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Anonymous 8 KB JPG >Be me 08/09/24(Fri)15:14:05 No.4855843 >Go on class trip to a National Park (forget which one) >Get paired up with a guy who looks like a hipster. >In the lobby he complains about seeing a beer ad because they're "destroying the environment" and "enabling domestic violence". >Once we're on the trail he just mentions he's a feminist out of nowhere. >A quarter down the trail he asks what we're doing to save the environment. >He talks about how he lives in a shack with no power and only charges his phone at work. >When he asks me what I'm doing to save the planet I just say, "Global warming is a hoax". >He hits me with the climate change semantics and questions my other classmates. >We keep walking and eventually I get bit by a mosquito >He scolds me for killing it and says I'm hurting the planet. >Halfway down the trail he disappears and we don't see him again (even after returning to the building we started in). Arguably one of my strangest 9th Grade memories. What exactly was that guy's job anyway? All he did was act as a minor annoyance.

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Subway vice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/05/24(Mon) 16:08:24 No.20730570 SUBWAY SUBWAY #WHERE SUB HERESUPERHEROESEAT SURWAY download (5).jpg 108 KB JPG >Be me >14 >At Bible Camp >Pastor is preaching a sermon >Phasing in and out >He starts talking about vices >"Without Jesus everyone has vices. And those vices are easily replaced with more harmful vices. Take Jared Fogle for example. His vice was overeating. He gave that up without Jesus and his new vice became r----- children." I don't remember the rest of his sermon but 11 years later that's the only time I've heard Subway or Jared Fogle mentioned from the pulpit.

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Anon keeps it in the family | /r/Greentext

File: biflag.png (332 B, 290x174) Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri)14:05:39 No.922624766 >>922624874 >>922624928 >be me >bisexual twink, late 20s >start dating big silver-haired 50-something divorced guy several months_later.jpg >we get engaged >suprisingly, family seems unbothered that I'm dating a man >his ex-wife is f------ livid, but nobody cares about her >his college-aged daughter is super cool with it >chalk it up as a win for the gay agenda, I guess >everyone was more concerned with the age gap than the gayness >get ALOT of crap about the age gap "Are you sure?" "He's twice your age!" "It's just weird..." "He could be your dad!" "You're closer to his daughter's age than his age!" "Is he paying you?" >f--- what other people think, I love my cuddly bear >start calling my hubby my "retirement plan" as a joke >dye my hair silver on our wedding day for the bit >fast forward a couples years and he dies in a workplace accident >lawyer calls regarding the will >assets include investments, savings, a condo, a cottage and life-insurance policy >decent payout, enough to retire >but I'd rather have my big furry guy >split 50/50 with his daughter >we agree to sell the condo but keep the cottage >after the funeral she and I have a week at the cottage to process our grief >we have sex >we start dating YearsPass.wav >a relationship blossoms >we gett engaged >everybody loses their s--- "I thought you were gay!" "She's your step-daughter!" "She's so much younger than you!" >I cannot f------ win Anonymous 08/09/24(Fri)14:07:46 No.922624851 ►>>922625293 Serves you right for being a f >> Anonymous 08/09/24(Fri)14:08:31 No.922624874 ► >> Le heckin' fisherman 08/09/24(Fri)14:09:53 No.922624928 >> Anonymous 08/09/24(Fri)14:14:28 No.922625135► Le heckin' fisherman 08/09/24(Fri)14:16:25 No.922625215 Anonymous 08/09/24(Fri)14:18:06 No.922625293 ► >>922624851 What color is your cottage, breeder?

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Anon accidentally looks like a chad | /r/Greentext

42 KB JPG to me >be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Anon reminisces on the Halloween promo burger. | /r/Greentext

53 KB JPG >be me in October 2015 >Unsuspecting high schooler >go to Burger King for lunch because it's tasty >see they have a new Black bun A1 Whopper for Halloween >order one to try it because ehh why not >it's immaculate in flavor and design > order a second one to go >later that evening have to use the bathroom >s--- and wipe >get up to flush and catch a glimpse of my turd, it's bright neon green >think nothing of it > next day happens and I bring my friends to BK with me, we all get an A1 Whopper >later that night in the group chat all my friends were freaking out about neon green s---- >turns out it was because of the food dye in the buns BK please bring that burger back

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anons parents try and make him pay for things he shouldn't have to | /r/Greentext

>be autistic 21 year old robot in college >turn $21,000 into $360,000 by pure luck 33 KB JPG >recently tell my parents after keeping it a secret >demand I use it to pay for sisters college >sisters student loans are at about $55,000 for a f------ sociology degree >act like I'm being selfish for wanting to keep the money I earned I genuinely feel resented by my family. For the first time in my life I achieved something that I felt truly proud of, and they immediately shame me for not sharing my success with my slut sister.

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Anon is a bully. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri)08:09:30 No.78438981 457 KB PNG >be me >bully some random weird girl back in high school >laugh about it with the boys >graduate >go to college >meet new people >get degree >get job >meet new people >start building career >eventually forget all the people I went to high school with, except for the 5 bros I still hang out with >one day, some random chick messages me on facebook >oh s---, it's the girl I bullied 10 years ago >oh s---, I've been living rent-free in her head for the last decade >heart starts beating >mind starts racing >is she going to hit me with a lawsuit? am I f-----? is it over? >no, turns out she just spent the last 10 years flicking her bean to the thought of me pulling her hair, insulting her, and hitting her for s---- and giggles >that's weird as f--- but whatever >if she's dtf, it's all good Sun Tzu once said that if your enemy loots a sack of gold from your city, you should send an envoy to their king with a gift of two more sacks of gold.

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Why does the UK such so much? | /r/Greentext

47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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Anon commits a small amount of tomfoolery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:45:12 No.36827767 >be me ftm >Have estranged sister >Became estranged before i transitioned > Match with her on dating app >Know it's her >She's clueless I just ate out my biological sister ama >>36827806 >>36- Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:50:37 No.36827806 >>36827825 >>36827767 (OP) But why? >> Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:51:38 No.36827814 >>36827825 >>36827767 (OP) How did she taste

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Mobilization | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >guy is over 15 >has no media literacy 07/19/24(Fri)17:17:49 No.201455015 queen.jpg 19 KB JPG

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Anon is a gap in the market. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 306 KB JPG 08/09/24(Fri)02:26:48 No.78437067 >cute girl comes over >I make dinner or we order takeout >she pretends to enjoy my company >she picks a movie >we watch it and split a bottle of wine >afterwards she goes home How can I buy this experience? I feel like it shouldn't cost more than 200-300 for the evening, but hookers want 5x that for a few hours. Craigslist personals is gone and I'm newly divorced and lost

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Anon figures out what's wrong with him | /r/Greentext

1h (08/06/24 19:14) 78414398 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 61KB (940 × 1024) 1713167391698400.jpg >waiting at the work elevator by myself >a dude appears >scrawnier, paler, shorter, more recessed chin, worse receded hairline, and wearing an abysmal t-shirt >"Finally, someone uglier than me" >a few moments later a qt walks by >"Byyyeee Cody, have a nice night!" she in a kind and borderline seductive voice >"You too Vanessa" >"Thaaankkksss :)" After all this time I've finally realized that it really is just my personality that's the problem.

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Anon doing whatever this is | /r/Greentext

File: 1375447446903.jpg-(2 KB, 126x126, 1316184738105s.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 045zgJJp) 08/02/13(Fri)08:44:06 No.497225007 >decide I need to clean my intestines out >fast for 3 days to begin my journey to shitgri-la >third day begins >need something to eat >at this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, I am a s--- monk, left bedridden >ingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut, 2 liters of water >go to sleep for four hours >wake up, feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagassaki >sit on my ivory throne of ascension >unleash ungodly fart that lasts for 3 minutes straight >the smell is so bad my dog leaves the bathroom(he was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me) >the s---- begin >all is well first, until I feel s--- moving inside of me >now it's liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass >feel something huge coming after 15 minutes of this >it gets stuck >start crying and make amends with jesus, buddha, hitler, bob marley, allah, and charles manson >it begins >s--- flies at mach 2 out my ass >it's huge chunky s--- thats red hot >feels like shards >meanwhile an IV drip of shitwater is coming out my ass >my toilet is filling with s---, this is how I die >it subsides >something long is dangling out my ass and squirming >oh f--- oh f--- >theres a tapeworm coming out my ass >this f----- is long, he's touching the water >start screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible >my f------ dog comes back in, leaves because of the smell >the tapeworm rips in half due to the suction of the water >concentrate my tantric force, I can feel the worm returning to the safe haven of my a------ >drop the muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet of worm down into toilet > once all is said and down, I go take the longest f------ shower ever, lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position >I never asked for this knowledge of the beast that dwells in my ass Don't fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anons, you might not enjoy what is behind them. Replies: >>497226069 Anonymous (ID: 4FuslEXA) 08/02/13(Fri)08:49:04 No.497225510 thats f------ terrifying. Anonymous (ID: PIRQUAHY) 08/02/13(Fri)08:52:07 No.497225783 11/10

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Greentext Stories - Anon visits a National Park | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

Anonymous 8 KB JPG >Be me 08/09/24(Fri)15:14:05 No.4855843 >Go on class trip to a National Park (forget which one) >Get paired up with a guy who looks like a hipster. >In the lobby he complains about seeing a beer ad because they're "destroying the environment" and "enabling domestic violence". >Once we're on the trail he just mentions he's a feminist out of nowhere. >A quarter down the trail he asks what we're doing to save the environment. >He talks about how he lives in a shack with no power and only charges his phone at work. >When he asks me what I'm doing to save the planet I just say, "Global warming is a hoax". >He hits me with the climate change semantics and questions my other classmates. >We keep walking and eventually I get bit by a mosquito >He scolds me for killing it and says I'm hurting the planet. >Halfway down the trail he disappears and we don't see him again (even after returning to the building we started in). Arguably one of my strangest 9th Grade memories. What exactly was that guy's job anyway? All he did was act as a minor annoyance.

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