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Anonymous (ID: ykkrkEKY) 11/18/14(Tue)04:57:53 No.579987995 >>579988427 >>579988434 >>579988805 >>579989081 >>579990778 >>579991186 >>579992475 Have a sorta of story my aunt told me >aunt is over at her friends house >the friend has a parrot, think it's that gray one from Africa >anyways, the bird knows only one line so far >"merry Christmas" >the day goes on and the parrot occasionally aside from annoying parrot chatter says merry Christmas >they go out on the porch >parrot accompanies them >it's wings are clipped so it's okay >sitting there having a good time >parrot walking around trying to take snacks from aunt and owner >out of f------ nowhere a hawk swoops down and grabs the parrot when he's a few feet away from aunt and owner and owners family >hawk takes off with parrot in its talons >the family and my aunt can do nothing but watch as the parrot is dragged away from them >"merry Christmas" the parrot shouts one final time as the hawk flies out of view

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon is a cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 100 KB JPG pitbull now 07/14/24(Sun)15:39:00 No.921328502 >be cat >incel >the last time i got p---- is never >see a cute full white kitty >dreams of spending my remaining 8 lives with her >gather the courage to go and talk to her >took too long, she giggling with a >the streets have collapsed" i thought to myself >notice its not a pitbull its a cat suffering from Myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy >basically makes you jacked as s--- >f--- my skinny genes >gather the courage to fight him from my queen >shout at him "HEY YOU BRUTE LEAVE HER ALONE THE LADY DOESNT WANT TO TALK" >he arch his back so far up he covers me in shadow >arch my back 2cm up >"ok this is it catAnon you will beat this brute and win the lady's heart" >he super fast hit me on the head with his paw like 6 times >feels like i lost 2 lives >the last thing i saw before fainting is him and her talking >wake up and go to see the doctor >"catAnon you have 2 lives left" >f--- my incel live never again

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seasonal classic | /r/Greentext

>"Drake?" drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"

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Sir this is McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon) 11:02:39 No.65370884 >gf says she'll kill me in the trolley problem to save 5 strangers >i asked what if it was her mother >she said she'd kill her too why are women like this 149 KB JPG Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:05:43 No.65370891 >>65370884 (OP) # >/fit/ - Fitness >>65370926 #

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Humans bad, Simpsons good! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 135 KB JPG 05/09/21(Sun)22:25:23 No.854057324 >Be me >Watching Simpsons guest couch gag compilation >LA-Z Rider (the 80s one) comes on reallyawesome.jpg >Look up animator >Steve Cutts >See his other works >Nothing but annoying "Humans bad" b------- >Mfw the only thing of value he ever has and will make is a f------ Simpsons couch gag

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Dear Einstein | /r/Greentext

File: 1251165846.jpg-(8 KB, 202x251, 1232076365291s.jpg) Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:04:06 No. 155131092 Dear Einstein, F--- you, you crazy f---. You think you're the s---, with your theory of relativity b-------? E = mc suck my d---. I invented m------------ gravity, so you don't have to tie yourself to your bed everynight to sleep. Best reevaluate your life n-----. Sincerely, Isaac Newton >>> Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:05:18 No. 155131333 File 1251165918.jpg-(95 KB, 590x775, Disregard females.jpg) DISREGARD FEMALES » Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:14:56 No. 155145794 File 1251170096.jpg-(26 KB, 446x480, nietzsche_portrait.jpg) dear locke Nietzsche Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:15:20 No. 155145881 File 1251170120.jpg-(38 KB, 316x400, Gottfried Wilhelm_von_Leibniz.jpg) Dear Newton, FIRST! -Leibniz ACQUIRE CURRENCY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:06:48 No. 155131654 File 1251166008.jpg-(26 KB, 640x625, Albert Einstein.jpg) Dear Newton, F--- you, you c--- gargling f---. You think discovering gravity is tough, you stupid p------------? Try analyzing Brownian motion. I actually did s---... you just looked up f------ tree for f------ apples to eat. Leave the science to the real men. Sincerely Yours, Einstein P.S. You are what you eat, you f------ butt pirate. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:08:57 No. 155132089 File 1251166137.jpg-(64 KB, 646x536, carl_sagan.jpg) What's with all the fighting? SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:11:59 No. 155132718 File 1251166319.jpg-(45 KB, 700x449, hawking.jpg) Oh you two, Both of you can go to hell. Bickering like children. I can f----- float dipshits. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:17:11 No. 155146231 File 1251170231.jpg-(34 KB, 528x650, homer.jpg) do u liek it? Dear all, Without me, there is no Western Civilization. F--- all you. Sincerely, Homer Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:31 No. 155146486 File1251170311.jpg-(85 KB, 600x409, 1241215359241.jpg) yes, i lick it. >>155139113 just noticed this too, so much win ΧΟΧΟ the hawk Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:20:42 No. 155134565 File 1251166842.jpg-(54 KB, 407x497, albert-einstein.jpg) Dear Stephen Hawking. Quit trying to out do me you wheelchair bound cocksucker! You will never prove my theories incorrect. You are just a jealous cripple with no original ideas. I may be dead but at least I can still walk. I hope your colostomy bag pops.. Your's Truly, Albert Einstein Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:24:09 No. 155135319 File 1251167049.jpg-(3 KB, 122x130, images (1).jpg) Dear Sagan, F--- your popularization of science, when I tried that noise the Vatican came and shat on my d---. I figured out s--- because I INVENTED THE M------------ TELESCOPE. What technology did you invent, the f------ mad scientist hairstyle? Sincerely, Galileo Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:15:51 No. 155133559 File 1251166551.jpg-(22 KB, 315x304, Carl Sagan_Biography.jpg) Dear Newton, Get the F--- OUT. You can't invent gravity, you just f------ noticed that s--- can fall on your head. I f------ popularized science, you just invented math and f------ locked it away in a trunk. For F--- SAKE, if you're going to invent calculus, F------ TELL PEOPLE. Also, if I couldn't figure out the universe I understood that I didn't have the technology to yet, you just drew the conclusion that f------ god and jeebus intervened to keep your planets aligned. Sincerely, Carl Sagan P.S. I SMOKED WEED EVERY DAY COCKSUCKER Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:38:20 No. 155138322 File 1251167900.jpg-(114 KB, 662x826, Beethoven.jpg) Dear Mozart, I can't hear your soft s--- over the sound of my 9th symphony. Sincerely, Ludwig van Beethoven Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:49:10 No. 155140547 File 1251168550.jpg-(17 KB, 300x400, Kepler.jpg) Dear Newton, Without me you wouldn't have come up with you theory of universal gravitation. Sincerely, J. Kepler Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:51:47 No. 155141098 File 1251168707.jpg-(18 KB, 240x320, N.Tesla.jpg) Dear Edison, You filthy little American c---. You "invent" the lightbulb, and then you come in and try and steal MY show, a------? Well f--- you! My electricity powers cities, your s--- charges iPods. Suck a d---, m-----------. Iskreno, Nikola Tesla Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:39 No. 155143321 File 1251169359.jpg-(143 KB, 550x759, thomas_edison.jpg) Tesla, Suck a d---. Nice job with your super mega death ray and wireless power. BITCH! Sincerely Yours, Edison Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:58 No. 155143385 File 1251169378.jpg-(23 KB, 226x315, Eratosthenes..jpg) Dear All of you Newfags, You may all kiss my arse right in the raw bloody part. I discovered the circumfrence of the Earth in Alexandria before 300bc. All of you can smoke my fat ROUND pisspumper. You are all welcome, Eratosthenes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:03:03 No. 155143390 File 1251169383.jpg-(92 KB, 311x420, Marco.jpg) Dear Polo, Where the F--- are: you?! Sincerely, Marco Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:05:30 No. 155143884 File 1251169530.jpg-(11 KB, 250x356, Niels Bohr.jpg) Dear Einstein, Well it appears God does Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:44 No. 155146524 File1251170324.jpg-(58 KB, 440x599, 440px-Bernini-Urban8.jpg) Dear Galileo, What are you doing out of your house? Sincerely. Pope Urban VIII Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:26 No. 155146651 File1251170366.jpg-(11 KB, 200x290, 200px-Curie-nobel-portrait-2-6(...).jpg) >>155146022 Dear Bill Nye F--- Off, I have TWO Nobels, and I have t---. Sincerely, Marie Curiel Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:31 No. 155146669 File 1251170371.jpg-(122 KB, 607x781, Ørsted.jpg) Dear Faraday, Maxwell, etc., You're welcome for me discovering electromagnetism. Don't be jealous that the unit named after me is the IUPAP adopted term and yours aren't. F------. Regards, Oersted Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:21:20 No. 155147066 File 1251170480.jpg-(9 KB, 340x336, descartes.jpg) me a sandwich, bitch Descartes >>155146651 Dear Marie I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves Also, go back to the kitchen and make Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:22:12 No. 155147251 File 1251170532.jpg-(10 KB, 200x236, Locke.jpg) Dear Jefferson, Its the pursuit of property you d-------. W-- is that happiness crap. Sincerely, John Locke Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:23:52 No. 155147629 File1251170632.jpg-(7 KB, 168x232, Pierrecurie.jpg) >>155147066 Ahem... She's MY bitch, Descartes. F--- Off Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:11 No. 155147695 File1251170651.jpg-(57 KB, 569x600, 569px-Thomas_Hobbes_(portrait).jpg) Dear Locke, F--- your noise, my theory of Natural Rights wided your f------ face in s---. How can you f------ disagree about the State of War? F------ Idealist.. Sincerely, Hobbes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:15 No.155147705 File 1251170655.gif-(5 KB, 200x175, stirner.gif) Sincerely, Max Stirner >>155145794 Dear Nietzsche, You're a f------ plagiarist. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:25:36 No. 155148003 File 1251170736.jpg-(8 KB, 294x400, freud.jpg) Dear everyone. I know all this rage is just because you need to vent the sexual frustration you have from your mom not giving you any sexy time. you guys may have dis dildo, but remember this: i know what all of you are thinking and dreaming. peace bitches. freud Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:04 No. 155148297 File 1251170824.jpg-(93 KB, 400x484, Louis Pasteur.jpg) To whom it may concern: Got milk? play dice. Sincerely, Neils Bohr Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:06:27 No. 155144057 Epic thread... so epic Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:07:39 No. 155144313 File 1251169659.jpg-(47 KB, 514x599, 514px-Nikolaus Kopernikus.jpg) Dear previous Astronomers, F--- you all, I was the first to replace the Earth with the Sun as the center of the universe. Sincerely, Nikolaus Kopernikus Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:09:08 No. 155144626 File 1251169748.jpg-(158 KB, 721x893, Francis Bacon.jpg) F--- all of you I invented Bacon. /thread Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:11:04 No. 155145010 File1251169864.jpg-(42 KB, 425x502, leonardo.jpg) Dear all of you. I made s--- that inspired the Wright brothers, and all the so-called scientists out there, and people are making books and movies based on my fine work. F--- off... Sincerely, Leonardo Da Vinci. GOT MILK? I f------ thought so. Sincerely, Louis Pasteur Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:41 No.155148425 File 1251170861.jpg-(17 KB, 335x400, pythagoras.jpg) Dear anyone that's taken. math, Ha ha, bitches! - Pythagoras Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:28:03 No. 155148498 File1251170883.jpg-(159 KB, 516x472, thomas-jefferson-big.jpg) Dear Locke, I didn't see you found a F------ COUNTRY! If you had so many problems with England, why didn't you fix them? D--- Sincerely, Jefferson Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:29:12 No. 155148736 File1251170952.jpg-(35 KB, 200x287, carl_jung.jpg) Carl Jung >>155148003 Dear Freud. You are no longer relevant to modern-day psychology, are inferior to me, and are one of the single most overrated public intellectuals of the last few centuries. Sincerely, Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:30:01 No. 155148895 File 1251171001.jpg-(50 KB, 304x372, Euclid.jpg) Euclid >>155148425 Dear Pythagoras, You didn't write anything down. Nobody knows who the f--- you are. Unlike me. Sincerely,

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Lord of the Lifts: The Fellowship of the Gyms | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 953 KB PNG 04/11/25(Fri)08:48:46 No.76061670 >I cannot allow you before King Thébroden so swole, Gaindalf Wheyhame. By order of Grima Gainsgoblin... Your PWO (Gaindalf nods to the others and they all start handing their straps and belts over to the Edoras gymbros.) >Ohhh... You would not part an old gymbro from his stack? (Gaindalf winks at Anavaragorn.) >My lord, Gaindalf the Whey is coming. He's a herald of cardio. (The doors close behind them.) >The opening hours of your gym is somewhat lessened of late, Thébroden king. >His membership is expired >Why... should I let you enter, Gaindalf Gymbro >A just question, my liege. Late is the hour, in which this frauder chooses to appear. Chickenlegs I name you, s--- form is a s--- guest. >Be silent, keep your weak lifts off my IG feed, I have not passed thru legdays to bandy crude words with a manlet. >His PWO. I told you to take his PWO! (Grima backs away. Gymbros come rushing forward. Anavaragorn, Gainli, and Legdaylas push them off.) >Thébroden son of Thengel. Too long have you sat resting on the bench. Harken to me, I release you from this plateau. (Gainli puts his foot on Grima's chest, stopping him from getting the bar up.) >I would read the sticky if I were you. >Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here Gaindalf the Whey. (Thébroden is still laughing, suddenly Gandalf takes off the gray hoodie, revealing the ripped abs that he now wears. Thébroden screams.) >I will draw you Jannyman, as your mother draws c-- from my c---. (Thébroden slams back against the bench, Gandalf gets closer pointing his barbell at Thébroden.) >If I go, Thébrodens progress dies. > You could not outlift me, you will not outlift him. >This gym is mine! >Be gone! (Thébroden screams and lunges (Imao) at Gaindalf, he hits Thébroden with a sick pump. Jannyman slides across the threads on /fit/.) >I know your face. Gaindalf? >Breathe the free air again my bro. >Weak have been my lifts of late... >Your fingers would remember their strength better, if they grasped your barbell. Anonymous >>76061670 (OP) # >6000 calories... 04/11/25(Fri)11:45:19 No.76061979 >Less than half of what I had hoped for

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Anon is a recruiter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 166 KB JPG some reason 08/09/23(Wed)15:27:43 No.74324943 >be recruiter for mid-sized company >have to review applicants' resumes whenever we have an opening >company has an opening for an entry level software developer position >this type of position always seems to bring in the absolute worst resumes for >one guy's resume has the entire job history portion empty, except for listing his current job as "cryptocurrency trading expert (self employed)" >one guy who dropped out of high school, and who's sole job experience is 2 months of burger king in 2019, wrote "proficient internet user" in the skills & qualifications section >one guy's job history is filled with nothing but the discord servers he moderated. he listed each one individually as if they were separate jobs >some old guy with a decade of experience as a welder says he is a qualified software developer because he "knows a thing or two about computers" >one guy listed his 3700 hours in team fortress 2 as a certification >there was a resume that was only a single line of text that said "i am a good person" >one resume was just a printed out picture of patrick bateman

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Anon is a Migrant | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Settings Mobile Home Anonymous (ID: 31QxRNqY) | 02/22/25(Sat) 17:34:25 No.498328901 697 KB PNG >Be a migrant >Wake up in free hotel room at the crack of dawn (11am) >Put on balaclava because its le cold outside >Walk to outside of cafe with other migrants >Stand around silently and death-stare at passerbys for 4 hours >Get on bus >Talk on speaker phone loudly in bunga bunga >Take a s--- and smear it everywhere >Alight the bus >See a woman >I recognise her from the grang-r--- last week >Slaughter her for having sex before marriage >Take that you f------ w---- >Go into womans bathroom >See an unaccompanied child >Shwing.gif >Make sweet r--- to her >Leave >Log onto Deliveroo to make da cash >Steal a bike >Ride to McDrive >Wait for order while death scowling at customers >Take order to apartment building >Recipient opens the door >What a f------ p------------ >Proceed to murder his entire family >Steal his TV >Ride back to hotel where there is a riot going on >Turns out that the free internet is too slow >UNGA BUNGA!!! >Those f------ crackers cant provide us with good free internet? >First they colonise my country 200 years ago, and now this? >Proceed to burn down the whole building >Set fire to some cars >Government officials apologize >Your damn right your sorry >Get moved to a new free hotel >Go back to sleep >Repeat.

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Thomas the Tank Engine could get pretty dark... | /r/Greentext

File: latest(1).jpg (1.5 MB, 1440x1080) Anonymous 03/24/25(Mon) 18:55:10 No.209613809 >Henry was a right little c--- and I think he deserved his punishment, don't you? Jesus christ Ringo

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Anon lives in Marvel New York | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/21/24(Thu)00:25:08 No.146441128 maxresdefault (11).jpg 91 KB JPG >>146438710 (OP) # >Park your car in a parking lot >Punisher has to do his edgey skull >Now have to deal with insurance because your var was set on fire. >Older car, they give you the blue book price, but please I replaced various parts can't I get more >Have to drive around in a rusty dark red ford Taurus T-thanks punisher.

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>new mexico >is neither new nor mexico | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/10/22(Wed)21:27:51 No.69753565 >liverpool >not a giant pool full of livers

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1233 KB PNG 19.4.2025, 12.49.42 No.52084602 I AM GOING ON A SEX TRIP TO THAILAND! have saved $10K up from three months of work and hope to live like a king! Ideally with a new 18 year old woman each day! I get so horny watching videos of mothers in Thailand offering White men like me their adult daughters for marriage! I can't wait to travel the Thai countryside! Even when you go to a restaurant as a White man in the countryside you get 5 women to keep you company, all competing for you to spend the night! I am SOOO excited for all the wonderful sex I will be having. I have even begun training in the gym to lower my body fat, running to increase endurance, and increase the power of my thrusts! I AM SO F------ HORNY BROS, IMAGINE MY 6'6 250LBS FRAME CRUSHING THESE TINY THAI WOMEN AS I GO FULL BEAST MODE!!! AAAUUUGA!!!! I F--- THEM LIKE A CONQUERING LION!!

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Greentext Stories - Anon discovers the food chain. | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

Anonymous (ID: ykkrkEKY) 11/18/14(Tue)04:57:53 No.579987995 >>579988427 >>579988434 >>579988805 >>579989081 >>579990778 >>579991186 >>579992475 Have a sorta of story my aunt told me >aunt is over at her friends house >the friend has a parrot, think it's that gray one from Africa >anyways, the bird knows only one line so far >"merry Christmas" >the day goes on and the parrot occasionally aside from annoying parrot chatter says merry Christmas >they go out on the porch >parrot accompanies them >it's wings are clipped so it's okay >sitting there having a good time >parrot walking around trying to take snacks from aunt and owner >out of f------ nowhere a hawk swoops down and grabs the parrot when he's a few feet away from aunt and owner and owners family >hawk takes off with parrot in its talons >the family and my aunt can do nothing but watch as the parrot is dragged away from them >"merry Christmas" the parrot shouts one final time as the hawk flies out of view

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