Twitter Has a Lot of Thoughts on the Apple iPhone Event

By Matt
4795 views
• Published 7 years ago

Published 7 years ago

No company on Earth gets the kind of hype that Apple does when they're about to release a new smart phone, and yesterday's iPhone announcement delivered a good mix of disappointment and excitement. Crowding people into the brand-new Steve Jobs Theatre at Apple's new campus in Cupertino, California, Apple CEO and his merry band of engineers, marketing gurus and designers paraded a new line of iPhones, Apple Watches, and more.

iPhone launches often signal a seismic shift in the ways people use their fancy computer phones, either because of huge changes (no headphone jack) or slight adjustments (another new camera). This year's announcement was no different. Cook's presentation introduced fans, naysayers and regular, old fashioned consumers to their future Genius Bar visits with a new Apple Watch, a new Apple TV and two--count 'em, two--iPhones.

Apple Watch

First up, Apple asked users to take a good look at their wrist because according to Apple, the Apple Watch is the number one selling watch in the world. That sounds like a really huge achievement for a computer on your wrist, but, really, is it? It's not like the watch-selling business is the most coveted among techies. Sorry, horologists.




More exciting than Apple's claims about the sales of the Watch, is what the Watch can do now, which is make phone calls. After three years, Apple has finally decided that cellular is exactly what they need to make the phone seems like more than a fancy pedometer.

But people don't come here for stinkin' watches, they come here for phone news. Apple was nice enough to announce two new iPhones today, which should make people happy and their wallets unhappy. The iPhone 8 and the iPhone X joined the ranks of Apple's other products to much fanfare, head scratches, jokes and memes.

iPhone 8

One thing that was pretty clear, if all the rumors leading up to the event were to be believed, was that Apple planned on unveiling at least one new iPhone yesterday. The persistent gossip indicated that this would likely be the iPhone 8, doing away with Apple's near decade of re-using left-over parts for an iPhone "S" model.

Let's just say that by calling the phone the iPhone 8 instead of the iPhone 7s really wasn't what people wanted to hear, even with a new camera and some impressive new guts.


Apple did as expected and released a brand-new iPhone 8 on a very suspecting public. However, one thing that did surprise everyone was the company's decision to return to glass enclosures. Anyone who remembers the dark days of the iPhone 4, during which you had the exciting opportunity to crack not just your screen but also the back of your phone, shuttered at the thought.



Apple was also excited to announce that the new phones would support a ton of new augmented reality technology, allowing users to see the world through a whole new prism. That is, of course, if the user never played Pokémon Go before.

Augmented reality isn't exactly new to the folks who spent all last summer wandering their neighborhood looking for a goddamn Snorlax.



Despite all the disappointment taht always circulates around these iPhone events, Apple did have an ace up their sleeves.

iPhone X

While months of rumors spilled the beans about Apple's new flagship phone, Tim Cook played into the excitement of announcing a secret device with a classic "One More Thing…" finale.

That thing was Apple's new $1,000 iPhone X. That's right, for a company that's never really cared about the sequential order of things (how do you go from the iPhone to the iPhone 3G to the iPhone 4), Apple has leap-frogged over the iPhone 9 for the cooler looking iPhone X, in honor of the product's tenth anniversary.

People weren't just going to forget about the lost child of the iPhone family, though. iPhone 9 tributes were popping up on Twitter almost as soon as the X was announced. Not to mention the pain of being the iPhone 8 and having to live up to your older sister with that intense, all-display front and state-of-the-art facial recognition software.






But no matter about that, because the iPhone X isn't about numbers or models. It's about faces.

Apple's banking hard on facial recognition being the new finger-print scanner, and implemented this software into nearly all aspects of the new phone, from security to emojis.

However, there's no getting around how weird some of the imagery they used to showcase the technology was. One still in Apple's slideshow presentation displayed a row of detached faces to create the software. Let's just say it was more reminiscent of Game of Thrones than Silicon Valley.




But that wall of faces. That wall of faces.





Will anyone every get over the horror of Apple's face wall? Hard to say. But if the response to the new iPhones is any indication, people will probably buy these things anyway. After all, there has not an Apple announcement since Steve Jobs' death that hasn't been met with intense scrutiny, and yet, they're still the biggest watch company in the world. So it looks like us consumers can have our cake and eat it to. We can make fun of this company for their ridiculous marketing and bizarre understanding of chronology and give them $1,000 for a telephone.

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