Man Jenkins, so I reckon a lil' war would help to crank up business… ahhh, the good ol' Shimonseki War, now those were the days…"
The soldier seemed rather annoyed by the undertaker, who continued raving to him about his business. "Anyway, since you're here, maybe I can interest ya in a coffin? Ya know, just in case ya get hit by a stray bullet or accidentally squashed by one of those spider… things. I have a fine oak wood coffin in stock, I think it would fit your size perfectly! Wanna come over to my shop to lie in it for testing? I'll make ya a good price!"

Last edited Jan 15, 2021 at 03:21PM EST

Kommando's men didn't respond to the man and simply kept patrolling the back alleys. One of the four-legged ones scuttled about out of sight on the rooftops nearby the jail, it's large, broad torso hunching and oscillating as it walked in circles. It's thin, segmented arms oscillating with each step from the weight of it's Gatling Guns. It's head was incredibly small compared to the rest of it's body and dangled in front of it's shoulders, peering ahead of it with glassy eyes inside sockets permanently forged into a angered glare. The bottom of it's head was merely a pair of sharpened jaws fixed into a uniform grimace. It made no sound save for the occasional creak or hiss of it's metallic body.

Curly was still inspecting Soup King's head and Shirley was still confused by her sister's change of demeanor upon seeing their cousin. Azraella and Castiellea had disappeared from the room and Kitty had returned to the Sheriff's office. Amelie approached Curly and was trying to take the head from her.

"Please, Mademoiselle, let me handle that. It's probably all dirty and-"

Curly cut her off. "Hey… are you one of those France-y people? Y'know with the fancy bread and cheese and stuff?" She asked.

"Um… yes, but that thing looks really dirty, we wouldn't want it to get your clothes all-" Amelie was cut off again.

"Don't they have castles and knights and stuff like that over there?"

"Uh, Mademoiselle… I-"

"Didn't you guys have some sort of crazy revolution with those head-cuttin' things?"

"Yes, Mademoiselle, please-" Amelie was growing increasingly distressed by Curly's increasingly careless handling of Soup King's head.

"Were you the guys with Louie as the King? Or was it Charles?"

"Mademoiselle, please, give me the head, I'll clean-"

"Don't you guys have some funny leaning tower?"

"No, Mademoiselle, that's Italy. Please-"

"Welp, say, what goes on around here?"

"Mademoiselle, I'm afraid I don't-"

"You know? After dark and all that?"

"Um… everyone goes to sleep?"

"Oh, I get you." Curly replied with a wink. "Y'all are like that, huh?"

Amelie was confused but Curly had sat the head down so she grabbed it and began cleaning it. Curly wore an unusual facial expression that would concern someone if they were paying attention to it. Sharla and J had gone back to working on the crops, so Shirley walked into Kommando's room. Kommando stood there, thinking.



"I've had an epiphany."


Kommando turned around, placed with hands on her shoulders and squatted to match her height.

"We need to start an amusement park."

"Ok." Shirley replied.

They walked out into the living room and announced their plans. An amusement park was to be built outside of town, featuring technological marvels and engineering feats never before seen. Construction was quick and in no time at all, the park, named the KYMThread park, had all of it's attractions running.


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