Forums / Fun! / Forum Games

63,735 total conversations in 717 threads

+ New Thread

ITT: It's the Wild West

Last posted Mar 16, 2021 at 10:43AM EDT. Added Jan 04, 2021 at 12:40PM EST
72 posts from 6 users

(Meanwhile in Kaijin's Dining Room)

The head of the unknown mechanical miscreant rocks back and forth until it faces Azraella.

"Grüße Mutti, wie geht es dir?"

"Ich habe die Schilder so aufgestellt, wie Sie es von mir verlangt haben."

"Hat es dir geholfen, dir etwas von Kaijin zu besorgen? Was auch immer das heißt."

Azraella stared at it in confusion. Not having any idea as to what it was talking about, she decided to return to her studies.

Castiellea saw the head and decided to place a box over top of it. She became paranoid that it was watching her.

Curly watched both of them with interest.

(I was already considering sending excerpts from a couple of my height charts for you to use in the images, mainly because 80% of the time they look nothing like whatever you used. I guess I'll just attach a short paragraph describing their personality if I get around to finishing a couple more charts that is.)

(Sorry about that. I just read back through all the posts and tried to find a rough example to use as a base to edit from. The big trouble is that we've got about six or so characters now with details scattered everywhere.)

(The only ones I know for definite are Kitty and your own noble visage.)

(Besides, the downside to the "That'll do, Donkey, that'll do" process I use, is that it's never going to be perfect anyway.)

Kommando sat in his new office where he watched over the happenings of the amusement park. Shirley sat on the couch next to his desk while Curly was nonchalantly inspecting every item on Kommando's desk while he wasn't looking. Azraella burst through the door with a stack of papers in her arms.

"Kommando! I've done it! Here is my proposition for a ride to educate the masses on the importance of Botany and why everyone should respect and admire all Botanists, especially female ones and German ones!" She announced in a hurried speech.

"That's a little… er… oddly specific, don't you think?" Kommando said.

"Nonsense! Everyone should learn about Botany! It's incredibly important!" Azraella belched a little after speaking and the faint scent of alcohol was briefly noticeable.

"Azraella… are you feeling ok?" Kommando said as he looked through a couple of the papers and noticed that her handwriting was a tad bit sloppier than usual and that she had accidentally written a few pages entirely in German. "I'm perfectly fine! I feel wunderbar!" She responded, stumbling a little as she walked towards the couch to sit down.

Kommando felt mildly discomforted with the situation he found himself in: Azraella had gotten depressed again and had resorted to her occasional bad habit. If he confronted her, she might become aggressively resistant and despite her skeletal frame she was still incredibly strong and would have a decent chance against him on that basis alone. But if he pretended to not notice and let her continue on about her day in her current state she could just as easily become angered by an otherwise innocuous interaction from a curious passerby, which was incredibly likely to happen considering her 7'2" frame, albinism and strong foreign accent. If she got into a fight, she'd almost assuredly gravely injure if not outright kill her opponent and God knows what grudges that would usher into existence.

"Azraella…" Kommando said, but then he noticed his luck taking action. Azraella had fallen asleep on the couch, although she had stretched out and accidentally trapped Shirley behind her legs. Kommando carefully pulled Shirley out from her entrapment and even more carefully shifted Azraella onto her stomach, with her head off the end of the couch, directly over an empty spittoon. He told Shirley to keep watch while he "Went back to the house to check on something."

Once back at his ranch, he spoke to Amelie and they searched the house top to bottom. Once they had found everything they were looking for and had disposed of it they sat down.

"Why doesn't she just talk to me?" Amelie said. "She could just ask her sister, but she does this instead! Pourquoi?"

"I don't know, Amelie… I don't know…" Kommando said, wondering to himself.

Meanwhile Kitty Hawk sat at her desk when a buzzing sound errupted from her pocket. She pulled out her early 2000's-ass PDA and read the message: "SOMEONE HAS MADE A THE BIG LEBOWSKI REFERENCE HERE RECENTLY." Knowing full well who the culprits were the promptly forced Pinky and Dusty to perform Tom Jones' song "What's New Pussycat?" non-stop until the next morning upon which they had to write a 10-15 page essay on why referencing The Big Lebowski specifically is not allowed due to it's effects on the fabric of reality and the multiverse.

Once her cohorts were thoroughly tortured for failing to adhere to the rules set before them, she reclined back in her chair, pulled out her guitar and began riffing.

"I wonder what happened to those two guys that were in here earlier?" She said as she slowly inched closer and closer to accidentally playing the notes for Incubus' song "Drive" which would incur a lethal copyright strike because the MPAA transcends time and space. She suddenly noticed her danger and put her guitar away at once.

(Meanwhile at the shattered remains of the Fourth Wall)

"I believe the escaped fugitives are waiting for you and Shirley to launch a desperate pursuit of them so they can dramatically escape and attempt to find Texas Red's secret treasure; instead of just casually trotting out of town like it's no biggie.".

"You don't need to worry about the cowgirl harem subplot for a while. I'm sure the crazed German botanist who built me out of tumble weed, clockwork and your own hair that she steals in the night won't rebuild me and have me commit more wacky hijinks to try and scare the other girls away so she can have you all to herself."

Last edited Jan 24, 2021 at 11:53AM EST

Lucy and Jenna sat in their corner of Miss Smithson's saloon. They had heard a rumor that infamous outlaw Texas Red had left his treasure unattended. They slinked away back to their aunt's house.

"Good evening, aunt Angie!" Lucy and Jenna said in unison as they walked back to their room to begin scheming. They immediately discussed how and where it could possibly be, but they noticed someone outside their door. They chased after him to find that their suspicions were correct: their younger cousin, Kyle, was the culprit. Fortunately for them, he had been stopped by his older sister, Chloe. While they were arguing, the twins walked up to apprehend their cousin and ensure that he doesn't spill their secrets but unfortunately in the heat of their cousins' argument Chloe had called for their mother. Angie walked over to intervene.

"What's going on here?" She asked sternly.

"He's taken up all the bathing water again!" Chloe shouted.

"I told you, I was thirsty! Now Mom! Lucy and-" Kyle was interrupted by his sister.

"That's no excuse! Don't you know how important it is for a young lady to stay clean!" Chloe retorted.

"Kyle, don't drink all the water. Chloe, you can use the river. It's less than 100 feet from the house." Angie proclaimed. Lucy and Jenna were watching Kyle in impending terror.

"But Mom! What if someone sees me and the bugs and it's outside where there's animals and it's muddy and-" Chloe opined.

"Nobody comes out our way and Tex and the twins have pretty much scared off all the animals with their hunting anyways. It's fine." Angie said. Chloe walked off upset. Angie then turned to Kyle.

"Go to the well and get us water, I need to cook."

"But Mom, Lu-" Kyle was interrupted again.

"We need water to cook, you drank it all, you refill it!" She said in a tone that made it apparent that she was serious.

Kyle walked away to the well defeated. Angie then noticed and turned to her nieces.

"So, how was your day?" She asked.

The twins, shocked by their absolute luck at avoiding being exposed by their little cousin were slow to respond.

"Uhh… yeah?" Lucy said while Jenna was frozen grimacing. They hurried back to their room.

Angie shrugged it off as nothing as went back to what she was doing before.

The muscular tanned woman from earlier approached Kyle.

"What's wrong, kid?"

"Mom's making me refill the water." Kyle said as he stumbled back towards the house.

"You drink it all again?" She said as she walked alongside him.

Kyle just kept walking.

"Hmm, what's bothering you really now, kiddo?" She asked.

"Lucy and Jenna were talking about running off and findin' some outlaw's stash of loot and nobody's listening to me!" He shouted.

"You don't say, kid?" She was now incredibly interested, when they reached the door she walked in and went over to the twins.

"Oh, hi Tex." Lucy said as Jenna sat silently.

"So, what's this about Texas Red's loot?" Said Tex, the tanned woman, as her silhouette filled their doorway.

Meanwhile, Kommando sat in his office looking through papers. He found the paperwork for his purchase of the land the amusement park on. In the place where the name of who the previous owner was read: "Mr. Totallynottexasred"

"Eh." Kommando said as he simply just shoved back into his drawer full of purchases, not giving it any thought.

(So, er, it's just occurred to me that our DM went from being very busy to being pretty much absent around the same time I gave them a link to Romantically Apocalyptic.)

(We may have to go and ask Ze Captain if we can have our friend back, as it's going to take at least a month to get through the whole thing, even if their binging it.)

Soup King wrote:

(So, er, it's just occurred to me that our DM went from being very busy to being pretty much absent around the same time I gave them a link to Romantically Apocalyptic.)

(We may have to go and ask Ze Captain if we can have our friend back, as it's going to take at least a month to get through the whole thing, even if their binging it.)

(Huh, I was wondering why he suddenly disappeared.)

(It's ok, I'll entertain myself in the meantime by initiating a nuclear war between Israel and Iran and plunging the Middle East in general into chaotic war and conflict. Who knows, maybe the U.S. or Russia will come out and join the fun? It's my favorite pastime, you know?)

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(Huh, I was wondering why he suddenly disappeared.)

(It's ok, I'll entertain myself in the meantime by initiating a nuclear war between Israel and Iran and plunging the Middle East in general into chaotic war and conflict. Who knows, maybe the U.S. or Russia will come out and join the fun? It's my favorite pastime, you know?)

(Honestly, I'd try and start a nuclear war between India and Pakistan since you'll end up with more post-apocalyptic mass tank battles that way.)

(In the meantime, I'm going to lead a paratrooper assault to capture Vanuatu, because no one's going to expect that.)

Angie had seen Tex and immediately hugged her.

"I didn't know you were back in town? How's it been?" She asked and the two caught up over dinner. Angie was glad to have her old friend back, they all ate dinner and went to bed as it was getting late.

Tex had told Kyle not to tell anybody about the Twins' plan as the treasure was going to be used to surprise his mother for her birthday. Kyle begrudgingly agreed. With that, Tex and the Twins made a few final adjustments to their plan.

The next morning Tex, Lucy and Jenna set out in search of Texas Red's treasure, they started with Texas Red himself. Outside the Sheriff's office they stood devising a plan.

"Ok…" Tex said. "…there's a little grudge between me and the Sheriff, so you two are going to have to go in there instead of me."

"Wait, you want us to interrogate him?" Lucy said.

Tex and Lucy both turned to look at the source of the rather loud door slam that just rang through the air and noticed that Jenna was absent and that in her place was a trail of dust clouds leading all the way to the door of the Sheriff's office. A shrill shriek of agony then emanated from inside the building. Jenna then emerged from the doorway holding a map and a bleeding severed arm.

"I've got the location of his secret stash!" Jenna gleefully blurted out before resuming her usual unhinged grimace. Tex looked genuinely concerned while Lucy only had a disappointed stare, signifying how she had grown used to her twin's unrestrained bloodlust.

Lucy placed her hand around the bridge of her nose in embarrassment. "Let's just go, just find the damn treasure so we can go home and surprise aunt Angie for her birthday…"

"Kid, you got some serious problems!" Tex said to Jenna as she began to lead them to where the treasure was.

"This is normal for her." Lucy said in a depressed tone before grunting angrily at her sister.

Ms. Dixon was walking down the street when she saw Lucy and Jenna, she looked towards them and said the usual: "Good morning Lucy, good morning Jen- SWEET BABY JESUS IN A HORSE TROUGH! WHO'S ARM IS THAT!?!?" Dixon was frozen in horror at the sight of Jenna's latest claim.

"Oh…" Jenna said as she looked down at the arm she was carrying. "It's Texas Red's, pretty cool, huh?"

Dixon had ran away and was nowhere to be seen. The trio just continued walking towards the location Texas Red wrote on a hastily-made map. They walked far outside of town and eventually came to the spot.

"Ok, here we are- wait, what?" Jenna was confused as instead of a seemingly empty field as Texas Red had described to her was a gigantic amusement park.

"Just great! He lied! You tore his arm off and he still lied!" Lucy shouted, evidently even more aggravated than she was before.

"Eh, might as well look around anyways. Last I heard this thing was built after Texas Red got thrown in jail." Tex said, and so the trio sat down and began revising their plan.

…Meanwhile, back at the Sheriff's office…

Kitty sat behind her desk frozen in shock, her eyelids having pulled themselves so far back so that her eyeballs almost seemed to be protruding off of her face. She slowly turned her head towards Texas Red's jail cell, which had a 6'3" Ultra-Busty Red-Haired Redneck Gamer Girl-shaped hole in it, looked at Texas Red who sat there somehow still alive after having his arm ripped off and then slowly turned her head all the way back to it's original position. Unable to process the events that had happened in her office only a few moments ago, she quietly crawled under her desk, assumed the fetal position and began sobbing to herself discreetly.

Pinky and Dusty walked back in, unable to speak form singing-induced Laryngitis. Upon seeing the bloody carnage the office had been turned into, they stood there in silence unable to say anything.

(Is the thread dead? Dying? Where did everybody go?)

Ms. Dixon ran into Miss Smithson's saloon, sat down at the bar and stared Ms. Smithson straight in the eye with an unblinking gaze.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe!" She said.

Ms. Smithson looked at her indifferently.

"Jenna, huh?" She said as she put on a dead smirk and walked into the back room to return with several rifles, revolvers and a small supply of dynamite.

Smithson continued: "Welp, let's go. Shit's stirring somewhere and we can't let the twins have all the fun."

Smithson set a rifle in Dixon's arms and they left the saloon to go find what trouble the twins were getting themselves into.


Kitty had gone to Kommando's office, she needed a break. Maybe he could explain what just happened, we was coming up with this crap anyways. Pinky and Dusty followed her in hopes that he had tea and honey, they couldn't really continue with their police work until they regained the ability to actually communicate with people.

Kommando sat spinning in his chair, trying to figure out how to continue the thread if other people don't respond and play along. Shirley was sitting on the couch with her cousin. Curly attempted to satiate her curiosity.

"So… why does he wear that… weird stuff all the time? Does he ever take it off?" She asked Shirley.

Kommando stopped spinning in his chair and answered Curly. "Of course I take it off! How to you think I bathe or shower?"

Curly made a weird facial expression. "I guess I'll have to see that for myself sometime." She said.

"Why would you do that? I can take it off right now." Kommando said as he lifted off his gas mask, revealing another mask.

"Uhh…" Curly was dumbfounded.

Kommando removed his Improved Outer Tactical Vest, then shirt, then unbuckled his belt and removed his pants and boots. As with his gas mask, there was also another identical set of clothes underneath.

Shirley turned bright red and recoiled away from him while shielding her eyes.

"Kommando! What' wrong with you? You just stripped naked in front of two ladies! I thought you were decent!" She said.

Curly was even more confused than before.

Kitty walked into the office and froze at the doorway.

"Why are you naked? What's going on? Is there something I need to know about?" She shouted.

"Oh, sorry. Curly thought I couldn't take my armor off so I thought that I should show her." Kommando said as he put his discarded clothes back on over top of the identical clothes he was already wearing.

Curly attempted to ask what was going on but could only manage to make a confused whimper that sounded vaguely like a dog squealing.

Kitty explained to Kommando what she had seen at the Sheriff's Office. He merely sat in his chair, did the Gendo pose and proceeded to put his automatons on high alert. The amusement park was being watched and patrolled with extreme thoroughness.

Curly was confused, she didn't know what was going on anymore so she excused herself to an outhouse where she sat and tried to comprehend how Kommando's actions were possible. Perhaps she was actually sick in bed and this was all just a weird dream. She simply sat there confused.

Last edited Feb 11, 2021 at 10:19PM EST

I wake up
What are those lights over there?
I turn my attention towards the activity
Is that an amusement park? Am I still dreaming or what?
Well I suppose this isn't the craziest thing I witnessed.

Hmm… the attractions don't exactly fit what I would expect in this time.
I thought this place was built earlier.
Unless, it was made by him.
I must be getting close.

I enter the fairgrounds

The fairgrounds were alive with music and crowds of patrons, the rides were lit brightly and were operated by automatons. There were 3 paths, one towards several rides including a large Ferris wheel, several carousels and a few smaller rides, another path went towards several large buildings that appeared to house more complex indoor rides and shops and the third path was blocked by a short gate with a sign on the front reading "STAFF ONLY. OFF LIMITS TO GUESTS." There appeared to be work involving heavy machinery going on behind the gate as well as what appeared to be a facility of some sort.

There's a large plaza featuring psychedelically colored buildings and various mechanical decorations waving signs reading "See the world!" and various foreign text. In the center of the plaza is a small ticket booth, the window is too dark to see inside but it appears to be open. Cheery, happy music featuring instruments like flutes, xylophones and music boxes is bellowing from inside the ride building as small ornate boats move through a moat that appears to be the only entrance and exit on the front of the building.

To the both sides of the ticket booth are two carousels, one in the more traditional style with horses and benches, the other with chairs suspended via chains from the ceiling of the ride. Both rides are surrounded by huge topiary trees depicting women with long, flowing twintails.

Behind you is the a path leading to a split, one path takes you back to the entrance, the other takes towards more large and extravagantly decorated buildings.

Last edited Mar 10, 2021 at 01:53PM EST

Soup King wrote:

(I don't know, I've just been waiting for everyone else to take their turns.)

(If things stay too quiet, the Legion might return!)

(Things are too quiet)


This thread is closed to new posts.

Old threads normally auto-close after 30 days of inactivity.

Why don't you start a new thread instead?

Yo! You must login or signup first!