onymous 12/24/21(Fri)17:03:43 No.869229368 >be me >19m >Working pizza >Drunk lady orders >So drunk she can't order. Won't leave. Annoyed and worried she gonna puke 699 KB JPG > Steps backwards then falls forward > No hands out to save herself > Lol bitch > Hits head on counter corner. Hard. > Blood everywhere > Oh f--- > Cracked her f------ skull then broke nose on floor > Can see f------ crack in her skull > Blood everywhere oh f--- oh f--- > S----- first aid kit > Can't stop the bleeding > F------ blood pumping all over me > Broken nose and blood means she can't breathe properly. Crying can't breathe through mouth > Tries to do both. Snorts and snuffles like a pig > Stops breathing. > F------ dies > Covered in blood. Mouth tastes like blood >Ambulance tries CPR then takes body. Wipe off blood. What the f--- just happened. > Washing hands in bathroom. Blood everywhere just like movie. > Mop the f------ blood off floor. > Boss says I can go home early. > Go home. The f--- just happened

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Anonymous 02/07/25(Fri)09:00:46 No.702351406 Overall, it is safer in our country - nobody will waylay you on your journey. And we treat women with greater respect and set great store by learning! Natsal Onal: I find wandless magic to be much more instinctive. Not to mention quite convenient if one is without their wand. humiliationrituals.png 1.73 MB PNG >dev inserts a black character randomly into the setting >proceeds to use them to talk down to the character >implies that western culture is inferior in some aspect >you can literally hear the dev cooming in the background as he gets a moral high off of doing this to you is there a term for this phenomenon?

File: download.jpg (6 KB, 318x159) Anti-Doge SHILLS and GLOWIES BTFO ETERNALLY Anonymous (ID: Y62GCO4K) E 02/06/25(Thu)16:34:47 No.496712462 >>496715886 >>496716354 >be me >lawyer, actually reads Trump's DOGE Executive Order >expecting some illegal power grab, but it's airtight >turns out Trump & Musk didn't create s----Obama did >Obama created United States Digital Service (USDS) in 2014 >was meant to fix Big Mike's t----- BFF's website after it launched as a flaming pile of DEI s--- >bureaucratic patch job to fix the Obamacare website meltdown >fast forward to 2025, Trump rebrands it DOGE (United States DOGE Service) >keeps the acronym, keeps the funding, but gives it a whole new mission: Find the Receipts >legally untouchable because it was already fully funded and operational >Trump invokes 5 USC 3161, which allows him to create temporary hiring authorities >DOGE teams get embedded inside every single federal agency >each team consists of a lawyer, HR rep,zoomer nerd, and an investigator >they report to DOGE, not the agency they're embedded in >but wait, there's more >Trump invokes 44 USC Chapter 35 which governs federal IT and cybersecurity oversight >since USDS was originally an IT oversight body, DOGE now has full access to all federal data systems >yes, all of them >executive order is written to block legal challenges >includes language that overrides conflicting executive orders >orders every agency to comply, refusing means they violate presidential authority >Congress can't defund it because it's not a new program, just a repurposed one >DOJ can't sue for overreach because Trump used existing laws exactly as written >Dems trying to file legal challenges, but they run into standing issues because DOGE operates within existing frameworks >Obama literally built the perfect Deep State IT backdoor >Trump & Musk just hacked the system and took the admin controls >Musk now has legal oversight of every major agency's internal systems the Deep State can't stop it without rewriting multiple federal laws >MFW they legally outplayed the system and there's nothing anyone can do about it >MFW Obama created DOGE

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous >Be me >Male nurse >Need pen >Check my front pocket >Find a rectal thermometer Some a------ has my pen. Settings Mobile Home 02/07/25(Fri)13:14:36 No.80292626 240 KB PNG Lähi- Apu

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Anon goes to Kmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21 (Tue)16:47:05 No.846980973 >be me SLOSING >2014 or so, mid 20's >driving to meat shop in nearby city for specific cut of meat 152 KB JPG >see a f------ honest to god Kmart >knock knock it's 1995 bitch > immediately pull in >maybe 4 cars there >go in >that smell hits me instantly, a smell I can't describe and this sounds crazy but it smelled like before 9/11 if that makes sense >browse every aisle >they have new things, but also old ones >electronic department, signage advertising game boy colors and Nintendo 64's >had accessories for both, but no consoles left >a few new TVs but also some old tv/vcr combos >l can't describe how surreal this was, it was like a fever dream >felt like it was the mid 90's again >l mean even the air, the way time flowed, I can't explain it Cont : Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)16:47:52 No.846981038 >I s--- you not as I browsed ancient garden supplies they played "everybody walk the dinosaur" >genuinely think I might have been in another dimension >buy some body wash >cashier rings me up >receipt prints in this super old printer >makes that old wirrrrrrrr noise >pos was on fat, old school monitor >leave and feel weird rest of day >go back a month later >store was closed

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Anon shares memes with his grandma | /r/Greentext

F4F7C388-F46E-47D3-B2FA-0(...).jpg (23 KB, 250x242) O Anonymous 11/24/21(Wed)13:28:03 No.867323934 >Be me >teach grandma what cringe means >fast forward months later >I show her the meme I made >She calls it cringe

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The Average Redditor! | /r/Greentext

>be me >be a Proud Redditor. >Post perfect punctuation in my sentences online, as well as perfect grammer. >EDIT: Grammar. Spelling, sorry. >wake up in the morning >suck the c-- from my gfs mouth >mmm, Tyrone must have been eating pineapple recently. >sweeter than Joe Biden's victory over Drumpf >mmmm mmmm mmmm >go into kitchen >try to throw together a recipe I found on r/food >utterly fail >order McDonald's >don't tell my gf, she'll be mad I ate McDonalds without her >I love her healthy 400 pound frame >grab my switch >boot up fall guys >play 12 hours straight >in walks Tyrone >hey Tyrone! F-----' my gf today I see >"shutup bitch" >he says that, but I know he loves me >he bought me this switch after all >go on le Reddit >no funny memes to post >but how will I get the sweet karmarino? >have idea >go to wretched hive of scum and villainy (lel Star Wars get it xD) 4chan >ask for le funny greentext >wait for free karma Heck yeah! I love Reddit!

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Anon knows his chemicals | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)05:53:03 No.66680618 >women will slather tons of cosmetics with lots of carcinogenic chemicals including 25 KB JPG arsenic and formaldhyde to look good over exercising and eating healthy >all just to impress men : Anonymous % 12/23/21(Thu)05:57:35 No.66680640 >>66680618 (OP) # >>all just to impress men NO, SWEATY, WE DO IT FOR OURSELVES(TM) 39 KB JPG >>66681327 # >>66681535 #

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Anon gets the juice | /r/Greentext

00:20 1 Post a Reply /gd/ - Graphic Design pro-tip #1 save all ur files as jpeg to save space : Anonymous (ID: TK4H/GT) 12/23/21(Thu)20:02:59 No.44789242 /fit/ I think I f----- up >29 yo >lifting for 10 years natty, don't really have much else going on >decide to compete, hop on the juice >making crazy gains and feel amazing, 151 KB PNG sex drive through the roof >f------ a lot of girls >FEEL LIKE AN ANIMAL I NEED TO F--- EVERYTHING >decide to f--- a t----- >work done on her body, amazing t---, huge ass and passable face def 8/10 >we f--- on a few occasions with condom >she asks if i want to f--- bareback, says she's just been tested the week before >ok >take that boipucci to poundtown RAW >kinda worry, but what are the chances..shrug it off >week and a half later start getting diarrhea >now another week later, still have diarrhea and a bit feverish and tired >l never have diarrhea, and I eat the same food every day for my contest >look up symptoms of HIV >first symptom that pops up is diarrhea What are my chances : Anonymous (ID: W8WnDdJh) 12/23/21(Thu)20:05:45 No.44789310 /fit/ ladies and gentlemen >>44789456 #

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Anon dreams about Christmas | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/24/21(Fri)11:19:04 No.869218979 Hey anons I hope you all have great christmas dinners I hope you all get the presents you want I hope I see everyone last one of you in 2022 and beyond 37 KB JPG And remember, if you think no one cares about you, I do. And I want to see you happy Merry Christmas you wonderful anons and femanons :) -Anon 11 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 12/24/21(Fri)11:56:25 No.869219931 >>869218979 (OP) # Merry Christmas to you too f-----

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The Lord of the Ring [oldpost] | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/19(Thu)07:01:48 No.52191467 >>52189174 (OP) # In Finland we have this one sauna game called "Gollum" In Gollum one person goes under the sauna bench while other players sit on top of it. 29 KB JPG Then the Gollum proceeds to put his finger in someone's a------ and the other players who are sitting has to guess who has a finger up in their a------. Whoever guesses right, gets to be the next Gollum. >>52191478 # >>52191524 #

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Anon gets laid without trying | /r/Greentext

onymous l with brain damage fell (...) 12/23/21(Thu)22:57:49 No.66687504 I went to art class in the morning and a couple girls walked in, apparently they had been moved from monday to thursday because some classmates took an early leave and it was pretty much just me and an old man. 45 KB PNG I tried to be friendly and upon looking at one of the girls (with her mask) I thought she'd been a classmate of mine when I was in highschool so I asked her if we'd met before. This rather simple question was met with slurred speech and jerked mannerisms, she has a brain disorder. Things only took a turn for the worse when her auditory impairment issues made her think I was asking her out. She danced and twirled and misunderstood every single thing that came out of my mouth, she was in cloud 9 and I was too nice to do anything about it. The whole time I painted a portrait of my rabbit, she asked for my phone number and my teacher gave me a look in the yes that said "bruh just give it to her" and now I have a series of cryptic messages on my whatsapp. >l am paint >Hello? >I know you sir >l am call me Alexa What the f--- do I even do at this point? God f------ dammit.

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Anon is a problem solver | /r/Greentext

>working out in the middle of the night >finish workout >shower in the dressing room >notice i left my towels at home >for f---'s sake >notice a roll of toilet paper left by the cleaners on a bench >grab some paper and dab it on my body >not efficient enough >just take the entire roll and start wrapping individual body parts in tp >get carried away >my entire body is wrapped up like a mummy, face included >hear someone enter the room >oh f--- >some guy walks in and sees me >time freezes >longest eye contact i've ever had >guy spins on his heels and walks out without a word >can't blame him >if i'd encountered the sungod Bra, i'd flee too

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Anon didn't knew about tencent | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)19:31:39 No.61788673 > be me > make deeply personal post on 4chan detailing painful events etc. > someone sees this and posts it to r/greentext > they recieve 1000 wholesome awards > they get gilded with silver, gold, platinum, argentium, and ternion medals 71 KB JPG all worth over $500 dollars > mfw all I get is called a f----- on 4chan what even is reddit?

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Anon is a Nurse. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/23/21(Thu)23:05:04 No.869204526 >Be me >28yo male nurse >receive elderly patient "Fred [Redacted]" >have to take his temp with rectal thermometer 128 KB JPG >Fred is clearly uncomfortable and awkward about the process >looks like he wants to knock my lights out when I ask him to disrobe >l insert the thermometer and wait for it to read >awkwardsilence.mp3 >try to lighten the mood >"Infrared thermometer? More like in-Fred thermometer!" >crickets >wait through the longest 8 seconds of my life >thermometer beeps >temp is normal >don't say another word to each other and I leave so doc can see him >that is possibly the most autistic thing I've ever done at this practice

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Anon tries to mess with a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/1 )22:19:21 No.41166713 >arguing with coworker >accidentally call a coworker a soyboy >he asks what it is but try to shrug it off >boss overhears and makes me 54 KB JPG explain to everyone >"well, soy has a lot of estrogen in it, so when you drink a lot of soy milk it makes you weak and effeminate and-" >soyboy: "Well I see you must've been drinking a lot of soy!" >everyone laughs at me >try to explain I'm not a soyboy but no one listens >tfw my nickname at work is now "soyboy"

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Greentext Stories - Anon makes pizza | /r/Greentext

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onymous 12/24/21(Fri)17:03:43 No.869229368 >be me >19m >Working pizza >Drunk lady orders >So drunk she can't order. Won't leave. Annoyed and worried she gonna puke 699 KB JPG > Steps backwards then falls forward > No hands out to save herself > Lol bitch > Hits head on counter corner. Hard. > Blood everywhere > Oh f--- > Cracked her f------ skull then broke nose on floor > Can see f------ crack in her skull > Blood everywhere oh f--- oh f--- > S----- first aid kit > Can't stop the bleeding > F------ blood pumping all over me > Broken nose and blood means she can't breathe properly. Crying can't breathe through mouth > Tries to do both. Snorts and snuffles like a pig > Stops breathing. > F------ dies > Covered in blood. Mouth tastes like blood >Ambulance tries CPR then takes body. Wipe off blood. What the f--- just happened. > Washing hands in bathroom. Blood everywhere just like movie. > Mop the f------ blood off floor. > Boss says I can go home early. > Go home. The f--- just happened

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