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Granted; you're outcast to a tiny, lonely, boring island where taxes don't exist.

I wish to be a sad white woman who never got to be a kid.

Granted; but you'll get a really loving husband who makes shit-tons of money, does all houseworks, and has a really big dick. Oh, he also invented an "age-reverser" too.

Now I wish that have a 「STAND」

Granted; your Stand is your avatar.

I wish to crush a bald, fat, foppish founding father.

Granted, but your intolerable raps are protested and with one easy payment you get your ass whooped by Ben Franklin.

Reference

I wish I could spit bars without a second thought.

Granted, however whenever you spit bars everyone ignores you. I wish that I'm immortal

Granted. You become immortal by an infinitely intense training regiment that puts your body in absolute perfect shape. However, it leaves your body in constant, nonstop, painful pain that never goes away because you never die.

I wish there were two extra weeks before school was out.

Granted. But their toy soilders

Granted. But days only last for 17 minutes

You didn't make a wish

I wish for jelly.

Granted. But its flavourless block of gelatin.

I wish for a nice cup of tea.

Granted, but the tea is so hot that the cup melts. The tea then falls on the floor, melting a hole that you fall into.

I wish to be a master of pranks.

Granted, but every prank yiu make is predictable.

I wish for marvel to make ant man climb into thanos ass to be the end of End Game

Granted, but it isn't canon.

I wish politics were dead.

Granted, but in its absence mankind has regressed into anarchy and chaos with Psychotic warlords once again controlling the world around them through coercion and violence. Only those that can fight and run are left.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted.

Ok, cool, I corrupted your wish, but oops, now that it's "corrupted", it means I actually granted it, so is it really "corrupted"? and now it goes back to corrupted since it isn't corrupted, but then that also means it isn't and yada yada.

I wish we could all get along.

Granted. We all get along so well, that it sets an example for everyone else. Following our example, whatever country you live in decides to get along with Russia, China, Australia, and other big countries. However, it turns out those countries were just pretending to get along with yours, so they can stab you in the back and steal all your resources.

I wish I could perform thousands of interesting magic tricks.

Granted, but this magic turns out to be dangerous, and you're held on lockdown.

I wish I had money.

Granted, but you get that money from your family dying on a cruise that you where on and you are the only surviving member of the cruise and the company gives you 100,000 dollars in reparations

I wish for nothing

and so I give you nothing, but then that makes you sad as you realize everyone in this thread is receiving, while you're just there… with your hands empty.

I wish I were asexual

Granted, but your gender is the letter A.

I wish for Bush's Baked Beans

Granted, but they're mixed in with Old Spice Body Wash.

I wish I could unlock any lock.

Granted, but the door always changes its destination randomly when you unlock it. (example: you unlock your closet, but it changes so that it leads to the middle of the Sahara Desert.)

I wish this thread was dead.

Granted. ZOMBIE THREAD!

I wish for impenetrable defenses.

Granted, you have now achieved complete invulnerability…

But you are now immortal and trapped inside an indestructible capsule, hidden where nobody will find you.

I wish for nobody to say anything on this thread.

Granted. The word "anything" won't be said in this thread for about five minutes.

I wish my father was here.

Granted, but now your mother is gone. i wish to get a successful job

Granted, but all of your paychecks give you severe papercuts.

I wish for more time to finish my movie.

Granted, but the movie is worse than shit.

I wish for more wishes.

Granted, but the corruption for each of them is three times worse than the wish before it.

I wish a large crowd would come together and sing this.

Granted, but every person sings it on a different pitch and get voice cracks throughout the majority of it.

I wish there was no government.

Granted. There is no government because aliens capture us and forcefully remove such social concepts from our head, including love and friendship.

I wish my arm could turn into an awesome machine gun.

Granted, but the gun is uncontrollable and you kill anyone you meet.

I wish my grades were better.

Granted, your grades are remarkable, however after highschool\college\university you can't find a job for the rest of your life, meaning you'll become homeless and no one will appreciate your smarts.

I wish humans can colonize another planter

Granted, but all humans die by the species that already live there after all those humans narrowly escaped the earth before it blew up.

I wish for sanity

Granted, you are the most same person of planet earth, but everyone else seems insane to you (being the most sane person) you are always angry and live a misserable life.

I wish for a Genie who grants me wishes.

Granted, but the genie gets tired of you and turns you into a fly.

I wish a celebrity would come to our school and sing about masturbation.

Granted, but it's Nicolas Cage and he sings whilst demonstrating actual masturbation.

I wish I was the strongest man in the world.

Granted, you were so strong that just walking, you could break the cement. Meaning you become a wanted criminal and are outlawed everywhere.

I wish to be the most flexible person ever.

Granted, but you ultimately end up tying yourself into a knot and can’t undo it.
I wish I could get a full night of sleep.

Granted, but as you sleep, you miss an awesome party in the house next to you, a trillionaire offering you free money, and a marathon of all your favorite shows and movies. Oh, and you have terrifying nightmares the whole night.

I wish Big City Greens was more popular.

Granted. It's 0.74% more popular.

I wish to uncorrupt my wishes.

Granted, you are given the mystical Wish Spritzer, a spray bottle to keep wishes clean, but at a terrible cost. Each spray corrupts the user in mind or body. The more wide-scale the wish, the more sprays to fix. Can you bear this power responsibly?

I wish that I take cooking lessons to improve my skills.

Granted. You are now a God at cooking bull testicles. Yummy!
I wish the ending to Game of Thrones was rewritten to be better.

Granted, but the entire series ends up being rewritten. Season 8 is made to be amazing, but they completely butcher every single season prior.
I wish for the Flat Earth Society to finally accept that the Earth is round.

Granted, but after some deep consideration, the Round Earth Society realizes that the Earth is actually octagonal.

I wish I could watch WWE pay-per-views for only 5% of the full price.

Granted. In fact, everyone gets to watch WWE pay-per-views for 5% of the normal price. Sadly, WWE can't handle these budget cuts and are forced to shut down the service due to bankruptcy.
I wish to have the ability to materialize any object at will.

Granted, but when this power is used, you must dematerialize objects in your immediate vicinity of equal value for an equivalent exchange. Also, you don’t necessarily have control over what exactly gets dematerialized- careful not to lose any extremities.
I wish that we were visited by completely non-hostile extraterrestrial life.

Granted, but they are assisted by hostile extraterrestrial life.

I wish I had a quarter

Granted but it gets stuck in the vending machine.

I wish for another wish

Granted, you now have one wish remaining.
I wish to be fluent in every language.