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Granted, but a jealous wrestler challenges you to a fight. Whenever you try to use your telekinesis, he tackles you.

I wish you could fast forward on Disney XD On Demand.

Granted, too bad it's automatically programmed to skip your favorite shows!

I wish I could detox and rid myself of this over reliance on Caffeine.

Granted. Now you’re an alcoholic.
I wish for a winning lottery ticket

Granted, but they refuse to give you any money.

I wish everything that's funny would stay funny, and never get old.

Granted, But The Person Who Grants It Thinks Ugandan Knuckles Is Funny.
I Wish Miia Was Everyone's Wiafu

Granted

As a result, we're now going to fight to the death to see who deserves to be with her more.
Prepare to die.

I wish my ping wasn't so high in multiplayer games.

Granted, But Now Everyone Elses Is Very High.
I Wish My Avatar Was Appropriate For Every Website Ever.

Granted, but a mean mod who hates your avatar follows you to every website, and deletes your account.

I wish guns had never been invented.

Granted, but chemical warfare never gets classified as a crime against humanity and war, as well as terrorism, is performed entirely with chimera viruses.
I wish hornets stopped existing.

Granted, but all other species of wasps become hyperaggressive and reproduce by injecting their larvae inside mammals.

I wish fusion power was cheap, widely available, and safe to produce.

Wish is granted but falls into the hands of best Korea who nukes us all. The end

I wish anime was real

Granted, but only certain anime becomes real, those being Blood C, Madoka Magica, Berserk, Kill la Kill, and Parasyte.
I wish for cheese

Granted, but its cheese that expired months ago.

I wish I had a full head of hair.

Granted. You are now handed with a severed head full of hair.

I wish Kamen Riders were real.

Granted, But You're The Only One Who Can See Them And Everyone Thinks You're Crazy.
I Wish For Something.

Granted

You wished for some . . . thing of unimaginable, indescribable form, rendering those who gaze upon it deaf, dumb, blind, and mute.
You've lost your mouth, and you must scream.

I wish George Clanton was playing at my house.

Granted, But Also Not.
I Wish Tunnel King Was Here.

Granted, but he hides in a tunnel and won't come out.

I wish Maxwell would get into Smash for Switch.

Granted, But He's Not Old.
I Wish For More Forum Games.

Granted, but you eventually get banned for something you did while participating in them.
I wish I had a time machine.

Granted. You are now your own grandfather, uncle, and second-cousin twice removed.

I wish I had the need. . .

Granted, now you're needy.

I wish Cute Little Snek would stop capitalizing the first letter of every word.

Granted, NoW tHeY cApItAlIzE eVeRy oThEr lEtTeR, jUsT lIkE tHiS.

I wish for a new Midnight Club.

Granted, but the only place you can drive is Swaziland.

I wish Counting On would catch up with the present.

granted, but the time machine malfunctioned and now you're stuck in early-1970's Argentina
~~
I want a feast

Granted, you have a lavish feast of human mummified remains. Your cannibalistic feast is popularized by the media. Everybody avoids you.

I wish to wake up the next day a younger man lliving in a luxury mansion with servants.

Granted, you wake up one hour younger in a luxury mansion rotting away after decades of neglect. The servants all know you're the reason they're tied to this gilded hovel and resent you for it.

I wish I didn't have to poop.

Granted, you don't have to poop . . . for now. Within the next 10 hours, you will have a bowel movement unlike anything this world has ever known. it will be called . . . the OMEGADUMP.

I wish I had the bravery and charisma to do all the things I wanted to do in life.

Granted, now you're so brave and charismatic that everyone you ever know relies on you and constantly nags you trying to get you to solve their problems and fix their life, and you cannot go a single second just breathing without someone asking something of you or depending on you.

I wish i could be a writer for several video games.

Granted, you get to write for Konami and are forced to make all their franchises' stories and characters worse while millions of fans send you hate mail and death threats for the rest of your life.

I wish that Half-life 3 was still on and was about to be released.

Granted, Half-life 3 will be released as an episodic game with each weapon you pick up aside from the crowbar as a micro-transaction. The cost for each episode and micro-transaction will increase exponentially until you have given Lord Gaben the entire GDP of South Korea, and even then you are still missing that one weapon that'll let you get passed a certain level (the grabbity gun).

I wish I had a dollar.

Granted, here's a Sand Dollar. Hope you live near the beach.

I wish I could get swole fast.

Granted, thanks to Bullshark Testosterone. You abuse is so much, your biceps explode.

I wish I didn't have the face of a potential campus shooter.

Granted, you now have the face of a confirmed school shooter instead.
I wish I didn't have a headache right now.

Granted, but now your entire body except your head is in excruciating pain.
I wish for the world to switch to green energy.

Granted, but every time a green energy activity is done, the world becomes more corrupt with money and war.
I wish for not 2 hav da bIG gaY

Granted. You now have the small gay.

I wish I was less easily annoyed by my sister.

Granted, you have become completely and utterly heartless.

I wish to have the power to grab stuff that's just slightly out of reach.

Granted but you also get slippery hands.

I wish for a sequel for Megaman ZX Advent

Granted, But It's Made By Activision And Turned Into Cod World War 4.

I Wish People Would Stop Complaining About The Way I Type.

Granted. . .

That still leaves every other facet of your personality as fair game.
Grammar, vocabulary, choice of waifu. . . yep, we're gonna tear it a new one.

I wish. . . for the nightmares to finally end.

Granted: Now It's Just Deafening Silence. Eventually You Renounce The Gods And End Up Being Executed. (Please, PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE GOT THAT REFERENCE!)
I Wish Everyone Was Me So I'd Have A Valid Reason To Say "I Hate You All".

Granted, the global population turns into a hivemind with no sense of individuality left whose only purpose is to worship the llamia waifu.

I wish that our lord and saviour Chtulu finally awakens.

Granted, but he is destroyed and can never come back.
I wish for my homework to be easier and not as much as before.

Granted, But It's Completely Meaningless And You Fail Everything You Ever Try.
I Wish I Was You.

Granted, but you then become every part of every person who reads your comment, and eventually your body cant take it and you explode.
I wish that I had my laptop I always wanted

Granted, But It Gets Stolen By Me. (Muhaha!)
I Wish Everyone Was DJKing.

Granted. Now every conversation will exactly like this:

". . ."

". . . ?"

"! ! !"

"Oh, Okay."

This was discussed before, ages ago.

I wish I would make a webcomic.

Wish not granted. I ain't gonna click a random-ass link.
I wish for the complete annihilation of all sentient life in the known universe.

DJKing: Granted; and it's good, too good, so good you'll never be able to make anything even remotely close the quality of that webcomic ever again.

Davian [ctrl+c; crtl+v] Thule the Ship Grill: granted, but you'll never know if it worked or not because the mass extinction starts with you.

I wish for a quesadilla.