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: Anonymous 08/02/23 (Wed)17:08:42 No.74251486 9 KB JPG >be me >the jokester of the gang >friends love dark humor so always joke about liking lolis and what would I do to them >eventually they became f------ and got uncomfortable so decide to change my jokes to racist jokes which they love >be one day, they insisted on coming to my house to play smash >be really excited >while playing one friend wants to go to the bathroom >notice he's taking his sweet time but every time I want to go look my friends talk to me about something >be today the group chat is dead and nobody is replying >be sad so decide to pleasure myself >look for my hard drive and notcie its not there >sudden realization, heart beating fast >this mfs stole my hard drive anons i really really really dont want to go to jail my f------ heart is bursting out of my chest right now i wanna puke h--------

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Anon realises the pointlessness of his existence | /r/Greentext

No. 29485744 2 days ago csoxhiqq8ik91.jpg JPG 100.0 KiB 640x458 Next month I will be 31 years old. I make a lot of money (I'm a software engineer). I work entirely remote, no one goes to the office. I have no friends, never had a gf, haven't had sex in idk how long. I think of killing myself regularly. My job is pointless, I worry about layoffs all the time, I have tons of money and nothing i want to spend it on. What would you do in my situation? I hate myself and life, I hate my job, I just want out of this hell. I have been thinking about trying to become a doctor/ surgeon. I would need to take some pre-med college classes, I could do it part time and keep working or maybe quit my job. Or maybe just kill myself, I don't really know what to do.

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Anon uses 'X' | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Twitter is unusable 310 KB PNG 08/03/23(Thu)19:04:20 No.95136935 >give in and make a twitter account to look at japanese p---------- >notification >bitcoin scam bot mass tagging people and saying "check my bio" >reply "go hang yourself" >account permanently suspended how do normalfags use this : Anonymous 08/03/23(Thu)20:32:31 No.95138139 >>95136935 (OP) # >give in and make a twitter account to look at japanese p---------- You get what you f------ deserve

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Anon orders a toy and has his life ruined | /r/Greentext

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Anon tells a story | /r/Greentext

Quick story >be me >on dev team >small part of which was UX for the customer portal >not the website, just the login page for our customers >marketing team asks me into a meeting >meeting is with the third party vendor that actually designs our marketing stuff >bunch of cute bitches, why not? >go into meeting >guy on the other side of the call sounds tired >1000 yard stare of a man that has to deal with nonsense all day >vietnam.jpg >marketing qt does the intros, and immediately dives in >"Ummm, okay, so yeah, ummm ... we want the website to pop!" >marketing girls giggle >guy responds in a tired voice >"I'm sorry, pop?" >"Yeah, ummm, we like, want it to really POP. But still be cleeeean!" >literally drags out the word clean >I swear the guy looks at me for a split second >makes eye contact >pleading >Being the coward that I apparently am ... I look away >feels bad, man >"So you want the color scheme to change?" >"No the colors are fine, we just want it to, you know, like, POP!"

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Anon is an accessory | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (190 KB, 816x816) Anonymous 09/30/15 (Wed)19:23:05 No.644104344 ► >be me >high school, betafag >don't have any friends, so I just chill in the library every day >one day new kid transfers to my school, Mexican beanerfag >make friends with him cause he's beta too >hang out with him all year, get really close >make fun of him for being a w------, he doesn't care >find out he's a pyromaniac >lights everything he can on fire >lolwut but don't really care cause he's chill >one night at the end of the year he calls me at night >"im gonna set the warehouse on 4th street on fire, come with me anon" >tell him no, I'm not insane >he says whatever, hangs up >don't think much of it, he's cooky but he's not a madman >next day watching local news >"warehouse on 4th caught aflame last night, charred body found inside" >he isn't at school that day >turns out he did it and accidentally burned to death >mfw Jesús died for arsons Anonymous 09/30/15(Wed)19:26:05 No.644104808 ► underrated/10

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Anon on a missing person | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Alicia Navarro, 18, FLEES with 36-year-old man she was living with at Montana apartment-days after autistic teenager reappeared four years after she vanished 08/02/23 (Wed)11:41:36 No.74245105 195 KB JPG >14 year old girl goes missing >Whole community searches for her for years >To no avail, nobody can find her >4 years later >She comes to the police station, asking to get taken off the missing list because she wants a drivers license >Turns out she was living with a man half her age this whole time >Investigators and prosecutors cannot do anything about it because she is an adult and will not comply Could you give me any other news stories that have wholesome happy endings? 331 Replies / 31 Images View Thread

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Anon is kissless | /r/Greentext

suifuel #1, No. 74257571 2 hours ago 1649667737139 JPG 1024x1006 129.3 kB Unfortunataly, the clock is ting the train to The stress, the ShareP De viu un >be 13 >school camp >obstacle course, at the end is a post and if you get to the end you kiss the post >reply "are you sure about that?" >ff 10 years to the week >still haven't kissed a girl When did it all go so bad? derstand >lipstick marks on the post from girls kissing it >kiss one of the lipstick marks and mention it to the boys >bantz like haha anon's finally had his first kiss matrast

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Anon has a hot girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous You wanna go out sometime? yes. 156 KB PNG (1/2) >straight cis guy >3 years ago No.25517524 >started to know her some more when she started transitioning in college >she fell into a small friend group I was part of and we got to know each other better as friends >start going out with my current MtF girlfriend >knew her for a little while as a guy, but not super well >she had a boyfriend early on in transition who was terrible to her, they ended up breaking up and she got super depressed. Anonymous >I found her approachable, despite not being a ladies man myself >we got along well, and I found her attractive even though she was a little androgynous, so I said 'screw it' and asked her out. It was just as a low pressure thing to lift her spirits. She was hesitant but she agreed. >we had a few dates on which she really brightened up and we got along super well one on one >she had a lot of self image issues both because of her dysphoria and prior bad relationship >we worked through it, I was pretty clueless, but I did what I figure girls liked, got her flowers, told her she was pretty, and I tried to support her when she was down. (2/2) >ff a few years >I didn't think it would get so crazy serious, but we really started to fall for each other quickly. >as more of herself started to shine through, I became really attracted to her and she saw something in me too, I guess >we stuck it out and moved in together after I graduated No.25517536 >we're still together, going strong >she's been on hormones a while now, and had, I think, all the surgeries she wants to get. >her dysphoria is mostly gone at this point and she's a really happy person which makes me happy too >she's come out of her shell so much and is such a confident person compared to before >not only that, and I hope this doesn't sound too shallow, but slowly but surely, she got hot, crazy hot >it baffles me just how out of my league this woman is >I'm not a burn victim or anything, but I'm an admittedly barely average looking lanky guy who's well on his way to a dad bod before he hits thirty >meanwhile my gf is like a supermodel and she still looks at me like I'm an absolute stud >I come back from work and she's like a lovesick puppy there to greet me >I wake up in the morning to see her adorable little face cuddled up into me >I take her out and she dresses up for me like it's a first date. >seriously I sometimes worry about her leaving me for someone else, but for whatever reason, she's enamored with me. >investment paid off I guess and I hit the jackpot >but I think the time's come where all doubts are gone and I'm finally going to ask this woman to marry me. >we talked about it a little a while ago, but we both were cool with not rushing ahead with things, and she really wanted to get her surgeries out of the way so she could feel like herself on her wedding day. >I've had the ring for a while and now that she's in a good place transition-wise, I want to pop the question. I don't come here too often, but here's a feel good story I guess, plus I get to brag about my hot gf. I'm really bad at coming up with sappy romantic stuff though, so if anyone has a memorable way to ask her to marry me, I'm open to suggestions.

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Anon is a surgeon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/18(Sat)11:58 >be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god

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Anon asks whether he should still seek women or not | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous TEEN PONER HAD ALREADY LOST 173 KB JPG 07/27/23(Thu)09:49:29 No.74171965 Should I just give up on dating altogether? >bald >24 >5 foot 7 >quadroon >small hands >extremely introverted >not funny >possibly autistic but I am not sure >ugly asymmetrical face >scared of girls >erectile dysfunction Its over for me isnt it? I have gotten laid before but I had to be somewhat drunk just to talk to the girl beforehand I just wanted to have a wife and children but I dont think I have the genetics nor personality for that

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Anon forgor he was gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/23(Thu)09:06:19 No.29500278 16 KB JPG >be a f-- the majority of my life >what i feared from women i wanted from men instead >years go by, realising faggy men are kind of annoying, too much effort to soak up to them >decide to start dating women and removing the guilt of liking good looking women after years of feminist propoganda >h-------- >literally all the stuff i wanted from men women could do no problem >better asses >cuter personalities >easier to flirt with >smell nice >realise what i like about men i can find in women easily >now turned off by f--- and love women and their c---- I don't know what happened. I think I just got tired of gay p--- overall mainly and it slowly made the whole facade feel more insincere. Now I have to restrain myself for going full horny because my brain will be fried. I f------ love women too much now. I don't understand the hate. You f------ lied to me. 08/03/23(Thu)16:27:51 No.29501934 : Anonymous >>29500278 (OP) # Did you just realize you are not gay?

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Anon meets the demolitionman | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/27/14(Mon)00:15:42 No.23379858► >>23379894 >>23379901 >>23379919 >>23379970 >>23380192 >>23380293 >>23381277 >>23381931 >>23 >join Army in 2003 >know-nothing PV2, deployed to Iraq 3 weeks after hitting duty station >tower guard >chinese rocket rattles in, gets stuck in the ladder to my guard tower >freaking the f--- out, calling anybody and everybody on the radio cuz can't get out of tower without climbing over this rocket >platoon daddy finally gets on radio and is all "calm your t---, EOD is on the way" >20 minutes later, lone hungry skellington of a guy pulls up in a Hilux >wearing nothing but ranger panties and flipflops >as soon as he opens the door the entire area is flooded with the stench of stale beer and vomit >he stands there, pondering this 5' long rocket stuck in a ladder for like 20 minutes >walks around a little >pukes violently for like 10 minutes straight >finally hollers up the tower, "you f------ alright?" >uh, yeah? You gonna get rid of it before it blows up or what? >"Eh. I'll try. You might wanna sit on your vests tho." >walks off into the night >gone like 30 minutes >comes back with one of those 6' long copper grounding rods the fuelers use on their trucks >climbs halfway up the ladder and STARTS WHACKING THE ROCKET WITH THE COPPER ROD >does this for like 30 minutes >sweating and swearing, falls off the ladder like 4x >rocket finally breaks in half, falls out of the ladder (it was like 10' up) >EOD guy picks up the two thoroughly-beaten halves and just chucks them over the Hesco barriers >BOOM >warhead goes off as soon as it lands on the other side >me and fellow tower guard (also a PV2) just about s--- ourselves as shrapnel comes up through the floor of the tower >good thing we took his advice and sat on our vests, ~3" piece of steel stuck in one of my SAPI plates >look over the side >guy is bewildered looking >ask him if he's alright >"yeah. Just...they usually go off before I get that far..." >guy shrugs, gets back in his hilux, and putts off into the night >there is literally no reaction image to describe my face

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Greentext Stories - Anon takes his jokes too far | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 08/02/23 (Wed)17:08:42 No.74251486 9 KB JPG >be me >the jokester of the gang >friends love dark humor so always joke about liking lolis and what would I do to them >eventually they became f------ and got uncomfortable so decide to change my jokes to racist jokes which they love >be one day, they insisted on coming to my house to play smash >be really excited >while playing one friend wants to go to the bathroom >notice he's taking his sweet time but every time I want to go look my friends talk to me about something >be today the group chat is dead and nobody is replying >be sad so decide to pleasure myself >look for my hard drive and notcie its not there >sudden realization, heart beating fast >this mfs stole my hard drive anons i really really really dont want to go to jail my f------ heart is bursting out of my chest right now i wanna puke h--------

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