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Because everyone knows him

oliverb @oliver_b1 Took a walk the other day with a childhood best friend. Catching up, shooting the s.-. Matte black g wagon stops at the red light ahead of us. A 20 year old kid in the driver's seat makes eye contact and rolls down his window. "Oliver B, WHATUPPPP!" he yells. Crazyyyyy 9:01 AM 10/4/23 from Earth . 21.8K Views 1 Repost 2 Quotes 103 Likes 6 Bookmarks 27 ↑
oliverb @oliver_b1 Took a walk the other day with a childhood best friend. Catching up, shooting the s.-. Matte black g wagon stops at the red light ahead of us. A 20 year old kid in the driver's seat makes eye contact and rolls down his window. "Oliver B, WHATUPPPP!" he yells. Crazyyyyy 9:01 AM 10/4/23 from Earth . 21.8K Views 1 Repost 2 Quotes 103 Likes 6 Bookmarks 27 ↑

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Check your privilege

I was the only straight male in my required feminism class, and I used everything I learned to accuse my professor of sexist discrimination for asking me to kill a spider and to open the window. Her apology email was extremely satisfying ○ 36 127 8.2K ili 191K ↑
I was the only straight male in my required feminism class, and I used everything I learned to accuse my professor of sexist discrimination for asking me to kill a spider and to open the window. Her apology email was extremely satisfying ○ 36 127 8.2K ili 191K ↑

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A very real conversation

< Boss > Today 12:58 PM We're going to need you to come to the office tonight, we are short staffed. If you do not we will be forced to cut your pay. Im an ex marine and I served my country, I don't work on the weekends and I will not be threatened. Do not tread on me. Then I will be forced to take for 14$ hours to 7$. If you do that, I'll tell HR about your money laundering... What?! No!!!! I'm giving you a raise and a bonus Yeah That's what I thought. Read 1:02 PM
< Boss > Today 12:58 PM We're going to need you to come to the office tonight, we are short staffed. If you do not we will be forced to cut your pay. Im an ex marine and I served my country, I don't work on the weekends and I will not be threatened. Do not tread on me. Then I will be forced to take for 14$ hours to 7$. If you do that, I'll tell HR about your money laundering... What?! No!!!! I'm giving you a raise and a bonus Yeah That's what I thought. Read 1:02 PM

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Sir, please

Chase Geiser ❤ @realchasegeiser I was holding my two year old daughter on a walk moments ago and for the first time out of nowhere she said, "God is good. God is real.” I started to quietly tear up. She couldn't see my face and I didn't make a sound, but she said, "Don't cry. It's okay.”
Chase Geiser ❤ @realchasegeiser I was holding my two year old daughter on a walk moments ago and for the first time out of nowhere she said, "God is good. God is real.” I started to quietly tear up. She couldn't see my face and I didn't make a sound, but she said, "Don't cry. It's okay.”

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Swimming to the Titanic

Been there, the tour guide let us swim in the water and you can actually see the wreckage when you go deep enough in 11-15 Reply 29 you cant go down by it simply by swimming → 11-20 Reply 12 You can Ive done it was a bit cold but quite nice to see. I was bored so quickly swam back up after about 10 mins 11-20 Reply 17 i dont thnk you're referring to the titanic
Been there, the tour guide let us swim in the water and you can actually see the wreckage when you go deep enough in 11-15 Reply 29 you cant go down by it simply by swimming → 11-20 Reply 12 You can Ive done it was a bit cold but quite nice to see. I was bored so quickly swam back up after about 10 mins 11-20 Reply 17 i dont thnk you're referring to the titanic

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Everyone's on the Diddy train

julie_does_events 19h + I pnce catered a huge party years ago for P Diddy at a Beverly Hills mansion. There were about 600 ppl or more with many A-list celebrities, including Michael Jackson. No cameras or press were allowed. About 20 minutes into the party he told us to permanently stop serving the enormous amount of amazing food we had prepped and had been tray passing and only tray pass tequila. That's it. He wanted the guests to get completely bombed. They did indeed. Q 207 ☑
julie_does_events 19h + I pnce catered a huge party years ago for P Diddy at a Beverly Hills mansion. There were about 600 ppl or more with many A-list celebrities, including Michael Jackson. No cameras or press were allowed. About 20 minutes into the party he told us to permanently stop serving the enormous amount of amazing food we had prepped and had been tray passing and only tray pass tequila. That's it. He wanted the guests to get completely bombed. They did indeed. Q 207 ☑

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This is weird

• 8 days ago When one of my sons was 14 he decided he was going to sass mouth me back and refuse to clean his room. I popped his and he called the police on me. When the police came, I thought I was going to jail and the police officer took my son into his room and told him to clean his room and to never talk back to me again☺♥. My husband was home but was on dialysis and very ill and he was shielded from their bad behavior by me because I didn't want him stressed out which put stress in me because he always had my back and was the usual disciplinarian. We had 8 boys all at home at this time. He never sassed me back again and the police officer told him that parents most certainly could use corporal punishment and should use it. My son's mouth dropped to the floor . Thank goodness for police officers who are fathers themselves. 572
• 8 days ago When one of my sons was 14 he decided he was going to sass mouth me back and refuse to clean his room. I popped his and he called the police on me. When the police came, I thought I was going to jail and the police officer took my son into his room and told him to clean his room and to never talk back to me again☺♥. My husband was home but was on dialysis and very ill and he was shielded from their bad behavior by me because I didn't want him stressed out which put stress in me because he always had my back and was the usual disciplinarian. We had 8 boys all at home at this time. He never sassed me back again and the police officer told him that parents most certainly could use corporal punishment and should use it. My son's mouth dropped to the floor . Thank goodness for police officers who are fathers themselves. 572

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Outsmarted Harvard

*** True story: Harvard Business School rejected me in '91. When I got the news, I checked to see if they'd cashed my $100 application fee check. They hadn't, so I did a "stop payment". When they called, trying to collect, I suggested they could learn a business lesson from this. от 20,561 likes Σ
*** True story: Harvard Business School rejected me in '91. When I got the news, I checked to see if they'd cashed my $100 application fee check. They hadn't, so I did a "stop payment". When they called, trying to collect, I suggested they could learn a business lesson from this. от 20,561 likes Σ

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Hmmm...

Nice note left by fellow camper BRO I CAMPED IN THE SPOT BEHIND YOU LAST NIGHT. LET ME JUST SAY, YOU ARE KILLING FIRST OFF AS A DAD. WATCHED YOUR WIFE GUIDE YOU IN AS YOU BACKED UP YOUR TRAILER AND NAILED IT CN THE FIRST TRY WITHOUT ANY YELLING THEN YOUR KIDS THE TRUCK UNLOADED Ском AND WERE MILD - HANNERED AND WELL BEHAVED, YOU TOLD STORIES AROUND THE CAMPFIRE AND I HAD THE PLEASURE OF LISTENING TO THE SOUNDS OF GIGGLES AND LAUGHTER. FROM ONE DAD TO ANOTHER, YOU ARE KILLING IT. KEEP IT UP. P.S. WHATEVER YOU COOKED FOR DINNER SMELLED DELICIOUS!
Nice note left by fellow camper BRO I CAMPED IN THE SPOT BEHIND YOU LAST NIGHT. LET ME JUST SAY, YOU ARE KILLING FIRST OFF AS A DAD. WATCHED YOUR WIFE GUIDE YOU IN AS YOU BACKED UP YOUR TRAILER AND NAILED IT CN THE FIRST TRY WITHOUT ANY YELLING THEN YOUR KIDS THE TRUCK UNLOADED Ском AND WERE MILD - HANNERED AND WELL BEHAVED, YOU TOLD STORIES AROUND THE CAMPFIRE AND I HAD THE PLEASURE OF LISTENING TO THE SOUNDS OF GIGGLES AND LAUGHTER. FROM ONE DAD TO ANOTHER, YOU ARE KILLING IT. KEEP IT UP. P.S. WHATEVER YOU COOKED FOR DINNER SMELLED DELICIOUS!

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Then everyone clapped

Sh Tesla guy at Dunkin this morning. "You know, that's and easy fix." Me "What is?" Tesla Idiot "The loudness of your car, something is wrong with it." Me "I made it that way.." Tesla Idiot "It's people like you who are ruining our planet!" Me "It's idiots like you who make it all worth while." and 17 others 1 comment Like Q Comment Copy
Sh Tesla guy at Dunkin this morning. "You know, that's and easy fix." Me "What is?" Tesla Idiot "The loudness of your car, something is wrong with it." Me "I made it that way.." Tesla Idiot "It's people like you who are ruining our planet!" Me "It's idiots like you who make it all worth while." and 17 others 1 comment Like Q Comment Copy

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I'm not buying it

tomcruisingthroughlife Follow As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise kaleighbytheway *** When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary's hole punch, "because it's far more honest. It says it's going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I've seen today." My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff "find this young lady a hole punch!"
tomcruisingthroughlife Follow As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise kaleighbytheway *** When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary's hole punch, "because it's far more honest. It says it's going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I've seen today." My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff "find this young lady a hole punch!"

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There's no way

1:13 80 A frat at my school had a SCALE outside their party and were only letting in girls below a certain weight, claiming they had to be the "building was sinking into the foundation." To prove they were lying, I used the city's safe housing tip line to request an inspection. As expected, the house was NOT sinking... but it WAS found to be so unsanitary due to dirt, mold, and potential biohazards that it was condemned on the spot Bye bye frat house! Likes Follow ginal audio iouisamelch "You're just bitter you didn't get in" Yes ... - Q (+) о 563
1:13 80 A frat at my school had a SCALE outside their party and were only letting in girls below a certain weight, claiming they had to be the "building was sinking into the foundation." To prove they were lying, I used the city's safe housing tip line to request an inspection. As expected, the house was NOT sinking... but it WAS found to be so unsanitary due to dirt, mold, and potential biohazards that it was condemned on the spot Bye bye frat house! Likes Follow ginal audio iouisamelch "You're just bitter you didn't get in" Yes ... - Q (+) о 563

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Car disassembly

my mom had a rule made because of her. in highschool the rule was "you cant take apart the principle's car and put it back together on the roof of the gymnasium." the year before i transfered high school, the senior class took apart the principle's car and put it back together on the roof of the library. it was amazing 293
my mom had a rule made because of her. in highschool the rule was "you cant take apart the principle's car and put it back together on the roof of the gymnasium." the year before i transfered high school, the senior class took apart the principle's car and put it back together on the roof of the library. it was amazing 293

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Suuure

Jun 14 Follow Sometimes having a reputation for being smart beats actually being smart. I once beat my school's chess champion in a game because he spent the entire match desperately trying to work out my strategy because I was "smart" and therefor good at chess. We were playing with a Lord of the Rings chess set. I was moving the characters I liked best. I'm terrible at chess. #funny #reputation precedes me #chess
Jun 14 Follow Sometimes having a reputation for being smart beats actually being smart. I once beat my school's chess champion in a game because he spent the entire match desperately trying to work out my strategy because I was "smart" and therefor good at chess. We were playing with a Lord of the Rings chess set. I was moving the characters I liked best. I'm terrible at chess. #funny #reputation precedes me #chess

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Same thing

santiamsouthfork 22h Follow ... As a young man I was taught to open doors for women. Most seem to appreciate the act. A couple of years ago in Florida I was going into a store and behind me was a man pushing a stroller with a lady. Opened the door and stepped aside to let them pass. He nodded and went through. She stopped and stared at me. I suggested to her to go ahead. She stopped and said "you must be from Canada" I told her no, I was from Oregon. She looks at me and says dismissively, "Same thing" 43 Q 9
santiamsouthfork 22h Follow ... As a young man I was taught to open doors for women. Most seem to appreciate the act. A couple of years ago in Florida I was going into a store and behind me was a man pushing a stroller with a lady. Opened the door and stepped aside to let them pass. He nodded and went through. She stopped and stared at me. I suggested to her to go ahead. She stopped and said "you must be from Canada" I told her no, I was from Oregon. She looks at me and says dismissively, "Same thing" 43 Q 9

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Now this guy plays music

just got the opposite of a noise complaint. left me a cold coors lite too! Dear neighbor: I live next door a and I would like to discuss your music. 1) Turn it the fup. I'm not joking. You play good 5.! 2) Tell me what songs you're playing. I need that s.... for my playlist. 3) I'm not being ironic or anything, I've really enjoyed the music you've played since moved in. Sincerely, aby Todd (the male part of the couple next door) Send me some songs!
just got the opposite of a noise complaint. left me a cold coors lite too! Dear neighbor: I live next door a and I would like to discuss your music. 1) Turn it the fup. I'm not joking. You play good 5.! 2) Tell me what songs you're playing. I need that s.... for my playlist. 3) I'm not being ironic or anything, I've really enjoyed the music you've played since moved in. Sincerely, aby Todd (the male part of the couple next door) Send me some songs!

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Bro to bro

Adex ❤ @adexnelsonx Follow I went out with this girl one time and she take a look at the menu and ordered the most expensive wine OMG as i was there trying to panic the waiter just take one look at me bro to bro and told her they are out of stock, she asked for like 3 other bottles which 11:57 PM - 9/29/24 8.7M Views 1.1K 1 6.6K 238K ☐ 7.5K ←] Most relevant replies ✓ Adex @adexnelsonx. 1d are expensive and he gave her the same reply until she mentioned something I could afford, and I nodded then he proceeded and brought it in, OMG this was my best bro code moment, i went back to give him a tip but bro declined.
Adex ❤ @adexnelsonx Follow I went out with this girl one time and she take a look at the menu and ordered the most expensive wine OMG as i was there trying to panic the waiter just take one look at me bro to bro and told her they are out of stock, she asked for like 3 other bottles which 11:57 PM - 9/29/24 8.7M Views 1.1K 1 6.6K 238K ☐ 7.5K ←] Most relevant replies ✓ Adex @adexnelsonx. 1d are expensive and he gave her the same reply until she mentioned something I could afford, and I nodded then he proceeded and brought it in, OMG this was my best bro code moment, i went back to give him a tip but bro declined.

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Silenced

Σ -] MIKE JONES @who_MIKEJONES Follow 00 I lived there at the time. AT&T data building had records from the 2020 I know firemen who were instructed to hose down the servers on all floors, permanently corrupting the data. One mentioned this was against their training and protocols. They were silenced. Post your reply
Σ -] MIKE JONES @who_MIKEJONES Follow 00 I lived there at the time. AT&T data building had records from the 2020 I know firemen who were instructed to hose down the servers on all floors, permanently corrupting the data. One mentioned this was against their training and protocols. They were silenced. Post your reply

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Weird

Want to distract my cardiac alert dog? Okay! matched energy Context; I have a life threatening heart condition, I pass out extremely easy and my heart goes into dangerous rhythms without much warning. My service dog is trained to smell changes in my sweat, and alert me so I can take my emergency meds and get on the ground before I pass out. To the story: I was shopping at my local target, going about my business. Then this middle aged lady comes running up and starts saying "puppy puppy puppy! Look at me! Hi puppy!" And when he ignored her, she started yelling at me. I told her, "he is working, distracting him can be very dangerous for me." At this point, she makes that mouth agape, fish face, and starts going on about how I, "shouldn't force my dog to work, it's slavery, he's clearly unhappy, etc." (Service dogs wash out very early in training if they aren't the right fit mentally and physically for the job, high drive and high energy dogs thrive in work, it isn't abuse.) I go on to tell her that distracting him could lead to me going into cardiac arrest if he misses an alert. Her response, "I don't care! If you don't want him getting attention, you shouldn't bring him in public!" My response will forever be something I'm proud of. "Okay! Well if you think it's okay, how about I reach into your chest, and start petting and distracting your heart? You shouldn't go out in public if you don't want people messing with your ability to live!" She gave a disgusted and confused look, scoffed, and walked away muttering something about me being a freak, and how unfair it is. TLDR: Karen wants to distract my cardiac alert dog, potentially causing my death. I asked how she'd like it if I reached into her chest, and started distracting her heart!
Want to distract my cardiac alert dog? Okay! matched energy Context; I have a life threatening heart condition, I pass out extremely easy and my heart goes into dangerous rhythms without much warning. My service dog is trained to smell changes in my sweat, and alert me so I can take my emergency meds and get on the ground before I pass out. To the story: I was shopping at my local target, going about my business. Then this middle aged lady comes running up and starts saying "puppy puppy puppy! Look at me! Hi puppy!" And when he ignored her, she started yelling at me. I told her, "he is working, distracting him can be very dangerous for me." At this point, she makes that mouth agape, fish face, and starts going on about how I, "shouldn't force my dog to work, it's slavery, he's clearly unhappy, etc." (Service dogs wash out very early in training if they aren't the right fit mentally and physically for the job, high drive and high energy dogs thrive in work, it isn't abuse.) I go on to tell her that distracting him could lead to me going into cardiac arrest if he misses an alert. Her response, "I don't care! If you don't want him getting attention, you shouldn't bring him in public!" My response will forever be something I'm proud of. "Okay! Well if you think it's okay, how about I reach into your chest, and start petting and distracting your heart? You shouldn't go out in public if you don't want people messing with your ability to live!" She gave a disgusted and confused look, scoffed, and walked away muttering something about me being a freak, and how unfair it is. TLDR: Karen wants to distract my cardiac alert dog, potentially causing my death. I asked how she'd like it if I reached into her chest, and started distracting her heart!

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Did you really now?

RON GRAY @Ronsthoughts_ Me and a cop were stuck at a red light down town for like 5 minutes and no other cars were around and he looked over at me and nodded, then we both ran the red light together
RON GRAY @Ronsthoughts_ Me and a cop were stuck at a red light down town for like 5 minutes and no other cars were around and he looked over at me and nodded, then we both ran the red light together

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