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Granted. It takes even more ridiculous time to corrupt wishes for a skateboard.

I wish all the dead memes rose back to life.

Granted. The meme economy becomes heavily saturated as a result, and soon after, a meme bear market quickly happens, and the meme recession begins.

I wish that my life was an indian drama.

Granted, but it's Native American and everybody just throws spears at each other.

I wish to get the ketchup stain out of my relatively new blanket.

Granted, but it is almost immediately replaced with a bloodstain, a smallpox contaminated bloodstain to be exact.

I wish there were more memes about KYM Users.

Granted, they're all webcomic exploitables.

I wish for a SNES classic mini.

Granted. It's miniaturized to the point where it's too small to play games.

I wish for the complete Seinfeld DVD box set.

Granted, But all the episodes are distorted heavily

I wish i can ride a mech

Granted, but you get in one and have no way of getting back down.

I wish parents wouldn't give their children generic names like "Jacob" or "Grace" or "Mike".

Granted. Parents now give their children names like Janpzliblayon, Kappidelline, Palroydess, etc.

I wish a black cat crosses my path every day.

Granted, but he beats you up everytime he crosses your path.

I wish for a quiche with a fish as a dish.

Granted, but the quiche tastes sour and ruins your day.

I wish someone would review my fanmade ERBoH.

Granted: It's overwhelmingly negative.

I wish my life was an Indian Drama (AND NO, NOT NATIVE AMERICANS)

Granted, but Native Americans come in and throw spears at everybody.

I wish, instead of presidential debates, we'd have presidential rap battles.

Granted
It works out too well, with Democrats and Republicans beefing HARD.
The battles evolved into a vicious, gangbanger-style rivalry comparative to the Crips and Bloodz of the 90s, complete with shootouts, drive-by's, assassinations, shoe bans, and graffiti everywhere.

. . .

I wish I was an Omniglot (I can comprehend all languages)

Granted, but you eventually learn things man was not meant to know, causing your brain to explode.

I wish that the next Xenoblade Chronicles 2 patch keep the "Think you can take on me!?" and "Don't forget me!" lines.

Granted but they now play at Earrape level.

I wish YouTube would make putting final boss spoilers in a thumbnail for recently released games a strikable community guidelines offense

Granted, the rule gets exploited so every playthrough gets removed from youtube.
I wish for a piece of candy from candied island.

Granted, It's a Mint Lifesaver.

I wish for a body that needs no rest.

Granted but you have to sleep standing up when you do.

I wish I could sleep even if I see something incredibly scary

Granted, but as a result of these, you fall into a coma.

I wish that we would have anime characters in the next super smash bros (excluding meme characters such as Cory).

Granted, they're all banned from competitive play, good luck finding them in the wild!

. . .

I wish KNOWER was playing at my house.

Granted, but you're not there when they do.

I wish finals were super competitive and exciting.

Granted, But the Finals Also Generate a bunch of Salt from the Competitiveness.

I Wish to die.

Granted, you die . . . and tap new nuts and bolts at that industrial plant job you just got! Good on you!

. . .

I wish for a JDM car to ship home.

Granted, but there's a woman in your car that refuses to get out.

I wish that I could be less afraid of life.

Granted, but you're dead.

I wish for a top of the line, working gaming pc

Granted, But you can only play Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.

I Wish, I Wish was a Fish.

Granted, but you're a sardine in a can.

I wish for a strongbox that whenever opened contains a wad of cash in the currently most valuable currency.

Granted but then inflation happens due to the box being opened and close so many times to the point where 99 cent stores become 99 dollar stores.

I wish I could make any itch go away with a single touch.

Granted but every touch becomes an injury
I wish that I can do anything

Granted, you can now do anything you want by using a series of poorly written self-help books.

I wish to be better at Spanish.

Granted, but you will never be in circumstances where knowing how to speak Spanish is of any use.

I wish that I could stop hating myself.

Granted, but when the hate leaves you, it manifests into a dark clone that hates you and attacks you.

I wish my computer mouse would stop acting so stupid and sticky.

Granted, Your mouse has been cleared of physiological secretions

I wish to get a lot of Exalted Orbs in the Path of Exile

Granted, but you still can't compete with Gaston.

I wish I could understand the things that other people get that I can't for whatever reason.

Granted, other people can get them because they live on the dark side of the economy.

I wish my school doubled as a college, that all the students had to go to.

Granted: but you can not get out of it.

I wish to live on a deserted island with two beautiful young girls

Granted

Oh, I forgot to mention, they're both lesbians, hates your guts, and work you to the bone to provide the necessities for survival. Also, you don't get to watch.
This is your life now. Enjoy!

. . .

I wish I finished that one video game project I put in the backburner and completely forgot about.

granted, but the launch is botched, and the game's rushed and feels incomplete
~~
I wish I wasn't perpetually hungry

Granted but you can't eat any food whatsoever anymore.

I wish for YouTube to delete the polymer style.

granted, but now all other websites have the same or a worse style
~~
I wish phones had infinite battery charge

Granted, But They Are All Radioactive And Slowly Nuke You.
Now,
I Wish I Made An Account Years Ago

Granted, The constant trend of the Fetishes and "Cringeworthy" pics in the Image Gallery and every new trending entry being the latest controversial event makes you deactivate early.

I wish my favorite Racing Games were as popular as Mario Kart.

Granted, now your favorite racing game is Mario Kart.

I wish for metric wrenches.

Granted, But They Convert To Imperial.
I Wish I Could Wish For Something.

Granted

You finally come up with the greatest, most thought out wish one could ever wish for.

Welp, you're out of wishes. Bye!

. . .

I wish I could do the digital coloring thing right.

granted, now you can't do traditional coloring right
~~
I wish for SONO CHI NO SADAME

Granted, it's instrumentally hummed by someone who never actually heard the song, and is just humming what they think the song would sound like.

They're far off.

I wish someone would make a video compilation of all the cool stuff I've done.

Granted, but the video is only 3 seconds long, and consists of only one scene

I wish I had a lifetime discount at Pizza Hut.

Granted, but you’re forbidden from eating food from anywhere else.
I wish I had telekinesis