Twitter Anoints New 'Bean Dad' Upon Discovering Agnes Callard, A Mom Who Throws Out Her Children's Halloween Candy

November 2nd, 2022 - 1:21 PM EDT by Adam Downer

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halloween candy throwing it out

Ah, Halloween, a wonderful tradition for children and a fond memory for adults across America. Who could forget the thrill of engaging in some light cosplay, the joy of visiting your neighbors and getting free candy, the inconsolable rage you feel when you wake up the next morning and find all of your candy thrown out by your mom?

Okay, that last part isn't usually part of Halloween, but it turns out it is for one Agnes Callard, a philosophy professor at the University of Chicago and capital-P Poster who is seemingly making a run at becoming today's Twitter Main Character by detailing the love and affection she received from her children when they discovered she hadn't thrown out all their Halloween candy, as is the apparent tradition in her household.

halloween twitter agnes callard

Dr. Callard's post left many readers gobsmacked, as few could imagine the sort of parent who would throw away a child's Halloween candy for no discernible reason.

In follow-up tweets, Callard wrote, "ppl who are morally outraged on behalf of my children: don't come crying to me when your children write boring memoirs called My Parents Were Always Nice" and "think of it as being like the opposite of Christmas morning, which fits cause we're Jewish."

While many found this tradition needlessly and self-evidently cruel, there have actually been some articles in parenting publications about why this is not a good thing for a parent to do. In fact, just a week prior to Callard's tweet, posted an article about why parents should not toss their kids' Halloween candy, arguing, "Making their candy disappear won't teach your kids anything — except not to trust."

A similar sentiment was expressed by Twitter users, albeit in more hyperbolic and condemning terms.

Some compared Callard to Bean Dad, aka John Roderick, the infamous parent whose thread on forcing his daughter to figure out how to use a can opener on her own (a six-hour endeavor) generated controversy and brought to light some of his past racist jokes on the app. Similarly, Callard's tweet led posters to do a bit of research on her, where they purportedly discovered some wild stuff about her past.

First, those familiar with Callard reminisced about the time she openly crossed a picket line at the University of Chicago to teach her classes.

Others were able to discover a recent thread in the /r/UChicago subreddit that detailed why she was considered a controversial figure at the institution by some. There, a user explained that she divorced her husband, fellow UChicago professor Ben Callard, married one of her Ph.D. students named Arnold Brooks, then hosted a talk with her ex-husband on the "Philosophy of Divorce."

For her part, Callard is seeming to bravely post through her newfound infamy, tweeting an essay she wrote on parenting and posting about cancel culture amid the controversy.

Top Comments


in reply to A Concerned Rifleman

No, we know her actual motivations because she told them to us: "ppl who are morally outraged on behalf of my children: don't come crying to me when your children write boring memoirs called My Parents Were Always Nice"

She's one of those insufferable fucking academics that believes suffering will create future artists and academics and "interesting people" so she's torturing her children for this express purpose.

A Concerned Rifleman
A Concerned Rifleman

Honestly, this woman strikes me as someone who had a "quirky" way of parenting at first, but the more I read about her the more I'm starting to believe that she's a depraved emotional manipulator and this candy stunt was one of her many long-term schemes to garner co-dependency at the expense of her kids well-being.


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