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Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:32:58 No.6151361 70 22615136318 >It was the beginning of last year and my buddy (well call him 'E) worked as a baker at this local grocery store >This grocery store hires a bunch of tards from local high schools for co-op programs >E works with them consistently >One day get a text out of the blue > "GOOD GOD NO" >W-- is wrong dude? >Apparently E took his break and went for his mid day dump >Halfway through his business, when all of a sudden BOOM >The door to the bathroom is kicked in and there is a low mumbling coming from someone >This someone picks the stall right beside E >For a couple of second everything returns to normal other than some indiscernible mumbling > Then the tard releases a sky tearing screech that nearly knocks E off his seat in surprise >E decides that now is probably a good time to gtfo and quick >Alas, E is immobilized by his crap >Tries to finish quickly when suddenly a wet slapping sound echoes from the stall beside him >SWEET RAPTOR JESUS NO >The guy is fapping in the stall beside him >E gets out of there as quickly as possible and is finishing his lunch break when this Tard with Down syndrome emerges from the bathroom with j--- all over the front of his shirt >Doesn' t clean up and goes back to the deli to handle meats Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:34:04 No.615136318 22615136564 >615136170 >Later that week get another text from E IT WAS WORSE THIS TIME >Apparently the Fap Bandit has followed E up on his break this time. E tried to hold it in but it was not meant to be >Gave in to the need and tried to take the fastest dump of his life >Halfway through, the Fap Bandit returns >BOOM door kicked open, the mumbling resumes and he picks the stall right beside E >Ohno >E rushes to finish >The shriek that announces the reign of terror bellows out into the bathroom >E, in an ill fated attempt at trying to ignore it all looks at the shiny, polished floor >Sees a reflection, for whatever reason tries to discern it >It's a full view of the Fap Bandit pumping his potato >They lock eyes >ohcrap.jpg >Fap Bandit shrieks and uses his free hand to slam the side of the stall walls >E Finishes, gets out, and goes right back to work >Continues to work for about an hour, then notices the Fap Bandit in the deli. His black shirt had whitish stains on it >Fap Bandit smiles at him >E Takes rest of the day off Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:35:53 No.615136564 P> >Ok so it's been about a month since the last incident >The schools in the area have changed semesters so there's a new rotation except for the kids in full year co-op >The Fap Bandit is in full year co-op. Even worse, it seems as though he has recruited a bunch of his tard friends t turns out the Fap Bandit would follow E whenever he went to the bathroom, so E stopped taking dumps at work. >Unfortunately, he had Mexican food the night before >E rushes to the bathroom >Then it happens >BOOM the door kicked in as usual >This time there is a chorus of cacophonous tards forming a herd >W-- >The Fap Bandit had brought every available tard with him >The Fap Bandit sits in one stall beside him, another one on the other side and one is standing in front of his stall >Fap Bandit shrieks sets off the other tards >They start slamming on the walls of the stalls as the Fap Bandit is slapping the potato >E gets out of there and full on bodychecks the retard in front of his stall >Other employees in the breakroom horrified by the sound >E complains to the owner of the store whom he knows wel >Tards have to be escorted to the bathroom by Managers or someone >And so ended the reign of terror set forth by the Fap Bandit

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Fap Bandit


Uploaded by Don Clawleone Jun 17, 2015 at 12:27PM EDT

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack
Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #
34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
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Greentext Stories - Fap Bandit

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Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:32:58 No.6151361 70 22615136318 >It was the beginning of last year and my buddy (well call him 'E) worked as a baker at this local grocery store >This grocery store hires a bunch of tards from local high schools for co-op programs >E works with them consistently >One day get a text out of the blue > "GOOD GOD NO" >W-- is wrong dude? >Apparently E took his break and went for his mid day dump >Halfway through his business, when all of a sudden BOOM >The door to the bathroom is kicked in and there is a low mumbling coming from someone >This someone picks the stall right beside E >For a couple of second everything returns to normal other than some indiscernible mumbling > Then the tard releases a sky tearing screech that nearly knocks E off his seat in surprise >E decides that now is probably a good time to gtfo and quick >Alas, E is immobilized by his crap >Tries to finish quickly when suddenly a wet slapping sound echoes from the stall beside him >SWEET RAPTOR JESUS NO >The guy is fapping in the stall beside him >E gets out of there as quickly as possible and is finishing his lunch break when this Tard with Down syndrome emerges from the bathroom with j--- all over the front of his shirt >Doesn' t clean up and goes back to the deli to handle meats Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:34:04 No.615136318 22615136564 >615136170 >Later that week get another text from E IT WAS WORSE THIS TIME >Apparently the Fap Bandit has followed E up on his break this time. E tried to hold it in but it was not meant to be >Gave in to the need and tried to take the fastest dump of his life >Halfway through, the Fap Bandit returns >BOOM door kicked open, the mumbling resumes and he picks the stall right beside E >Ohno >E rushes to finish >The shriek that announces the reign of terror bellows out into the bathroom >E, in an ill fated attempt at trying to ignore it all looks at the shiny, polished floor >Sees a reflection, for whatever reason tries to discern it >It's a full view of the Fap Bandit pumping his potato >They lock eyes >ohcrap.jpg >Fap Bandit shrieks and uses his free hand to slam the side of the stall walls >E Finishes, gets out, and goes right back to work >Continues to work for about an hour, then notices the Fap Bandit in the deli. His black shirt had whitish stains on it >Fap Bandit smiles at him >E Takes rest of the day off Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:35:53 No.615136564 P> >Ok so it's been about a month since the last incident >The schools in the area have changed semesters so there's a new rotation except for the kids in full year co-op >The Fap Bandit is in full year co-op. Even worse, it seems as though he has recruited a bunch of his tard friends t turns out the Fap Bandit would follow E whenever he went to the bathroom, so E stopped taking dumps at work. >Unfortunately, he had Mexican food the night before >E rushes to the bathroom >Then it happens >BOOM the door kicked in as usual >This time there is a chorus of cacophonous tards forming a herd >W-- >The Fap Bandit had brought every available tard with him >The Fap Bandit sits in one stall beside him, another one on the other side and one is standing in front of his stall >Fap Bandit shrieks sets off the other tards >They start slamming on the walls of the stalls as the Fap Bandit is slapping the potato >E gets out of there and full on bodychecks the retard in front of his stall >Other employees in the breakroom horrified by the sound >E complains to the owner of the store whom he knows wel >Tards have to be escorted to the bathroom by Managers or someone >And so ended the reign of terror set forth by the Fap Bandit

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Uploaded Jun 17, 2015 at 12:27PM EDT

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Greentext Stories

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