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Greentext Stories - Explosives-making and SJW mothers

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Anonymous 01/29/16 (Fri) 22:04:23 No.285626 >>285640 >>285844 >>285647 >>285648 >>285649 >>285948 >>285999 2>280013 >>286361 >2287055 >2287561 >>288004 22289189 Oh boy, >285066 (OP) little cousin wants barbies her mommy wants her to grow up to be a good little problem-hair sporting SJW s"no sweetie, barbie will give you a negative idea of what your body should look like >she's got nothing to do s"can I get babysat by Anon? he always has all the cool stuff. >aunt yuppie asks if i'll babysit her daughter tell her it's fine and she can bring her and her barbies or whatever over >she gets p----- about me saying barbies and scolds me lolokay Here wego little cousin comes over to be babysat, nothing but an iPad in hand >Anon, do you got any video games? s"none your mother would let you play. si heard you like cartoons s"none your mother would let you watch." sis there anything we can do that mom wouldn't get mad at?" s"no. not really. >she's disappointed, i take her to mcdonalds so we can figure out what we can do swhile she's eating her happy meal, i get a call from the ATF scheduling an inspection >she asks "whats that? >explain i have an FEL and that means a government agency wants to inspect my lab to make sure it's safe >"whats an FEL? >Its a federal explosives license. It means I can legally make explosives and blow things up." >her face lights up >"Anon, can we do that? Please? That sounds so cool!" lapse in judgement and agree to take her to the lab since there is literally nothing i can do without her mom becoming p----- >might as go out big if i'm going out at all, right? take her to the lab and ask her what she wants to do s"can we make a bomb and blow it up? >decide ill make blasting gel and set it off with some caps i bought >start by showing her how to be safe in the chemistry lab >she's sincerely interested, stars are dancing in her eyes even when i'm explaining all the boring s--- >she suits up in a new lab coat, lab gloves, and a fresh pair of goggles >she's so into it that she's like the girl version of Dexter's Lab is extremely dangerous, so I'm doing all the actual work with the first part, but if she pays attention, ill let her help me make the guncotton start making nitroglycerine, everything is measured out in advance rambling about what i'm currently doing throughout the process, occasionally quizzing her on lab safety to see if she's paying attention and learning >she gets every question right, she's soaking all of this up like a sponge swe finish the nitroglycerine, it's set aside in far away from the next reaction >she helps me pour the acid mixture into the pyrex pan -i add the cotton balls and i start the timer >she helps me with the cleanup while we allow the cotton to nitrate slet her prepare the neutralization solution (another cake pan filled with water and baking soda) scoop out the guncotton and neutralize it, she's reading my procedures and already getting out the pH equipment for me >this kid is going places >she tests the guncotton and tells me its neutral, we neutralize the acid waste to render it safe >start asking her how school goes as it dries >she's starting science class and can't wait, discussion continues as i mix the guncotton with the nitro to form blasting gel scoop the gel into a plastic tube and seal it with a blasting cap inside >surround the gel stick with a couple milk jugs filled with gasoline >spool the cap's leads into the dugout >show her how to use my blasting machine (im the explosives hipster) turns the key, slides the plunger up slowly, slams it down >the gel cracks the ground and silence, the gasoline turns into a pair of massive fireballs >"Anon, that was so cool!!! >since she didn't spill anything on her, i let her keep the lab coat and goggles >her mom picks her up, i wouldn't let her wear the lab coat because that would be a horrible way to end the day get a phone call later from aunt yuppie >pic mfw >"WHAT THE F--- WERE YOU THINKING SHOWING MY DAUGHTER HOW TO BE A TERRORIST YOU F------ IDIOT, I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE POLICE little cousin explained that she got to watch me make explosives and i let her help clean up, then got to watch the explosion >she knowingly left out anything she did herself except the cleanup and said "mom didn't really hear me and got really mad at Anon. still get grilled and threatened with the loss of my FEL if there's any more s--- about me making nitroglycerine with a kid in the same room >fair enough >she still has the lab coat >her parents are still p----- at me >my parents are p----- at aunt yuppie for trying to jail me i'm buying her a starter chemistry set for her birthday because her parents won't and the kid's got the makings of a far better chemist than ill ever be

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FizzBuzz3000

FizzBuzz3000

Feb 03, 2016 at 11:33PM EST in reply to Tyranid Warrior #1024649049375

This was the Anon's reply:

Feels good man.

+38

ActivistZero

ActivistZero

Feb 04, 2016 at 07:41AM EST

+25

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