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Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:32:58 No.6151361 70 22615136318 >It was the beginning of last year and my buddy (well call him 'E) worked as a baker at this local grocery store >This grocery store hires a bunch of tards from local high schools for co-op programs >E works with them consistently >One day get a text out of the blue > "GOOD GOD NO" >W-- is wrong dude? >Apparently E took his break and went for his mid day dump >Halfway through his business, when all of a sudden BOOM >The door to the bathroom is kicked in and there is a low mumbling coming from someone >This someone picks the stall right beside E >For a couple of second everything returns to normal other than some indiscernible mumbling > Then the tard releases a sky tearing screech that nearly knocks E off his seat in surprise >E decides that now is probably a good time to gtfo and quick >Alas, E is immobilized by his crap >Tries to finish quickly when suddenly a wet slapping sound echoes from the stall beside him >SWEET RAPTOR JESUS NO >The guy is fapping in the stall beside him >E gets out of there as quickly as possible and is finishing his lunch break when this Tard with Down syndrome emerges from the bathroom with j--- all over the front of his shirt >Doesn' t clean up and goes back to the deli to handle meats Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:34:04 No.615136318 22615136564 >615136170 >Later that week get another text from E IT WAS WORSE THIS TIME >Apparently the Fap Bandit has followed E up on his break this time. E tried to hold it in but it was not meant to be >Gave in to the need and tried to take the fastest dump of his life >Halfway through, the Fap Bandit returns >BOOM door kicked open, the mumbling resumes and he picks the stall right beside E >Ohno >E rushes to finish >The shriek that announces the reign of terror bellows out into the bathroom >E, in an ill fated attempt at trying to ignore it all looks at the shiny, polished floor >Sees a reflection, for whatever reason tries to discern it >It's a full view of the Fap Bandit pumping his potato >They lock eyes >ohcrap.jpg >Fap Bandit shrieks and uses his free hand to slam the side of the stall walls >E Finishes, gets out, and goes right back to work >Continues to work for about an hour, then notices the Fap Bandit in the deli. His black shirt had whitish stains on it >Fap Bandit smiles at him >E Takes rest of the day off Anonymous 05/11/15(Mon)14:35:53 No.615136564 P> >Ok so it's been about a month since the last incident >The schools in the area have changed semesters so there's a new rotation except for the kids in full year co-op >The Fap Bandit is in full year co-op. Even worse, it seems as though he has recruited a bunch of his tard friends t turns out the Fap Bandit would follow E whenever he went to the bathroom, so E stopped taking dumps at work. >Unfortunately, he had Mexican food the night before >E rushes to the bathroom >Then it happens >BOOM the door kicked in as usual >This time there is a chorus of cacophonous tards forming a herd >W-- >The Fap Bandit had brought every available tard with him >The Fap Bandit sits in one stall beside him, another one on the other side and one is standing in front of his stall >Fap Bandit shrieks sets off the other tards >They start slamming on the walls of the stalls as the Fap Bandit is slapping the potato >E gets out of there and full on bodychecks the retard in front of his stall >Other employees in the breakroom horrified by the sound >E complains to the owner of the store whom he knows wel >Tards have to be escorted to the bathroom by Managers or someone >And so ended the reign of terror set forth by the Fap Bandit

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Fap Bandit


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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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>his waifu doesn't have access to a fleet of private satellites so that she can track a singular person anywhere on the planet and then call in her private B-52 to firebomb half of Afghanistan
Anonymous Failed shopping attempt 105 KB JPG 03/29/25(Sat) 07:38:26 No.80793301 They should stop hiring attractive women as sales associates in men's clothing shops. >be me >trying to buy shoes in a sneakers shop >needed to ask one of their workers to bring out a pair in my size >all the workers, besides one older dude, are attractive girls of my age >feel uncomfortable, but wait till that guy isn't busy and ask him >try the shoes on, it's not a great fit, want to ask for a different size >the guy is now nowhere to be seen >assemble all my courage and ask one of the female workers >8/10 beaty >"yeah, sure..." a bit of annoyance can be heard in her voice and the look of disgust isn't fully hidden on her face >"actually nevermind" >leave the shop F--- I HATE BEING LOOKED AT WITH DISGUST. Most likely would have bought something, if they hadn't decided to hire those Stacies View Thread
Anonymous 03/11/24(Mon) 18:13:14 No. 197128712 file.png 476 KB PNG >over the top, but fun action slop >good cinematography >pacing on point >good acting >certified kino >somehow flops this is why we can't have good things
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Greentext Stories

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