: Anonymous 02/19/19(Tue)00:30:42 No.793031754 >Be me >when was in high school >buy a sword and bucket helmet at a yard sale because they looked cool >parents go out of town to see older relative and leave me behind >Chilling in the basement on my pc >sword is hanging on the wall >All the lights are off in the above ground section of the house since my bedroom is below ground and my parents bitch when I leave lights on in room that I'm not in >It is 1:00am >Hear crash upstairs >Grab sword >Grab helm >Creep upstairs >an "Urban youth" has smashed the glass out of the back door and is in my living room trying to steal a tv and some other valuables >Creep closer >he does not notice me until I am about five feet away >Rush him shouting "WHATCHU DOIN N----?" >Nog screams drops my stuff >chase his ass out into the yard and up the drive way with sword in hand >Chase him down the entire street >His buddy is waiting in the getaway car >He hops in and I hear him say "Floor it, there was some crazy n---- in the house with a f------ sword. >Friend laughs >sees me outside the car window >Face turns to a mask of horror >guns it down the street >Next day tell my parents that someone broke into the house but ran off when they saw me >To this day I wonder how I didn't get shot.

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon is fast as fuck | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 9 KB JPG 07/24/14(Thu)22:52 No.27786295 >go walking to a new gym by my house everyday >its raining >cute /fit/ receptionist asks me to give her a ride home >"y-yeah s-s-sure" >don't even have a car >oh god what do i do what do i do >in the parking lot keep getting deeper and deeper into the lie >stand in the parking lot for a few seconds >"are you okay?" she asks >start sprinting away from her >sprint all the way to my house >never been to that gym again this was like 4 months ago..

Anon during No Nut November | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Stop, it's the nut police FREE NUT y pred anyone who have th aquaed 11/02/18(Fri)17:14:11 No.783893765 >be me >in college >qt3.14 girl invites me to party >nonutnovember.jpeg >don't want to blow her off though >go to party >offers sex 119 KB JPG >backviledemon.mp5 >refuse >she asks of it's because of No Nut November >tell her yes >leave Fast forward to the next day >police officer comes to my apartment >tells me I was accused of sexual assault last night "Officer, it's No Nut November" >get let off the hook >officer was part of the Nut Police

Anon is a cuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Am I a cuck? >ugly manlet but funny and socially suave >have a bunch of female friends that would never date me >see me as a non sexual being so let me see them changing a few times, took photos for one for her onlyfans sincr she asked me to, etc >fap to the memories of their hugs, t---, boob presses, etc. So am I basically a cuck at this point? I'm "friends" with all these women just for superior fapping material coz I'm bored of p--- but I also know that they'll never f--- me. I don't really care about who they f---, that personally never arouses me. 92 KB JPG 10/31/22(Mon)18:06:19 No.70806415 6 Replies 1 Image View Thread

Anon owns a gym | /r/Greentext

12 KB JPG my gym >piss all over the floor while deadlifting >get blood all over the benches >bike seats are always covered in p---- juice >always lactating on the bar while trying to bench I'm so sick of women leaking their fluids all over

Anon is buying a new pc | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:12:03 No.600403702 >new pc arrives sometime next week >have had this one since 2015 >been a good run, it's not broken or anything just getting old and can't keep up >today out of the blue starts acting up, being super slow and s---, task manager not responding tier b------- I think my computer knows it's being replaced and is throwing a tantrum. Should I feel bad for it? We've seen each other naked many times after all 21 KB JPG

Anon listening a radio station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 64 KB JPG 03/29/22(Tue)13:17:38 No.109596398 >*vinyl scratch sound* >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO >*car crash sound* >102.3 >*elephant sound* >REAL ROCK FM >*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK >*glass shattering sound* >*police siren* >THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION >*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*

Anon pranks his friend | /r/Greentext

[2][2470059379224700611032470004012 >be me >fap time >browsing p--- websites >end up finding a hot video of some dude ramming a hot ass girl >ICanWorthWith This.jpg >literally start crying laughing >he asks me what >fapping >getting close >zooms in on girls face >i Stop >finish >devise plan (said friend had pranked me by moving my car and having me think it was stolen for hours) >revenge.jpg >download video, cut out all parts of face close ups >pause the video >holy f---....thats my best friends mom >im 100% sure of it too, I can tell by the voice and the face, ive seen younger pics of her around his house too, he told me she did some "modeling" when she was younger but its all long gone now, i always suspected it was p--- (she told him when she was drunk) >holy f--- >distort audio slightly so voices sound different >send to my friend via email >he thanks me >5 hours later he tells me he just used it, its a great video >literally dying of laughter >keep my mouth shut, go over to his place next day to break the news to him >he tells me the vid is awesome (actually a really hot video) and he used it again >i go online and show him full vid, fast forward to face close up >"you just fapped to ur mom bro" >he freezes, hes in shock, ends up coming to terms with it and runs to the bathroom and pukes >hes f------ p----- but im laughing uncontrollably >funniest moment of my life >to add insult to injury i jokingly say i found ur dad (his dad left before his birth, he has pictures of him but never met him, he jokes about it to lighten the situation) >"oh very funny anon, f--- you" to vid "see dude it was made the same year u were born!!" >leaves room and grabs mom >pulls her in >she freezes at site of video >i go to >actually was...strange coincidence >he says f--- you again then freezes >he slowly walks to computer >fast forwards to close up of males face >the male is Hispanic and he is half hispanic >the video is a c------- video >he runs out and grabs a picture of his dad (picture is from when his mom was pregnant, he left on the 8th month of pregnancy) >holds it next to screen >f--- >f--- >bricks shat >Its his f------ dad >the resemblance is too close to not be...same hairstyle same looks same color skin >w-- >l immediately feel like a piece of f------ s--- >I just revealed to my closest bro his birth was a p---- gone wrong >he starts to cry >she starts to cry >It was true....he f------ just fapped to his conception >I apologize, don't even know what to say

Anon is grateful he is normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Scenes that ruined you 707 KB PNG 10/31/22(Mon)13:58:45 No.176277991 >watched MIB2 as a kid >see the scene where the alien lady vores her would-be r----- >spend the rest of my life with a r--- fetish If it had gone the other way I would've killed myself for the good of mankind

Anon does a zoomer-remake of Full Metal Jacket. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG H >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! EL-E13 >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET.

anon is the jokah (not greentext?) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/22(Mon)19:53:28 No.888275271 >finish watching the dark knight >i feel a personal connection to the joker >"sweety dinner is ready" >i walk towards bitch mom slow and cool as s--- >do you wanna know how i got these scars? 513 KB PNG >bitch mom throw up after smelling my breath >dad walk in and see mom and me laughing hysterically (it looked cool) >"WHAT DID YOU DO YOU LITTLE S---?" >i'm the jokah baby! >dad beat this s--- out of me >tried to laugh hysterically while he beat me but start crying after two second

most sane user on r9k | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.622798957 17 minutes ago I once pretended to have a psychotic episode and smashed a macbook with a bat to keep my brother and his fiancee from stumbling across pictures I photoshopped of her giving birth to me. 6 replies

Anon is suspicious of MrBeast | /r/Greentext

$: Anonymous (ID: EPA9/4cn Mr. Beast, money launderer and(...) 10/31/22(Mon)13:31:28 No.402326552 Mr Beast's video production costs don't line up with his reported income. 502 KB JPG >Mr Beast pays out 456k to a winner of his Squid Game video. Another popular youtuber, Nick DiGiovanni, only paid out 100 bucks to the people who won in his video. Granted, Nick is a much smaller figure than Mr Beast, but even if you apply scaling, he shouldn't be able to pay that much for a single video. >his big payouts are only a fraction of his production cost. Meaning that even if a video does really well, he's still unlikely to make a profit. >he has been involved in crypto, and sells merchandise and branded food. However, food industry profit margins are extremely low, especially for the products he produces (fast food and candy bars). Also, crypto needs to be declared on tax forms and is notoriously unstable. SocialBlade states that he would be making 1.5-24 million dollars a year. After taxes, payouts, and a personal cut, that's not going to be enough to pay for more than one of his videos, let alone a month's worth. While his other channels may make another few million, this still won't be nearly enough. >Teamseas/other charities are actually loopholes for extra tax-free cash. Though it's chump change compared to his major cash cows, these charities have done very little outside of Mr Beast's videos on them. Most likely, he's pocketed millions of dollars from fans and lied about it. >Mr. Beast mentions in an interview that he makes a profit on almost all of his videos. This is very suspect. Anything that has a constant return like this is most likely a scam. In other words, Mr. Beast is running fraud and money laundering schemes and is using high-production-cost videos to make himself look clean. Those large payouts may be an attempt to make others guilty by compliance. There's simply no way he's making his money legally.$

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