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Greentext Stories - Umbrella Saga

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Anonymous 09/20/17(Wed)20:28 42 No 745707443 File: Wave's Greentext png (256 KB, 739x811) me >some m----- child takes a particular disliking to me >have always used father's or brother's take personal offence to this and proceed to find the cheapest umbrella out there a to this day half a dollar and isn't too shabby >has some fake wood handle which looks nice despite its fakeness and it's very compact- one of those flimsy retractable ones >it deploys by powerful internal spring operation short Juden is acting like he owns the place to be within range pulls out his slingshot and by chance hits me in the head with a small steel blb r you want to call it >sitting on sideline of football match waiting to play when ball flies through the air at mach 0.86 and is going to hit some anon in the face the power of the umbrella enhances my reflexes and I catch the ball on the collapsed canopy of the retracted umbrella decelerating to a stop and balancing it on the side like a ball on a bat >he is go to changing room and the Juden is noisily s--- talking other Jew tells him to stfu >Juden dismisses it and decides to start mocking my new friend's eyes jump up onto one of the benches with umbrella in hand, challenging Juden to a duel the mistround of saying I lost the war Deutschland über alles >point umbrella at his face and press the release button the umbrella impacts the centre of his melon and he is stunned, stumbling backwards into the concrete wall □ Anonymous 09/20/17(Wed)20:32 30 No.745707609 he has hit his head and looks like he is having a stroke heh no further confrontation with Juden for a long time >fat English friend of mine sits on the umbrella inadvertently at the news of its demise return assess the damage and considering how much I enjoy fixing things I accept the challenge rule one: can only use parts which come off the umbrella to repair it and one type of glue rule three: must be repaired of damage by the following day it was incurred >tricky fix and some features were sacrificed but I arrive at school the next day triumphantly is found by many s umbrella is snatched from my grasp and used to beat someone over the head news of its second demise circulates >kid who got hit complains to the powers that be next day umbrellas now require a permit to say that they are safely designed and cannot be used as weapons or will be confiscated obtain my umbrella permit and it is registered in the school's health and safety database >fast forward four days an unsolicited game of capture the umbrella breaks out and the handle comes off among other things quickly gather the pieces to conceal the damage as I risk having my umbrella permit voided perform crude surgery on the umbrella for which I am starting to become a bit sentimental urn up next day with umbrella no longer extends properly and a locking pin is needed to secure it in the deployed position but still works umbrella has become legendary and students ask if they can hold it almost all of the teachers have no idea what is going on and those who do are believers in the umbrella's power Anonymous 09/20/17(Wed)20:33:46 No.745707671 umbrella is the victim of a hit and run attack me and take the >news gets out and an all out banzai charge takes place with half the junior school hunting down the four seniors that took it the operation was a failure one week later the umbrella is found in a roadside drain next anon student kneels before me and returns the umbrella ceremoniously >he is rewarded for his diligence and honesty in slushie format a is critically damaged and the fabric canopy come off but I manage to repair it >umbrella is now barely functional but still it continues to prove undefeatable and my umbrella permit is still valid >two minor inversions due to wind take place over the next week and then the approaching summer no longer necessitates the presence of the umbrella sdecide to leave it at home for the duration of the summer for the sake of preservation despite many disciples of the umbrella trying to convince me otherwise fast forward four months >a freak rainstorm sparks fake news of the umbrella's second coming othe hype dies down after another two months but a buzz slowly builds as the dry season draws to a close >prophesy the return of the umbrella after the school holidays cult >copycat umbrellas appear with others attempting to capture some of my umbrella's followers but my umbrella proves to be truly unique and they uphold the ways of the one and only true umbrella >"thou shall have no other umbrellas before me one week into the semester tries to get the schoofs history club which is basically the Soviet Union club to beat the s--- out of me tries to get his older brother to beat the s--- out of me on the football pitch during lunchtime in broad view of several teachers Anonymous 09/20/17(Wed)20:34 33 No.745707708 he is the least coordinated swings wildly at me and I don't even need to duck person two female teachers are frantically trying to arrive at the epicentre to break up the fight, one of them almost passing out from the exertion of a light jog one male teacher is seen laughing his arse off as soon as the lunatic swings swift strike to the side of his head with the umbrella which had slowly become lighter and more agile he slips in the mud, surprised at the speed of the umbrella pull out tattered umbrella permit and verify that it was deemed safe for the school and did not count as a weapon charges dropped and parents were told about the incident but no punishment was issued >Juden brother claimed he was just playing around and that it was a misunderstanding, thus avoiding his own punishment umbrella is now a mainstream meme in school and is almost confiscated on numerous occasions >teachers are beginning to realise the power of the umbrella and many seek to harness it half Japanese friend now uses the umbrella for shading himself from the sun when I need someone else to carry it teachers can do nothing to take it from him as it is used for his health and safety fast forward four weeks waitng onet appears chalans defly relieves me audible tira >a bus is pulling away from the stop, some of the students on it seeing the traumatic event unfolding whille the crowd at the stop looks on in shock >Juden-child thrusts the umbrella beneath the rear tyres of the bus and there is a sickening crunch he quickly gets into his getaway vehicle before chaos ensues, obviously having thoroughly planned the operation beforehand Anonymous 09/20/17(Wed)20:40:25 No.745707962 hailstone the size of a tennis ball impacts the top of the metal shaft and the ball of ice shatters along with the entire umbrella wrist hurts like f--- some of the ice has gone down the back of my jacket feels then it hits me like the hailstone should have that moment when you realise that by sacrificing itself, the umbrella saved your life damage is so severe that the umbrella is now unrecognisable as having been an umbrella when the only thing that could possibly kill the umbrella after surviving years of abuse is the very thing it's designed to be able to handle man reports of the final demise of the umbrella are slow to filter into the student consciousness confirm that the umbrella had been destroyed in saving me from almost certain death the s someone tries to make a new umbrella by breaking one slightly and doing a real s--- job of fixing it it's not the same and nobody follows school morale is at an all time low eventually school life begins to move on but there is still a void which could only have been filled by the umbrella >former society members and the KGB threaten to leak each other's identities as the treaty collapses into a war of mutually assured detentions fast forward a lot to my last couple of weeks of high school find the mangled remains of what once was the umbrella down the side of my bed get chills grin kek fast forward the secret umbrella soclety is brought back together and the peace treaty with the commies is reinstated worked harder on rebuilding the umbrella than I did on any of my subjects that year last day 一() Anonymous 09 20/17(Wed)20 41 03 No.745707993 トヅ45708201 745710164 walk into final assembly very late through double doors at the back of the hal with the umbrella open over my head it's stitched together and comprised of approximately 30% of the materials it was made from and it is only semi-waterproof but it st work$ loudly hum some rap music from early 2000s the look on Juden-manlet's face the look on the dean's face the look on my face the final triumph the umbrella is given a name on that last day >it is the genuine u it is the real slim shady guess who's back

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