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![Cranberry-Lemon Freudian Psychoanalysis of my Boyfriend's Gun Collection Dr. Tiffany Love¹ Mrs. Broman² ¹Department of Phallic Imagery Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA Chad's Mother, Homemaker, Pittsburgh, PA, USA Abstract My boyfriend Chad's gun collection has been getting out of hand. It started with a 9mm pistol and a hunting rifle, only to grow to two fully stocked gun safes in our garage, a reloading station in my pantry, and an additional safe in my closet. The growing collection of hunting rifles, shotguns, pistols, and assault rifles has made me gravely concerned that if I don't find the root source of this gun obsession, I may begin losing even more closet space. It's also pretty weird and not a good look. My friends are starting to ask questions. Despite being trainable [1], and likely not a serial killer [2], there is something up with my boyfriend which may need Freudian Psychoanalysis. As modern therapy has been shown to be ineffective on Chad [3], this paper will utilize archaic forms of psycho-sexual Freudian analysis to explain and correct my Boyfriends cryptic behavior I'm assuming has something to do with his weird relationship with his mother or me not letting him buy that speed boat. Keywords: Psychoanalysis, Freudian, Psychosexual Development, Gun Enthusiasts, Preppers, A--- Expulsiveness, Mothers shown in [2] when I was considering dumping him after we played Settlers of Catan for the first time, he's not Schizophrenic, Bipolar, or has any debilitating Personality Disorders. His obsession with guns doesn't seem to be my own safety concern but an outward behavi compensating for some dissatisfaction in his life or some psychological conflict. 1. Introduction Chad historically has never been that into guns. He's not that into hunting and lives in the suburbs so the sudden expansion of his own gun collection must have some complicated psychological explanation. Due to his resistance to therapy [3], it's easier to correct and analyze Chad's behavior through a secret psychological profile which has shown several conflicts spurred on by subtle sexual fixations dating back to his early psychosexual development [4]. Journal of Astrological Big Data Ecology Figure 1: 30% of Chad's Gun Collection (Algkaly, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons, Photo: PO Phot Owen Cooban/MOD, OGL v1.00GL v1.0, via Wikimedia Commons) Though, Chad has issues, I've always been confident that I can fix him and that he is not dangerous. I trust him. As 1 2. Chad Broman Psychosexual Background Though he would never admit it, Chad is carrying plenty of emotional baggage. While, much of it has been catalogued and analyzed and not included in this study [5-8], the issues identified that may have caused his current gun fixation appear to be his messy toilet training, his classically Oedipal relationship with his parents, the speedboat incident, and/or the resurgence of porch pirates in our neighborhood. 2.1 Childhood Trauma As detailed and analyzed in [9], Mrs. Broman told me that Chad had an extremely messy a--- psychosexual period and if our kids were anything like him, we might not want any. The widely supported theory is that his years of toilet training were so messy and the enforcement by his loving parents was so passive that it has caused Chad to develop an a--- expulsive personality [9]. This theory has only become more widely accepted by me and my Sunday brunch friends regarding Chad's inability or unwillingness to pick up after Jabde.com Umm sweety, I think there's something wrong with you GUAYAKI YERBA MATE LEMOR BLATION Haha, guns fun hobby Witch CEP](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/511/044/4b5.jpg "Sometimes a gun is just a gun | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes")
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