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PIONEERBALL GYMNASTICS Specifically invented by the Soviet Union as a model Bolshevik sport Teams had equal players and every match was a draw MAHJONG Played by old Asian ladies across the East Xi Jinping's favorite game Teenagers were forced to play at summer camps DRAGON DANCE Traditional Chinese dance Championed by the CCP as a form of Chinese cultural expression TẠI CHI Thought to bring luck to Communism Peaceful and meditative martial art Practiced by inmates in Chinese labor camps Heavily connected to ancient Chinese tradition They can't agree over whether they're following canon Literally came out of running from cops C Usually matches devolve FIGURE SKATING Usually the victims of tiger moms and aggressive coaches immediately into literature discussions Produce beautiful art but their careers last only a few years before they're crippled Have their own genre of music DANCING There's a million different kinds Grew up hate each other and most of them watching ballets and musicals and now want to do it for sport even though there's no money in it For some reason girls love this aesthetic The Soviets' #1 Olympic sport A core tenant is criminal trespassing and reckless endangerment QUIDDITCH SOFTBALL Played by the nerds not good enough for other sports Tiger moms and p--- coaches force little girls to do it Traditional sport in Communist China Creates insane body image issues PING PONG WEIGHTLIFTING Their bodies are now way too large to be healthy, they're just doing it to compete They stage massive propaganda events centered around it South Koreans are really good at it for some reason Mommy's Cirl Consider it their source of pride and competition. WRESTLING Hardest-working athletes, starve themselves and spend hours in the gym The ultimate teamwork sport The hot girl sport Nobody showboats, there aren't really individual stars Daddy And most people don't even care The "lesbian who hasn't come out" sport They would rather watch WWE than the oldest sport in the world SKATEBOARDING VOLLEYBALL Anaemic-looking emo guys who smoke cigarettes behind the library Tough as nails and strong as oxen WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL The ultimate Title IX college sport Designed specifically to facilitate equality on the court and give disabled people a chance to compete Forced on kids through Saturday morning propaganda Actually really hard to play tbh But look at them move HANDBALL FIELD HOCKEY CHEERLEADING CROSS-COUNTRY Played by high school girlbosses SKIING KAYAKING/ CANOEING Usually just a hobby sport for outdoorsy types with four hours to kill on a Sunday Used as a tinder photo op, it's actually not that difficult Invented by Native Americans I think CRICKET #1 pasttime in India and Pakistan People get so into it that literal wars have been fought For when you've smoked a bowl and wanna mess around with friends The sack smells like absolute s--- after a few uses Rules are too complex to understand and games continue for days Strive for perfection but don't mind the help of steroids Usually not much social. life because they spend every minute in the gym Get to wear badass skirts and hit each other with sticks CURLING Played by hipster Super friendly Canadians and and laidback Vermonters atmosphere Funny broomy- zoomy action BOCCE BALL Played by old Italian men in sleepy villages They spend the matches smoking and complaining about whoever is currently in power Try to evangelize everyone around them to drop driving and join the clean travel movement DING PING For people who want to get away from society and be one with nature Think they're entitled to the entire road Compete among each other for the best bike FRISBEE Played by dudebros and athletic girls None of them really take it too seriously Usually just groups of friends messing around on a beach PARKOUR HACKEYSACK CROSS COUNTRY And still mostly used in this way today Set off into the wilderness with just a backpack and return two weeks later after the most amazing experience of their lives really admire them CHESS The ultimate gatekeeping sport Pedantic players who think they're geniuses BICYCLING FOOTBALL/SOCCER Played in back alleys in favelas and massive stadiums in cities No equipment necessary Africans are really good at doing it, and they can do it barefoot CROSSFIT Try and do 50 sports at once and never do any of them well Maybe the most misogynistic sport too The sport of catty teenage drama Think they're the very best and behave like a cult Inevitably get injured 09 THE universal sport Outwardly happy, inwardly furious SQUASH Played by boomers at the gym, makes annoying noise against the wall Compete against each other to see how many football players they can f--- Nobody is really sure of the rules Mostly ends in everyone drinking beer F1 Enjoyed by Europeans of all classes Insane amount of infighting, but the male equivalent of Eurovision in terms of cultural hype Turns slum kids into superstars All-around beautiful sport BASKETBALL The most libleft of mainstream US sports because half its players are outspoken social justice advocates Opportunity for kids to go from the hood to stardom Also played a lot in Eastern Europe for some reason Literally anyone can do it and zero equipment is necessary There's a million strokes ways to swim and they make them all look easy YOGA Long distance running All about finding inner peace and channeling your energy Often sit in complete meditative silence for an hour Distinctive, attractive body type (Y) POLO "I say, Carruthers, if your horse is not sick today we shall meet on the field" Play on their mansion lawn Or otherwise do some of the hardest contortions ever BOBSLED For some weird reason of auth nations a are into this sport SUBARU WORLD RALLY TEAM SUBARU Sled go brrrrrrrr Invented so soldiers could traverse mountain passes and surprise-attack the enemy Popularized by the Finns in the winter war Now dominated by the Finns in the Winter Olympics CLIMBING/HIKING SWIMMING CUP STACKING If you were in elementary school between 1998 and 2010, they made you do this "Hey I said NO CONTACT!!!" RUGBY Very violent, but mostly nonpartisan Popular sport among both Irish Republicans and English elitists TRACK AND FIELD One of the oldest sports on earth Compete in various random feats of strength and speed Great conditioning for other sports SPIKEBALL The flagship sport of fraternities and college freshmen You can guarantee every house in a college neighborhood has a set FLAG FOOTBALL BOWLING SHUFFLEBOARD Made up by school administrators to avoid lawsuits Your dad and his friends on a Friday night In retrospect, || think it was a money laundering scheme BILLIARDS The game Gilded Age robber barons played while planning Pinkerton raids Now played by old men and Neo- Nazis WATER POLO Upper middle class people not rich enough for real polo but with the same attitude Either super far right or super far left Pretty gay but they're all in the closet AMERICAN FOOTBALL The most popular American sport, but pretty much only played by Americans m MONSTER M Played by affluent trust fund families A A massive enterprise driven by masculinity and advertising TENNIS Wear oversized, corny shirts and listen to classic rock FC Tennis camps are full of teenage millionaires It's really boring BOXING Punch punch punch punch Duuuhhh I can't have political opinions I have brain damage Still badass and I admire them MMA Sponsorship The people city who are obsessed with it kinda act cultish Regulated violence Oftentimes wealthy, but not necessarily Stereotype of California BADMINTON The game of British colonialism Break into buildings and, with no regard for their life, jump DARTS Rich old men in smoky rooms aiming at a little board. I actually really admire them I'm sorry for the insulting wojak ROWING Expensive sport, very few minorities row and it's pretty much the rich anglosphere It's pretty f------ beautiful tho The nursing home sport Forced the natives to set up their courts while they dominated the country Werther's Original Business decisions are made in these rooms and so are racist comments SAILING Only rich assholes who own boats can participate The ultimate betting sport Your Fox News grandpa is up at 6 AM to play FISHING Stand by a river, have a beer, cast a line, and wait Oh and don't forget to take shirtless pics with the catch Most often their employees do the sailing for them, they just sit on deck and drink GMA Wait this s--- is actually aired on TV? Animal welfare is only a second priority Gambling made Often go to prison into a game for it Mob connected ARCHERY Found in ancient hierarchical systems throughout the world Admit it, you watch for the fights RODEO Done by neo-cowboys hoping to preserve the old west They get paid to do what most men sneak away from their wives to do Still practiced today in tribute to ancestors DRESSAGE In the English tradition, it's all about showing off your pretty horse Big gatekeeping culture GOLF Played by rich people as they're waited on by poor people Feelies HORSE RACING DODGEBALL Inherently sexist sport, guys dominate the girls Usually rancher who live in haciendas and surround themselves with those who look like them BASEBALL The classic American sport, intricately woven into our society F SURFING ICE HOCKEY LACROSSE High, beautiful people hanging out on the beach and catching mad gnar gnar It's fun af to watch but super high barrier to entry Have exclusive clubs that fought tooth and nail to keep out minorities But the athletes are fat and the rules are vague AIRPLANE RACING The most muscular mainstream Goals seem to be Difficult as f---, Chaotic stick- the second priority, professional athletes tons of violence whacking melee combat is the first and contact Commissioned by Red Bull to do wild stunts War, but with no consequences Want to see a power hierarchy among 10 year olds? No mercy given Have their own lingo and terminology that's incomprehensible in the English language Played by edgy 14 year olds CHARIOT RACING A vain attempt to resurrect Ancient Rome Will Often played by school shooters as practice A bunch of kids LARPing as knights FENCING Turn right, turn right, turn right USA unironically say "Deus Vult" Usually Latin students at your local university NASCAR ROMNEY Usually more interested in history than competition Will make their own heraldry and s--- The sport of provincial rednecks and wifebeaters I've never seen so many Iraq War supporters in one place CORNHOLE The common game played at midwestern barbecues Kinda boring but you're just expected to play Always accompanied by bud light Brrrrrrrrrttttttt DOG/C---/ BULLFIGHTING Betting on murderous violence Considered too extreme by modern society But it's traditional in most hispanic countries BMX g Supermac's PRO GAMING BASE JUMPING PROFESSIONAL PAINTBALL BEER PONG Turned a pathetic hobby POKER into a profitable pursuit Loud far-right teenagers hopped up on energy drink. Mostly people who live in the backwoods DOWNHILL SKIING Rich people who gentrified Colorado and Utah Lots of cocaine around They have compounds to stay away from the poors HUNTING The only sport where killing is the objective Fetishized by 2A advocates Started as a necessity for food, now sport Rich frat boys who make up the rules as they go along Just aggressive posturing and drinking Sexual assault is often part of the game

9x9 sports wojak compass (OC) | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes


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Authoritarian The immortal science of materialist Christianity made the master race dialectics is the only permitted world view. weak. Islam in particular must be destroyed. Economic- Left Imagine caring about anything. Economic- Right Sorry, but religion is, like, the patriarchy, sweetie. Slaves of the Archons Wanna buy a brain chip? Or at least a bottle of corn syrup? Libertarian Servants of the Aeons I hate the antichrist!
How is order maintained and the issue of economic scarcity dealt with? Authoritarian Government & Government Property Rights Economic- Left Economic- Right IDK (It's going to be a government) Property Rights Libertarian
LIBERTE EGALITE FRATERNITE FRATERNITE EGALITE LIBERTE
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Uploaded Aug 25, 2022 at 11:23AM EDT

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