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Granted. You can now fly

over a restricted airspace, get arrested, and get your flying license revoked.

I wish there were a way to create super-realistic holograms for card games science.

Granted, but naked Richard Simmons is ALL of the Jacks.

I wish for Shnitzel from Chowder to be my best friend.

He is your best friend, and he's real. Or so you think. You lose all your other friends trying to convince him that he's right there, and your only comfort is "radda radda radda."

I wish I was evil.

You become an anti-hero.

I wish I had a cool sword that I could slice evildoers with.

It also slices innocents.

I wish for more everything.

Dammit Ice, I wanted that one. I was going to have Twins tied up by Spiderman.

You get your cool sword that can totally slide up evildoers. You carry your sword to the nearest Bank Robbery to deliver justice and is promptly shot by armed gunmen

[edit]

Argh! Ninja'd again!

Everything you have gets quadrupled in quantity so you get more of everything. However you become engulfed in your own stuff and cannot escape. Firemen remove your body, buried beneath your belongings 2 days later

I wish Milhouse was a meme

He is, but in doing so, you ruin the meme because Milhouse is definitely not a meme.

I wish communism worked.

Cue The Oil Wars. Oh, and the Coalition wins, crushing communism for good. Hooah!

I wish I was Commander Shepard.

You become Commander Shepard, but then you get to the the ending of ME3.

Granted, but the guilt from the deaths of the partners that were killed while tagging along with you puts you in deep depression

I wish for the Triforce

You get the Triforce, but it turns out to actually be the Quadforce.

You magically invest your money into stocks that are predicted to never crash in the future.

It crashes.

I wish for the ability to type faster.

You can type super fact now, but you're typing so fast that your hands catch fire, and your fingers burn up.

You are now a member of the Blue Suns. One stationed on Zorya. Zaeed Massani crushes your skull with the butt of his rifle. At least you went down fighting.

I wish I was Sev.

Congratulations, you are a work of fiction and do not actually exist.
I wish Valve knew how to count to three.

They still can't count to four. Also, every weapon and item has a 3 attached to it somewhere.

I wish I was a competitor in Split/Second.