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308 KB JPG Ok /b/ros this is the story of the day my dad stopped loving me >it happened a while back >I was 13 >had recently started jacking off >had a friend who was a 14 year old chad >he got a b------ from some thot at the winter dance >fuckingcoolguy.jpg >asked him what it was like >"it's the f------ best anon, nothing feels better than lips around your d---" >gotta get me some of that. >but am anon, am ugly, am not athletic >have never ran without holding down X >idea.wav >we have a koi pond in the backyard.. >so one night I act on my idea and sneak out and abduct one of the fish from the pond >look it in the eye because you have to respect your lady amirite? >shove d--- in fish mouth >f------ the life (literally)out of this koi's throat >dad just f------ barges in my room >sees me with my d--- in the fish's mouth >I stare at him in horror >the koi stares at him with hope >he just shakes his head says "god damn it" and leaves >he didn't say a word to me for 13 years.

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon searches for a therapist | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_1289.jpg (143 KB, 1125x1538) Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)08:31:42 No.74710315 >>74710331 >>74710353 >depressed >loney >want to kms >decide to go to a shrink >mfw im finding myself looking for female only shrinks that are also attractive in hopes i might get a relationship with them I dont really need a shrink do i? I just need a f------ gf. Will a shrink teach me how to get a gf? Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)08:34:47 No.74710331 File: image.png (1.09 MB, 1280x720) LOONEY TUNES >>74710315 (OP) # >loney >>74710352

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Jamie, pull up vids of polar bears. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/23(Mon)12:02:57 No.189749834 a1wlijkfxma51.png 1.19 MB PNG >"No Joe, I don't think anyone froze to death when I turned summer into winter." >"In fact, I think you'll fine more cold-related deaths in the average Arendelle winter. Jamie, pull those numbers up."

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Anon is of noble stock | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)00:39:45 No.905940697 >>905940364 # >be me big boi >eating my tendies in the ball pit at McDonald's 410 KB JPG >bitch mommy got caught drinking silly juice again on the way here and is playing grownup wrestling with the police so she doesn't get in trouble >some stupid c--- comes over and tells me I'm scaring the children and I should be ashamed of myself and some b------- >try to explain to her that I'm using my well earned goodboi points >bitch is still talking >I relax my belly and let out a extra stinky stink >her nose twitches >she immediately pukes starts crying and runs away >"hehestupidbitch.wav" >next thing I know Ronald McDonald comes over and tells me to leave >now I have a lot of respect for Ronald McDonald I think he's a business genius but if this is how he treats his customers then he's lost his roots >OH YE CLOWN OF OF BURGER LAND I MUST BEAT YOU WITH MY HAND! NO RESPECT TO ME WAS SHOWN IN THIS SACRED BURGER HOME >with that I whip off my diapie orange brown s--- flying everywhere I swing it like a lasso and hit him so hard his head literally explodes >everyone in the place freaks out for some reason >the all run away screaming like f------ women >heywaitaminute.mp3 >realize the kitchen is totally unguarded >run with s--- smeared all over my legs to the kitchen and gorge myself >I hear police sirens >thank god finally they're coming to arrest Ronald McDonald for treating me like that >he's dead but I'm sure he'll wake up on time when they get here >smirk thinking about how many free tendies I got >this was the best 30th birthday party ever It's hard being a goodboi sometimes lads but we truly are a noble breed

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anon has an average football experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ESPI TERH 144 KB JPG What the f---? 09/02/23(Sat)11:30:10 No.905416316 >new in America >turn on ESPN with American football show on >host yells "COCKS COCKS COCKS" >crowd roars in excitement >turn off tv before mom hears it

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Germanon proves Germans can be hilarious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [] 08/27/23(Sun)15:11:26 No.134451602 >>134447254 # Never met a funny german person. Your women must be f------ bored to death >>134453702 # : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>134451602 # Okay wanna hear a funny joke? An english man and an american go into a bar. It was a gay bar. 08/27/23(Sun)15:50:29 No.134452753 08/27/23(Sun)16:17:54 No.134453612 08/27/23(Sun)16:20:57 No.134453702

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Hello Mr. Nice guy | /r/Greentext

1h (9/11 23:38) · 74703566 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 13KB (563 × 475) 9f60a6153a0d55d8e8c31953a65ba3d4.j pg ●●● : >be a------ to woman i don't care about >woman starts liking me and being nice >starts dating >become nice to her as start to like her more and more >she gets cold as i stop treating her badly and being mean >we broke up >i start treating her and other women badly once again >repeat why can't women like nice people?

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Two world wars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/12/23(Tue)14:17:39 No.650495360 file.png 1.15 MB PNG >300 years in the future >.45 outperforms most future weaponry what did Todd mean by this

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Anon visits Manchester | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous A 01/23/23(Mon)18:21:45 No.18849095 13 5576.jpg 74 KB JPG Visited Manchester today and what the f---

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Modern Problems | /r/Greentext

5m (9/11 20:57). 905907131 0 Re - 0 Img : JPG 86KB (1000 x 1184) 6809b0fb-37e5-4725-b33c-93c7b763e9e 6.jpg >be me >22F, more feminine than most, short and curvy >go on blind date with recent whateveristan immigrant because i'm feelin' dangerous >all is fine and dandy, we make out in his car >he presses my neck to start erotically choking me but he starts having a panic attack >"AdAm'S APPLe?!?!" >"it's my larynx, everyone has one" >he keeps accusing me of being trans and i think he's joking, laugh it off >we go home >immediately he pulls down my pants and underwear, starts staring at my hoochie coochie >i think he's gonna go down on me, so i'm just vibing >instead starts violently inspecting my vulva and peelin' it apart like a got dang grapefruit to check for stitches or something >also opens my mouth and checks my teeth for some reason >he gets upset and accuses me of lying about something, won't say what, sends me home >he texts later in the week and asks for a dna test to prove i'm female >i send a 23andme result with the xx showing >he still thinks i'm a troon and tells me to block him Accuse woman of being male, get indubitable proof that she isn't, refuse to adjust prior in the presence of new information. Based?

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Anon is too smart to believe in 9/11 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: MhgTk1+R) 578 KB JPG 09/11/23 (Mon)15:34:14 No.440979665 >imagine not knowing that the US hired Spielberg and Cameron to help them fake it >imagine being so gullible that you think 9/11 actually happened >imagine thinking the towers ever even existed in the first place >imagine being so naive you didn't realize this is just an elaborate prank the boomers are playing on zoomers and millennials Imagine being this roled. You're not that red, are you anon? : Anonymous (ID: 15EZCBNI >>440981896 # >>440979665 (OP) # Ive went to the top of one of those towers about a month before 911 511 KB PNG 09/11/23(Mon)15:47:03 No.440980753 : Anonymous (ID: MhgTk1+R) 09/11/23 (Mon)15:59:51 No.440981896 >>440980753 # Fascinating story, is this you?

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Caught in the jailbait's web | /r/Greentext

1m (9/12 12:22). 905945567 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 7KB (250 x 250) 1689474519010344s.jpg Well /b/ how f----- am I >recently got into a ldr >Said she was 18 >Asked for proof >She sends document >Screen everything incase I'm paranoid so I have to >We dated for 4 months now >she starts up with >"Hey, anon... I hope you don't mind but I'm actually 15" >Everything was forged even documents >Deleted her and cut contacts with her >Couple months ago by and get visit from law enforcement >put into questioning and everything >Luckily I had my screenshots >Explained everything >They let me go I'm not trusting a woman again :

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tfw you will never get jettisoned out into the cold vacuum by space pirates | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 392 KB JPG 09/11/23(Mon)21:48:00 No.650414031 >Born too late for 1960s Space hype >Born too early for widespread Space travel >Born just right for a shitload of s----- Space games. where do we go from here?

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Greentext Stories - Anon has a pet fish......... | /r/Greentext

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308 KB JPG Ok /b/ros this is the story of the day my dad stopped loving me >it happened a while back >I was 13 >had recently started jacking off >had a friend who was a 14 year old chad >he got a b------ from some thot at the winter dance >fuckingcoolguy.jpg >asked him what it was like >"it's the f------ best anon, nothing feels better than lips around your d---" >gotta get me some of that. >but am anon, am ugly, am not athletic >have never ran without holding down X >idea.wav >we have a koi pond in the backyard.. >so one night I act on my idea and sneak out and abduct one of the fish from the pond >look it in the eye because you have to respect your lady amirite? >shove d--- in fish mouth >f------ the life (literally)out of this koi's throat >dad just f------ barges in my room >sees me with my d--- in the fish's mouth >I stare at him in horror >the koi stares at him with hope >he just shakes his head says "god damn it" and leaves >he didn't say a word to me for 13 years.

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