What Is A 'Pillow Princess' And Is It A Bad Thing? The Slang Term And Its Memes Explained

Ever encountered a sexual partner who will dutifully and happily "gets theirs," so to speak, before rolling over and going to sleep without repaying the favor? You may have dealt with a pillow princess.

What Is A Pillow Princess?

A pillow princess is widely understood to be someone, often a woman, who is content to receive sexual pleasure but isn't known to reciprocate. The term originated in the LGBTQ+ community in the '90s to refer specifically to women seeking lesbian experiences before making its first appearance online in 2005.

It wasn't until the late 2010s that the term began seeing broader use online. Memes about the archetype began appearing in 2019, such as this rather adorable meme of two bunnies dubbed "pillow princesses."

You can glean the definition of a "pillow princess" from the above meme: the two bunnies are on their backs, as a woman may be when in the position to receive oral sex, but of course, nothing is "getting done," as it were.

As the term reached a wider audience, it began seeing use in heterosexual circles, and the advent of TikTok helped the term reach a wider audience. There, posters of risqué content made videos about their times as a "pillow princess," often racking up hundreds of thousands of views.

https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/7129546737768746286

https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/7129873970093919493

Is It Bad To Be A Pillow Princess?

While the term "pillow princess" is bandied around in memes like a bad thing, it wasn't always an insult. Speaking to InStyle, sex educator Marla Renee Stewart noted that it was initially used as a descriptor by people specifically looking for a sexual partner who would not want to reciprocate.

"There are folks who prefer to only be the active partner during sex, and therefore are specifically looking for a pillow princess to make a lover," she explained, referring to "stone" and "touch me not" lesbians (which themselves were part of a wider TikTok discussion in early 2022).

Sex experts say that as the term moved into heterosexual circles, it became more of a pejorative, usually expressing that partners would feel cheated or underserved by being with a "pillow princess." However, that isn't its connotation in the LGBTQ sphere, where it's a more widely acceptable sexual preference, to the point where lesbian dating app HER gives users the option to mark themselves as a "pillow princess."

This is to say: like most matters related to sex, it comes down to communicating preferences with a partner. It isn't necessarily "bad" to be a "pillow princess" if a sexual partner is cool with it.

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For more information, check out the Know Your Meme entry on Pillow Princess.