: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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Anonymous 139 KB JPG 12/19/24(Thu)15:28:13 No.928849473 >Be Rose >Throw away a priceless jewel worth hundreds of millions of dollars >Could have made her family financially secure for generations but says no for le epic symbolism >Reminisces about the man that saved her, but also hogs the floating door like a selfish pig, killing him. (Watch the Mythbusters episode) This is one of the greatest love stories ever told? Dude, Rose is a f------ bitch.

Anonymous (ID: 9Mc0Hnwf 12/19/24(Thu)15:49:03 No.491828169 1.94 MB JPG >sells your gold reserves >basically completely crashes your economy >Canadian dollar crashes >tells leafs to anhero with suicide pods if they get too sick >imports 6 gorillion pajeets to fight over a single Tim Horton's >gets offended when basically only neighbor that has been decent says they would be better off annexed Why leafs? Why?

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)13:13:15 No.68790277 196 KB PNG >Go on omegle >say im interested in politics >match up >ask them about their political opinion >take the radical extreme opposite of the answer >get them riled up >write a question of catalogues >they type for over 2 minutes >disconnect before they can send me their shittext 4 victims today

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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Anon wonders if Asuka would be transphobic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/22/22(Tue)21:43:24 No.889539174 C4C25160-2287-4217-A1FD-OFC707F5CF25.jpg 134 KB JPG Do you think she would've been transphobic?

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Not mine but a good old one | /r/Greentext

File: 1392845401898.jpg (133 KB, 1024x768) Anonymous 01/27/16(Wed)00:11:50 No.665569372 >>665570824 >>665571122 >be me >be in high school >forced to sit next to autistic kid named Ben >fat neckbeard wears nothing but sweatpants and smells like cat piss. >everyday Ben asks me what did I have for dinner last night. >always tell him tacos >wow anon you sure like tacos >sure do f-----. >anyways one day I catch Ben checking out this 8/10 slut in class named Beth. >datass.jpeg >"Hey Ben I bet you want her taco huh" >starts tarding out >REEEEEEEE >"Beth and Ben, sounds like a match in heaven" >"She's so beautiful anon I love her" >everyday start telling him to go for it. >"I can't anon i'm scared" >"you'll never know how she feels unless you ask her out" >days pass >"Jesus NO Ben, I'm dating Anon" >entire class is laughing >one day during class Beth is dressed extra slutty. >"IM GONNA ÄSK HER" >the day has come >Ben stands up sweating like a Beth in a church. >walks over to her desk tripping over backpacks left and right >"B-b-b-beth?" >The look of disgust on her face is glorious >"yeah?" >"do you want to come over to my house and eat mac and cheese with me and my mom?" >Thereisagod.png >"We can play skylanders and cuddle" >my sides are in space >Beth looks over at me >Ben walks slowly back to his seat >"Hey Ben wanna know about the taco I ate for dinner?" >Looks at me with tears in his eyes >MFW

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Anon has an encounter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be me >grandpa owns over 3.8 billion acre dense forest that no human has ever set foot in since the Cambrian Explosion >decide to go camping >[ahem] 11/25/22(Fri)16:20:16 No.33457386 >innawoods >sort of into /k/ s---, nothing special >bring some light stuff, didn't go too crazy on it >brought my dad's M119 Howitzer (with bayonet just in case) >go out in my 3 story tent >pretty normal until nightfall, where it gets really crazy >there was no sunset, it went immediately from high noon to the dead of night in a literal second, like real life had just become some kind of s----- and obviously fake horror story with over three thousand cliches >suddenly I smell something like rusty blood and old metal, or salty coins and milk, it's hard to describe and/or remember >I see a humanoid figure in the treeline, about 6 inches away from my face >h-------- it's a walkskinner >I can barely hear it, and it shouts from the treeline, "gimme 20 dollars" >fire my howitzer at it >it misses, explodes, pisses off The Walkskinner >start to run away, can barely make it the distance from my campsite back to civilization (my house was like 10 feet away, but my feet were really sore) >start to write this story >do the captcha >post it >>33457793 # >>33457884 # >>33461239 # >>33465602 # >>33465805 # >>33465831 #

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This is a completley original greentext that hasn't been posted 30 times before | /r/Greentext

y [02nD, D12X304) 25 A Second Side Anonymous 07/ >be me >browsing r/greentext >see some f------ post with 5 upvote >thisissosad.mp3 >save it and repost it later >3.5k upvotes this is how you succeed on the interne

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Anon falls in Love | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous 05/07/21 (Fri)06:58:28 No.853835864 >turned 29 today >feels like any normal day >mom, dad and 2 other friends greet me >nothing special going on today >hot Korean neighbour rings doorbell >been friends with her for 3 years now >she greets me and hands me a box of sushi >fall in love I wanna marry her.

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5 Years ago | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Guys am I broken? 69 KB JPG 07/25/21(Sun)06:52:50 No.64705304 >go outside >McDonalds nugget time >see the spitting image of the basedjak there >I say hey did you start working here cause of the Schezwan sauce? >Its not gonna come back no matter how often you post on Reddit >he says dude what? Anyway here are you nuggets >angry at his dismal of me >I say you know what I mean >like the funny meme from a bit ago >dude that was 5 years ago Was 2016 really 5 f------ years ago? No way right? I know how f------ long a year is and thats too short. Are years being sped up to deny us of our youth and get us to wage slave faster? 10 Replies / 1 Image >>64705495 # : Anonymous >>64705304 (OP) # >be OP 07/25/21(Sun)07:14:38 No.64705483 >10 years from now >see an amputee with no arms >look him straight in the eyes >"amogus." View Thread

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Anon fears the samurai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What is your opinion on Japan? NO SOUTH A WSKA HOOL JAPAN Pokkade Ma 8 KB JPG >>110140888 # 08/20/19(Tue) 20:28:54 No.110138909 : Anonymous The jews fear the samurai >>110140888 # Personally, not a fan. They are like aliens from another planet to me in how they look, think and behave. 08/20/19(Tue) 20:29:52 No.110138945 >>110140888 # : Anonymous The jews fear the samurai 08/20/19(Tue)20:31:28 No.110138995 : Anonymous + 08/20/19(Tue) 20:32:10 No.110139032 The jews fear the samurai

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Anon plays the long con | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX ▼ [!] File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7 months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrible truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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You can truly only love once | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 189 KB PNG 11/27/22(Sun)03:20:46 No.27802105 >wife comes seething because she found my old love letters to my first girlfriend (I had them stored in an old tool box, i forgot that i still had them) >you are never like this with me you even called her the love of your life, you never called me that So? I'm entitled to have a "past" just as much she has her own, she married to me but i wasn't her first, neither her second or even the third, she told me that she had slept with at least 8 dudes before when we began dating and i accepted that and made peace with it because at that point she said "you either come in terms with it or leave but i won't lie to you, I decide to be honest of this relationship is meant to last" Meanwhile AT LEAST she was my second woman. And she is second in more than one way because even today I'm entitled to keep my world and say that my first girlfriend was in fact the love of my life, you can only have ONE love of the life because life itself is only one. Because i have never been able to love another woman as much i loved her. Still I'm not saying this to my wife because i don't want to hurt her or antagonize her, all that i said to her was "stop being insecure, i married to you not her and I'm loyal to this marriage" Still that answer didn't satisfied her.

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anon tells a horror story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/26/17 (Fri)08:13:26 No. 19057712>>19057756 a friend of my dad's would babysit me sometimes when i was little (mom wasn't in the picture) and he used to tell a story to me that scares the absolute s--- out of me to this day. >dad's friend, I'll call him Bob, is driving a rig out in the middle of b------ nowhere oregon >has to make the delivery by the following morning so he decides to just drive through the night >it's like one in the morning, no one else is out on the roads >hasnt seen another car in probably a hundred miles >he is literally in the middle of nowhere >suddenly the whole entire sky lights up >instantly like daylight >Bob f----- slams on the breaks, has no idea what the hell is going on >everything stays lit up for a good solid ten seconds, he can see everything >whatever's happening, it's not lightning, it doesn't stop or flicker at all >Bob hunkers down, anticipating imminent nuclear devastation >suddenly sky goes dark again >no sound, no blast wave >he sits there in the middle of the road waiting for almost five minutes, then decides to keep going >figures it was a meteor or something >goes about two miles up the road and sees a car with its flashers on stopped in the middle of the road >stops a good distance away from it >there's not enough room to go around it >front end of the car is crumpled like it hit something >Bob figures they probably hit a deer that got spooked whenever the meteor went over and ran into the road >he gets out of the cab and goes to see if the driver is okay >driver is sitting on the ground by the driver side door >has his knees up and is resting his head on his arms >"Hey buddy, you okay?" Bob calls. >he stops about ten feet away for seemingly no reason >something about the whole situation feels weird >Bob is one of those guys that always listens to his gut so he stays put >'God my head is killing me." The guy says, but he doesnt lift his head up so it's muffled >"Did you hit a deer?" Bob asks >he's getting more and more uneasy >somethings wrong (cont) Anonymous 05/26/17 (Fri)08:25:14 No.19057756 >>19057767 >>19057712 >but he still can't figure out what exactly it is >the guy says he think he might have hurt his head, asks Bob to please help him >Bob takes a step forward but his instincts are going a------ >he looks at everything again >that's when he notices it >the f------ car is all wrong >it looks like what someone thinks a car looks like >it has all the right pieces but there's nothing extra, if that makes sense >Bob says it looked like a cheap hot wheels knock-off, it just looked wonky and wrong >he looks around at the back of the car and realizes that not only is there no license plate, there's not even a trunk >it's just one solid piece of material with taillights put in it >there's no manufacturer or model names >Bob knows cars, and this thing is nothing he's ever seen before >from where he's standing, he can see there's no tailpipe or even hubcaps >it's just the shape of a car >he starts to back up and the guy asks him for help again >Bob tells him he can't help him and that he'll call a tow truck when he gets to the next town >the guy lifts his head and looks at Bob >tells him he thinks he might have a concussion >something is really really wrong with the guys face but again it takes a second for Bob to figure it out The next part is exactly how Bob described it: >everything on the mans face was where it should have been, in their normal positions >he looked totally normal >except for the fact that his eyes and mouth were on upside down >Bob goes a------ and sprints back to his rig >climbs in, locks the door just in time for the man to slam into the door behind him >how the f--- did he get there so fast >he knocks on the glass and smiles at Bob but because his mouth is upside down it looks like he's screaming >tells Bob to open the door so he can come in >Bob f------ floors it >doesn't care if he hits the guy or not >his truck easily pushes the "car" out of the way >whatever it is, it's light and it makes no sound when he hits it Anonymous 05/26/17(Fri)08:30:06 No. 19057767 ► 29384574832.jpg (18 KB, 267x200) € >>19057756 Unfortunately it's an anticlimactic ending. Bob got where he was going fine, with no other problems. My dad knows the story, but I don't think he believes it. But Bob tells it to everyone he meets, so he obviously does. He's absolutely adamant about the guy being an alien. Years later I heard about the Thatcher Effect and nearly had a f------ heart attack when I saw it. I showed one of the pictures to Bob and he wouldn't even look at it. He says it's exactly what the guy looked like. >pic very much related

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Anon had a weird friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Childhood Sexual Experiences T(...) 11/26/22(Sat)12:12:38 No.889742047 93 KB JPG >Be me >be 11 years old >weird kid with no friends >only friend was an equally weird kid >this was around the time everyone was discovering p--- >always talked to each other on the playground about cartoon p--- we saw on newgrounds >both decided that having your d--- sucked probably feels really good >Decide that one day we'll suck each others d---- to see what it feels like >One day in the summer we ride our bikes to the playground and go under the roof part of it >playground is in the middle of a huge field and we live in a small town with nobody out walking so we figure no one will see us there >show each other our d---- >we're already both erect in anticipation >one of his balls is bigger than the other >Think it's kind of weird but don't care >it's very awkward and neither of us wants to start cause it feels like we're crossing some line >eventually I work up the courage and suck his d--- >feels kinda weird but I don't hate it >suck it for a minute then stop >he gets ready to suck my d--- but is hesitant >he tickles my balls first as a joke > I urge him to hurry up and do it so we can leave >he likewise sucks my d--- for about a minute then stops >feelsgoodman >asks me if I like the feeling and I tell him I do >neither of us c-- (we hadn't learned how to yet) >After that we ride back to his house and do regular kid s--- > I move away later that summer >we still sometimes talk but we never mentioned that ever again >see shota threads here every day and realize I literally lived these f------ dreams

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Greentext Stories - Anon watches Black Panther | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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