: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:30 No.845613011 >be me >get ass blasted by a massive thunder c--- >c-- pouring down to my balls >go home >in bed >realise I forgot to say no h--- 82 KB JPG

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Anonymous 03/01/25(Sat)04:17:09 No.704221836 250px-Walter.jpg 10 KB JPG >Al evolving rapidly to the point it can almost impersonate people and compose entire songs >video game enemy Al has not progressed AT ALL since F.E.A.R and you could argue it has only regressed Why the f--- is this?

Anonymous >2005 07/11/22(Mon)20:52:44 No.69371086 >Go to online store webpage >Search for the item you want >Checkout >2022 23 KB PNG >Go to online store webpage >This website uses cookies. Allow cookies? >Allow >Allow this website to know your location? >Block >Allow this website to send notifications? >Block >Popup covering screen appears. Enter your email now for 10% off! >Close popup >Fake chat appears, Jill would like to assist you >Close chat >Finally get to the search bar, start entering text >Javascript wasn't finished loading, search bar gets deselected halfway through typing >Click the search bar again, finish typing, hit enter >Item you want appears, try to click it >More javascript loads before you click, the page rearranges itself, now you've clicked something else >Close webpage and toss monitor out the window

Anonymous 07/06/23(Thu)18:14:33 No.184255728 Translate a joke from your country 12 KB JPG Anonymous | 07/06/23(Thu)19:05:43 No.184257583 Two hunters meet. Both are dead. >>184257927 # >>184258192 # >>184258442 # Anonymous 07/06/23(Thu)19:14:41 No.184257927 >>184257583 # >behold the peak of german comedy >>184258089 #

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anon finds a mystery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21 (Sat)21:56:21 No.845603535 *CONCERN* >live alone >work from home for past year due to covid >only human contact is when i O buy groceries >today 62 KB JPG >fart >feels wet >pull down pants to inspect >mfw it looks like i shat out globs of c-- Od...how did that get in there?

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Anon leaves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/27/17(Mon)14:45:09 No.35829949 >playing WoW >inspect another player >their current target changes to me >knows I'm inspecting his gear >mfw 76 KB JPG >log off and delete character That was close

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anon has to date a pig | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)01:45:46 No.61986574 >>61985360 (OP) # >mom actually did this with one of her coworkers because they're family friends and called in a favor I guess >same spiel about the girl >think f--- it worst case scenario I just leave and maybe this will work out >show up and she's 300lbs or more easily >smells like she doesn't change her bed sheets or wash her clothes in a house where the cats pee anywhere and like she hadn't showered >hair makes me think she hadn't showered prior because its entirely unstyled or combed and it's just matted down and swept back at the temples like she's been wearing headphones all day >teeth are visibly rotting and you can smell her breathe even from across a table >I watch anime but I am not an anime addict or something but try and use that as some sort of a conversation starter >she proceeds to go on some crazy rant about card captors for the next 30 minutes about how it's the "perfect" anime and starts trying to give me a "quick rundown" on it >no has even come to take our orders yet for some f----- up reason so I don't even have access to alcohol or anything to drown the experience out >say f--- it and tell her this just isn't working out and I was just gonna go >mom is p----- at 25 year old me the guy just can't cut and run on the girl like that it's not right etc >makes me call her work friend to apologize >worm friend is much more accepting of my actions and seems to understand my position on the matter >angry that they'd even try this on me and say something like "what makes you think l'd want to date someone like that even" or something >work friend just laughs and says guys don't really get to be choosers and l'll figure that out when I'm older or something like I'm a teen and not a grown ass man complete with career, salary, my own place, etc. >every so often see coworker friend at some family event and she keeps trying to pass her daughter by me as a dating option who I later find out was 37 at the time of that date attempt >>61987170 # >>61989883 #

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Anon lucid dreams | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >I can lucid dream >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say “I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say “I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >I have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night l'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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anon takes a dick pic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21 (Sat)19:19:02 No.845592429 39b1b5211eac282d6fb09d098b6566497d7a229eafd7baaa93b94 7 KB JPG >dating girl >only been together for a few months >she hasn't seen my ween yet >wants me to take a d--- pic & send it >take it and send it to her >mfw she reports me to the cops for sending child p--- I took the picture like far away, thats why it looks small.

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Anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PEPIQ1kv 01/23/21(Sat)16:48:44 No.304705473 IGN 00 @IGN Microsoft has filed a patent that would allow the company to digitally revive deceased loved ones as chatbots, using the individual's "images, voice data, social media posts, electronic messages" and more. bit.ly/2M7fCU9 Screenshot_20210123-164800.png 292 KB PNG >tfw banned for posthumous racism

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Anon is living life to the fullest | /r/Greentext

>sleep for 12+ hours >wake up at noon >refresh the same few websites over and over again >do absolutely f------ nothing >start and try to play video game 360 KB PNG >quit after a few minutes because i cant even force myself to have fun with it anymore >continue refreshing 4chan and youtube for hours again occasionally watching a few youtube videos that look interesting and that i havent seen yet >go to sleep feeling like a tired corpse even though i havent done anything is this even a life anymore?

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Anon has a grandfather | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)03:07:57 No.845537222 >Be me, young >Used to hang out with gramps all of the time. Spending the night at his house and s--- like that >He molested me every single night when I didnt even know what was happening was bad. >He made me promise not to tell anyone what we were doing, and me wanting to be a good grandson, oblige. >He got caught when somebody in the family caught him with my cousin who was maybe a year older than me >None of my siblings and I knew what happened for a 1.01 MB JPG while, just that we couldn't see he >ffw >Be around 12 >Learn what he did was wrong and why it's wrong >The amount of shame and guilt that shovels onto me is insane, and I still feel it to this day. >fww 1 year >Mom takes all of us to go see gramps for lunch because we hadn't see him in a while >Keep the facade going >He slowly becomes a part of the family more and more >See him more often and even spend the night again(he dosent touch me) >I finally think that this man has changed >Go on a trip to detroit >When we get back, he says to me "Can I ask you something? Dont be mad" >l say sure >He asks "Can we have what we used to have?" >Time stops >My vision goes red >All of this time, this whole thing was a ploy >l almost erupt in anger, throwing him down the flight of stairs we're talking on top of >l manage to suppress it all and calmly answer "No" >few months later >We argue over something, cant remember what. All I know Is it was bad enough for me to bring up what he did to me >"How dare you use that against me" >I honestly dont know how I didnt strangle him to death in that exact moment. No idea how I didnt mash his head to death in the fridge. No idea, how I let that coward walk away with breath in his lungs. Things have gone normally in life up until the making of this post. Everything is okay, I have told a few select people about what's happened, but that's it. My parents and siblings dont know. No one in my family know about it. Am I a bad person /b?

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We got a runner on /pol/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ANXFDHTC 01/23/21 (Sat)17:15:12 No.304690890 >stop taking schizophrenia meds >few day later dog starts talking to me in ancient sumerian telling those pills are brain washing me I knew it! The goverment is just trying to keep us dumb. Fellow 54 KB JPG /pol/ smokers who are also 'schizophrenic' alex jones is right. They are trying to control us. Like my garbage disposal just said >they are trying to keep you down. Now...stick your d--- in me before 'they' take you away No more!!

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anon gets a new car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:23:43 No.845580556 >be me >go to nissan dealership >get them to let me test drive a 2021 Versa >leave lot and drive home 29 KB JPG >put license plates from 2014 versa onto new one The f--- they gonna do?

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Leaf notices something about new presso | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ¡G4FTİMU ) [•] 01/22/21(Fri)17:21:49 No.304523775 Biden is unironically everything the left thought Trump was. >mentally unsound >senile >high chance of dying within the first term 29 KB JPG >unironically racist >incompetent >favours corporations and the political elite over the average citizen This is only day 2. The list will continue.

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Anon discovers life changing stuff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Innovation greentext thread 01/23/21(Sat)23:49:03 No.61992830 >be me >home alone >father says 'cook your own food' >ask what we have in the fridge BREAKING NEWS LOCALROCKIN GREAT MOOD TODAY >'Not much but you'll think of something' >day before shopping delivery >eat salad (lettuce and big chunk OONNETD AEOUT 163 KB JPG of cucumber) (much better than slices) >time for main course >only know how to bake bread and cook ready- meals and stir-fries >tfw no stir-fry ingredients remain >but spicy Quorn burgers do >read instructions >'cook in the oven for 18 minutes' >preheat oven >mfw I forgot to put a tray in >mfw there are no clean trays (they're all in the dishwasher) >read for alternative microwave instructions >there aren't any >put a burger in anyway for 2 minutes >wait (far away because paranoid of radiation) (run away after pressing button) (just in case) >hear beeping >take it out >expecting it to be inconsistently-cooked (prepared to take it out) >mfw it's piping hot throughout (like the package says) >mfw some of the breadcrumbs on the outside fell off in the package, leaving uncovered patches on the edge >they're crispy and golden-brown (just right) >bottom is covered in a small amount of slightly- damp light mush (still hot) >phone father >tell him the good news >mfw he sighs disappointedly >asks to chop it in half to see if it's also hot inside >it is >eat it >just as good as usual >make one for him when he returns >he's pleasantly surprised, too >mfw I just nontupled burger-cooking speed >return to computer, content with today's contribution to humanity 4 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)23:52:35 No.61992860 ...what? like n---- what? >>61992959 # imgflip.com

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Greentext Stories - Anon becomes a homo | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:30 No.845613011 >be me >get ass blasted by a massive thunder c--- >c-- pouring down to my balls >go home >in bed >realise I forgot to say no h--- 82 KB JPG

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