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Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:12:49 No.900526033 >>900526361 >>900527098 >>900527646 >>900528103 >>900528734 >>900529461 >>900529587 >>900530177 >>900530811 >>900530974 >be me >have thin handsome husband >he enjoys cups of tea >no milk >no sugar >he's a barbarian but i love him >make him lots of cups every day when i feel like it >he never asks or pressures me to do it >one day start to worry other women might flirt with him >decide to eliminate that possibility slowly >put small amounts of sugar in each cup >slowly increase the amount overtime >he doesn't notice >thanks me and gives me a kiss each time i slowly infect him with calories >gains lots of fat >realise it's unattractive >decide to divorce him >reason: health concerns, let himself go, bad influence for our children >fast forward 2 years >today at the supermarket i see him >he is thin again >*considering* what do you think guys, does he deserve a second chance with me? Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:15:04 No.900526361 >>900526247 >>900526283 >>900526033 If you two get back together, borrow some c-- from the neighbours and put that in his tea instead of the milk and see if he transforms into a flaming f-----, even more so than he would be for getting back together with you.

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Anonymous 134 KB JPG 11/22/24(Fri)00:56:49 No.695254250 >character has a gas mask Yup, that's a 10/10 design

Anonymous | 67852442 174.6 KB PNG 5 min. ago ●●● >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew

Anonymous 145 KB PNG >be me 11/23/24(Sat) 08:24:24 No.927754455 >Check up on the reddit normies from time to time >"My 85 year old grandfather can't figure out how to use his oven - LOL PAINT CHIPS" >"A man hit on me at the gym so I s--- myself and barked at him and shaved my eyebrows in self defense" >I've gotten my Harris sign stolen and given death threats 15+ times but there's no video" >" Why are republicans so obsessed with trans?" Trans flag pfp > Every comment that has any kind of criticism has 3,000 qualifying statements so they don't get harassed " I'm a gigantic f----- and sucked 30 d---- in 41 minutes, but I don't think blah blah blah" Are these real f------ people?

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Anon’s coworker does not like him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous horse daily sleep ALL IMAGES VIDEOS NEWS MAPS Horse/Daily sleep 2.9 hours Domestic 207 KB JPG 06/06/23(Tue)19:39:21 No.73585503 >female coworker said i "put off intense negative energy" unprompted >literally go out of my way to be a fly on the wall and not be noticed and i'm still being ridiculed by normies for not being part of the pack at 26 years old

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Anon’s deathnote | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Deathnote DEATH NOTE 04/17/22(Sun)15:58:03 No.68259102 >be you >find deathnote >what do? >be me >find deathnote >start by deleting various powerful politicians, just to show the world my 28 KB JPG power is real >hold all government leaders and CEOs hostage >must do what I say or you get deleted >force various countries to enact laws or make amendments that conform to my will >women subservient to men again >stop mass migration >purge degeneracy of all kinds >establish the Siberian Exclusion Zone >all who resist receive a one way ticket to Siberia >use Siberian gulag chattel to produce raw materials for NEETS, like tendies and videogames >NEET underclass inherits the world Anonymous >>68259102 (OP) >govt drone strikes op 04/17/22(Sun)15:59:29 No.68259114

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Anon gets more than a no | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 347 KB JPG 06/06/23(Tue)22:07:44 No.73584128 >be me >confessed to a girl i had a crush on since forever >always was nice and sweet to me so i thought i had a chance >do it >she starts laughing and asked me if i was serious >still tries to hold myself from being shattered to atoms >still laughing at me and even start to ask me what made me think i would accept >3 of her friends join in, 2 of them start walking and the other pulls the girl i liked away from me >i remained there standing like an idiot while still listening to girls giggling at me I don't know which part shocked me most, being rejected like this or being capable of not ending it.

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UFO real or psyop | /r/Greentext

FBI 06/06/23(Tue)18:31:44 No.429676824 41 KB PNG >aliens exist >we have alien space craft >other nations have their own retrieval programs >we have documented evidence >but you cant see them due to national security >the only thing we will show you is granny black and white video that no one can tell whats actually going on What the f--- is going on?

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Anon discovers the transformative power of Wendy's Baconator | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2023-06-06 at (...).png (1.27 MB, 1030x812) Wendy's regular became my lover and then left me Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)15:14:33 No.29087923 >>29087956 >>29088154 how do I get her back? >be me >work at Wendy's >regular named Mark comes in on most weekdays at lunch wearing a red shirt and jeans and orders the same thing, been making this for years. >curry bean burger, plain baked potato, medium Fanta >no one and I mean NO ONE else orders the curry bean burger >we are friends now. He calls me "my man" and asks me how my day is going all the time. I give him his food and call him "my man" >2 months ago, he comes in, and we are out of stock on the curry bean burger >I ask if he would like a baconator instead and offer it to him for free. Tell him it's my favorite thing on the menu >he accepts and tells me it's the first non-vegetarian thing he's eaten in 10 years, but he will do it for me >woman the same height as Mark comes in the next day, wearing red shirt and jeans. Looks exactly like Mark >orders a baconator, asks me how my day is, calls me "my man" >baconator is ready, about to give it to fe-Mark, f--- what do I say when I give it to her? >"my woman, here is your burger" >fe-Mark thanks me, stares into my eyes lovingly, tells me she is Mary now >get off my shift, see Mary standing in the parking lot waiting for me >Mary asks me on a date, I accept >we get along, move in together, Mary explains how eating the baconator changed her perspective on everything, made her want to change everything >we are getting engaged >come home from work and Mary is gone. Note on the counter says she went back to eating curry bean burgers >"thanks for everything, my man"- signed, "Mark" MARY PLEASE COME HOME

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Anon asks how based a dog can be | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:53:23 No.73583976 20230606_164819.jpg 287 KB JPG >Some n----- breaks into home in Georgia >Gets maul to death by 2 shitbulls. >Owner comes home to find stupid jig dead on his floor. >Dogs and owner aren't punished by the powers that be. Based and redpilled shitbulls? : Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:55:58 No.73584007 >>73583976 (OP) # based but shitbulls still cringe

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Anon is Pipe Boy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)07:50:47 No.186023970 >>186024027 >>186025324>>186025524 >>186025945 >>186027154 I've been in a situation quite similar to this as the "host". >be overgrown, gullible teenager that has just moved to a s----- little house in the suburbs >in my weed phase and smoke everyday by myself >out walking during a summer night >meet a dude who is dancing by a bus stop and start chatting >seems nice, very intelligent and open to whatever life has to offer >one thing leads to another and I invite him to my home to smoke some more >we get home and vape >sitting at my kitchen table just shooting s--- and sharing whatever >all is fine but he starts getting a bit weird, insinuating sexual stuff and energy changes completely >i try to just laugh it off and play it cool, saying i'm flattered but ain't gay >he keeps pushing and at one point he looks me square in the eyes and says "If I want to, I will... and I wanna.." >then he gives me this f------ disgusting, deviant grin >l instinctively jump away from the table, rush to my door where there's a basket with umbrellas, random sticks and a heavy copper pipe >grab pipe, open my door and scream at him to get out >he just f------ sits there still grinning >i repeat "GET THE F--- OUT OR I'M GONNA F------ BEAT YOU" >he sighs, nods while putting his hands up in the air, slams them on the table and says "Fine..", chuckles and stands up >i'm still holding the pipe and back away from him as he walks towards the door >walk out, but right after he passes the threshold and I approach to close the door, he turns and says "Good thing you had that lil' pipe there, boy... *sizes me up* See ya around.. Pipe Boy" >slam the door on him >look through my window at him walking away >he turns, looks at me and blows me a kiss >I shout "F--- OFF, F--" and shake my pipe menacingly >he gives a high-pitched laugh and jogs off with his hands raised, then resumes walking a normal pace, turns a corner >never see him again I still have that copper pipe (I call it Copper) as a reminder not to be moronically naive and as a means for protection.

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Gigabased Grandpa makes the most out of his last years. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Is my grandpa retarded or based? : An Is my grandpa retarded or base(...) 381 KB PNG Settings Mobile Home 06/06/23(Tue)14:03:39 No.73579307 > be me > got a granddad who's approaching 80 > was visiting his house last week after uni as he lives close > grandpa type of guy who smokes cigarettes indoors > I enter his house > entire place smelled not of cigarettes but of g---- > not even trying to hide it > walk into the living room > see him in his big fat recliner > smoking a fat one > watching the news > just living his best life > "Hey Anon! How was school?" > asks if I want to try > surprisingly good weed > eventually I asked him why he's just casually doing drugs > he says something among the lines of: > I'm gonna die in like 2 or so years anyway so might as well > fair enough > apparently he's been at it for a solid month or so > apparently he is also planning to try stronger stuff later on > I go to his kitchen to grab a glass bottle of soda > decide to peek into his medicine cabinet out of curiosity > apart from his regular medication and a bag of weed dude's sitting on a few tabs of acid, small bag of powder, colourful pills, less colourful pills, and some sort of crystals (MDMA maybe?) > return home later that night > scolded by parents for smelling like skunk weed > you should stop hanging out with your friend Martin he's no good for you blah blah blah > they don't know > will defo visit based grandpa this week as well, might even bring pizza The part that puzzles me the most is that I have no idea of how he managed to get ahold of all this s---. Like I barely know any dealers, and I strongly doubt he's sitting on dark web marketplaces ordering with with bitcoin and stuff.

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You just answered your question anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous why cant i find gf? 704 KB PNG 05/13/23(Sat)12:26:41 No.73299526 i dont know why i cant find a gf. i shuck oysters for a living, making 13 dollars an hour at a hotel restaurant. i am an alcoholic and a drug addict. i am 100 pounds overweight. my d--- is almost a micro penis. my favorite movie is taxi driver. i should be a catch, right

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Anon is one of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Everything in this world is a (...) 06/06/23(Tue)16:11:23 No.900511066 img.png 9 KB PNG >bored of games >decide to browse 4chan >see a funny greentext >steal it and post it on my reddit >karma galore How does it feel to be part of my game /b/?

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Anon is Chinese | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6vAEaMyU HERE 06/06/23(Tue)21:07:47 No.429618980 >>429617966 (OP) # >wake up >be Chinese >turn on Glorious Republic's local news >that girl I liked was eaten by an 1.39 MB WEBM escalator yesterday >eat my breakfast rat and head for work >train I was on derailed, killing 12,000 >crawl from wreckage and make it to factory >I was 0.3 minutes late >my social credit score has been lowered, will receive visit from my local beating police tonight >start day printing bootleg Ben 10 merchandise stolen from stupid white pigs on the internet >3 dozen co-workers died horribly, including my neighbors in s----- cramped apartment >days over, head home >2 semis with tankers of gas tipped over, destroying the highway and killing 1,456 >kick unsupervised toddler >finally make it home after stepping over a corpse in front of my apartment >eat the rest of that cat I fried for dinner last night >hop on the internet to the incredibly narrow list of government-approved websites >defend China as the greatest country on Earth

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Anon gets his hair cut | /r/Greentext

file.png (318 KB, 1920x1210) google yandex iqdb wait BARBER SHOP Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)11:14:01 No.73580735 >Always go to the same lady at the barber shop, let's call her "Alice" >Alice is always extremely nice to me, she is actually someone I look forward to meeting, which I can't say for the majority of people I interact with >She always seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and small talk is easy with her when she's cutting my hair, rather than awkward like it is with everyone else >I keep my hair really short, so I go every two weeks or so and it only costs me 15 bucks >Always tip her 5 bucks, which I though was good because it's 33% >Today, I got my hair cut, everything was great as always, except when it was done and I went to hand her the tip, she gives me this weird look and says "Anon, am I doing something wrong?" >I am taken aback and don't know what to say. Just stare at her with probably a stupid look on my face and still holding out my 5 dollar bill >She takes the bill and says "It's always just this, huh?" >I feel shocked when I realize she's saying I'm not a good tipper, I instantly pull out another 5 dollar bill and hand it over, saying "I'm so sorry" >She takes that too and smiles brightly at me, a gleaming smile that makes me feel a little dizzy >She says "Thanks! See you next time!" >Go to the front desk to pay for the cut itself, don't even hear what that cashier is saying as she swipes my card because I'm so confused by what just happened >Walk out the door, feeling a little nauseous Is 66% tip normal if it's a girl who always cuts your hair and is nice to you?

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Greentext Stories - Anon's husband lets himself go | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:12:49 No.900526033 >>900526361 >>900527098 >>900527646 >>900528103 >>900528734 >>900529461 >>900529587 >>900530177 >>900530811 >>900530974 >be me >have thin handsome husband >he enjoys cups of tea >no milk >no sugar >he's a barbarian but i love him >make him lots of cups every day when i feel like it >he never asks or pressures me to do it >one day start to worry other women might flirt with him >decide to eliminate that possibility slowly >put small amounts of sugar in each cup >slowly increase the amount overtime >he doesn't notice >thanks me and gives me a kiss each time i slowly infect him with calories >gains lots of fat >realise it's unattractive >decide to divorce him >reason: health concerns, let himself go, bad influence for our children >fast forward 2 years >today at the supermarket i see him >he is thin again >*considering* what do you think guys, does he deserve a second chance with me? Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)21:15:04 No.900526361 >>900526247 >>900526283 >>900526033 If you two get back together, borrow some c-- from the neighbours and put that in his tea instead of the milk and see if he transforms into a flaming f-----, even more so than he would be for getting back together with you.

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