Jeff Bezos Sort Of Goes To Space For Like, Ten Minutes

Perhaps when you heard that Jeff Bezos is going to space, you imagined he'd be spending a significant amount of time among the stars, viewing Earth from the heavens and coming back days later with a fresh perspective on our planet. Not quite so.

The Amazon billionaire's much-hyped launch "into space" started and safely concluded all before 10 A.M. this morning. Bezos, his brother Mark, Wally Funk, and Dutch student Oliver Daemen took Bezos' Blue Origin rocket to a height of 351,210 feet, or 66.5 miles, technically crossing the Kármán line of 62 miles that scientists decided counts as the border between Earth and space, but not so far as to go into orbit. Daemen was selected by Bezos to be on the flight after the passenger who paid $28 million at auction to be on the flight couldn't make it due to a scheduling conflict.

The entire flight can be seen below:

While this was always the plan, it still struck many as a letdown that Bezos' historic flight to space reached "space" in a technical sense.

"There’s arguably a difference between poking your head above the clouds -- and achieving 'spaceflight,'" opined Futurism.

Twitter users also felt let down but at least were very amused by the highly phallic shape of the rocket.

In general, good journalistic practice is to be clinical and wordy.

INCORRECT: “Jeff Bezos took off in a dong-rocket.”

CORRECT: “…rocket that was much like a piece of male genitalia in appearance, and to be specific, not the testicles; we’re talking about the penis here.”

— Danielle Kurtzleben (@titonka) July 20, 2021

If you were making a black comedy about self-glorifying billionaire assholes, and you had a “space race” where no one actually went to space, and one of the rockets looked THIS MUCH like a giant, overcompensating penis- you’d say “nah, too on the nose.” pic.twitter.com/4OdThRDSCB

— SPIRAL CURSE DEMARCO (@Clarknova1) July 20, 2021

Not the rocket looking like a penis

— Meena Harris (@meena) July 20, 2021

jeff bezos only went to space for TEN MINUTES? why even bother telling us babe it's not like anyone would have noticed

— Katie Way (@k80way) July 20, 2021

52 years after first Apollo mission Bezos goes into space for ten minutes. This is sort of like driving down to 7-11 for a six pack 52 years after the first cross country drive.

— CD92.9Mornings (@CD929Morning) July 20, 2021

As always with anything Bezos-related, many users took the opportunity to take shots at Bezos for his vast wealth.

As you watch images of Bezos' rocket rise and fall, just remember that every dollar underwriting that spectacle should have been paid as wages to workers and as taxes for the commons -- and wasn't.

— Anand Giridharadas @ The.Ink (@AnandWrites) July 20, 2021

No one needs Bezos to launch rockets into outer space. We need him to pay his fair share of taxes so people can thrive here on Earth.

— Robert Reich (@RBReich) July 19, 2021

happy jeff bezos got to realize his dream and go to space for eleven minutes thanks to not paying taxes and treating his workers as disposable day https://t.co/eRXqvuoBty

— Preeti Chhibber (@runwithskizzers) July 20, 2021

"Best day ever," said Bezos, upon returning to Earth.

Watch as the New Shepard capsule safely returns to Earth.

Jeff Bezos: “Best day ever.” https://t.co/lEapSQ24zn pic.twitter.com/QaYDD6fIZg

— CNBC (@CNBC) July 20, 2021