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Anonymous (ID: +QwA7suZ 816 KB JPG 10/08/23(Sun)10:35:19 No.443781048 you can conduct combat operations without rating and murdering innocent women and children, and parading their bodies through the streets triumphantly

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Anonymous (ID: rcEmtL+i) Fun Fact 01/23/25(Thu)10:43:26 No.495162041 1.84 MB PNG Peter griffin has punched 2 fascists. sage (ID: Mnplspsu) >Fact Fun fact: Peter Griffin is not real. Anonymous (ID: FOPfkp2b) 01/23/25(Thu)10:43:29 No.495162220 01/23/25(Thu)10:45:30 No.495162046

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1765434598764.jpg, 64KB, 711x718 Anonymous Wed 23 Dec 2020 13:27:24 No.59011713 View Report happened last year, but i'll greentext it >be me, work at a big tech company >leftist ultra-woke usual corporate nonsense etc >i'm 6'2 and lifting for 2.5 years, working up to 2/3/4/5 >wear polo shirts to work bc comfy and collared/professional, downside is everyone can see my physique >i outright refuse to talk about weightlifting/fitness to my coworkers to avoid becoming a stereotype >always change the subject, or say "yeah I used to lift in the past but not anymore" >but i'm obviously very muscular, especially by normie standards >normie standards are so f-----, they think i'm mr olympia while to me i'm a work in progress >i can always feel the unspoken resentment from other ppl tho >thotty summer interns and vendor sales hoes always approach me, plenty of mires >some fat girl on a team adjacent to mine always making weird fitness jokes at my expense >not a landwhale (yet) but extremely overweight, massive feminist, white BLM activist >approaching the wall at warp speed and secretly knows it (they all do) >theres a disagreement on how to use engineering resources >"hey, i'll bet anon over there probably wants to settle the debate by arm wrestling lol" >constant weird annoying comments like that >one day i get to a meeting 5 minutes late bc i had to walk across two buildings to get there >"well well nice of you to join us there protein shake" >enough >"well I'm here now, sorry I'm late McFlurry" > room with a dozen people in it falls silent >everyone staring at me like i just murdered a child or something >literally 15 seconds of silence >fatty is in shock, doesn't say anything for the entire meeting >next day >manager requests a 10am meeting >walk into the room, its him and 2 HR people >assigned 4 weeks of sensitivity training >online courses on diversity in the workplace >mfw around fats never relax

9 Anonymous Sat 02 May 2020 23:09:33 No.24864120 Quoted By: >>24864171 >>24836558 I've had repeated contact with an "alien" visitor or entity since I was a kid. I don't know any other way to explain what I've seen, or what I remember seeing. >be me, little kid >get a drink of water >see bob the builder digging around in my garden through the window >because im just a kid this doesn't phase me somehow, I pop outside to say hi >ask him what he's building >he smiles and says he's making a sandbox for me to play in >next day my dad says he's going to start building a sandbox in the backyard for me and my brothers to play in >thankyoubob.jpg >grow up a bit, don't see bob for many years >one day adults are very worried and all in the TV room talking, I think it was when 9/11 happened >go outside because bored/scared >It's f------ Zoboomafoo from the Kratt brothers swinging on my swingset >But I can tell it's based Bob >sit on the swing next to him, ask where he's been >he points up to the moon and give me a cheeky lemur puppet smile >ask why he's here now >said he wanted to check up on me because some stuff happened >thank him for the sandbox >he laughs and swings away into our tree like a retard until I can't see him anymore >>24864120 >Long time, many years pass with no visits from based bob >begin to think it was all a dream/my imagination >parents think it's a cute story when I tell them >Finally learning to ride a bike >I'm slow at learning things and I really should have learned years ago and I'm still bad at it >Dad always telling me to check both ways before I cross a street, keep forgetting >crossing street back to my house, hear a noise out of nowhere and all of a sudden I'm on the ground >Based bob is wearing an Iron Man suit (The silver one) and has gently lowered me to the ground >my bike is completely mauled to shreds under the car >thankyoubasedbob.jpg >>24864171 Okay, time for a little bit of sad s---. I was trying to keep it light but there's some not so fun stuff in here. My parents abused me and all my siblings when we were growing up. They were pretty religious and crazy about a lot of things, it changed in what aspects over time but they definitely followed the whole "spare the rod spoil the child" mentality. I somehow ended up being the black sheep of the family because I'm kinda slow and stupid and stubborn and I daydream too much. So I got beat way, way more than any of the other kids. Anyway, back to the story. >Dad finds out about accident and destroyed bike >asks if I looked both ways >lied and say I did >he knows I didn't >not sure if he's mad about me being in danger or the bike being f-----, but he's P----- >getting the ass beating of my life >hurts so f------ much and is going on forever, I'm just screaming at this point >Begin to scream and beg for jesus to help me >All of a sudden my dad stops hitting me >cry into the bed for a few minutes before looking back >My dad is frozen in place looking terrified as f--- >It's based bob, hovering in front of him, looking like his OG builder self again >The spoon my dad was using to beat me literally disintegrates into a million pieces >dad's eyes are bulging as his wrist begins to bend backwards >Snapcracklepop.jpg >Bob looks at me >Says he's sorry for not doing something sooner >can almost see tears in his eyes >he floats through the ceiling and f---- off >dad never beats me again If you're watching out there based bob, thanks for the help. come back and visit sometime.

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Son is the MVP | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 108 KB PNG 9.10.2023, 10:29:17 No.41951568 > be me > dad gets divorced and is sad and alone > I decide to hire prostitute > tell her to try to sleep with dad without letting him know she's a h-----. > she starts flirting with him after i introduce them > she spends the night at his new place after i leave > dad calls the next day happy as f--- telling me how he managed to get her to bed with him > mfw

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Anon is straight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous A 5 KB JPG >be me >straight >he lubes my ass c--- deep in my hole 10/08/23 (Sun)20:04:49 No.75000493

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Anon suffers from withdrawal | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Family Guy Funniest Moments Bro Hono Gaming 20 KB JPG 112 10/08/23(Sun)20:45:18 No.75004579 3 Replies >be me >take 3mg of Xanax a day for a week to take a break from reality >2mg in morning and 1mg at night >run out >first day just kinda feels like I have a soul again >2nd day withdrawals set in >shaking anxious cant be still even when I try >been 4 days >been picking at my fingers so much they bleed >have uncopious amounts of energy I cannot get rid of >barely eat bc when I do I feel nauseous When the f--- will it end? I thought it would only last 3 days View Thread Anonymous >>75004579 (OP) # just stop worrying about it 10/08/23(Sun)21:12:51 No.75004780

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You've seen the cum mouse-pad, you know of the cum rag, now prepare for the cum spice rack! | /r/Greentext

File: sad (3).jpg (23 KB, 640x480) » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:40:28 No.693029142 ► >>693029242 >>693029612 >>693028802 (OP) Its cumin you f------ O Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:41:03 No.693029209 >>693028802 (OP) lol bump ⒸAnonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:37:46 No.693028802 >>693028879 >>693029142 >>693029209 >>693029210 >>693029337 >>693029446 >>693029624 >tfw parents find the c-- spice rack honestly thinking of offing myself, I think my dad disowned me. >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:38:24 No.693028879 >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:41:03 No.693029210 ► >>693029718 >>693028802 (OP) C-- spice rack? >>693028802 (OP) I am so excited to hear what a c-- spice rack is, go ahead anon >>693028879 >>693029028 >>693029210 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:39:30 No.693029028 ► >>093029402 >>093029718 Yeah, can you elaborate? » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:45:07 No.693029718 ► >>693029899 >>693029903 >>693029917 >>693030032 >>693030095 >>693030206 >>693030221 >>693030344 >>693030378 >>693030392 >>693030406 >>693030483 >>693030607 >>693030618 >>693030624 File: spoice.jpq (15 KB, 283x300) >lecture >tears >my spices are gone >accidentally c-- on food I was eating a couple years ago >fuckit.jpeg >the food tastes like 100 times better >experiment c------ on food >decide it has to be the spices >ride my bike to walmart and buy a spice rack and spices after months of trials >c-- in lemon pepper >put it on a steak >godlike.exe lel >flash forward several year later >have a spice rack like pic related under my bed >mom snoops >waits for me to come home from work >tells me I need help and storms out >she comes home with my dad from his work >>693029718 Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:46:42 No.693029917 ► Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:50:11 No.693030378 ► >>693029718 Man, I wish I was naive and still believed stuff on the internet. This would have been hilarious. >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:50:59 No.693030483 File: 1.jpg (2.47 MB, 2896x1944) A This can't be real >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:46:37 No.693029903 ► File: blank.jpg (11 KB, 178x178) >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:52:01 No.693030607 ► File: 1462915941314.jpg (25 KB, 512x512) Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:51:43 No.693030576 ► >>693030703 >>693030769 >>693030576 Get more food being as it has c-- on it now >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:53:09 No.693030769 ► >>693029718 the f---? >>693029718 >months of trials GOOD GOD MAN Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:01 No.693030862 File: 1457903595284.jpg (13 KB, 320x319) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:59:44 No.693031565 File: 1286989451581 (6).jpg (25 KB, 256x256) Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)20:03:09 No.693031937 ► File: image.jpg (60 KB, 604x437) Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:47:35 No.693030032 ► >>693029718 n----- all you had to do was add salt >>693030344 you know, sometimes oure eating and jerking off and then you have an early unplanned explosion then BAM; you got c-- in your food, and what else Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:02:54 No.693031905 >>693029718 This can't be real right? c-- spice rack >>693029718 my mom told me I have to quit and stay home because she thinks I'm autistic. haven't seen my dad in two days >>693029718 put me in the cap Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:49:48 No.693030344 ► >>683030576 >>693029718 Dude how the f--- do you accidentally c-- on your own food? WHAT THE F--- parents find the c-- spice rack parents find the c-- spice rack the c-- spice rack Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:52:06 No.693030618 ► File: IMG 20160623 015315.jpg (107 KB, 889x960) Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:50:25 No.693030406 ► » Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:50:18 No.693030392 ► >>693029718 thank you. I'm glad to be part of this. O Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:53:22 No.693030794 File: image 9.jpg (63 KB, 439x480) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on my food >>693029718 And the Bible, the Koran and the other religious book say that will come worst things... >> Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:48:53 No.693030221 ► >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food I was eating >accidentally c-- on food >accidentally Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:02 No.693030863 Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:02:21 No.693031856 File: 1462690104205s.jpg (2 KB, 124x125) >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:48:00 No.693030095 ► >>693029718 Did you ever make some jerked chicken with your spices? >> Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:54:37 No.693030935 ► >>693030576 >you know sometimes you're eating and jerking off I've never been in that situation. No, I don't know, anon >>693029718 pics or didnt happen ther left to do, right? Anonymous 07/04/16(Mon)19:52:11 No.693030624 ► >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:52:44 No.693030703 ► >>693029718 Seems too good to be true. Pics of rack. >>693030576 Mom's right. You need help. Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:53:57 No.693030857 ➤ File: 1329017260718.jpg (27 KB, 347x466) >>693028802 (OP) What did I just read? >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)19:54:02 No.693030865 File: fuckingkek.jpg (30 KB, 424x473) >>693029718 >> Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:03:45 No.693032017 File: 1466140219001.jpg (62 KB, 623x713) >>693029718 I hope to f------ god this is real, you're a hero if it is Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:03:09 No.693031935 ► File: 1452299002060.png (296 KB, 649x649) >>693029718 >accidentally c-- on food I was eating >>Anonymous 07/04/16 (Mon)20:04:11 No.693032070 ► >>693029718 >c-- in lemon pepper

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Anon becomes hero | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 132 KB JPG >>49305891 # 11/15/18(Thu)19:35:57 No.49305826 Anonymous Dog is dead now 11/15/18(Thu)19:42:27 No.49305891 125 KB PNG >>49305826 # >Dog is *BANG* not today f-----

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A classic tale of passion and betrayal | /r/Greentext

>be me 2016 in highschool >Feeling sick >Waddle to the bathroom and started to take the largest dump of my life probably spent at least an hour there >After getting up I know this is not gonna flush I clean up and weigh my options I decide to just leave it and ditch the rest of school and go home >Be at home playing Vidya and looking at my phone >Open up Snapchat and start looking through stories >Some Chad posted a picture of masterpiece with the quote "who TF did this" and some emojis >Apparently the janitor tried flushing it and it flooded the bathroom with s--- (bathroom was closed for the next 3 days) 31 KB JPG >People start trying to figure out who it was other guys quickly ratted me out when they saw me in that stall while i was there Was called big s--- for the rest of highschool

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Anon should listen to his other brain | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)17:38:02 No.907339031 ► >>907339340 >>907340031 >>907340154 >>907340225 >>907340798 >>907340921 >>907341086 >>907341214 >>907341781 >>907342347 >>907342783 >>907343266 >>907343901 >>907344571 >>907345232 File: 92303434.jpg (108 KB, 800x1090) >>907338944 >be me >out on my bicycle in the sunshine >*pop* >oh s--- waddup >pull over >thorn in the tyre >it goes flatter than my sisters chest >flip the bike upside down >get the tools out my bag >spend a few minutes fiddling and taking the wheel off Quen a >female voice appears behind me >Heya do ya need any help? joy >me startled as i turn around que >my eyes briefly connect with hers >notice her body is wrapped in skin tight lycra >she is on a road bike arvad sherload >her legs spread >*nervously one on either side pread one laugh as this image only appears in my wet dreams, except i am the bike* >look at her hands tightly gripping the handlebars that *god i wish that was my penis* your wis >haha uhh t-thanks i t-think i got a spare tyre in my bag Obka >Ohkayyy you need a hand pump? >my brains pause my brains >south takes control you >not right now but m-maybe you can give me one later after dinner and a movie? Com >Sorry i g2g 200 >she rides off god DAMN IT her ass looked so good as she climbed back on the saddle and peddled away, i think standing on the side of a road with a flat tyre is how i can meet a new gf if i keep asking them for a hand pump eventually one of them will suggest we go into the bushes and pump it up Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)17:45:43 No.907339340 ► >>907339349 >>907339407 >>907339594 >>907339850 >>907340467 >>907340941 >>907341017 >>907341298 >>907341964 >>907342044 >>907342348 >>907339031 If you stand outside your sister's school you can make funny puns about her friends flat chests in relation to the flat tire, be sure to say it very loudly so everyone else can hear you and enjoy the funny laughs you are making!

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Anon comes to brazil | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >roided >freefire hoodie 02/08/21(Mon)18:38:23 No.105952831 FREEF RE unnamed.jpg 93 KB JPG I >no headlights >riding in the favela >t----- in the backseat Such is the life of the brazilian, am I'm supposed to be envious of the "first-world"? Because I'm not. >>105952861 # >>105952864 # >>105952880 # >>105952920 #

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Anon LARPs hate fucking | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >be me >have a kinky fat gf >have sex yesterda >she said to me: "F--- me like you are going to dump me, f--- me like you are going to abandon me by the side of the road, like your are going to kill me and bury me in the sand" >never came that hard 24 KB JPG 08/06/22(Sat)20:09:17 No.69701037 Anonymous >>69701037 (OP) # Check out this sex having p------------. Anonymous 08/06/22 (Sat)20:16:36 No.69701075 08/06/22(Sat)20:21:34 No.69701104 Jesus even in their LARPs its landwhales now

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One must imagine Anon hydrated | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12 KB JPG 10/08/23(Sun)15:56:19 No.11098064 >puts water in freezer for 30min >water gone >refill the bottle >puts water in freezer for 30min >water gone

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Anon does not like western entertainment very much | /r/Greentext

File: Flag_of_the_United_States(...).png (8 KB, 800x421) Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)06:06:05 No.653470610 ► >>653470783 >>653471051 >Hehe is that an attractive looking female character????? >Now she is ugly and/or black have fun! >Also we added multiple pride flags for the remake

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Anon goes to college | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/08/23(Sun)20:13:40 No.75000575 >"Noooooooo! You gotta learn to deal with people cuz in le workforce you will need to work with em to do le mighty projecterinooooos" >"Noooooooo! You must understand that people are s-----! Its part of being an adulterino broooooooo! Suck it up!" >"Noooooooo! Its important for you to learn this! In le workforce you will use it everyday! You cant skip on something like this!" 90 KB JPG If only these f------ muppets knew I wont be practicing this stupid degree. If I dont kill myself before I get out of college, I ll probably just work as a doorman for min wage to produce just enough to support my parents with bills and groceries. F--- this stupid degree, f--- people and f--- everything about it. I hate this f------ s---.

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Greentext Stories - Wait you can do that? | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous (ID: +QwA7suZ 816 KB JPG 10/08/23(Sun)10:35:19 No.443781048 you can conduct combat operations without rating and murdering innocent women and children, and parading their bodies through the streets triumphantly

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