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Granted your wish is good you get another wish
But this next wish backfires

Granted your wish is good you get another wish
But this next wish backfires

Granted, you can now talk to anyone you want anywhere on the planet. Sadly, no one feels like talking to you.

I wish my mind wasn't so dirty.

Granted, your innocence has been restored and your mind has been cleansed of your perversions.
And with said cleansing comes the loss of your sense of shame, as well as the curses of naivety and gullibility, making you ripe and ready to be defiled by this wretched world once more! Enjoy!

--

I wish I could get rid of my procrastination.

Granted, but even when you get an early start on something, you still do a bad job on it.

I wish I could turn dollars into change, and vise versa.

Granted, but you get a terrible exchange rate for it.

I wish for a freebie.

Granted. Your free trial ends in 7 days.
I wish for a lemon.

Granted, but it's a rotten lemon.
I wish for an A on my math final.

Granted, but it's a rotten lemon.
I wish for an A on my math final.

Granted, but you get rated with numbers so it doesn't matter.
I wish for a box of never-ending assorted donuts. (normal flavored donuts, no abominations from hell)

Granted, but the box is chained shut and you have no way to open it.

I wish I could go into any show, movie, video game, etc. and become part of the story.

Granted, but it turns out that you were only seeing/reading about the good parts of those media works and the vast majority of those worlds are actually complete hellholes. Also, your only role in the stories is as a background character with only about one or two lines.
I wish I was more empathetic

Granted, but now everything anyone says automatically makes you super upset and you start crying (i.e. “today’s my birthday!” “omg your going to die soon waaah’)
I wish for my house to be cleaned

Granted, your house is now spotless, however your backyard becomes filled with trash. The garbage from everywhere somehow ends up in your backyard, including Everytime someone throws something out, it'll just end up in your backyard/front lawn

I wish I could change my appearance whenever I want ( any part of my body to look like anything at any moment)

Granted, but you can only do it once, and the change is permanent.
I wish my fridge restocked each time I opened it, with whatever food or drink I craved at the time.

Granted, but the food/drink generated is months past its expiration date or, if it has no expiration date, is contaminated with salmonella.

I wish I had actual motivation to do creative works!

Granted, but your motivation is exceeded by your laziness.

I wish my hair would grow back to its previous length in the next few minutes.

Granted. It doesn't stop at that pace, ever.

I wish Earth's climate would be un-fucked and anything making it worse would stop.

Granted, but because most everything in this world is contributing to that problem even the slightest, most things are gone and the whole world is thrown into anarchy.
I wish for a personal Little Caesars Pizza for my own use next to my house, and everything from there is free.

Granted, but the workers quickly get fed up with being forced to perform labor for no pay, so they soon decide to close up shop and never come back.
I wish I could cook better

Granted. The food you cook tastes amazing, but looks so disgusting that even you can't get yourself to eat it.

I wish to ace my job interview.

Granted:

I wish for great power with none of the responsibility.

Granted, but Stan Lee and Steve Ditko descend from the heavens to shame you for your irresponsibility. Including the "With great power comes great responsibility" speech.

I wish for Instrumentality.

Granted, every word, sentences, and general forms of communication that passes through your mind now take the form of song and dance performed to the rhythm an orchestral background music.

I wish aliens would come visit in peace and invite us to join an intergalactic trading guild.

Granted, but it's just a prank, bro! The aliens regard us as the dumbest species in the universe, and are now going to bully us. Hope you're ready for the intergalactic equivalent of getting shoved in a locker.
EDIT: I wish I didn't forget to put my wish in this post the first time around.

Granted, but the corruption of Sugary Salt's wish falls on your wish, and crushes it.

I wish to feel the beat from the tambourine.

Granted, but you will never know how it feels to be young and sweet, only seventeen. You can't dance, you can't jive, you're not having the time of your life.

I wish for chocolate.

Granted; you're standing on a massive chunk of chocolate. However, the chocolate is melting, so you fall through it and get stuck. Your only option is to eat your way out, but when you try this, the chocolate burns your throat and all your insides. Plus you get full after a few bites.

I wish Wal-Mart had a mascot.