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If you're unsure how this mystical machine works, basically, it's a drink machine that can dispense anything that can exist in a liquid form, including some rather esoteric things, like liquids that induce certain emotions. In SCP Containment Breach, you can order "call of duty" and get a drink that "tastes like dubstep and ur mom." It will always appear in a 12 oz paper cup.

Here's how this thread works: You've inserted your money and nobody's around to stop you from ordering whatever you want. Enter your order in quotes, the person after you describes what the drink does, even what it looks like if they care to.

Example:

OP orders "can of whoop-ass"
Responder: "The drink burns slightly going down, giving you an incredible urge to punch everything."

Very little is off-limits. Go nuts!

For starters, I order "Estus".

You were deceived and received Estus-flavored piss.

I order Ctrl+Alt+Del.

Your body freezes up and you start thinking about how to properly go to bed.

I would like to order "memes"

It tastes horribly acidic like battery acid and very salty. You can feel lumps of it sticking to your throat.
I order ceramic.

I'm so fucking high right now!

I order humanity.

I already like the concept of this thread of one of my favorite SCPs!

Appears as a canned drink, upon opening the liquid explodes on you and this appears in you mind for the next 5 hours:

I input "wildcard".

EDIT Got Ninja'd hard.

The machine dispenses a liquid that constantly shifts colors. You find the flavor changes with each sip you take. The first sip tastes similar to apple juice, the next peanut butter, the one after that, something similar to Captain Crunch. The color seems to have no bearing on the flavor. Once the cup is empty and it has been thrown into the small trashcan next to the machine, you notice a small letter J on the bottom of the cup.

…Eep, that was a little long. Uhh…I'll take "OP" for 50 cents, Alex.

EDIT: I'm off to bed for the night. I'll see if my guess is correct in the morning.

you suddenly feel the need to go to a gay bar and make threads with little quality content on /a/ /v/ and /b/

i order "4chan"

Your whole brain system is hacked in a few seconds.
I order a cup of bacon and eggs.

The cup is made out of bacon, and there's raw eggs in it.
I order a "Tumblr".

You have the sudden urge to punch the cup because it is white.
I order "SCP-682". Maybe this will kill it.

You get a drink that makes you hallucinate about this thread.

I order "a mixture of Coke and Pepsi"

You get a nice cold cup of heresy.

I order Nuka-Cola Quantum.

After taking a small sip, you immediately start puking from radiation sickness

I wish to drink "anime"

You become moshi moshi kawaii desu.

I order crystal pepsi

You get literal liquefied crystals. Upon drinking it, King Sombra is after your ass.

As for me, I'll have a Mountain Dew Code Red.

You get a drink that raises your (resting) heart rate to 200BPM for the next eight hours. Your pee is bright green and slightly irradiated and you can sniff out any and all Doritos in a five mile radius.

I'll have Liquid Moonrocks.

Drinking the chalky liquid causes your voice to become monotone and robotic. Anything you try to say is replaced with long droning moans, repetitive noises, or mentions of John Madden.

Reminder: 294 always dispenses the liquid into a simple paper cup.

Here's the original document, if you care to read it. (I can't edit a post after 30 minutes.)

WIth that out of the way, I'll take a cup of "Half-Life 3"

Your spit now creates portals. Have fun.

I'll have Youtube.

You can only speak by reciting comments. Your IQ test score dramatically drops.

I'll take Burn Heal.

It tastes like cold shampoo.

I would like a cup of "euphoria"

Your beard hair only grows around your neck and you grow a permanent fedora on top of your head.
I'll take the Watamote special blend.

Surprisingly, after taking a sip of the drink, your throat becomes very dry. You feel ashamed for no reason and decide to stay in your room for a week.

I would like to drink "Don"

It tastes like [REDACTED]
I order "Super Deluxe Hyper Caffeinated Ultra Coffee Combo 3000"

One sip sends fills you with an excess of energy. Your heart races before giving out moments later.

I'll have "what she's having."

You get a cup of dicks.

I'll have Phish's album "A Picture of Nectar."

You get a pitcher of nectar.

I order ME-262

It tastes like oil

I'll have a Chaos Emerald powered Red Bull

It cuts your throat on the way down and tastes horrible after a couple of sips.
I'll have all the S-ranks available in FE:A.

Its incredible hot. Very smoky but tastes very satisfying.
I'll order a cup of drone

It tastes metallic and fizzy. After half a minute you suddenly have the urge to say "Roger, Roger."
I order Super Smash Brothers 4.

You accidentally drop the cup, spilling the contents. Where it fell, a terrarium-esque arena in a sturdy frame materializes, which contains physical beings that mimic the Smash Bros characters.

I order "jump gum"

Its a bright, squishy and pink liquid. Drinking it causes you to bounce violently.
I order piccolo

After finishing your drink, you become extremely addicted and once a day, you come back to get more. Thanks doc.
I would like to order "Skyrim"

After drinking it, you suddenly know everything about the Video Game "skyrim".
I order a cup of "fuck you"

SCP-294 dispenses a note with "Fuck you too" written on it, you eat it and it tastes horrifically bitter and feel as if you were kicked in the nads.

I order the blood of Christ

SCP-294 vibrates and produced the message "Hic est enim Calix Sánguinis mei", then produced a paper drinking cup containing approximately 0.12 liters of red grape wine.

(yes I stole it from the wikia page, I did some reading)

I order a cup of "#GamerGate"

You receive what appears to be a paper cup with plain water with red tape wrapped around the cup. On the tape, the word "Controversial" is scrawled on it in white paint.
After taking a few sips, you still feel unaffected.
I order "recursion"
I order "recursion"
I order "recursion"

You get a cup with in a cup with in a cap with in a cup…
I order Super Sayian

You receive a cup filled with brightly glowing yellow sand an attempt to consume it leaves you feeling quiet empowered.

I order a cup of 'Murica

You receive the best damn cup of freedom the world can offer.
I'll order a cup of Dk Pepper.

It tastes extremely similar to Dr.Pepper.

I'll have a cup of "edge".

It tastes like metal and it feels like your throats is being slit from the inside.
One cup of jpeg

A cup has been dispensed and the monitor changed to the unreadable img on the computer but as you drink it you notice everything isn't a broken img and everything around you is a broken img icon but you collapsed and awake seeing you drank the whole cup and see that the cup has a broken img icon and a img of a [REDACTED]

A cup of coke vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup

It's taste great but you then became high as fuck.
I want a cup of vigor

After drinking the bright red but flavorless liquid, you suddenly feel incredibly hot. As you look down at your hands, you find that they are slowly burning away from the center. After a panicked yelp, you look again and notice nothing is wrong, aside from what looks like a small scorch mark on your left index fingernail.

I'm so glad I made this thread. To celebrate, I want to enjoy a serving of "Honningbrew".

After drinking the mead, your hair grows a bright blonde, a long beard flows from your chin, and you have a raging desire to punch elves and lizard people.

I would like a cup of "Zoe Quinn"

You get nothing but a note saying, "ur trigurring mi".
I order two cups of "heresy"

Tastes of demonette cum

I'll order "A venti CIS scum no whip half caff, 10 pumps vanilla, soy milk, light ice, blended, light water, mocha with caramel syrup and an order of rape"

You get a standard Starbucks cup with the note "Don't enter those things in me, Tumblrina."

I'll have a Krabby Patty.