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I have created a new religion. Come and join my cult.

Last posted Jun 19, 2024 at 08:30PM EDT. Added Feb 17, 2021 at 12:11PM EST
1282 posts from 21 users

(After reading what you've written so far, I now have a terrible urge to make a video of shitbots doing tribal dances to summon old, third-rate cargo ships out of thin air.)

(Just a month and a half until I'm free.)

(Also if this ends with the pedigree triffid farm getting blown up, I'm going to be very sad. Those poor little guys can't help it if their carnivorous and find human beans to be delicious)

(Don't really mind about the resort going up though, as Number 2917K is many things, but an interior decorator he is not. Ridding the world of that ghastly mess would reduce the amount of hazard pay we have to offer from all of the self-inflicted eye-gouging.)

Bex stopped and crouched down behind some bushes as she approached an outpost in front of a tunnel that led through the large, impassable mountains. Patrols were passing through and two large watchtowers surveilled a gate blocking the tunnel.

"Saima, help me out here." Bex said into her earpiece.

"Shitbots are manning the watchtowers… but the patrols are Human guards, likely security contractors. How odd…" Saima commented from her mission control room, through Bex's earpiece. "You should probably try and find another way through the mountains, I don't think there's a way to go through the gate unnoticed and you're not equipped to take out Shitbots." Saima added.

Bex looked around and found a sewage pipeline that appeared to lead straight through the mountain.

"That pipeline looks to be completely unguarded, check and see if there's any sort of motion detectors or sensors inside the pipe." Saima commented.

Bex inspected the pipeline and found a small electrical box containing a computerized sensor for detecting obstructions and foreign objects in the pipe.

"Looks like they thought ahead." Bex commented.

"Not exactly, it could just be for animals or ordinary clogs and jams in the sewage pipe. The function of detecting infiltrators could very easily be completely coincidental." Saima expounded. "…But it looks like regular, consumer-grade equipment I can probably still get it out of your way, see if there's a USB port and plug your palmtop PC into it." Saima continued.

Bex connected the palmtop to the sensor and let Saima do her work as the faint sound of keyboard strokes could be heard through Bex's earpiece.

"…And done." Saima announced. "This thing now only reports clean, open sewage lines completely free of clogs and I was able to get the name of the manufacturer out of it, too. You're basically invisible to this specific drain line now, so go ahead. I'll try and see if I can get anything out of the manufacturer in terms of shady deals, black budgets and see if I can find any sort of schematics or information related to them. If there's something about the island in there, it'll be extremely useful to the mission." Saima expounded.

"Got it. Let me know if anything comes up." Bex stated before crawling into the sewage pipeline and beginning her long trek in the dark.

(Just in case it's not clear, Saima was the unnamed voice in the earpiece in the earlier posts, too.)

(So, I had an idea for some Shitbot characters.)

(Number 73, A Shitbot that dual wields Colt Single Action Army revolvers and acts like a cowboy. May also use a Winchester Model 1887. Usually fights at a disadvantage due to his refusal to use anything made after the year 1900.)

(Number 91, A Shitbot covered in Kontakt-1 ERA bricks and wearing a Ushanka that sells people defective Soviet equipment in exchange for their use against Shirleyists. Occasionally sells defective Nuclear weapons, lives in a submarine. No matter what you purchase from him, there is a 15% chance that you will just get a dilapidated T-72 that's been stripped of it's armor and electronics with only a damaged engine remaining instead.)

(Number 81, A Shitbot that acts like a guerilla fighter warlord and sells people non-defective weapons of various origins in exchange for their usage against Shirleyists. Occasionally sells people advanced Shitbot technology like plasma throwers and powered exoskeletons. Always accompanied by sand and strong winds. Yells at people in random languages whether they speak them or not.)

(Number 84, A Shitbot wearing sunglasses and a wig that smokes despite not having a mouth, drives Ferrari's and drinks copiously, also despite not having a mouth. Thinks he's a detective, but has comically bad deduction skills. Prioritizes using weaker handgun-shaped plasma throwers over other kinds of weapons, but will budge and use better equipment if the situation calls for it.)

(Number 98, A Shitbot with a custom body made of a matte off-white material, has engines in his legs that allow him to fly and has various guns, cannons and missiles in his limbs that are powerful enough to not be useless against Undefinables.)

(Number 2000, A Shitbot with a custom body made of a glossy black material, has mechanical wings and engines on his back allowing him to fly and numerous large energy weapons all over his body. Can create force fields with a limited durability and size and can create more energy to power himself up even further. Can also teleport away if injured, but can only do it over very long distances and it has a long cooldown that forces him to save for emergency retreating only.)

(Number 9801, A Shitbot that's a weeb with an unhealthy addiction to Visual Novels. Completely useless as a result. Refuses to use computers made after 2003. Mainly a comic relief character. Despite this, he and nobody else can operate a satellite laser that's capable of leveling entire cities.)

(Sorry, I've left this hanging. The Russians invading Russia from Russia to free Russian speaking Russians from Russia has kept me distracted because it's like watching a GTA LARP.)

(Currently they've stolen tanks and helicopters from a Russian military base which they have used to blow apart said base and in response, the Russians are sending in unarmed militia men and have conducted a thermobaric artillery strike on one of their own towns that they didn't bother to evacuate because three dudes took a selfie there before moving on.)

(Reality has somehow reached the same tier as our shitposts.)

(All of those Shitbot ideas are really good, with 91 and 81 being my favourite.)

(None of those numbers are in use either, so we're all good.)

(I look forward to the next instalment of Flawed Light: The Gothening whenever you have the time to add more.)

  • >"Flawed Light: The Gothening"

(First of all, yes I'm fully aware of the fact that the cast of characters is slowly approaching having so many goths that even Neil Gaiman thins there's too many.)

(But what on Earth is a "Flawed Light?" I Googled it because I thought it was some sort of reference I was missing and all I got was a generic romance novel you'd see retired 60-something women reading and a book about female poets being alcoholics. Am I missing something here, because I'm not getting the first half of the joke.)

(OH SHIT, IT WAS A PERFECT DARK PUN, WASN'T IT? HOT DAMN! I'M RE…)

(…Actually I think the mods banned someone for saying that a while back, so… I'm "really embarrassed…" yeah… "really embarrassed!")

(I don't know much about Perfect Dark, all I know is that it's made by the same developers as Goldeneye 64, I'm honestly going for more of a Metal Gear vibe with Bex. Maybe a little bit of something crazier with the action later on if I can come up with a good action sequence.)

Bex walked alongside the service catwalk above the flow of sewage when suddenly, she heard the sound of an engine approaching. Quickly hiding behind an exposed pipe, she watched as the silhouette of a large sphere rolled through the pipeline, stopped at an intersection, unfolded a pair of mechanical legs and a spotlight, surveyed the surrounding corridors and then returned to it's ball form and continued off into the darkness ahead.

"Saima, come in. Did you see that?" Bex said over the radio.

"Yeah, if I had to guess, it must be one of the new specialized Anti-Undefinable Shitbot Drones. It doesn't match any of the identification charts we have, but I do have two codenames: 'Bulwark' and 'Holdfast'. All I've been able to eavesdrop off of the intelligence community is that one's a ranged fighter, the other's a melee fighter of some sort and they both curl up into balls and roll around. Other than that, there's either something they're not telling us or they don't know." Saima explained.

"Huh, rolls up into a ball? Like Phantasm? You think it flies around, stabs drills into people and sucks their innards out?" Bex quipped.

"No, I'm pretty sure they'd know if they could fly or not and gory vacuum drills doesn't sound like something a Shitbot would use, but these things are brand new. We know next to nothing about them and they're definitely designed to take more abuse than a 40mm grenade can dish out, so I'd stay away from them if I were you." Saima continued.

"You don't have to tell me." Bex replied as she continued down the pipeline.

"Oh, and I've got a map for you!" Saima added. "One of the employees at the company that made the security system took the bait and opened one of the love bombs I sent to their work Email, thanks to no amount of antivirus software being able to account for the common idiot, I've been able to access their records and according to the schematics for this place, there should be an unsecured drain that leads straight into the basement of a building a good ways ahead of you. Not sure what the building is since this is just for the security system and it looks like it's connected to a bridge that connects to another building closer to the Nuclear Power Plant. Beats trekking through the jungle again, right?" Saima expounded.

"Great, this is why I give you chart you absurdly low rent prices, Saima." Bex complemented. "Do you have a way into the actual security system on the island, or just the floor plans?" Bex added.

"Sorry, just layouts and diagrams, no live feed or any sort of communication with the island itself. Looks like there's a control room for the security system, right next to the Nuclear Reactor, too, talk about convenient. If you can get there and establish a link into their system, I might be able to do some serious damage, but I imagine by then you'll have probably done the same to the security team's numbers." Saima said. "Oh, and remember those Ammonium nitrate silos we hypothesized about earlier? I think I figured out their rough general location." Saima announced.

"Fantastic, let me know when you've got their exact location down and what kind of security it's got because I'll take all the backup options I can get." Bex Responded.

"Uhh… That's both the best part and the problem…" Saima started. "You see… there is practically no security around the silos from what I can tell, which means I can't find it in their files, but there's actually the bare minimum as far as security systems go, so I'm able to find the other agricultural buildings. The silos should be towering above everything else, so if you can get to the agricultural area, which it looks like you can from the building on the other side of that bridge I mentioned earlier, you should be able to find the silos fairly easy." Saima finished.

"Nice, looks like we've got a thousand ways to make them go out with a bang here." Bex chuckled.

"I'll get back to you once I've finished going over the rest of the files on this place, for now, head to that drain." Saima said.

Bex snuck down the interior of the pipeline, avoiding the occasional Specialized Shitbot Drones patrolling the sewers.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(OH SHIT, IT WAS A PERFECT DARK PUN, WASN'T IT? HOT DAMN! I'M RE…)

(…Actually I think the mods banned someone for saying that a while back, so… I'm "really embarrassed…" yeah… "really embarrassed!")

(I don't know much about Perfect Dark, all I know is that it's made by the same developers as Goldeneye 64, I'm honestly going for more of a Metal Gear vibe with Bex. Maybe a little bit of something crazier with the action later on if I can come up with a good action sequence.)

(Yeah, it was a Perfect Dark reference.)

(I've been playing the original one on Xbox at the moment and the current story sounds a lot like the third level where you've got to sneak past killbots via sewers and side streets to break into a secret compound to rescue an AI.)

(Oh, just so you guys know, I'm still around still, just lurking at the moment due to how busy life is at the moment.)

(Eh, I was thinking more of the sewer scene from Akira. The currently unidentified spherical specialized Shitbot was almost an ordinary Shitbot on a flying platform similar to the Williams X-Jet until I remembered that the giant anti-Undefinable Shitbots would probably be better at patrolling sewers due to their sheer size allowing them to basically blockade it if need be, the flying platforms were a little too derivative for my tastes anyways, even if they are absolutely the kind of goofy vehicle I'd imagine a Shitbot would use.)

(It might be awhile before I get the next part of Tacti-kewl Dialogue Action Shit Gear Bex 3: Goth Eater (working title) written, due to some art I want to finish first, but the part I wanted to have the art for is a little ways ahead, so I might get it written later this week. But I've learned my lesson about promising deadlines, so no promises.)

(Also, this probably would have been over by page 1 if they sent a (named) Undefinable in, just death and destruction left and right with the larger specialized Shitbots getting wrangled like mad bulls and used to run over the regular Shitbots. Undefinables are broken, lol. Unless, they're nameless drones, then they have well-defined limits and abilities with stuff that should hurt them hurting them, like the specialized Anti-Undefinable Shitbots.)

(Honestly, I think it's a case of important characters having plot armor, but then again, are they OP because they're important, or are they important because they're OP? Would a story about a random dude that dies 5 minutes into his first fight be interesting? Maybe if you were making an anti-war story, but not if you're going for over-the-top sci-fi action.)

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(Eh, I was thinking more of the sewer scene from Akira. The currently unidentified spherical specialized Shitbot was almost an ordinary Shitbot on a flying platform similar to the Williams X-Jet until I remembered that the giant anti-Undefinable Shitbots would probably be better at patrolling sewers due to their sheer size allowing them to basically blockade it if need be, the flying platforms were a little too derivative for my tastes anyways, even if they are absolutely the kind of goofy vehicle I'd imagine a Shitbot would use.)

(It might be awhile before I get the next part of Tacti-kewl Dialogue Action Shit Gear Bex 3: Goth Eater (working title) written, due to some art I want to finish first, but the part I wanted to have the art for is a little ways ahead, so I might get it written later this week. But I've learned my lesson about promising deadlines, so no promises.)

(Also, this probably would have been over by page 1 if they sent a (named) Undefinable in, just death and destruction left and right with the larger specialized Shitbots getting wrangled like mad bulls and used to run over the regular Shitbots. Undefinables are broken, lol. Unless, they're nameless drones, then they have well-defined limits and abilities with stuff that should hurt them hurting them, like the specialized Anti-Undefinable Shitbots.)

(Honestly, I think it's a case of important characters having plot armor, but then again, are they OP because they're important, or are they important because they're OP? Would a story about a random dude that dies 5 minutes into his first fight be interesting? Maybe if you were making an anti-war story, but not if you're going for over-the-top sci-fi action.)

>(Would a story about a random dude that dies 5 minutes into his first fight be interesting?)
(MediEvil)

>Would a story about a random dude that dies 5 minutes into his first fight be interesting? Maybe if you were making an anti-war story, but not if you're going for over-the-top sci-fi action.

(As a dabbler in the creative arts, you can't just make your main character perfect, because then there are no risks and the story becomes very boring and stale. If there is no chance that the character can fail, then it doesn't matter how exciting the adventures they get into are, because you already know how it ends from the start and the action scenes start to become padding instead of pivotal moments in the story.)

(This is why its hard to make a good Superman story, as he is the man who can literally do everything. This is why it's down to the more fallible and weaker characters to carry the story, as it then there is an element of risk and the reader becomes involved in watching Superman trying to stop all these spinning plates from toppling over, or being forced to choose between saving one and failing the other.)

(Having your character fail is one of the most important things you can do to get your reader to engage with your work, especially if you seek to turn it onto a franchise; because then they can never rest easy and will always be wondering if the hero will save the day after all?)

(The hero most admired is not the one who saves the day effortlessly, but the one who doesn't but still rises to try, try and try again; because that's what being a hero is all about.)

(That's the thing, they've gotta be special, but not perfect.)

(But then you get to the issue of everything being fiction and scripted, are there real stakes? The author controls everything, I'd argue the only real stakes are if it ends up being good or not.)

Bex reached the drain and ascended the ladder to it, finding herself in a mechanical room being used as a closet. Pausing at the sound of whistling coming from the next room, peeking through the door, she discovered the source of the sound: A lone guard getting dressed in the locker room.

Silently gliding out of the closet she approached him as he moved to pull his uniform out of his locker. The subtle movement of Bex unsheathing her knife was imperceptible to human ears. In the same instant that she grabbed him by the mouth, he was stabbed in the back of the neck at the highest point and gently lowered into the locker as he went limp and blank. Bex immediately noticed the logo on the uniform hanging in the locker.

Bex closed the locker door and inspected the rest of the room, seeing that she was alone, hid so she could use her radio.

"Saima, the security contractors here are from Swan-Song." Bex stated.

"Swan-Song Security, LLC? The same company that's been providing security at the last few sites we've infiltrated. Are they really so dirty as to be working with Shitbots?" Saima asked.

"Looks like it, not like we expected much else from a corporation with this bad of a fetish for terrible licensed copies of Franchi guns." Bex added.

Bex lightly opened the door ever so slightly to the hallway and spotted two guards without being noticed. "Yep, still using LF-57's. Just go with an MP5 or an Uzi at this point, there's literally no valid reason for an American company to be near-exclusively using something as antiquated and niche as the LF-57, especially when everything else is a dime-a-dozen." She complained.

"I swear, that contract with Vernichtung, UG making them their sole supplier of arms is their one problem that's bigger than their corruption, or you making an a joke of them on a biweekly basis while we're on the subject. I'm honestly surprised that they still get work after that what you did to them at Seal Biotech lab." Saima said.

Bex's gaze moved to two men in hazmat suits moving a hermetically sealed box covered in biohazard stickers and a conspicuous logo down the hallway. "Speaking of Seal Biotech, I just saw a massive box with their name on it go through the hall in a hurry. At this rate it looks like all the usual suspects for corporate corruption are working with the Shitbots." Bex expounded.

"The stuff you've seen so far alone is enough to get their offices raided by Undefinables and just about everyone from the shareholders to the janitors arrested and given a life sentence, are you sure you don't want to just dial the hotline and get out before something goes wrong?" Saima suggested.

"Whatever's going on here is clearly big, big enough it needs to be ended as soon as possible, by the time they've finished reading through the evidence, this place will have already served it's purpose. I can feel it, the rushing around of workers, the security, this place exudes anxiousness and it reeks of whatever they're doing here, they're either almost finished or ahead of schedule." Bex explained.

"Well… I can't stop you." Saima said, mildly disappointed.

Bex crawled into a ventilation duct and began using it to traverse the facility without being detected. Coming to a vent overlooking a meeting room, she noticed something and paused to watch. A large Shitbot in a Ushanka and clad in Explosive Reactive Armor bricks stood above two other Shitbots, shouting at them in indecipherable butchered Russian.

"Calm yourself, Number 91…" Said a Shitbot donning a 10-gallon hat and twirling a pair of antique revolvers in his hands. "Project Shitstorm is proceeding exactly as planned, there's no need to get upset." It continued.

"DO VILLY VESTERN VHITBOTS NOT VUNDERSTAND MY VIMPECCABLVE VUSSIAN? I VAS COMPLIVENTING VYOU!!!" Number 91 responded.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves now…" The third Shitbot interjected while smoking a cigarette in spite of it's lack of a mouth, it wore a wig and sunglasses. "…We've gotta keep this whole operation quiet, if we don't, one of those Shirleyist gits will figure out something somewhere is up and start looking for something, something like this island, with this facility, with this plan being hatched." It explained.

"You're concerns have been accounted for, Number 84." The revolver-twirling Shitbot replied with a calm and commanding tone. "Now if I remember correctly, we have much more important tasks than wasting breath on baseless security concerns to attend to." It stated.

The three Shitbots all left the room. Bex immediately phoned home.

"Did you see that?" She asked.

"Yeah, those three are each on the International Shirleyist Defense Organization's most wanted list. There's no way you can take them out, none of your gear's good for that." Saima stated.

"Guess we'll be calling the hotline after all." Bex mumbled.

"Got it. They'll have an Undefinable at the island soon, I'll make sure they send someone quiet, it'll be a while, though. I guess a triple-assassination just got added to our to-do list." Saima replied.

"Just tell me know when they get here." Bex said as she continued through the vents, disgruntled that the mission just got more complicated.

(Hey, to be fair in regards to the Seal Biotech incident, the fact that they were making Furbies real in the same lab we were genetically modifying orange trees to grow Terry's Chocolate Oranges in doesn't mean we were involved with that too.)

(We're professionals. Professionals have standards.)

(Also, don't you think the fact that Bex murdered someone doing their tasks and then immediately dived into a vent to be kind of……sus?)

Soup King wrote:

(Hey, to be fair in regards to the Seal Biotech incident, the fact that they were making Furbies real in the same lab we were genetically modifying orange trees to grow Terry's Chocolate Oranges in doesn't mean we were involved with that too.)

(We're professionals. Professionals have standards.)

(Also, don't you think the fact that Bex murdered someone doing their tasks and then immediately dived into a vent to be kind of……sus?)

(Bex after venting be like)

Last edited Jul 03, 2023 at 07:59AM EDT

(Oh, just so you guys know, I'm off until September, so I'll probably go back to being fairly active again for a bit.)

(I've got to finish off an old request and then write a series of non-inflation inflation comics because no one volunteered, but those shouldn't take too long to do hopefully.)

Soup King wrote:

(Oh, just so you guys know, I'm off until September, so I'll probably go back to being fairly active again for a bit.)

(I've got to finish off an old request and then write a series of non-inflation inflation comics because no one volunteered, but those shouldn't take too long to do hopefully.)

You doing Kaijin Mpreg later, or is that something I missed?

(Hell no, he's talking about that body inflation skit he needed volunteers for. If I remember correctly, you were the only person to willingly volunteer to become a Human beach ball.)

(Not my cup of tea at all, but I never took you for the inflation type, Quiet_boi. I see not even you can resist KYM's ability to give people cursed fetishes simply by spending time on the site. This site's like the markers from Dead Space, but for fetishes.)

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(Hell no, he's talking about that body inflation skit he needed volunteers for. If I remember correctly, you were the only person to willingly volunteer to become a Human beach ball.)

(Not my cup of tea at all, but I never took you for the inflation type, Quiet_boi. I see not even you can resist KYM's ability to give people cursed fetishes simply by spending time on the site. This site's like the markers from Dead Space, but for fetishes.)

I only want to be a human beach ball because I can crush stuff like that.

(And he comes in at the eleventh hour to save the thread.)

(No need to thank me, just give the next friend you see a high-five instead and refuse to explain why if they ask what it was for.)

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(You know how beach balls work, right?)

(They're not exactly known for having a lot of weight, mass or density that would make crushing stuff a simple or expedient task.)

(All balls are beach balls if you are brave enough)

(I've neglected to continue Bex's story and now Quiet_boi and No!! are trying to do Mario & Luigi Bros. Attacks for no reason other than to do them.)

(While my Deus Ex playthrough absolutely horrible lack of energy and I'm just too busy IRL has been making writing the next part difficult, causing this horrible epidemic of our South American friends embracing wackier warfare tactics than the CIA attempting to kill Fidel Castro out of sheer boredom, only one question remains: Can No!! and Quiet_boi get an Excellent!! on their Human Beach Ball attack?)

Last edited Aug 01, 2023 at 07:20PM EDT

(I don't know, but in order to make this a fair fight, I suggest that we host it in Bolivia, as the complete lack of beaches means that they will have to rely on their ball skills alone instead of playing the geography of the location against their opponent.)

(Also which Deus Ex are you playing? what has caused your horrible lack of energy? Have you been staying up too late contemplating the nature of time, space and how the two conspire against you to steal one of each of your socks?)

(Not even being limited to just working from Bolivia can stop the beach ball barrage from happenning!)
(Kaijin will spend the rest of eternity picking up and disposing of beach balls of many different sizes!)
(And I'm sure he's playing the first Deus Ex, the only good one stressed by height charts and the current ecomomical climate, he doesn't need to worry about his socks not matching because I already took them all and he's currently sockless)
(Also, my place smells like feet)

Squibblyskadew wrote:

(As loud as possible)
GEE, IT SURE IS BORING AROUND HERE!

(Why would you say something so terrible Squibbly!)

(Now something interesting is going to happen.)

(Like me turning one of Kaijin's waifus back into a dryad, so you have your very own stick girl to love and cherish forever.)



(Whatever you do, it is very important to remember to not get her tattooed on your butt!)

(That would be absolutely scandalous.)

Juicydeath1025 wrote:

(Puzzled, not knowing where to begin, I enter the thread just to glimpse and obverse.)
(Surely, no one is going to notice that I have infiltrated the base.)

(Greetings sir!)
(Can I interest you in our most round congregation?)
(We have a tomboy on this side… And pie)

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

"Oops, I accidentally left Blütgrindor's cage open, surely nothing bad will happen because of this!"

(Also, we have at least 3-5 times the amount of Tomboys than Soup King and Quiet_boi do.)

(I think you made their decision of who to join harder lol)

(And the third option, to start a new cult, doesn’t seem to appeal either)

(There’s also a fourth choice I went with, which is to pick a side and then form a subfaction)

(At this point, you and Soup King already play as multiple groups in the thread which further complicates things)

Last edited Aug 05, 2023 at 03:00PM EDT

Soup King heard the Blütgrindor Has Worked Out How to Operate the Child Gate alarm, which is very similar to the Wild Geese Have Annexed the Main Hall alarm with the main difference being Blütgrindor's alarm flashes blue as it is the less severe scenario.

"Oh Bother, where on Earth am I going to find prime Asian Cussy at this time of the night?"

(To be fair, unlike the dirty Shirleyists who hide their dark doings behind multiple proxies and facades, the Circle Cultists proudly endorse each and every group associated with them as they are all valiant partners of a just cause.)

(I can not blame them of course, as the last time we had an honourable duel, I was winning consistently despite certain cries of tomfoolery that making humans have a boxing match with a 7ft tall robot is unfair, but quite frankly all of those broken wrists and fingers are their fault for punching me so hard.)

(I was considering making a long post detailing the differences between different Shirleyist groups around the globe, with stuff like the average East-Asian Shirleyist being an iconoclastic radical nonconformist youth that either dresses extravagantly garishly or in an intentionally extremely unkempt manner in protest of the region's highly professional norms, with a bizarre quirk of the Japanese Shirleyists in particular being their almost fanatic pro-nuclear stance, and not just for power plants, but also weapons. This being a result of Shirleyism's assertion that all nations should be able to stand on their own in as many aspects as possible, the natural conclusion being that a non-nuclear nation will always be at the mercy of a nuclear one, an argument that would seem flawed in the context of 4th generation warfare until you realize that the average Shirleyist controlled military will use nuclear weapons of all different kinds and yields for everything from heavily fortified chokepoints to the average midlife crisis.)

(I was also going to go into stuff like middle eastern Shirleyists wanting a separation of church and state not because they're all fedora-tipping atheists or religious minorities, but because their staunch Muslims that feel that the current Islamic theocracies are corrupting Islam for the worse and European Shirleyists being the weirdest rogues gallery of seemingly random political backgrounds ranging from hyper conservative unironic neo-imperialists who want to restart the East India Trading Company to ultra-progressive new age bohemians who find the necessity of breathing air oppressive and fascistic and everything in between. It would really be acoin flip as to whether or not arguing with a European Shirleyist would get you A: a normal counterargument, B: Physically evicted from town by an angry mob, or C: an abstract art exhibit made about you comparing you to Benito Mussolini with the ultimate aim of all these bizarre characterizations of Shirleyism's supporters to be a litany of citations for the phrase "Shirleyists are just weird, okay?")

(Of course my primary depiction of Shirleyism will always be the American Shirleyist being a constantly strutting Metal Gear villain stereotype who's too libertarian to be a conservative and too conservative to be a libertarian that tip-toes around any form of identity politics by quickly reminding their opponent that they have to build bigger and bigger nuclear warheads to beat the 7 foot tall British robots that act like an meme-fueled autistic Bugs Bunny that keep popping up in random places and starting beef with Shirleyists for no reason other than "It's funny." and "If Kommando really wants to write action and not comedy, why does he keep doing it in a Shitpost thread?")

(But, I'm busy as is. I've been unable to sleep due to the anxiety I experience because I accidentally revealed one of my massive weaknesses to Soup King and must now work tirelessly non-stop to make my home completely isometric shooter-proof in preparation of his antics.)

(Oh, and Soup King, I don't know which definition of "Cussy" you're using, but I'd highly advise against trying to get any from Blütgrindor, I mean, she doesn't exactly bathe regularly, or thoroughly, or with soap, or use protection, or ask for anything in an acceptable manner, or resist the urge to commit violence completely unprompted, or y'know… anything that wouldn't be a monumental red flag screaming "DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS PERSON" loud enough for it to appear in a Japanese science student's Geiger counter, all the way on the other side of the ocean, or I guess the almost continuous landmass, save for two channels, for you specifically. You know Hello Kitty girls and the stereotypes around them? Blütgrindor's exponentially worse.)

>Oh, and Soup King, I don't know which definition of "Cussy" you're using

(Well normally in order to lure Blütgrindor away from our stuff, we normally just tie an Asian Cyborg Lesbian to a post, start beating on the ritual gong and then as soon as we have confirmation she's on the move, we start playing smooth jazz through loud speakers and run away.)

(Normally she forgets about whatever it is she was supposed to be doing after that until you use your Disciplinary Water Dispenser, Undefinable (DWDU) on her and then send her back to work.)

>This being a result of Shirleyism's assertion that all nations should be able to stand on their own in as many aspects as possible, the natural conclusion being that a non-nuclear nation will always be at the mercy of a nuclear one, an argument that would seem flawed in the context of 4th generation warfare until you realize that the average Shirleyist controlled military will use nuclear weapons of all different kinds and yields for everything from heavily fortified chokepoints to the average midlife crisis.

(The Circle Cult also condemns the rampant use of nuclear weapons and their proliferation, as it causes vast, long-term environmental damage and the number of people who have nuclear weapons increases the chance of a rouge actor using them for their own nefarious needs.)

(Unless you want the planet to be occupied solely by machines and funky fungus. In which case, I would implore you to not make our mistake of forgetting to name everyone something different when you digitize their consciousness. Currently we've managed to successfully recover 3457 out of 5493 people from John.exe and we are hopefully going to save the rest within the next few months.)

>I've been unable to sleep due to the anxiety I experience because I accidentally revealed one of my massive weaknesses to Soup King and must now work tirelessly non-stop to make my home completely isometric shooter-proof in preparation of his antics.

(Ironically, the best way to achieve this would be to disable your security system, as the only way I could turn your home into an isometric shooter would be to clamp a pair of VR goggles on to your head and make you view your world through security cameras.)

(But really the thing you should be worried about the most is the racoons.)

(As I was on my way over for my normal midnight snack, I saw them gathered around the dumpster you throw the squishy things into and it seemed like they were planning something, going by all the scratching, singing and fire-breathing they were doing.)

(The Circle Cult also condemns the rampant use of nuclear weapons and their proliferation, as it causes vast, long-term environmental damage and the number of people who have nuclear weapons increases the chance of a rouge actor using them for their own nefarious needs.)

(To be fair, the CoC doesn’t need them when they already got someone powerful like the angel with them.)
(Vast, long term environmental damage is the exact opposite of what the angel does due to his lifey powers.)

(Nuclear weapons cannot see, hear, speak, think, or make decisions. The angel can. A rogue actor using nukes is a scary prospect for sure. The angel, however, restrains himself from abusing his powers.)

(And it is very fortunate that you are on the side of light and justice and not over there with those guys who just pretend to be on the side of light and justice.)

(Your high tolerance for whoopsies is also greatly appreciated.)

(Oh, and I don't remember if I forgot to mention this or not, but during his presidency, Kommando started a program to build a Nuclear weapon equipped satellite network composed of both satellites that launch 100 megaton nuclear warheads and satellites that launch depleted uranium-238 penetrators designed to destroy opposing nuclear weapons. Add the Shirleyists' cyberwarfare capabilities and the fact that I already mentioned that they hijack several foreign militaries' nuclear arsenals at one point and made them nuke themselves and the risk of a catastrophic global nuclear war is technically low because 1: by the end of WWIII the majority of the world's nations are either Shirleyist or aligned with them, 2. the only remaining opposition countries are second and third-world countries that didn't have nuclear arsenals to begin with are going to be fighting an uphill battle with the amount of foreign espionage and sabotage postwar Shirleyists engage in and 3. there's literally a giant weaponized satellite network designed to delete massive chunks of land at a moment's notice that's designed to both dish out and withstand nuclear attacks and includes countermeasures against anti-satellite weapons, so trying to fight that thing in any way that would matter would just get you insta-deleted on the spot by either a 30-ft tall spiked telephone pole made out of one of the densest materials known to man descending from the heavens at re-entry speeds or the largest nuclear detonation in history incinerating you and demolishing everything in a 22 mile radius, not so much radiation though, since everyone knows that you want an airburst to maximize the blastwave and minimize the radiation.)

(Besides, with the whole aforementioned airburst thing, the detonation site will be fine in 20 years in an absolutely worst case scenario, just look at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the only two places to have been nuked recovered perfectly fine with the ultimate destructive effects of the bomb being more comparable to the conventional incendiary weapons already being used without any controversy than an absolute apocalypse. The radiation part is often incredibly exaggerated, the greatest threat will be what becomes of people once all of the infrastructure and systems they rely on are destroyed in an instant. The fear and panic following will do more damage than the bomb ever could and you can incite it without a nuke perfectly fine.)

(When matters of certain weapons being ethical or not arises, I feel that people are lying to themselves about themselves. They talk of waging war humanely as if shooting a man in the chest and letting him choke on his own blood is better than instantaneous complete and total deletion in a ball of fire at a speed so fast that the Human nervous system would not even register it's occurrence. People talk of peace on Earth and a world without wars, forgetting that nearly every aspect of our society can be found to have originated or formed out of violence, life itself requires violence to exist in a nearly ubiquitous manner in order to continue, microbial organisms devouring each other for sustenance, fungi feasting on the dead no matter what died, even the Herbivores which people often think of as being completely peaceful, docile beings only continue to live because their time is almost wholly devoted to violence upon the plants they need to consume. In a world without violence and death, everyone and everything would just rot alive for all of an unending eternity, it would be no paradise, it would be worse than Hell itself. People on a quest for complete and total peace have forgotten not just their nature, but the entire truth of nature itself, as Humans are by nature not just predators, but apex predators having superseded all other animals on the planet and even challenging plants, fungi and microbial life in ways no other organism has previously, nature has quite literally designed us to be mortal harbingers of death, reshaping the world into our image and pushing the entirety of life itself into a new stage of evolution. Each person is the latest, most efficient incarnation of the cycle of life and death yet, accelerating and streamlining it more and more with each generation in ways completely unprecedented. Look at the Internet, it's memes and cultures, evolutions and mutations that would have taken centuries to happen in previous eras and decades to happen in our parents' time are now happening on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis. Life isn't dying out, it's just moving faster and the older forms of life are getting left behind by their newer, more optimized incarnations, it's just the Mammals picking up after the Dinosaurs all over again because the more things change, the more they stay the same. So, really, new ways of death and destruction are barely worth any sort of outrage in my opinion as it is simply the evolution of life, finding more and more efficient ways to begin and end as it always has. I see an anti-nuclear demonstration and all I see is a bunch of single celled organisms shrieking at the first multicellular organism for being better at surviving than they are. It is a rejection of evolution and an embracing of suicidal biological failure to not seek more and more optimal ways to commit violence on larger and larger scales.)

(Perhaps you might notice that the anti-nuclear sentiment is more fervorous amongst Urban populations, this is easily explainable through the fact that densely-populated cities, once thought to be a difficult environment for standing armies to wage war in have been effectively hard-countered by the simple existence of nuclear weapons. Their advantages have been flipped on their heads to become disadvantageous and cannot come to terms with their own mortality and the transience of their existence now that the cat is out of the bag. The primitive, prehistoric toothless invertebrate is shrieking in moral outrage against it's predators for daring to be the first animals to evolve teeth in order to penetrate it's previously indestructible skin and ending it's unchallenged reign instead of evolving it's own adaptations against said teeth. They do not ask for devices capable of destroying ICBMs mid-flight, in fact many of them protest any sort of practical project to lessen the effect nuclear weapons would have on their lives. The only way to get rid of a weapon is to render it irrelevant with an even more efficient weapon and they refuse to adhere to any form of logic and do so in their mortal panic. They only want some fairy tale where their subjective concepts of evil do not exist, thus I find any opposition to nuclear technology as a whole regressive and counterintuitive to life itself and every nuclear disaster film I own a copy of sits in a bin labeled "black comedy" as I tend to enjoy them in the same way a stoner enjoys Reefer Madness.)

(Sorry for going off-topic halfway through, I just felt more context might be necessary.)

(life itself requires violence to exist in a nearly ubiquitous manner in order to continue,)

About a year or two ago, the angel figured this out after studying his life powers. It was a horrifying realization for him.

Violence, in this context, being to inflict suffering on another.

The angel wondered: What about me? Do I sustain myself by drawing energy from another?
My wings are made of monster souls, so that’s a given. But what about the source of my powers? There was the chaos machine that bestowed power onto me many moons and many worlds ago…

But if it was all from that machine, I should be getting weaker, but I’ve actually gotten stronger than when I first entered this world.

And then it hit him.

My powers are coming from the Holey One!
The Circle seems to revitalize me at regular intervals. The energy input goes to me at a rate which perfectly matches a sine wave.

But why does the Undeserving Circle do this? It continues even after I ask to stop. Perhaps the Circle wants me alive for some future purpose? For now, I’m not sure…

I can’t even tell if this life-force transfer affects the Circle. Perhaps someone or something is lending the Circle their power. The CoC! Perhaps worshipping the Circle has this effect. Maybe it’s giving me its power to “maintain equilibrium” or something.

Last edited Aug 06, 2023 at 07:12PM EDT

Quiet_boi wrote:

(Greetings sir!)
(Can I interest you in our most round congregation?)
(We have a tomboy on this side… And pie)

(Howdy partner!)
(Sure, if you have tomboys in this so called cult of yours, then count me in!)
(Keep your pie though, I'm not a pie guy, cupcakes are what I prefer.)

Juicydeath1025 wrote:

(Howdy partner!)
(Sure, if you have tomboys in this so called cult of yours, then count me in!)
(Keep your pie though, I'm not a pie guy, cupcakes are what I prefer.)

(>Cupcakes)
(Your good taste is impecable, kind friend. And I got just what you need)

(We also have some tea and coffee if you like)
(As for our tomboys, we have a never ending army of clones of this cute gal called Sam who has a very naughty habit of coming out of the air vents and dragging me with her for her cuddling sessions undisclosed activities, you'll probably see her here and there just don't make it obvius that your guard is down or she'll drag you with me)
(Only one Sam clone tends to be activated at a time but it's likely that we'll now need two as to accomodate with the new member, I.E. you)

(Working on an element/attribute system, just felt like making one and applying it to different characters. Includes the obligatory and obvious "normal" elements (fire, water, air, etc.), some "exotic" elements (antimatter, dark matter, entropy, etc.), day/night cycle elements (dawn-day-dusk-night), life elements (plants, flesh, bacteria, etc.) and emotion elements (happiness, sadness, anger, etc.) It'll probably be a while before it's finished, though.)

(I'm currently thinking of any given character being able to have a maximum of six "active" elements, but I'm also thinking of characters having much less powerful "inactive" or "latent" elements/attributes, like all Undefinables having latent Metal, Electric and Flesh elements/attributes being weird machine-human organisms, but every individual Undefinable having their own unique set of "active" elements/attributes.)

(Obviously anybody that's goth would have darkness as an element automatically, anybody that's some sort of robot or cyborg would have metal as an element automatically, anybody that's physically made of flesh will have flesh as an element automatically.)

(But the question remains, Shitbots would obviously be metal, but what would Quiet_boi's self-insert, Olors' angel and anybody else's characters have as their elements? Part of me really wants to make one of Quiet_boi's elements love and then make him the strongest wielder of it, therefor making him the purest form of love, (ba dum tiss) with it doubling as an explanation for why Sam keeps dragging him away due to being subconsciously affected by Quiet_boi's elemental attributes. Maybe Sam could have pleasure as one of her elements, Soup King did say that she was supposed to be a caricature of the stereotypical horny KYM user. Blütgrindor would very obviously be Anger, Darkness, Pleasure, Fire, Metal and Flesh.)

(Anyways, here's a full list of elemental attributes and the colors associated with them so far. Let me know if anyone wants a further explanation as to what different elemental attributes do.)

Normal:

Fire – Red & Orange
Water – Blue & Teal
Air – Green & Sky Blue
Earth – Brown & Tan
Stone – Black & Dark Gray
Ice – White & Cyan
Metal – Chrome & Gray
Electricity – Yellow & Cyan
Plasma – Magenta & Violet
Sound – Brown & White
Magnetism – Metallic Gray & Red
Psychic – Purple & Pale Green
Gravity – Black & Cyan
Light – Glowing White, Gold & Silver
Darkness – Super Black, Purple & Red

Exotic:
Antimatter – Silver & Purple
Dark Matter – Black & Magenta
Strange Matter – Plaid, Polka Dot and Zig-Zag
Negative Matter – White, Yellow, Cyan & Magenta
Mirror – Mirror
Entropy – Black & Violet

Day-Night-Cycle:

Dawn – Cream & Periwinkle
Day – Yellow & Blue
Dusk – Orange & Purple
Night – Black & Navy Blue

Life:
Plant – Green & Brown
Fungi – Off-Whtie & Moss Green
Flesh – Red & White
Archaea – Yellow & Purple
Bacteria – Pink & Blue
Virions – Orange & Black

Emotions:
Hapiness – Yellow & Orange
Sadness – Blue & Gray
Anger – Black & Red
Fear – Yellow & Black
Pleasure – Red & Magenta
Pain – Red & Yellow
Pride – Gold & Silver
Zeal – Green & Purple
Love – Gold, Magenta & White
Hate – Black, Red & Green

A crashing sound suddenly came from above followed by a cloud of debris and a 7ft tall robot tumbling clumsily from the ceiling.

Getting unsteadily to his feet, his gaze passed over Juicy and Quiet_Boi before dusting himself off and extending his hand to shake Juicy's.

"Ah good evening. I'm terribly sorry for the awkward introduction but we're currently conducting experiments on lesbians and their time distorting powers."

"I hear you've come to join us on our wholesome Jihad, jolly good!"

Before Juicy could question any of the nonsense that just came out of the machine's mouth, a red headed tomboy came around the corner and made a passable attempt at coming to attention before Soup King.



"Ah Intern, I'm not entirely sure how you got down here so quickly, but would you be a dear and give a tour of the place with Brother Boi for our newest member here please?"

"Sure thing, Boss."

Sam grabbed a hold of Quiet_Boi's hand leading him to stare at Juicy with a look of abject terror and pleading, before quickly leading the both of them down a side corridor to begin the tour.

Soup King watched them go, before cupping his speakers and yelling back up the hole he fell through.

"Alright Number 98, you can tell the girls to stop kissing now!"

With a distorted cry of "Reggub!" the machine was sucked along with all of the debris back through the hole in the ceiling which sealed itself behind him.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(Working on an element/attribute system, just felt like making one and applying it to different characters. Includes the obligatory and obvious "normal" elements (fire, water, air, etc.), some "exotic" elements (antimatter, dark matter, entropy, etc.), day/night cycle elements (dawn-day-dusk-night), life elements (plants, flesh, bacteria, etc.) and emotion elements (happiness, sadness, anger, etc.) It'll probably be a while before it's finished, though.)

(I'm currently thinking of any given character being able to have a maximum of six "active" elements, but I'm also thinking of characters having much less powerful "inactive" or "latent" elements/attributes, like all Undefinables having latent Metal, Electric and Flesh elements/attributes being weird machine-human organisms, but every individual Undefinable having their own unique set of "active" elements/attributes.)

(Obviously anybody that's goth would have darkness as an element automatically, anybody that's some sort of robot or cyborg would have metal as an element automatically, anybody that's physically made of flesh will have flesh as an element automatically.)

(But the question remains, Shitbots would obviously be metal, but what would Quiet_boi's self-insert, Olors' angel and anybody else's characters have as their elements? Part of me really wants to make one of Quiet_boi's elements love and then make him the strongest wielder of it, therefor making him the purest form of love, (ba dum tiss) with it doubling as an explanation for why Sam keeps dragging him away due to being subconsciously affected by Quiet_boi's elemental attributes. Maybe Sam could have pleasure as one of her elements, Soup King did say that she was supposed to be a caricature of the stereotypical horny KYM user. Blütgrindor would very obviously be Anger, Darkness, Pleasure, Fire, Metal and Flesh.)

(Anyways, here's a full list of elemental attributes and the colors associated with them so far. Let me know if anyone wants a further explanation as to what different elemental attributes do.)

Normal:

Fire – Red & Orange
Water – Blue & Teal
Air – Green & Sky Blue
Earth – Brown & Tan
Stone – Black & Dark Gray
Ice – White & Cyan
Metal – Chrome & Gray
Electricity – Yellow & Cyan
Plasma – Magenta & Violet
Sound – Brown & White
Magnetism – Metallic Gray & Red
Psychic – Purple & Pale Green
Gravity – Black & Cyan
Light – Glowing White, Gold & Silver
Darkness – Super Black, Purple & Red

Exotic:
Antimatter – Silver & Purple
Dark Matter – Black & Magenta
Strange Matter – Plaid, Polka Dot and Zig-Zag
Negative Matter – White, Yellow, Cyan & Magenta
Mirror – Mirror
Entropy – Black & Violet

Day-Night-Cycle:

Dawn – Cream & Periwinkle
Day – Yellow & Blue
Dusk – Orange & Purple
Night – Black & Navy Blue

Life:
Plant – Green & Brown
Fungi – Off-Whtie & Moss Green
Flesh – Red & White
Archaea – Yellow & Purple
Bacteria – Pink & Blue
Virions – Orange & Black

Emotions:
Hapiness – Yellow & Orange
Sadness – Blue & Gray
Anger – Black & Red
Fear – Yellow & Black
Pleasure – Red & Magenta
Pain – Red & Yellow
Pride – Gold & Silver
Zeal – Green & Purple
Love – Gold, Magenta & White
Hate – Black, Red & Green

(It might be worth you and Olors working on this together, as Olors has been using a colour system for a while now to represent different powers, attributes and emotional states.)

(Although I suspect this may be an excuse to make even more character sheets, I'm up for trying to implement this going forward as it could be fun.)

(Is it going to mainly be a flavour thing, or were you imagining this being more like Pokémon where a certain attribute is weak/strong against another attribute?)

>Part of me really wants to make one of Quiet_boi's elements love and then make him the strongest wielder of it, therefor making him the purest form of love

(I also approve of turning Quiet_Boi into a Magical Girl Boi, but that will have to be a choice he makes himself.)

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