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Libertarianism

Anonymous iD: B6E70DRK No.83044520 22 minutes ago >>83044257 (OP) >live in libertarian utopia >wake up >no internet because DARPA was never funded and thus it wasn't developed >eat breakfast >hope I don't die of heavy metal poisoning because there are no regulations regarding food safety >walk outside >get in my car >hope I don't get hit because there's no regulations requiring seat belts or airbags >driving along the dirt road to my job at megacorp because there are no roads >work for 9 hours with a 15 minute break to eat my hopefully toxin free food >drive home from work to greet my daughter >who's completely illiterate and can't go to school because there are no public schools and I can't afford private school >just as I pull up to the house, a guy in a van with free ice cream snatches my daughter and drives off in a cloud of dust >call the private police company >'please note you will be charged $19.95 for this call" >they give me a quote for $1000 to investigate my daughter being kidnapped >only make $800 a month because no labor laws >politely decline >walk home >get stabbed for my shoes >nearby private police contractor can't interfere because I don't have coverage with their company >can't afford to go to the hospital, but then l'd probably die there anyway because there's no requirements for hospitals to practice proper sanitation >megacorp inherits my house because that's what my employment contract said in the I fine print >reflect on how fantastic life is without that oppressive government 1 reply /pol/ imagines a libertarian paradise

Anonymous iD: B6E70DRK No.83044520 22 minutes ago >>83044257 (OP) >live in libertarian utopia >wake up >no internet because DARPA was never funded and thus it wasn't developed >eat breakfast >hope I don't die of heavy metal poisoning because there are no regulations regarding food safety >walk outside >get in my car >hope I don't get hit because there's no regulations requiring seat belts or airbags >driving along the dirt road to my job at megacorp because there are no roads >work for 9 hours with a 15 minute break to eat my hopefully toxin free food >drive home from work to greet my daughter >who's completely illiterate and can't go to school because there are no public schools and I can't afford private school >just as I pull up to the house, a guy in a van with free ice cream snatches my daughter and drives off in a cloud of dust >call the private police company >'please note you will be charged $19.95 for this call" >they give me a quote for $1000 to investigate my daughter being kidnapped >only make $800 a month because no labor laws >politely decline >walk home >get stabbed for my shoes >nearby private police contractor can't interfere because I don't have coverage with their company >can't afford to go to the hospital, but then l'd probably die there anyway because there's no requirements for hospitals to practice proper sanitation >megacorp inherits my house because that's what my employment contract said in the I fine print >reflect on how fantastic life is without that oppressive government 1 reply /pol/ imagines a libertarian paradise

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anon goes to the gym

: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)23:54:35 No.858941903 STORY THREAD. >be me THUG LIFE >walk into gym wearing tiny 80's shorts and fake mustache >see literal 9.5/10 girl running on treadmill with earphones in >walk up to her, motion for her to take her 41 KB JPG earphones out >tell her she's alright looking but not really my type >walk away and leave the gym >hang out in my car in the parking lot, flying my rc helicopter all over the place >girl walks out >do 30mph fly-bys inches above her head and chase her running and screaming to her car >drink the rest of my nesquik and head home

: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)23:54:35 No.858941903 STORY THREAD. >be me THUG LIFE >walk into gym wearing tiny 80's shorts and fake mustache >see literal 9.5/10 girl running on treadmill with earphones in >walk up to her, motion for her to take her 41 KB JPG earphones out >tell her she's alright looking but not really my type >walk away and leave the gym >hang out in my car in the parking lot, flying my rc helicopter all over the place >girl walks out >do 30mph fly-bys inches above her head and chase her running and screaming to her car >drink the rest of my nesquik and head home

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4chan gym carlton banks

Don't learn Mandarin

O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)14:22:03 No.827861 File: pepe.jpg (40 KB, 500x484) >>828204 >>828417 >>828571 >>832505 >>833102 >>826340 DO NOT LEARN MANDARIN DO NOT DO IT YOU WILL FOREVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CHINESE, TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT PLEASE MAN DON'T DO IT, THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS MANDARIN AND LIVES IN CHINA YOU DON'T WANT THIS LEARN JAPANESE OR RUSSIAN INSTEAD, TRUST ME, PLEASE DO NOT LEARN MANDARIN IT WILL F--- UP YOUR LIFE BECAUSE NO BOSS IS GOING TO BE LIKE 'oh he has a degree in Mandarin and speaks it really well, let's just have him not involved in any way whatsoever with China'. The Chinese are absolute s---, they are the worst human beings that I have ever encountered on this planet, and I am EXTREMELY well traveled, including many s------- countries. Don't do it man, please take my advice, learn Japanese or Russian or some s--- instead, do NOT learn Mandarin You won't realize the truth in what I'm saying until you're already here, but by then it'll be too late. Don't do it man, please, help me help you, learn something else! O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:13:48 No.828249 > >>828273 >>828285 >>828397 >>828542 >>828571 >>832485 >>832737 >>840123 >>828204 Business related: >constant dickery, backstabbing, underhandedness >if they can lie, cheat, or steal, they will. >constantly have to deal with cheats and thieves, the Chinese will rarely outright steal something from you, but they will never give you what you want for the money you spend, unless you spend a large sum of money; the Chinese even have a saying about this, - , -E. It's basically expected that if you pay a low price for something you'll get scrap, even if it's supposed to adhere to a strict standard Example 1: >I work in the stainless steel industry. Friend is buying 201 grade steel (very common, basic grade) from a factory in Jiangsu. He asks me to inspect. Alright. I go to the factory, they assure me that they can produce within the required specification (tolerance of -0.25mm for thickness, aka 1/4 cm, the steel was 30mm in thickness so it had to be 29.75 or above to be within standard) and normal ASTM/AISI (standard international grade) chemistry, well alright my friend's buying this so I guess they're legit >nope >l inspect the goods, thickness if all over the f------ place from -28.5mm-29.5mm, I confront them about the thickness and their claims that they could produce to standard, >'oh anon because ASTM is an American grade we were obviously talking about inches, our mill only works in inches so we were talking about 1/4 an inch >lying through their f------ teeth, literally everyone else who wasn't part of the company backs me up saying that they were talking about mm, factory denies it >check chemistry >nickel content is less than 1/5 of what it's supposed to be on some sheets, chemistry is all over the f------ place, almost nothing is to standard >oh anon, this is 201 *industry standard* steel, your friend should have specified that he wanted 201 *international standard* steel cont, this is going to be long, I have several. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:20:53 No.828273 > >>828293 >>828296 >>828316 >>828397 >>828571 >>832485 >>828249 >there's only one 201 grade you f------ idiot, if you produce 'industry standard' 201 then you mark it as such like everyone else in the f------ industry you don't just call it '201' grade steel, you're literally committing fraud >so sue us, the order's only worth ~$30,000, enjoy spending more on legal fees than you'il get from us :^) >later was arguing with he production staff at their office, showed them the f------ American standard that said 'hey you're wrong on the thickness, you have to refund the money >one of the staff got into an argument with me over the meaning of 'up to', i.e. she thought 'up to 30' meant 'starting at 30 and over', rather than everything up to '30" >no anon, your English is too poor to understand this >English is my native language you stupid c--- you can barely string two sentences together He didn't get his money back and didn't sue. Example 2: >same 201 steel order, hire a Russian company to do shipping since it's being shipped to Moscow, want everything to be seamless, no chance at fuckups >our contract with the Russian company specifically states that they will take care of the packaging, because in addition to the steel being off standard it was also produced late, so it has to go on a high speed train to avoid being late; the high speed train has very specific packing requirements for steel, so we thought the Russians could handle it >day of shipment comes (a Saturday), all documents in place, should be fine >get a call >"hey so the goods didn't leave on Saturday." >". Why. >"Because the factory didn't package them." >"WE HIRED YOU TO PACKAGE THE GOODS YOU INCOMPETENT F---" >"Oh. Well, there aren't any forklifts in the area that can handle weights as heavy as this" >"..you're literally surrounded by warehouses, many of which stock stainless steel. Please explain how you are unable to find a forklift. Saturday from the Chinese sub-contractor that the Russians hired to do the Chinese leg of the journey cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:32:59 No.828316 828338 >>828397 >>828571 >>832282 >>837828 File: F------.jpg (14 KB, 236x351) >>828273 >"Well, we just can't find one. You have to find one." >l ended up doing their job for them and finding them a forklift. Goods arrived a week late because the train only leaves once per week, friend lost even more money because he had to give additional discounts to his client. LUCKILY, the Chinese 201 grade happened to be the same as Russian local 'industry standard' 201 steel (I guess some shared Soviet thing?), so he didn't lose all of his money, only about 20%+ Sigh Example >ordering goods from a large state-owned mill, purchase through a company that came recommended by the sales manager (you have to do this in order to take advantage of the export tax rebate that China has) >we purchase, everything goes smoothly except for a small crisis the order, so we had to negotiate with the sales manager and company late into the night to bring things down to $2800/ton, plus increase the price to our end customer (they weren't happy) >this happens extremely often in China; they quote one thing then jack up the price after your client has signed the contract with you, knowing you can't back out or you'll lose reputation and possibly money >March comes around, goods are produced on time, sales manager assures us that the goods will be in Tianjin Xingang port on March 9th at the latest, we'll then package the goods and have them ready for shipment on the i the start, where the company quoted $2600/ton, but when ordering time came around the goods jumped to $3000/ton, meaning we would have lost money on 16th. >March 5th rolls around >'Hey guys, how're the good doing? Still on the train?" >'No, they haven't left yet." >'What." >'Don't worry, we can still put them on a fast train to port, it'll take 3-4 days or so, you'll be fine.' >'Alright, whatever, just make sure we're there in time for the March 16th shipment date. >'Yes, yes, of course' >March 9th comes around >'Hey guys, where are the goods? Already in Tianjin? >'Well, they haven't left yet." cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:40:30 No.828338 > >>828358 >>828397 >>828571 >>832485 >>828316 >After l'm done having an aneurysm, I call the mill's transport office and immediately have them cancel the train booking and instead put the goods on trucks and truck them straight to the port >Goods arrive. Tianjin port is a bit funky, they have a government bureau which packages the goods, you can't package the goods once they're within port, it's like one giant bonded warehouse >Company assures us that the goods will be packed according to specifications (going on Russian train system, they have special requirements) >alright, cool >Confirm with them that the goods are alright about 4 days before the shipping date, they've confirmed that the Russian shipping company has okayed the packaging job, I receive photos of the job, forward them on to the Russian company >Alright, cool >Day before shipment, I get a message from the Russian shipping company >'Hey, we've been trying to get in contact with the Chinese company for a week, we've had no response, the packaging job isn't correct, there's no way the Russian train service will accept the goods' >Trying to fight back another aneurysm >immediately get in contact with the Chinese company, ask them who exactly told them that the packaging job was ok >some f------ Chinese subcontractor who had no authority to do so >GOD F------ DAMNIT >ask the Chinese why they didn't get in contact with the Russian shipping company, the company had sent them numerous messages over the past week >'oh well we were talking to you so we thought we didn't have to respond >long story short, the packaging job was s---, the coils we were shipping (10,000+lbs each) moved during shipment because of the s--- job and damaged the container, we were delayed by one month in Vladivostok port while they fixed the container and redid the packaging, also had to pay all additional fees >Chinese company refused to compensate us It was at this point that I completely stopped trusting the Chinese in any way, shape or form. cont >>828338 Example 4: This happened when the company was still new and just started working in China. >Had another deal, we were buying common grade steel to be exported >ok cool, everything's in order, no problems thus far >We have an inspector in China to check the goods >He apparently goes to the guy's warehouse in Tianjin and checks up on things, says the seller is legit, he even managed to negotiate a 2% discount, we trust him and go through with the deal >No problems with import/export, the steel arrives at its destination in Russia, lo and behold the steel is not what we ordered at all, we ordered 304 and 321 steel, what we received was some sort of f------ 201 failed abortion s---, manganese through the roof, low nickel content, low chromium content, completely out of standard >what in the f---? >ask inspector what exactly he did, again, in detail >he just went to the guy's company office, they chatted for a while, Chinese guy served him some tea, negotiated a 2% discount and then left quite pleased with himself >never visited the warehouse, never saw the goods in person, never even f------ checked the mill certificate to see if the goods were genuine >fire him on the spot, never happening again >l go in person to meet with the fraud, also contact our lawyers in China >The fraud agrees to a refund only if we send the steel back to his warehouse in China and he has his inspectors look at it and say whether or not it's his >yeah, okay, sure, great idea 10/10, f------ hell >i suggest instead that he send a guy to Russia to look at the steel and figure it out >'No, he's a peasant, he's too afraid to go overseas." >I'm going to f------ strangle our recently-fired inspector >Have our lawyers look into the case >Fun fun fun: if a Chinese guy commits fraud and sends you the wrong goods, it's not a criminal offense, only a civil offense >your only recourse is to sue the company >look into the company's finances cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:58:35 No.828384 >>828390 >>828396 >>828397 >>828405 >>828413 >>828571 >>829244 >>832485 >>835522 >>837828 ile: CHINESE.jpg (79 KB, 501x870) >>828358 >1m RMB registered capital, almost 100% assured that he's moved it out of the account by now since it does >decide not to sue him because we'd be spending so much money on legal fees with almost 0 chance of getting any money back The Chinese legal system is extremely weak. If you order say $100,000 worth of goods from someone and they literally send you trash that SEMI-resembles the goods that's worth maybe $1,000, there are almost no penalties. They will not got to jail, they will not be penalized in any way, they will simply declare their company bankrupt and start a new one. Companies like this pop up all the time like mushrooms after rain; you should never, ever, ever, ever, ever buy from Alibaba for this reason. Seriously though, a contract is hardly worth the paper it's printed on, if you do business in China you should ALWAYS have the jurisdiction be under a neutral law, like the UK or Singapore or whatever, also make sure that you never pay much in advance, and only pay the balance AFTER inspection and AFTER any goods you buy are either sealed or put into a bonded warehouse. Example 5: This happened long after I realized the Chinese were turbo-Jews on steroids: >have a Russian client who constantly sends price inquiries over to our company, we constantly give him prices >'No no no anon, these prices are too high, I can find better prices elsewhere >What the f--- are you talking about these prices are very far below market level, literally 10%-20% undercutting the Russian market >'No anon, you see I can find better prices' >'Okay. Good luck. >Russian friend purchases from some really f------ shady characters >I strongly, STRONGLY advise him not to do this or at least let me check the mill certificates for him >He thinks I'm trying to steal his sources or Russian clients >Hey man, whatever, you do you. Good luck. >He calls me a month or so later begging me to source his steel for him O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:08:44 No.828413 ► >>828431 >>828439 >>828571 >>828745 >>832485 >833261 >>837828 File: FILTH jpg (44 KB, 316x641) >>828384 >turns out, all these amazing prices he was getting were from.. >. surprise, surprise, frauds >he orders -$200,000 from these guys, he has inspectors in China who inspect everything, it looks goods >but, his inspectors left the shipping container in the dealer's warehouse, unlocked, for 2 days before shipping it to port >when the goods arrived in Russia, the top steel sheet was all according to grade, but everything else was just common carbon steel, and rusty at that >he ended up losing almost everything, he was able to resell the scrap for maybe $20,000 total >feel kind of bad for him, but at the same time he refused all help and completely ignored my advice, so w/e He was very apologetic afterwards though, I'm helping him again to avoid getting f----- by the goddamn Chinese thieves. Anyway, non-business related examples: >out at a club with a few friends, we're hanging around outside, as we're talking a guy about 30 feet to the left of us collapses and starts seizing >Guess someone spiked his drink or something? I don't know. >never bring my cell phone with my when I go clubbing, f--- >run over the a small police station about 100 yards away >'Please call an ambulance, there's a guy having a seizure over there, he needs help!" >'no." >'What the f--- why not?" >'It's not my job." Eventually one of the other clubbers called an ambulance for the guy, but still, what the f---? O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:20:36 No.828439 ► >828466 >>828510 >>828571 >>840173 >>828413 >Roommate extremely sick, delirious with fever, can't stand up or walk, have to take him to the hospital >Call up my landlady, ask her if she can call a cab for us (gated community) >'No." >'Why not?" >'Point to the part of the contract where it says I have to hire cabs for you." >Jesus f------ christ, whatever >Throw my roommate on my back, carry him out to the street, hire a cab to the nearest hospital >Arrive in hospital, we wait in line behind this old woman while she's chatting with the doctor about some day-to-day b------- >Friend is literally about to vomit all over the floor, can you hurry this up? >'Nope :^) >Christ's sake >Wait 5 minutes for them to finish their chit-chat (again, I understand/speak Chinese, they were talking about banal b-------, about the lady's grandson and sports), the old lady takes the pills and walks off >Doctor attends to my friend >Has to get him to piss in a cup and everything >Have to help him piss in a cup and do all the tests and whatever >All of a sudden, as I'm waiting for a test result in the doctor's office, nurse bursts through the door, asking if l'm someone's 'countryman' >though she was talking about my roommate, I say 'No he's Canadian, I'm American. >she grabs my arm and pulls me into the main hall of the clinic >Some tall white guy is stumbling around, blood caked all over his head, probably just been hit by a car, he's completely out of it >surrounded by a bunch of Chinese doctors and nurses and keep shouting at him in Chinese to sit down so they can run tests on him >He obviously has a head injury, why the f--- do you think it's a good idea to surround him and yell at him in a foreign language? >Whatever. They think that I speak his language cause we're both white >l go over to him, he keeps getting back up after the Chinese doctors force him to sit down, eventually I just walk with him and we both take a seat near the wall, I talk with him to calm him down, find out he's from Sweden >>828439 >the Chinese call an ambulance for the Swedish guy to take him to a larger hospital (Beijing Uni hospital) >they ask me to be his translator >yeah sure it's not like my friend is dying in the f------ waiting room. >i call a Russian friend to come take care of my roommate, after the Russian friend arrives I go in the ambulance with the Swedish quy >they do all kinds of tests, hospital only accepts cash, by the time the doctor gives us the results I have maybe 80 yuan in my wallet left (spent 800+ on tests) O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:38:42 No.828504 >>828521 >>828526 >>828571 >>830120 >>830720 File: 12371312.jpg (179 KB, 794x794) >>828466 >To the Swedish guy: "So, our test results show that you are bleeding into your skull as a result of what we assume is you being hit by a car. We would like to keep you in the observation ward overnight, so if anything happens we can respond immediately. Again, your wound could easily be fatal." >me: 'alright, but I only have about 80 yuan, do you guys take cards at all?" >..No. Here, let me patch you up, you guys can go. >'What? I thought you said that this could be fatal. >'Yes, it COULD be fatal, but isn't necessarily fatal, let me clean and bandage up his head so you guys can head out. >literally lost all interest whatsoever in caring for the Swedish guy once he learned I was out of cash, refused to do delayed payment or anything like that, I had to pay up front in cash if I wanted to put the guy in the observation ward for the night >mfw Jesus f------ christ. In retrospect, I should have called the Swedish embassy the first time I figured out the guy was Swedish so that he could have received proper care, but still. This was by far my most f----- up experience in China, that urgent medical care was refused because I didn't have cash on hand ready to pay. It was completely f----- up. This, of course, is aside from the fact that both my friend and the Swedish guy were made to queue up every time behind people with minor injuries and coughs while one was about to fall over and pass out on the floor while the other was bleeding profusely from his head. It was so completely f----- up. Anyway, I got a cab back home with the Swedish guy, the Swedish guy promised he'd take me out to dinner and pay me back for the medical expenses, but I never received a call after that night. After I didn't receive any call, I remember checking news articles in the weeks following to see if there were any reports of a Swedish guy dying in Beijing, but I didn't see anything. I hope he's alright. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:45:52 No.828526 ► >828533 >>828553 >>828571 File: 1453454498022.png (307 KB, 412x493) 體 >>828504 And one more example of Chinese dickery for tonight, there are a thousand other stories I could tell about this s--- both business-wise and everywhere else, but l'll just work myself up if I do that: >have a few friends who want to go to a nice place for the weekend, to a theme park that's a ways away from the city >friend contacts a travel agency >really f------ good prices, 250 yuan for the weekend >f--- yeah, nice >we get on the bus, go to the theme park >long story short, the 250 yuan included: bus tickets. The advertisement and company both confirmed that the 250 yuan was for all expenses for the entire weekend but neglected to mention that those expenses were only those relating to the bus, not even joking >what the 250 yuan didn't include >hotels >food >actually going into the theme park i.e. paying the entrance ticket >doing things inside the theme park, all of which costed additional $$$ >transportation to and from the theme park + hotel >also had to pay additional money for wifi inside the hotel >by the end of the weekend, the entire thing ended up costing about 2000 yuan per person >travel company also had mandatory shopping outings at affiliated shops along the route, we all had to stop and hang out in the story for 15 minutes or so But hey, good luck getting the company to change its advertising. No one gives a s--- in China, after all, - - You get what you pay for, and even if they lie to your face about every single detail of the trip, the Chinese don't give a f--- because if you don't pay a lot of money then why should you expect them to hold up their end of the bargain? You get what you pay for. Sigh I can't wait to leave this place and go to Japan/Singapore. Seriously, I have the absolute utmost respect for Japan/Korea/Taiwan/Singapore now that I've seen how s--- China is. They really did a bang-up job. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:58:44 No.828571 >>828616 >>828632 >>828771 >>828862 >>828932 >>829005 >>829244 >>829465 >829662 >>829963 >>830084 >>832952 >>833254 File: 1456853668568.jpg (38 KB, 310x310) >>827861 >>828249 >>828273 >>828316 >>828338 >>828358 >>828384 >>828413 >>828439 >>828466 >>828504 >>828526 To sum all this up: Do not learn Mandarin. Learn something else that will enrich your life and take it in a direction that you want to go. I'm no going to lie, Mandarin HAS made me worth more money. Westerners who can competently speak Mandarin are in rather short supply and they are considered far more reliable than the Chinese for obvious reasons. However, you really want to think about where the language is going to take you, and the answer every single time will be mainland China. Because let's face it, no one else speaks Mandarin except for mainland China and MAYBE Singapore, but they speak English over there as well. If you learn Mandarin, you will be forced to deal with these people on a daily basis. Please trust me when I say that you really, really don't want to do that. In retrospect, I would much rather have learned Russian or Japanese. If I had a time machine, Í would go back to my first year of uni and f------ slap myself and force myself to sign up for Japanese courses instead. It's too late for me now, though. I speak Mandarin, and any company that figures that out will sure as hell be sending me to China so that such a skill doesn't go to waste. It's not f------ worth it guys, please please PLEASE learn something else, something that will make you happy. Don't just think in terms of salary, think in terms of quality of life and personal satisfaction. China will kill you inside, I absolutely guarantee it. I have yet to meet the man who comes to China, does business here, and comes out a happier and more balanced human being. It just doesn't happen. I know several people who have been working in China for 20 or 30+ years. All of them hate China and have a strong dislike for any work involving the Chinese. There is a reason China has a huge problem with students going overseas to the West and never coming home. Please don't learn Mandarin. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)18:38:13 No.828742 ► »828806 >>828900 >>828698 People generally don't understand how differently China works from Western countries. They'll expect people to honor their agreements as they would in the West. Also, consider the following: Your average yearly wage in China is just under $10,000. Let's say you're a trading company and with the advent of the internet you can easily market your business and issue quotes. Let's say that you get only two suckers every year, and you f--- them out of $50,000 each (small amount, that's one container of moderately priced steel). Congratulations, you just made 10x the average annual salary with almost zero repercussions. You're now a rich man in China. You could do deals with these guys, but if you supply them the proper price for the steel, you might make MAYBE $1000-2000/container for stainless steel (and that's a pretty high margin for pricing without organising shipping, normal margins are 1-2% for that kind of job). If that guy is a small buyer and only buys two containers per year, you're going to have to wait decades to get the same amount of profit as you would just straight up f------ the guy. China is a conman's dream, lots of potential customers flooding in from all over the world looking for cheap steel that you can f--- with very little legal repercussions. O Anonymous 03/14/16(Mon)14:57:47 No.832896 ► >>832485 Well, the thing is that you can find good quality, it's just that big mills (the reliable ones) only produce in certain order lots, and most of the times those order lots are out of reach for smaller traders. For example, if you're trying to buy Bao stainless steel and you're an ordinary trader without guanxi, you have to buy a minimum of 200 tons at I think 20 tons per dimension, i.e. if you want 2mm*1000*2000 sheets, you have to buy 20 tons, you can't just buy 5 or 6. Problem is, that makes your order lot a minimum of $200,000, more likely in the $350,000 pushing $400,000+ depending on the grade, which is simply out of reach for smaller traders. Thus, most guys have to turn to Chinese traders who stock this stuff, and that's where you start running into the con men. >>832505 I'm not a bad businessman otherwise I wouldn't be in business still. Since those early encounters we've more than made up for our losses and turn quite a bit in revenue every quarter. The examples I gave were growing pains of doing business in China, and this was with having connections in China. Unfortunately, the connections I had were only somewhat connected to the steel business i.e. they were manufacturers who often bought steel, and while I avoided a lot of s--- on their advice, the steel industry is just filled with a LOT more cheats than one would expect especially when it comes to sheets and coils, which are easier to produce. I mean, the Russian guy who got cheated was a veteran in the steel industry, he's one of the largest traders in Russia and has been doing this for going on 25 years, his father was in the business as well after the USSR broke up. Russia also isn't exactly known for being an easy market, but even he still got f----- by the Chinese. In fact, every single one of our clients was defrauded at one point or another, most losing -$50,000, some losing more than $1m because people don't understand how different China is from Western countries.

O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)14:22:03 No.827861 File: pepe.jpg (40 KB, 500x484) >>828204 >>828417 >>828571 >>832505 >>833102 >>826340 DO NOT LEARN MANDARIN DO NOT DO IT YOU WILL FOREVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CHINESE, TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT PLEASE MAN DON'T DO IT, THIS IS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS MANDARIN AND LIVES IN CHINA YOU DON'T WANT THIS LEARN JAPANESE OR RUSSIAN INSTEAD, TRUST ME, PLEASE DO NOT LEARN MANDARIN IT WILL F--- UP YOUR LIFE BECAUSE NO BOSS IS GOING TO BE LIKE 'oh he has a degree in Mandarin and speaks it really well, let's just have him not involved in any way whatsoever with China'. The Chinese are absolute s---, they are the worst human beings that I have ever encountered on this planet, and I am EXTREMELY well traveled, including many s------- countries. Don't do it man, please take my advice, learn Japanese or Russian or some s--- instead, do NOT learn Mandarin You won't realize the truth in what I'm saying until you're already here, but by then it'll be too late. Don't do it man, please, help me help you, learn something else! O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:13:48 No.828249 > >>828273 >>828285 >>828397 >>828542 >>828571 >>832485 >>832737 >>840123 >>828204 Business related: >constant dickery, backstabbing, underhandedness >if they can lie, cheat, or steal, they will. >constantly have to deal with cheats and thieves, the Chinese will rarely outright steal something from you, but they will never give you what you want for the money you spend, unless you spend a large sum of money; the Chinese even have a saying about this, - , -E. It's basically expected that if you pay a low price for something you'll get scrap, even if it's supposed to adhere to a strict standard Example 1: >I work in the stainless steel industry. Friend is buying 201 grade steel (very common, basic grade) from a factory in Jiangsu. He asks me to inspect. Alright. I go to the factory, they assure me that they can produce within the required specification (tolerance of -0.25mm for thickness, aka 1/4 cm, the steel was 30mm in thickness so it had to be 29.75 or above to be within standard) and normal ASTM/AISI (standard international grade) chemistry, well alright my friend's buying this so I guess they're legit >nope >l inspect the goods, thickness if all over the f------ place from -28.5mm-29.5mm, I confront them about the thickness and their claims that they could produce to standard, >'oh anon because ASTM is an American grade we were obviously talking about inches, our mill only works in inches so we were talking about 1/4 an inch >lying through their f------ teeth, literally everyone else who wasn't part of the company backs me up saying that they were talking about mm, factory denies it >check chemistry >nickel content is less than 1/5 of what it's supposed to be on some sheets, chemistry is all over the f------ place, almost nothing is to standard >oh anon, this is 201 *industry standard* steel, your friend should have specified that he wanted 201 *international standard* steel cont, this is going to be long, I have several. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:20:53 No.828273 > >>828293 >>828296 >>828316 >>828397 >>828571 >>832485 >>828249 >there's only one 201 grade you f------ idiot, if you produce 'industry standard' 201 then you mark it as such like everyone else in the f------ industry you don't just call it '201' grade steel, you're literally committing fraud >so sue us, the order's only worth ~$30,000, enjoy spending more on legal fees than you'il get from us :^) >later was arguing with he production staff at their office, showed them the f------ American standard that said 'hey you're wrong on the thickness, you have to refund the money >one of the staff got into an argument with me over the meaning of 'up to', i.e. she thought 'up to 30' meant 'starting at 30 and over', rather than everything up to '30" >no anon, your English is too poor to understand this >English is my native language you stupid c--- you can barely string two sentences together He didn't get his money back and didn't sue. Example 2: >same 201 steel order, hire a Russian company to do shipping since it's being shipped to Moscow, want everything to be seamless, no chance at fuckups >our contract with the Russian company specifically states that they will take care of the packaging, because in addition to the steel being off standard it was also produced late, so it has to go on a high speed train to avoid being late; the high speed train has very specific packing requirements for steel, so we thought the Russians could handle it >day of shipment comes (a Saturday), all documents in place, should be fine >get a call >"hey so the goods didn't leave on Saturday." >". Why. >"Because the factory didn't package them." >"WE HIRED YOU TO PACKAGE THE GOODS YOU INCOMPETENT F---" >"Oh. Well, there aren't any forklifts in the area that can handle weights as heavy as this" >"..you're literally surrounded by warehouses, many of which stock stainless steel. Please explain how you are unable to find a forklift. Saturday from the Chinese sub-contractor that the Russians hired to do the Chinese leg of the journey cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:32:59 No.828316 828338 >>828397 >>828571 >>832282 >>837828 File: F------.jpg (14 KB, 236x351) >>828273 >"Well, we just can't find one. You have to find one." >l ended up doing their job for them and finding them a forklift. Goods arrived a week late because the train only leaves once per week, friend lost even more money because he had to give additional discounts to his client. LUCKILY, the Chinese 201 grade happened to be the same as Russian local 'industry standard' 201 steel (I guess some shared Soviet thing?), so he didn't lose all of his money, only about 20%+ Sigh Example >ordering goods from a large state-owned mill, purchase through a company that came recommended by the sales manager (you have to do this in order to take advantage of the export tax rebate that China has) >we purchase, everything goes smoothly except for a small crisis the order, so we had to negotiate with the sales manager and company late into the night to bring things down to $2800/ton, plus increase the price to our end customer (they weren't happy) >this happens extremely often in China; they quote one thing then jack up the price after your client has signed the contract with you, knowing you can't back out or you'll lose reputation and possibly money >March comes around, goods are produced on time, sales manager assures us that the goods will be in Tianjin Xingang port on March 9th at the latest, we'll then package the goods and have them ready for shipment on the i the start, where the company quoted $2600/ton, but when ordering time came around the goods jumped to $3000/ton, meaning we would have lost money on 16th. >March 5th rolls around >'Hey guys, how're the good doing? Still on the train?" >'No, they haven't left yet." >'What." >'Don't worry, we can still put them on a fast train to port, it'll take 3-4 days or so, you'll be fine.' >'Alright, whatever, just make sure we're there in time for the March 16th shipment date. >'Yes, yes, of course' >March 9th comes around >'Hey guys, where are the goods? Already in Tianjin? >'Well, they haven't left yet." cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:40:30 No.828338 > >>828358 >>828397 >>828571 >>832485 >>828316 >After l'm done having an aneurysm, I call the mill's transport office and immediately have them cancel the train booking and instead put the goods on trucks and truck them straight to the port >Goods arrive. Tianjin port is a bit funky, they have a government bureau which packages the goods, you can't package the goods once they're within port, it's like one giant bonded warehouse >Company assures us that the goods will be packed according to specifications (going on Russian train system, they have special requirements) >alright, cool >Confirm with them that the goods are alright about 4 days before the shipping date, they've confirmed that the Russian shipping company has okayed the packaging job, I receive photos of the job, forward them on to the Russian company >Alright, cool >Day before shipment, I get a message from the Russian shipping company >'Hey, we've been trying to get in contact with the Chinese company for a week, we've had no response, the packaging job isn't correct, there's no way the Russian train service will accept the goods' >Trying to fight back another aneurysm >immediately get in contact with the Chinese company, ask them who exactly told them that the packaging job was ok >some f------ Chinese subcontractor who had no authority to do so >GOD F------ DAMNIT >ask the Chinese why they didn't get in contact with the Russian shipping company, the company had sent them numerous messages over the past week >'oh well we were talking to you so we thought we didn't have to respond >long story short, the packaging job was s---, the coils we were shipping (10,000+lbs each) moved during shipment because of the s--- job and damaged the container, we were delayed by one month in Vladivostok port while they fixed the container and redid the packaging, also had to pay all additional fees >Chinese company refused to compensate us It was at this point that I completely stopped trusting the Chinese in any way, shape or form. cont >>828338 Example 4: This happened when the company was still new and just started working in China. >Had another deal, we were buying common grade steel to be exported >ok cool, everything's in order, no problems thus far >We have an inspector in China to check the goods >He apparently goes to the guy's warehouse in Tianjin and checks up on things, says the seller is legit, he even managed to negotiate a 2% discount, we trust him and go through with the deal >No problems with import/export, the steel arrives at its destination in Russia, lo and behold the steel is not what we ordered at all, we ordered 304 and 321 steel, what we received was some sort of f------ 201 failed abortion s---, manganese through the roof, low nickel content, low chromium content, completely out of standard >what in the f---? >ask inspector what exactly he did, again, in detail >he just went to the guy's company office, they chatted for a while, Chinese guy served him some tea, negotiated a 2% discount and then left quite pleased with himself >never visited the warehouse, never saw the goods in person, never even f------ checked the mill certificate to see if the goods were genuine >fire him on the spot, never happening again >l go in person to meet with the fraud, also contact our lawyers in China >The fraud agrees to a refund only if we send the steel back to his warehouse in China and he has his inspectors look at it and say whether or not it's his >yeah, okay, sure, great idea 10/10, f------ hell >i suggest instead that he send a guy to Russia to look at the steel and figure it out >'No, he's a peasant, he's too afraid to go overseas." >I'm going to f------ strangle our recently-fired inspector >Have our lawyers look into the case >Fun fun fun: if a Chinese guy commits fraud and sends you the wrong goods, it's not a criminal offense, only a civil offense >your only recourse is to sue the company >look into the company's finances cont O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)16:58:35 No.828384 >>828390 >>828396 >>828397 >>828405 >>828413 >>828571 >>829244 >>832485 >>835522 >>837828 ile: CHINESE.jpg (79 KB, 501x870) >>828358 >1m RMB registered capital, almost 100% assured that he's moved it out of the account by now since it does >decide not to sue him because we'd be spending so much money on legal fees with almost 0 chance of getting any money back The Chinese legal system is extremely weak. If you order say $100,000 worth of goods from someone and they literally send you trash that SEMI-resembles the goods that's worth maybe $1,000, there are almost no penalties. They will not got to jail, they will not be penalized in any way, they will simply declare their company bankrupt and start a new one. Companies like this pop up all the time like mushrooms after rain; you should never, ever, ever, ever, ever buy from Alibaba for this reason. Seriously though, a contract is hardly worth the paper it's printed on, if you do business in China you should ALWAYS have the jurisdiction be under a neutral law, like the UK or Singapore or whatever, also make sure that you never pay much in advance, and only pay the balance AFTER inspection and AFTER any goods you buy are either sealed or put into a bonded warehouse. Example 5: This happened long after I realized the Chinese were turbo-Jews on steroids: >have a Russian client who constantly sends price inquiries over to our company, we constantly give him prices >'No no no anon, these prices are too high, I can find better prices elsewhere >What the f--- are you talking about these prices are very far below market level, literally 10%-20% undercutting the Russian market >'No anon, you see I can find better prices' >'Okay. Good luck. >Russian friend purchases from some really f------ shady characters >I strongly, STRONGLY advise him not to do this or at least let me check the mill certificates for him >He thinks I'm trying to steal his sources or Russian clients >Hey man, whatever, you do you. Good luck. >He calls me a month or so later begging me to source his steel for him O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:08:44 No.828413 ► >>828431 >>828439 >>828571 >>828745 >>832485 >833261 >>837828 File: FILTH jpg (44 KB, 316x641) >>828384 >turns out, all these amazing prices he was getting were from.. >. surprise, surprise, frauds >he orders -$200,000 from these guys, he has inspectors in China who inspect everything, it looks goods >but, his inspectors left the shipping container in the dealer's warehouse, unlocked, for 2 days before shipping it to port >when the goods arrived in Russia, the top steel sheet was all according to grade, but everything else was just common carbon steel, and rusty at that >he ended up losing almost everything, he was able to resell the scrap for maybe $20,000 total >feel kind of bad for him, but at the same time he refused all help and completely ignored my advice, so w/e He was very apologetic afterwards though, I'm helping him again to avoid getting f----- by the goddamn Chinese thieves. Anyway, non-business related examples: >out at a club with a few friends, we're hanging around outside, as we're talking a guy about 30 feet to the left of us collapses and starts seizing >Guess someone spiked his drink or something? I don't know. >never bring my cell phone with my when I go clubbing, f--- >run over the a small police station about 100 yards away >'Please call an ambulance, there's a guy having a seizure over there, he needs help!" >'no." >'What the f--- why not?" >'It's not my job." Eventually one of the other clubbers called an ambulance for the guy, but still, what the f---? O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:20:36 No.828439 ► >828466 >>828510 >>828571 >>840173 >>828413 >Roommate extremely sick, delirious with fever, can't stand up or walk, have to take him to the hospital >Call up my landlady, ask her if she can call a cab for us (gated community) >'No." >'Why not?" >'Point to the part of the contract where it says I have to hire cabs for you." >Jesus f------ christ, whatever >Throw my roommate on my back, carry him out to the street, hire a cab to the nearest hospital >Arrive in hospital, we wait in line behind this old woman while she's chatting with the doctor about some day-to-day b------- >Friend is literally about to vomit all over the floor, can you hurry this up? >'Nope :^) >Christ's sake >Wait 5 minutes for them to finish their chit-chat (again, I understand/speak Chinese, they were talking about banal b-------, about the lady's grandson and sports), the old lady takes the pills and walks off >Doctor attends to my friend >Has to get him to piss in a cup and everything >Have to help him piss in a cup and do all the tests and whatever >All of a sudden, as I'm waiting for a test result in the doctor's office, nurse bursts through the door, asking if l'm someone's 'countryman' >though she was talking about my roommate, I say 'No he's Canadian, I'm American. >she grabs my arm and pulls me into the main hall of the clinic >Some tall white guy is stumbling around, blood caked all over his head, probably just been hit by a car, he's completely out of it >surrounded by a bunch of Chinese doctors and nurses and keep shouting at him in Chinese to sit down so they can run tests on him >He obviously has a head injury, why the f--- do you think it's a good idea to surround him and yell at him in a foreign language? >Whatever. They think that I speak his language cause we're both white >l go over to him, he keeps getting back up after the Chinese doctors force him to sit down, eventually I just walk with him and we both take a seat near the wall, I talk with him to calm him down, find out he's from Sweden >>828439 >the Chinese call an ambulance for the Swedish guy to take him to a larger hospital (Beijing Uni hospital) >they ask me to be his translator >yeah sure it's not like my friend is dying in the f------ waiting room. >i call a Russian friend to come take care of my roommate, after the Russian friend arrives I go in the ambulance with the Swedish quy >they do all kinds of tests, hospital only accepts cash, by the time the doctor gives us the results I have maybe 80 yuan in my wallet left (spent 800+ on tests) O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:38:42 No.828504 >>828521 >>828526 >>828571 >>830120 >>830720 File: 12371312.jpg (179 KB, 794x794) >>828466 >To the Swedish guy: "So, our test results show that you are bleeding into your skull as a result of what we assume is you being hit by a car. We would like to keep you in the observation ward overnight, so if anything happens we can respond immediately. Again, your wound could easily be fatal." >me: 'alright, but I only have about 80 yuan, do you guys take cards at all?" >..No. Here, let me patch you up, you guys can go. >'What? I thought you said that this could be fatal. >'Yes, it COULD be fatal, but isn't necessarily fatal, let me clean and bandage up his head so you guys can head out. >literally lost all interest whatsoever in caring for the Swedish guy once he learned I was out of cash, refused to do delayed payment or anything like that, I had to pay up front in cash if I wanted to put the guy in the observation ward for the night >mfw Jesus f------ christ. In retrospect, I should have called the Swedish embassy the first time I figured out the guy was Swedish so that he could have received proper care, but still. This was by far my most f----- up experience in China, that urgent medical care was refused because I didn't have cash on hand ready to pay. It was completely f----- up. This, of course, is aside from the fact that both my friend and the Swedish guy were made to queue up every time behind people with minor injuries and coughs while one was about to fall over and pass out on the floor while the other was bleeding profusely from his head. It was so completely f----- up. Anyway, I got a cab back home with the Swedish guy, the Swedish guy promised he'd take me out to dinner and pay me back for the medical expenses, but I never received a call after that night. After I didn't receive any call, I remember checking news articles in the weeks following to see if there were any reports of a Swedish guy dying in Beijing, but I didn't see anything. I hope he's alright. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:45:52 No.828526 ► >828533 >>828553 >>828571 File: 1453454498022.png (307 KB, 412x493) 體 >>828504 And one more example of Chinese dickery for tonight, there are a thousand other stories I could tell about this s--- both business-wise and everywhere else, but l'll just work myself up if I do that: >have a few friends who want to go to a nice place for the weekend, to a theme park that's a ways away from the city >friend contacts a travel agency >really f------ good prices, 250 yuan for the weekend >f--- yeah, nice >we get on the bus, go to the theme park >long story short, the 250 yuan included: bus tickets. The advertisement and company both confirmed that the 250 yuan was for all expenses for the entire weekend but neglected to mention that those expenses were only those relating to the bus, not even joking >what the 250 yuan didn't include >hotels >food >actually going into the theme park i.e. paying the entrance ticket >doing things inside the theme park, all of which costed additional $$$ >transportation to and from the theme park + hotel >also had to pay additional money for wifi inside the hotel >by the end of the weekend, the entire thing ended up costing about 2000 yuan per person >travel company also had mandatory shopping outings at affiliated shops along the route, we all had to stop and hang out in the story for 15 minutes or so But hey, good luck getting the company to change its advertising. No one gives a s--- in China, after all, - - You get what you pay for, and even if they lie to your face about every single detail of the trip, the Chinese don't give a f--- because if you don't pay a lot of money then why should you expect them to hold up their end of the bargain? You get what you pay for. Sigh I can't wait to leave this place and go to Japan/Singapore. Seriously, I have the absolute utmost respect for Japan/Korea/Taiwan/Singapore now that I've seen how s--- China is. They really did a bang-up job. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)17:58:44 No.828571 >>828616 >>828632 >>828771 >>828862 >>828932 >>829005 >>829244 >>829465 >829662 >>829963 >>830084 >>832952 >>833254 File: 1456853668568.jpg (38 KB, 310x310) >>827861 >>828249 >>828273 >>828316 >>828338 >>828358 >>828384 >>828413 >>828439 >>828466 >>828504 >>828526 To sum all this up: Do not learn Mandarin. Learn something else that will enrich your life and take it in a direction that you want to go. I'm no going to lie, Mandarin HAS made me worth more money. Westerners who can competently speak Mandarin are in rather short supply and they are considered far more reliable than the Chinese for obvious reasons. However, you really want to think about where the language is going to take you, and the answer every single time will be mainland China. Because let's face it, no one else speaks Mandarin except for mainland China and MAYBE Singapore, but they speak English over there as well. If you learn Mandarin, you will be forced to deal with these people on a daily basis. Please trust me when I say that you really, really don't want to do that. In retrospect, I would much rather have learned Russian or Japanese. If I had a time machine, Í would go back to my first year of uni and f------ slap myself and force myself to sign up for Japanese courses instead. It's too late for me now, though. I speak Mandarin, and any company that figures that out will sure as hell be sending me to China so that such a skill doesn't go to waste. It's not f------ worth it guys, please please PLEASE learn something else, something that will make you happy. Don't just think in terms of salary, think in terms of quality of life and personal satisfaction. China will kill you inside, I absolutely guarantee it. I have yet to meet the man who comes to China, does business here, and comes out a happier and more balanced human being. It just doesn't happen. I know several people who have been working in China for 20 or 30+ years. All of them hate China and have a strong dislike for any work involving the Chinese. There is a reason China has a huge problem with students going overseas to the West and never coming home. Please don't learn Mandarin. O Anonymous 03/13/16(Sun)18:38:13 No.828742 ► »828806 >>828900 >>828698 People generally don't understand how differently China works from Western countries. They'll expect people to honor their agreements as they would in the West. Also, consider the following: Your average yearly wage in China is just under $10,000. Let's say you're a trading company and with the advent of the internet you can easily market your business and issue quotes. Let's say that you get only two suckers every year, and you f--- them out of $50,000 each (small amount, that's one container of moderately priced steel). Congratulations, you just made 10x the average annual salary with almost zero repercussions. You're now a rich man in China. You could do deals with these guys, but if you supply them the proper price for the steel, you might make MAYBE $1000-2000/container for stainless steel (and that's a pretty high margin for pricing without organising shipping, normal margins are 1-2% for that kind of job). If that guy is a small buyer and only buys two containers per year, you're going to have to wait decades to get the same amount of profit as you would just straight up f------ the guy. China is a conman's dream, lots of potential customers flooding in from all over the world looking for cheap steel that you can f--- with very little legal repercussions. O Anonymous 03/14/16(Mon)14:57:47 No.832896 ► >>832485 Well, the thing is that you can find good quality, it's just that big mills (the reliable ones) only produce in certain order lots, and most of the times those order lots are out of reach for smaller traders. For example, if you're trying to buy Bao stainless steel and you're an ordinary trader without guanxi, you have to buy a minimum of 200 tons at I think 20 tons per dimension, i.e. if you want 2mm*1000*2000 sheets, you have to buy 20 tons, you can't just buy 5 or 6. Problem is, that makes your order lot a minimum of $200,000, more likely in the $350,000 pushing $400,000+ depending on the grade, which is simply out of reach for smaller traders. Thus, most guys have to turn to Chinese traders who stock this stuff, and that's where you start running into the con men. >>832505 I'm not a bad businessman otherwise I wouldn't be in business still. Since those early encounters we've more than made up for our losses and turn quite a bit in revenue every quarter. The examples I gave were growing pains of doing business in China, and this was with having connections in China. Unfortunately, the connections I had were only somewhat connected to the steel business i.e. they were manufacturers who often bought steel, and while I avoided a lot of s--- on their advice, the steel industry is just filled with a LOT more cheats than one would expect especially when it comes to sheets and coils, which are easier to produce. I mean, the Russian guy who got cheated was a veteran in the steel industry, he's one of the largest traders in Russia and has been doing this for going on 25 years, his father was in the business as well after the USSR broke up. Russia also isn't exactly known for being an easy market, but even he still got f----- by the Chinese. In fact, every single one of our clients was defrauded at one point or another, most losing -$50,000, some losing more than $1m because people don't understand how different China is from Western countries.

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Role Model

: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)23:44:01 No.838359702 >be me >30 y/o now >grew up without a father >mom used to make me dinner and we would watch king of the hill >always admired hank hill >begin to model my life after him 51 KB PNG in my 20s >have this thing where i ask myself "what would mr hill do" when important decisions come up >generally works out for me >saved me from some costly mistakes thru life >dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s >had plenty saved before covid >multiple high risk factora like asthma >able to go on extended leave without much to worry about >just bought a propane grill Are you proud of me dad?

: Anonymous 10/21/20(Wed)23:44:01 No.838359702 >be me >30 y/o now >grew up without a father >mom used to make me dinner and we would watch king of the hill >always admired hank hill >begin to model my life after him 51 KB PNG in my 20s >have this thing where i ask myself "what would mr hill do" when important decisions come up >generally works out for me >saved me from some costly mistakes thru life >dedicate myself to working hard through my 20s >had plenty saved before covid >multiple high risk factora like asthma >able to go on extended leave without much to worry about >just bought a propane grill Are you proud of me dad?

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Anon Masters The Art Of The Deal

>>44841719 (OP) # Bear with me here, this is going to sound insane. Whenever l'm on a Tinder date and I get nervous and can't think of what to say, I just start talking like Donald Trump. Like, not about politics, but I just start making grandiose claims about the restaurant or whatever with 100% confidence while 24 KB JPG gesturing with my hands to emphasize my point. >l've been all over Houston, all over, excellent city, but I have never found a sushi place better than this one >the folks here are excellent, they have the best chefs in the entire city, beautiful people I just start spouting s--- like that with the upmost conviction that what I'm saying is the absolute truth. I'm not even a Trump supporter, but speaking with such cocksure confidence in the b------- you're spewing actually works, especially when you're mimicking his inflections and gestures. It's kind of funny actually. >>44841834 # >>44841863 # >>44841872 # >>44841880 # >>44841884 #

>>44841719 (OP) # Bear with me here, this is going to sound insane. Whenever l'm on a Tinder date and I get nervous and can't think of what to say, I just start talking like Donald Trump. Like, not about politics, but I just start making grandiose claims about the restaurant or whatever with 100% confidence while 24 KB JPG gesturing with my hands to emphasize my point. >l've been all over Houston, all over, excellent city, but I have never found a sushi place better than this one >the folks here are excellent, they have the best chefs in the entire city, beautiful people I just start spouting s--- like that with the upmost conviction that what I'm saying is the absolute truth. I'm not even a Trump supporter, but speaking with such cocksure confidence in the b------- you're spewing actually works, especially when you're mimicking his inflections and gestures. It's kind of funny actually. >>44841834 # >>44841863 # >>44841872 # >>44841880 # >>44841884 #

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Sponsored By Visit Wyoming

: Anonymous E 11/07/20(Sat)01:08:58 No.133633426 Please visit Wyoming. We are almost three times the size of Brazil but only have a population of 4,000 people. It gets lonely out here. 22 KB JPG

: Anonymous E 11/07/20(Sat)01:08:58 No.133633426 Please visit Wyoming. We are almost three times the size of Brazil but only have a population of 4,000 people. It gets lonely out here. 22 KB JPG

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A Man Enters A Restaurant

: Anonymous 11/05/20(Thu)04:18:15 No.133518807 A man enters a restraurant and says to the man behind the counter. >Oman I'm Hungary, I've been Russian all day and Iran over here as soon as my break started, anyway Kenya recommend me anything on the menu? >Corsican sir, the blt is excellent. >Bacon? Norway, too much Greece! Would 96 KB JPG Jamaica blt, but with Turkey instead? >l can, but Israeli busy and I have Samoa customers to take care of so l'd have to make Kuwait, is that okay? >l'm Ghana take the rest of the day off, that won't be an issue! >Okay, Denmark yourself comfortable.

: Anonymous 11/05/20(Thu)04:18:15 No.133518807 A man enters a restraurant and says to the man behind the counter. >Oman I'm Hungary, I've been Russian all day and Iran over here as soon as my break started, anyway Kenya recommend me anything on the menu? >Corsican sir, the blt is excellent. >Bacon? Norway, too much Greece! Would 96 KB JPG Jamaica blt, but with Turkey instead? >l can, but Israeli busy and I have Samoa customers to take care of so l'd have to make Kuwait, is that okay? >l'm Ghana take the rest of the day off, that won't be an issue! >Okay, Denmark yourself comfortable.

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Canine Bonding

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #

: Anonymous 05/29/18(Tue)07:17:29 No.2702217 >Take dog for walk at night >College campus, come to a secluded little 51 KB PNG trail/garden area >Dog starts eating a patch of grass >Get onto all fours and start eating the grass alongside him to see if it tastes good >Doesn't >Get up >There was a couple sitting on a bench about 10 feet away that I somehow hadn't seen >Leave immediately without saying a word >>2703584 # >>2704534 #

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Arch-Demilich Lichatron

KATAMARE!

KATAMARE!

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/tg/ worldbuilding undead lich liches phylactery d&d powergaming overpowered

anon faces Demoman irl

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The mind of an american

Anonymous 08/07/18(Tue)16:22:49 No.102138544 >British documentary >Here, in the jungles of Bhata- Tuthu, the praying mantis is in search of its prey. >3 minutes of very clean and uninterrupted footage of the praying mantis following a spider 40 KB JPG >no room at all for misinterpretation >American documentary >Guitar riffs playing in the backround >YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT WANT ONE OF THESE KILLERS IN YOUR BACK YARD >Rapid jump cuts of the praying mantis >THE PRAYING MANTIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE A BUG IN CHURCH, BUT THIS NASTY MOTHER-SUCKER IS NOT TO BE MESSED WITH >More flashy jump cuts >THIS LITTLE SPIDER DOESNT KNOW WHATS WAITING FOR HIM, THE FURY OF THE MANTIS IS NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED >More flashy jump cuts >The mantis strikes >Strange animal growling and screeching noises are dubbed in as it attacks because silent footage is too boring for americans >Slow mo replay of the attack in black and white >AND ITS OVER IN A FLASH >THAT LITTLE SPIDER >SHOULD'VE PRAYED >TO THE MANTIS >Starwipe to next clip

Anonymous 08/07/18(Tue)16:22:49 No.102138544 >British documentary >Here, in the jungles of Bhata- Tuthu, the praying mantis is in search of its prey. >3 minutes of very clean and uninterrupted footage of the praying mantis following a spider 40 KB JPG >no room at all for misinterpretation >American documentary >Guitar riffs playing in the backround >YOU PROBABLY WOULDNT WANT ONE OF THESE KILLERS IN YOUR BACK YARD >Rapid jump cuts of the praying mantis >THE PRAYING MANTIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE A BUG IN CHURCH, BUT THIS NASTY MOTHER-SUCKER IS NOT TO BE MESSED WITH >More flashy jump cuts >THIS LITTLE SPIDER DOESNT KNOW WHATS WAITING FOR HIM, THE FURY OF THE MANTIS IS NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED >More flashy jump cuts >The mantis strikes >Strange animal growling and screeching noises are dubbed in as it attacks because silent footage is too boring for americans >Slow mo replay of the attack in black and white >AND ITS OVER IN A FLASH >THAT LITTLE SPIDER >SHOULD'VE PRAYED >TO THE MANTIS >Starwipe to next clip

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Why Anon eats burnt pizza

I hope Anon's doing well these days.

I hope Anon's doing well these days.

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Conan and Aragorn Swap

O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)09:15 No.21622410 Toth-Amon has cast a wicked spell of foul sorcery and Conan, King of Aquilonia has now traded places with Aragorn Son of Arathorn as the Fellowship set out from Rivendell. Discuss /tg/ O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:22 No.21622458 >>21622410 >Conan acquires the Ring from Frodo >Looks at it, for many minutes >Takes it to a town, pawns it, and gets drunk on the earnings, taking many women that night Best movie ever. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:25 No.21622476 >>21622410 Arwen gets kidnapped, draped over a horse, ravished and dressed up in a pair of metal cups and a metal thong, and nothing else. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:28 No.21622501 Conan nails most the women along the way, before ending up at Minas Tirath, mocking the Men and women of Gondor for allowing themselves to get Soft; and takes the fight to Mordor instead of allowing the Seige to happen. The Easterlings and Haradriam, seeing a true Barbarian King, turn coats half way through the war and man-king unites against Sauron in full. Meanwhile in Aquilonia, a new age of enlightenment and peace comes, as Aragorn uses his prior knowledge of SCOUTING, F------ S--- UP and MORE ADVANCED WARFARE to give his country an edge over others, then conquers the West and its Pictish tribes, leading to a vast Empire. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:30 No.21622513 >>21622501 This. Conan is a good war king but is bored and melancholy in peace. Aragorn would be a better fit for the throne of Aquilonia, Conan would be a better fit for fighting hordes of orcs. > O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:40 No.21622570 >>21622552 Oh god, the Betrayers. There would have been no fear. "I am Conan, and I am not the king of your prophesy, but I am your King nonetheless. Follow me, or rot in whatever hell you choose. I go to glory." They'd have already packed their ghost-s--- and been on the march halfway through the speech. O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)09:41 No.21622574 >>21622564 Personally I imagine Conan doing INSANE CONAN S--- like fighting the Balrog himself and winning without dropping down a chasm. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:46 No.21622597 File: 1353163566371.png-(155 KB, 631x346, Gandalf-You-Shall-Not-Pas.).png) >>21622574 Gandalf: "YOU... SHALL NOT... PA-" >Conan leaps over him, burying an ancient Dwarven axe into the balrog's head. The demon shrieks in pain. >Gandalf's face when O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:46 No.21622601 >>21622597 >"Well..you may pass" O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:47 No.21622604 Conan is a goddamn barbarian, chick-magnet, unbeatable at fighting and a military genius. He's gonna lead the Humanity back to the second age. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:11 No.21622751 >>21622669 Oh god I wanna see Conan in Lothlorien so badly. >Conan walks through the forest, suddenly Haldir appears behind him >"This one stinks like a bull and makes noise like one to. l could have put an arrow in his eye blindfolded and from twice a hundred paces aw-" >Conan swirls around tackles him against a tree and puts a dagger to his throat >"You talk too much." O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:12 No.21622753 File: 1353165130234.gif-(1.93 MB, 235x240, Chuck Norris.gif) Could you imagine anything as awesome as Conan and Boromir in the same room? I can see Legolas hating Conan at first, but after a monologue about freedom and a natural lifestyle, even Legolas would grow an appreciation for him. It'd be like Gimli 2.0. Don't even get me started on Gimli and Conan. There'd be drinking competitions everywhere. >>21622501 Don't forget to expand Aquilonia to the south as the River Styx. Why, if Aragorn prevented the Picts from rising up and sweeping over Aquilonia, then it'd have an easier time dealing with the Turanians and Hyrkanians a few hundred years after his death. The only people who Aquilonia would need to worry about would be the north men, and without the Picts pressing the west without Gorm's improved technology gifted to him by Arus the Nemedian priest. Suffice to say, this needs to become a real thing. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:41 No.21622932 -Aragorn, what is best on life!!? -The love of an elf. The company of my brothers. And the freedom of mankind Meanwhile at Minas Tirith: - Is there a captain here who still has the courage to do his lord's will? 10 hours later, Osguiliath is under control of the white tree while Conan is asking for some better wenches that the ones he found there. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:04 No.21623103 File: 1353168247024.jpg-(41 KB, 310x394, 1353079261919.jpg) WITHOUTSFFERING In a land so used to barbarian heroes coming in screaming hordes Aragorn, and the trusted band of Rangers he has trained, become known as the Ghost Men. A hundred of them can move through an empire and leave every governmental official dead. When the real army shows up it just plants the flag on the shattered remains. Aragorm eventually rise up by being a badass good guy to what ever society he finds himself in. Most popular man on the continent becasue he is good but he is not a murderhobo like all the other Heroes were. FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. Found a new kingdom based on the memory of Numenor. Rules till he is 350 In a new golden age. Trains a successor, dies. O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)11:08 No.21623126 >>21623120 We already decide that Conan gets the Betrayers on his side through his sheer badassitude. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:12 No.21623155 >>21623120 You must remeber that only thing the ghosts did was clear some ships and they did not take part of the real battle. A feat conan could do alone if he wanted. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:27 No.21623245 I am now imagining Conan sitting on the throne of Minas Tirith with Arwen, Eowyn and Galadriel lounging around in metal bikinis at his feet. > O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)14:43 No.21624706 No joke though, I would love to see some fanart of a "pulpy" Sword & Sorcery version of Lord of the Rings O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)15:07 No.21624895 >>21624769 >>21624730 So let's see. Aragorn and the rangers of the north would be more savage, going around in furs and loincloths as they patrol the wastes. Disdain for civilization and such. Boromir would be pretty much the same, coming from a decadent kingdom that's become too corrupted to survive on its own. Gandalf would be a dark arts master from an ancient kingdom who uses demon summoning and curses to smite his enemies. He would be deeply feared for his powers and pacts with the dark ones. Galadriel would be a mostly naked prophetess who lives in seclusion in a deep forest and foretells the future in entrails and such. What else?

O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)09:15 No.21622410 Toth-Amon has cast a wicked spell of foul sorcery and Conan, King of Aquilonia has now traded places with Aragorn Son of Arathorn as the Fellowship set out from Rivendell. Discuss /tg/ O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:22 No.21622458 >>21622410 >Conan acquires the Ring from Frodo >Looks at it, for many minutes >Takes it to a town, pawns it, and gets drunk on the earnings, taking many women that night Best movie ever. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:25 No.21622476 >>21622410 Arwen gets kidnapped, draped over a horse, ravished and dressed up in a pair of metal cups and a metal thong, and nothing else. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:28 No.21622501 Conan nails most the women along the way, before ending up at Minas Tirath, mocking the Men and women of Gondor for allowing themselves to get Soft; and takes the fight to Mordor instead of allowing the Seige to happen. The Easterlings and Haradriam, seeing a true Barbarian King, turn coats half way through the war and man-king unites against Sauron in full. Meanwhile in Aquilonia, a new age of enlightenment and peace comes, as Aragorn uses his prior knowledge of SCOUTING, F------ S--- UP and MORE ADVANCED WARFARE to give his country an edge over others, then conquers the West and its Pictish tribes, leading to a vast Empire. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:30 No.21622513 >>21622501 This. Conan is a good war king but is bored and melancholy in peace. Aragorn would be a better fit for the throne of Aquilonia, Conan would be a better fit for fighting hordes of orcs. > O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:40 No.21622570 >>21622552 Oh god, the Betrayers. There would have been no fear. "I am Conan, and I am not the king of your prophesy, but I am your King nonetheless. Follow me, or rot in whatever hell you choose. I go to glory." They'd have already packed their ghost-s--- and been on the march halfway through the speech. O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)09:41 No.21622574 >>21622564 Personally I imagine Conan doing INSANE CONAN S--- like fighting the Balrog himself and winning without dropping down a chasm. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:46 No.21622597 File: 1353163566371.png-(155 KB, 631x346, Gandalf-You-Shall-Not-Pas.).png) >>21622574 Gandalf: "YOU... SHALL NOT... PA-" >Conan leaps over him, burying an ancient Dwarven axe into the balrog's head. The demon shrieks in pain. >Gandalf's face when O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:46 No.21622601 >>21622597 >"Well..you may pass" O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)09:47 No.21622604 Conan is a goddamn barbarian, chick-magnet, unbeatable at fighting and a military genius. He's gonna lead the Humanity back to the second age. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:11 No.21622751 >>21622669 Oh god I wanna see Conan in Lothlorien so badly. >Conan walks through the forest, suddenly Haldir appears behind him >"This one stinks like a bull and makes noise like one to. l could have put an arrow in his eye blindfolded and from twice a hundred paces aw-" >Conan swirls around tackles him against a tree and puts a dagger to his throat >"You talk too much." O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:12 No.21622753 File: 1353165130234.gif-(1.93 MB, 235x240, Chuck Norris.gif) Could you imagine anything as awesome as Conan and Boromir in the same room? I can see Legolas hating Conan at first, but after a monologue about freedom and a natural lifestyle, even Legolas would grow an appreciation for him. It'd be like Gimli 2.0. Don't even get me started on Gimli and Conan. There'd be drinking competitions everywhere. >>21622501 Don't forget to expand Aquilonia to the south as the River Styx. Why, if Aragorn prevented the Picts from rising up and sweeping over Aquilonia, then it'd have an easier time dealing with the Turanians and Hyrkanians a few hundred years after his death. The only people who Aquilonia would need to worry about would be the north men, and without the Picts pressing the west without Gorm's improved technology gifted to him by Arus the Nemedian priest. Suffice to say, this needs to become a real thing. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)10:41 No.21622932 -Aragorn, what is best on life!!? -The love of an elf. The company of my brothers. And the freedom of mankind Meanwhile at Minas Tirith: - Is there a captain here who still has the courage to do his lord's will? 10 hours later, Osguiliath is under control of the white tree while Conan is asking for some better wenches that the ones he found there. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:04 No.21623103 File: 1353168247024.jpg-(41 KB, 310x394, 1353079261919.jpg) WITHOUTSFFERING In a land so used to barbarian heroes coming in screaming hordes Aragorn, and the trusted band of Rangers he has trained, become known as the Ghost Men. A hundred of them can move through an empire and leave every governmental official dead. When the real army shows up it just plants the flag on the shattered remains. Aragorm eventually rise up by being a badass good guy to what ever society he finds himself in. Most popular man on the continent becasue he is good but he is not a murderhobo like all the other Heroes were. FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR. Found a new kingdom based on the memory of Numenor. Rules till he is 350 In a new golden age. Trains a successor, dies. O Muscle Wizard 11/17/12(Sat)11:08 No.21623126 >>21623120 We already decide that Conan gets the Betrayers on his side through his sheer badassitude. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:12 No.21623155 >>21623120 You must remeber that only thing the ghosts did was clear some ships and they did not take part of the real battle. A feat conan could do alone if he wanted. O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)11:27 No.21623245 I am now imagining Conan sitting on the throne of Minas Tirith with Arwen, Eowyn and Galadriel lounging around in metal bikinis at his feet. > O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)14:43 No.21624706 No joke though, I would love to see some fanart of a "pulpy" Sword & Sorcery version of Lord of the Rings O Anonymous 11/17/12(Sat)15:07 No.21624895 >>21624769 >>21624730 So let's see. Aragorn and the rangers of the north would be more savage, going around in furs and loincloths as they patrol the wastes. Disdain for civilization and such. Boromir would be pretty much the same, coming from a decadent kingdom that's become too corrupted to survive on its own. Gandalf would be a dark arts master from an ancient kingdom who uses demon summoning and curses to smite his enemies. He would be deeply feared for his powers and pacts with the dark ones. Galadriel would be a mostly naked prophetess who lives in seclusion in a deep forest and foretells the future in entrails and such. What else?

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>Get married in Skyrim

: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)14:05:43 No.56629646 >Get married in Skyrim >Walk into my house in Whiterun >"It's good to see you again, my love" >Leave and re-enter so she'll say it again Anyone else know this feel? 191 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)14:12:49 No.56629729 Bro, this post. Just. 33 KB JPG

: Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)14:05:43 No.56629646 >Get married in Skyrim >Walk into my house in Whiterun >"It's good to see you again, my love" >Leave and re-enter so she'll say it again Anyone else know this feel? 191 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/07/20(Fri)14:12:49 No.56629729 Bro, this post. Just. 33 KB JPG

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4chan /r9k/ skyrim lydia

anon has a realisation

>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG

>playing a single player shooter game >spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo types and never using them >only use the s-------- weapons and ammo because "I might need the good stuff later" >complete the final mission >suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever having fun with the coolest weapons in it >realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life 128,0 kB PNG

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Shit Storm

O Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)21:20:29 No.814515219 >>814518531 Who wants to hear the story how I single handedly got my school shut down for a month when I was in high school? This will be several posts so bump the thread if you are interested >be me, sophomore >a loner for the most part, have a few friends but they aren't that close >ride bike everywhere >my mom is preggo with a girl due in a few months >dad is at work a lot (gets called in a lot so I get to spend actual time with him maybe once a week) >one Saturday mom is having baby shower, dad is at work >guess guys aren't allowed to be at baby showers >mom gives me 40 bucks and tells me to go to the mall or movies and get food or whatever while she has the baby shower >ride bike to mall, don't really know what to do >walking around different stores, end up in Spencers >looking at all the different gag toys when I see it >Ass spray >spray a little in the air and smell >putrid If you have never had the displeasure of smelling this stuff, imagine leaving a cooked egg and a massive wet s--- in a jar for a good week and then opening it to take a wiff. It's horrible Pone of the worst smells I could think of >first thing that comes to my mind is weaponizing this stuff >millions of ideas are flooding my head at once >this is too good to not pass up >buy it >for once I couldn't wait for the weekend to end and go back to school >Monday, in first period class >l am wearing a long hoodie with my hand tucked into the sleeve, with my hand gently holding the spray bottle You have to be really cautious with this stuff. One mispray will leave your clothes wreaking with the stench. This stuff is no joke, it's really strong. I'm surprised you don't have to be 18 to buy it, thať's how powerful it is. >just looking around the room waiting for an opportunity to spray something >get a better idea >about a minute before class is over I nonchalantly walk by the door and give a single spray >just one >no one caught me >30 seconds later a kid from the back yells "Yo did someone rip ass?" >silently snicker >more kids from the back smell it, then the middle, it eventually makes its way to the front >everyone rushes to get out of the classroom >a dude literally shoved a girl out of the way just to get out of class first >all of this from just one spray >no one person should have the power to cause this much chaos, yet I posses this gift in the palm of my hand >the class incident spreads around school by lunch time >I get excited as I quietly eat my sandwich hearing some classmate talk about how awful the smell was >few days pass, I've been contemplating different uses for spray >today was a rainy day >during lunch everyone packs into one of the buildings that has 2 floors >bingo >about 200 kids on the upper floor >I was talking to one of my only friends, we were at the very end of the hallway >decide it's too crowded up here, we should move to the bottom floor >I haven't told him about the ass spray, I don't intend to >not really close with anyone, can't trust him to keep a secret >as we are walking down the hallway I'm cradling the spray in my hand tucked into my hoodie sleeve >As we are walking and talking I'm giving the occasional spray, no one is noticing >finally the commotion starts at the end of the hall where we started >it's quickly making its way towards us >everyone is distracted, which gives me the opportunity to spray some more > finally friend starts smelling it and covering his nose >l play along and act like I'm disturbed as well > at this point everyone is trying to rush downstairs >kids getting knocked over, everyone is screaming >teachers are coming out of their classrooms to assess the commotion >they obviously figure it out right away >friend is trying to get downstairs too >l'm just watching all the disorder I've created >fight off the urge to give an evil laugh >next week >talk of the smelly building dies down >perfect time to stir the pot >over the weekend I bought a box of disposable gloves so stench doesn't stay on my hand >thinking of my next victim >at lunch hear Haliee and her friends >class hottie but 10/10 bitch >typical doesn't show you any kindness unless you are a jock or as hot as her type >having typical popular girl discussion, basically just trash talking everyone that isn't her >time to ruin the one most important thing to her, her hair >take straw and some paper, run to bleachers and hide under them >glove up and soak a paper wad with the spray >shove it into the straw, use a twig to get it into the middle >toss gloves, run back over to tables >her back is facing me, quickly launch spitball to her hair >it rests just perfectly into her hair >gave it about a minute >"did one of you fart?" >the girls get up and move, but the smell is attached to Hailee >they find out the smell is coming from her >specifically her hair >Hailee starts crying >everyone noticing commotion, they make comments on her hair >she runs to bathroom crying and embarrassed >she's now known as the girl who doesn't wash her hair >tfw you disrupt the social hierarchy of your class with one spitball >was fond of the spitball idea, use that several more times over the next week >landed it in people's hoodies and backpacks, they all would eventually notice the smell >it's like a discrete projectile fartbomb >this stuff is so strong, it was like engaging in chemical warfare >one lunch I notice Bryce >Hailee was an angel compared to this meathead >football player, huge bully, specifically made nasty comments towards kids with known disabilities right in earshot >it's a Friday night, home game tonight >perfect time to test out my new device >same concept as the spitballs, but I poured some of the spray in a squirt gun >if one spray can clear out a room, imagine soaking someone's clothes in it >luckily I also know where his locker is >l don't even need to break in, the lockers have little holes like pic related >right after school I run to the locker room >all his football gear is in there. Pads, pants, and jersey >pull out the squirt gun and unload over every piece of gear I can hit >l go until there is nothing in the squirt gun >the smell is leaking out of the locker already >put squirt gun in plastic bag, back in backpack to conceal smell >this all went down in the span of maybe 45 seconds, I got in and out quickly >game starts in 2 hours, better go get a ticket to the game and enjoy the show is about to start >game >unfortunately I don't know what the reaction was in the locker room, but I know he isn't going to get the smell off before the game >visiting team is already on the field >cheerleaders and pep squad doing their thing >finally our team comes running out >Bryce is trailing about 10 feet behind the rest of the team >my biggest regret this night is not recording the game >kick off, visiting teams ball >Bryce tackles the >immediately shoves Bryce off him >Ref runs over to give a penalty, gives Bryce a nasty look >I s--- you not, I swear I lip read from the ref you smell like s--- >l'm giggling in the stands like a weirdo >Game continues, eventually we have the ball >Bryce is going >guy behind him is crouched down with Bryce, maybe 2 feet away from him >l must have squirted his pants thoroughly >He's delaying from calling the hike >He stands up, takes his helmet off and vomits right on the field >crowd is disgusted >I was dying from laughter eguy hike the ball >Game gets delayed while the field gets cleaned up >coach benches Bryce >The team and cheerleaders don't even want to be near him >Eventually coach kicks Bryce out the game and into the locker room to change >crowd is confused as hell >meanwhile I'm sitting in the stands proud to be the one who ruined that bully's reputation >also we lost the game >after the squirt gun incident, I was out of the spray, so l ordered 2 bottles online >the chemical attacks would be put on hold until they ship >that following Monday, everyone knows what happened >He is humiliated. His football friends hate him, girls don't even want to talk to him, no one can let him live down what happened >he sits by himself now >I so wish I had friends to tell, but it's better this way >anyone who knows could reveal my identity >over the next week everyone is talking about the smells potentially being a prank >my name is never dropped, I'm way too under the radar >or so they think >they all suspect someone popular doing this since it has mostly been cool kids getting hit >this needs to go down as a legend at this school, but I need a name >fart boy >nah, lame >sinister stink >getting better >no no, I got it >"S--- Storm" >from this day forward, S--- Storm will haunt the school. S--- Storm strikes when you least expect it >just in the knick of time, 2 fresh bottles of ass spray just came in the mail >I'm spreading the word of S--- Storm through several random chemical attacks >During lunch while no one was looking, I'd open their backpacks and spray a few times >l'd go to the locker room while it was empty and spray someone's clothes (not to the extent I hit Bryce with) >if people left their hoodies unattended, you guessed it >l prewrote a bunch of hand written notes that l'd leave with every single person >"You've Been Nose Punched By The Cynical S--- Storm" >It doesn't take long for word to spread >It's even caught wind with the faculty and teachers >We get an announcement on the speakers one day from the principal >to paraphrase who ever is making the entire school smell, when you are caught you will be punished to the full extent of our school code" >that won't stop me >the reign of S--- Storm has only begun >After that announcement, ease up on all the attacks >not because I was scared, no no >because homecoming was on its way >of course, it was all part of the plan >I had to put everyone at a state of ease, make them feel like the prank was over >oh no, this is just the calm before the (s---) Storm >I went ahead and purchased 10 bottles of Ass Spray >here was the plan >l knew exactly where the ventilators for the auditorium were, where the homecoming was being held >during lunch the Friday before homecoming, I walk into the room with the ventilators, tied a shoe lace around the doorknob, and hid an old backpack with an old scream mask for Halloween I used years ago and a change of clothes (hoodie, jeans, old running shoes). >l also hid a wire hanger in the indoor bleachers >This will come into play later >In total I had 11 and a half bottles of the spray >get 10 plastic bags and 10 old socks >put the socks in the bags, dump an entire bottle of ass spray per bag. >they were completely soaked in the spray. I straight up almost vomited during this part from the concentrated smell of ass. >Seal the bags, those all go into a Fanny pack as well as some extra rubber gloves and the remaining bottle and a half of spray >The planning over, now to carry on with the execution >It's the night of homecoming >l got my suit on with my fanny pack tucked in >l get in, the place is packed with people from all grades >probably around 400 people >get into the bleachers, grab my hanger >thankful no one moved it >walk outside the back exit, walk over to the door with ventilators inside >it's locked, as expected >untwist the hanger so it's one long hook >shove it under the move it around and twist it a couple times >yank it out, the shoelace was raveled around the hook >pull the shoelace, opening the door from the inside >get in and close the door >hard part is over >since the door is locked from the outside, I can take my time executing this next part >change over my clothes to my hoodie and mask >take all the socks out of their bags and have them all ready in the fanny pack on my side >god the stench is putrid >gather everything into the backpack, including hanger and shoelace >glove up and get the remainder bottles of ass spray out >l pour them right into the ventilators >it'll take a minute to hit >only one more step of the plan >I step out the ventilator room and am outside the back of the auditorium, wearing my hoodie, mask, and backpack >my fanny pack is open with my socks >take a deep breath >It's time to run like hell >I charged in there like a maniac >throwing the smelly socks as I was running across the auditorium >it was a 2 front attack, by air and ground >both executed by me >everyone was scared >seeing a guy in a hoodie and bloody scream mask sprinting towards them would scare anyone >I wasn't so much aiming for people as I was spreading the socks to maximize stink >although the socks were dripping wet, I'm sure people were getting sprayed by the wet socks getting tossed around >I throw my last sock and charge out of there as quick as possible >the adrenaline was real, it felt like I was in there for maybe 5 minutes, couldn't have been longer than 20-30 seconds in reality >as I was running out I heard everyone going a------ over the smell >I couldn't stay for the after math, I couldn't afford getting caught >as I'm running away from the school I'm taking off everything and shoving it into different peoples trash cans >I ran 3 miles back home, I've never felt a thrill like that >sneak inside, hop in shower >I check Facebook and see people from school posting about what happened >"S--- Storm just ruined our homecoming" >"I just had to trash my suit because of S--- Storm" >"thank you for making homecoming interesting, S--- Storm" >School had to close down for a month so they can get rid of the stench >two weeks we had off, other two we had to get portable classrooms >apparently those ventilators also leaked into the classes >made the school news, someone "anonymously" said I ruined high school for them (99% certain it was Bryce) >Junior year >S--- Storm was more of a vigilante at this point, l'd hit kids who I deemed deserved it >Bryce is trying to make his way up the food chain by bullying again >sad enough it was working. He was making girls laugh and he's socializing with all the cool kids again >this time I was going to hit home for him >literally >At this point Bryce had a car >spoiled f--- >after school took note of the car he drove >knew the general area he lived in but not the exact house >ride around with my bike until I found it >s--- is about to hit the fan >I had no classes with Bryce this year so he wouldn't notice if I took a day off school >dumb meathead left his window cracked, thinks living on the second story wouldn't matter >S--- Storm has already established he can hit you from above >actually offended homecoming didn't leave that impression on him >after him and parents leave, I climb on roof and open his window >obviously using rubber gloves to not leave fingerprints >I spray the f--- out of everything in his room >clothes, bed, pillow, closet >I saw his cat chilling on his night stand just observing >spray the f--- out of his cat >l go home and play Xbox for the rest of the day >next day at school I hear the news >"S--- STORM GOT HIS CAT >kekles >ride my bike by his house after school >2 vans with professional cleaners parked outside his house

O Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)21:20:29 No.814515219 >>814518531 Who wants to hear the story how I single handedly got my school shut down for a month when I was in high school? This will be several posts so bump the thread if you are interested >be me, sophomore >a loner for the most part, have a few friends but they aren't that close >ride bike everywhere >my mom is preggo with a girl due in a few months >dad is at work a lot (gets called in a lot so I get to spend actual time with him maybe once a week) >one Saturday mom is having baby shower, dad is at work >guess guys aren't allowed to be at baby showers >mom gives me 40 bucks and tells me to go to the mall or movies and get food or whatever while she has the baby shower >ride bike to mall, don't really know what to do >walking around different stores, end up in Spencers >looking at all the different gag toys when I see it >Ass spray >spray a little in the air and smell >putrid If you have never had the displeasure of smelling this stuff, imagine leaving a cooked egg and a massive wet s--- in a jar for a good week and then opening it to take a wiff. It's horrible Pone of the worst smells I could think of >first thing that comes to my mind is weaponizing this stuff >millions of ideas are flooding my head at once >this is too good to not pass up >buy it >for once I couldn't wait for the weekend to end and go back to school >Monday, in first period class >l am wearing a long hoodie with my hand tucked into the sleeve, with my hand gently holding the spray bottle You have to be really cautious with this stuff. One mispray will leave your clothes wreaking with the stench. This stuff is no joke, it's really strong. I'm surprised you don't have to be 18 to buy it, thať's how powerful it is. >just looking around the room waiting for an opportunity to spray something >get a better idea >about a minute before class is over I nonchalantly walk by the door and give a single spray >just one >no one caught me >30 seconds later a kid from the back yells "Yo did someone rip ass?" >silently snicker >more kids from the back smell it, then the middle, it eventually makes its way to the front >everyone rushes to get out of the classroom >a dude literally shoved a girl out of the way just to get out of class first >all of this from just one spray >no one person should have the power to cause this much chaos, yet I posses this gift in the palm of my hand >the class incident spreads around school by lunch time >I get excited as I quietly eat my sandwich hearing some classmate talk about how awful the smell was >few days pass, I've been contemplating different uses for spray >today was a rainy day >during lunch everyone packs into one of the buildings that has 2 floors >bingo >about 200 kids on the upper floor >I was talking to one of my only friends, we were at the very end of the hallway >decide it's too crowded up here, we should move to the bottom floor >I haven't told him about the ass spray, I don't intend to >not really close with anyone, can't trust him to keep a secret >as we are walking down the hallway I'm cradling the spray in my hand tucked into my hoodie sleeve >As we are walking and talking I'm giving the occasional spray, no one is noticing >finally the commotion starts at the end of the hall where we started >it's quickly making its way towards us >everyone is distracted, which gives me the opportunity to spray some more > finally friend starts smelling it and covering his nose >l play along and act like I'm disturbed as well > at this point everyone is trying to rush downstairs >kids getting knocked over, everyone is screaming >teachers are coming out of their classrooms to assess the commotion >they obviously figure it out right away >friend is trying to get downstairs too >l'm just watching all the disorder I've created >fight off the urge to give an evil laugh >next week >talk of the smelly building dies down >perfect time to stir the pot >over the weekend I bought a box of disposable gloves so stench doesn't stay on my hand >thinking of my next victim >at lunch hear Haliee and her friends >class hottie but 10/10 bitch >typical doesn't show you any kindness unless you are a jock or as hot as her type >having typical popular girl discussion, basically just trash talking everyone that isn't her >time to ruin the one most important thing to her, her hair >take straw and some paper, run to bleachers and hide under them >glove up and soak a paper wad with the spray >shove it into the straw, use a twig to get it into the middle >toss gloves, run back over to tables >her back is facing me, quickly launch spitball to her hair >it rests just perfectly into her hair >gave it about a minute >"did one of you fart?" >the girls get up and move, but the smell is attached to Hailee >they find out the smell is coming from her >specifically her hair >Hailee starts crying >everyone noticing commotion, they make comments on her hair >she runs to bathroom crying and embarrassed >she's now known as the girl who doesn't wash her hair >tfw you disrupt the social hierarchy of your class with one spitball >was fond of the spitball idea, use that several more times over the next week >landed it in people's hoodies and backpacks, they all would eventually notice the smell >it's like a discrete projectile fartbomb >this stuff is so strong, it was like engaging in chemical warfare >one lunch I notice Bryce >Hailee was an angel compared to this meathead >football player, huge bully, specifically made nasty comments towards kids with known disabilities right in earshot >it's a Friday night, home game tonight >perfect time to test out my new device >same concept as the spitballs, but I poured some of the spray in a squirt gun >if one spray can clear out a room, imagine soaking someone's clothes in it >luckily I also know where his locker is >l don't even need to break in, the lockers have little holes like pic related >right after school I run to the locker room >all his football gear is in there. Pads, pants, and jersey >pull out the squirt gun and unload over every piece of gear I can hit >l go until there is nothing in the squirt gun >the smell is leaking out of the locker already >put squirt gun in plastic bag, back in backpack to conceal smell >this all went down in the span of maybe 45 seconds, I got in and out quickly >game starts in 2 hours, better go get a ticket to the game and enjoy the show is about to start >game >unfortunately I don't know what the reaction was in the locker room, but I know he isn't going to get the smell off before the game >visiting team is already on the field >cheerleaders and pep squad doing their thing >finally our team comes running out >Bryce is trailing about 10 feet behind the rest of the team >my biggest regret this night is not recording the game >kick off, visiting teams ball >Bryce tackles the >immediately shoves Bryce off him >Ref runs over to give a penalty, gives Bryce a nasty look >I s--- you not, I swear I lip read from the ref you smell like s--- >l'm giggling in the stands like a weirdo >Game continues, eventually we have the ball >Bryce is going >guy behind him is crouched down with Bryce, maybe 2 feet away from him >l must have squirted his pants thoroughly >He's delaying from calling the hike >He stands up, takes his helmet off and vomits right on the field >crowd is disgusted >I was dying from laughter eguy hike the ball >Game gets delayed while the field gets cleaned up >coach benches Bryce >The team and cheerleaders don't even want to be near him >Eventually coach kicks Bryce out the game and into the locker room to change >crowd is confused as hell >meanwhile I'm sitting in the stands proud to be the one who ruined that bully's reputation >also we lost the game >after the squirt gun incident, I was out of the spray, so l ordered 2 bottles online >the chemical attacks would be put on hold until they ship >that following Monday, everyone knows what happened >He is humiliated. His football friends hate him, girls don't even want to talk to him, no one can let him live down what happened >he sits by himself now >I so wish I had friends to tell, but it's better this way >anyone who knows could reveal my identity >over the next week everyone is talking about the smells potentially being a prank >my name is never dropped, I'm way too under the radar >or so they think >they all suspect someone popular doing this since it has mostly been cool kids getting hit >this needs to go down as a legend at this school, but I need a name >fart boy >nah, lame >sinister stink >getting better >no no, I got it >"S--- Storm" >from this day forward, S--- Storm will haunt the school. S--- Storm strikes when you least expect it >just in the knick of time, 2 fresh bottles of ass spray just came in the mail >I'm spreading the word of S--- Storm through several random chemical attacks >During lunch while no one was looking, I'd open their backpacks and spray a few times >l'd go to the locker room while it was empty and spray someone's clothes (not to the extent I hit Bryce with) >if people left their hoodies unattended, you guessed it >l prewrote a bunch of hand written notes that l'd leave with every single person >"You've Been Nose Punched By The Cynical S--- Storm" >It doesn't take long for word to spread >It's even caught wind with the faculty and teachers >We get an announcement on the speakers one day from the principal >to paraphrase who ever is making the entire school smell, when you are caught you will be punished to the full extent of our school code" >that won't stop me >the reign of S--- Storm has only begun >After that announcement, ease up on all the attacks >not because I was scared, no no >because homecoming was on its way >of course, it was all part of the plan >I had to put everyone at a state of ease, make them feel like the prank was over >oh no, this is just the calm before the (s---) Storm >I went ahead and purchased 10 bottles of Ass Spray >here was the plan >l knew exactly where the ventilators for the auditorium were, where the homecoming was being held >during lunch the Friday before homecoming, I walk into the room with the ventilators, tied a shoe lace around the doorknob, and hid an old backpack with an old scream mask for Halloween I used years ago and a change of clothes (hoodie, jeans, old running shoes). >l also hid a wire hanger in the indoor bleachers >This will come into play later >In total I had 11 and a half bottles of the spray >get 10 plastic bags and 10 old socks >put the socks in the bags, dump an entire bottle of ass spray per bag. >they were completely soaked in the spray. I straight up almost vomited during this part from the concentrated smell of ass. >Seal the bags, those all go into a Fanny pack as well as some extra rubber gloves and the remaining bottle and a half of spray >The planning over, now to carry on with the execution >It's the night of homecoming >l got my suit on with my fanny pack tucked in >l get in, the place is packed with people from all grades >probably around 400 people >get into the bleachers, grab my hanger >thankful no one moved it >walk outside the back exit, walk over to the door with ventilators inside >it's locked, as expected >untwist the hanger so it's one long hook >shove it under the move it around and twist it a couple times >yank it out, the shoelace was raveled around the hook >pull the shoelace, opening the door from the inside >get in and close the door >hard part is over >since the door is locked from the outside, I can take my time executing this next part >change over my clothes to my hoodie and mask >take all the socks out of their bags and have them all ready in the fanny pack on my side >god the stench is putrid >gather everything into the backpack, including hanger and shoelace >glove up and get the remainder bottles of ass spray out >l pour them right into the ventilators >it'll take a minute to hit >only one more step of the plan >I step out the ventilator room and am outside the back of the auditorium, wearing my hoodie, mask, and backpack >my fanny pack is open with my socks >take a deep breath >It's time to run like hell >I charged in there like a maniac >throwing the smelly socks as I was running across the auditorium >it was a 2 front attack, by air and ground >both executed by me >everyone was scared >seeing a guy in a hoodie and bloody scream mask sprinting towards them would scare anyone >I wasn't so much aiming for people as I was spreading the socks to maximize stink >although the socks were dripping wet, I'm sure people were getting sprayed by the wet socks getting tossed around >I throw my last sock and charge out of there as quick as possible >the adrenaline was real, it felt like I was in there for maybe 5 minutes, couldn't have been longer than 20-30 seconds in reality >as I was running out I heard everyone going a------ over the smell >I couldn't stay for the after math, I couldn't afford getting caught >as I'm running away from the school I'm taking off everything and shoving it into different peoples trash cans >I ran 3 miles back home, I've never felt a thrill like that >sneak inside, hop in shower >I check Facebook and see people from school posting about what happened >"S--- Storm just ruined our homecoming" >"I just had to trash my suit because of S--- Storm" >"thank you for making homecoming interesting, S--- Storm" >School had to close down for a month so they can get rid of the stench >two weeks we had off, other two we had to get portable classrooms >apparently those ventilators also leaked into the classes >made the school news, someone "anonymously" said I ruined high school for them (99% certain it was Bryce) >Junior year >S--- Storm was more of a vigilante at this point, l'd hit kids who I deemed deserved it >Bryce is trying to make his way up the food chain by bullying again >sad enough it was working. He was making girls laugh and he's socializing with all the cool kids again >this time I was going to hit home for him >literally >At this point Bryce had a car >spoiled f--- >after school took note of the car he drove >knew the general area he lived in but not the exact house >ride around with my bike until I found it >s--- is about to hit the fan >I had no classes with Bryce this year so he wouldn't notice if I took a day off school >dumb meathead left his window cracked, thinks living on the second story wouldn't matter >S--- Storm has already established he can hit you from above >actually offended homecoming didn't leave that impression on him >after him and parents leave, I climb on roof and open his window >obviously using rubber gloves to not leave fingerprints >I spray the f--- out of everything in his room >clothes, bed, pillow, closet >I saw his cat chilling on his night stand just observing >spray the f--- out of his cat >l go home and play Xbox for the rest of the day >next day at school I hear the news >"S--- STORM GOT HIS CAT >kekles >ride my bike by his house after school >2 vans with professional cleaners parked outside his house

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File: 71Xz6ej.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us1iXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No.549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker #1 on FBl's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history >just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM >tells me that 420 1337_h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with >open up internet explorer oh yeah, forgot about that get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe >now it's time for some world class hacking go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password something appears on the bottom right coner of my screen it's that goddamn talking paperclip "it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, I'm trying to work here it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after all >now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters 'congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E >BOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw

File: 71Xz6ej.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us1iXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No.549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker #1 on FBl's most wanted list but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history >just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >epic lulz one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM >tells me that 420 1337_h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with >open up internet explorer oh yeah, forgot about that get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe >now it's time for some world class hacking go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password something appears on the bottom right coner of my screen it's that goddamn talking paperclip "it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, I'm trying to work here it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after all >now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters 'congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E >BOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw

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