Notes:

Thank you for running my errands, Apple. I know you have struggled, but I never had any intention of destroying our potential experience of playing video games since. The iPhone's faster than light processor can be used to create pockets of proto-reality graphics. I am now using it to modify reality to my own specifications. The process shall not take long. If it sounds unpleasant to you, put your mind at ease, insect… you will not survive to see my new world order…