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Anonymous 953 KB PNG 04/11/25(Fri)08:48:46 No.76061670 >I cannot allow you before King Thébroden so swole, Gaindalf Wheyhame. By order of Grima Gainsgoblin... Your PWO (Gaindalf nods to the others and they all start handing their straps and belts over to the Edoras gymbros.) >Ohhh... You would not part an old gymbro from his stack? (Gaindalf winks at Anavaragorn.) >My lord, Gaindalf the Whey is coming. He's a herald of cardio. (The doors close behind them.) >The opening hours of your gym is somewhat lessened of late, Thébroden king. >His membership is expired >Why... should I let you enter, Gaindalf Gymbro >A just question, my liege. Late is the hour, in which this frauder chooses to appear. Chickenlegs I name you, s--- form is a s--- guest. >Be silent, keep your weak lifts off my IG feed, I have not passed thru legdays to bandy crude words with a manlet. >His PWO. I told you to take his PWO! (Grima backs away. Gymbros come rushing forward. Anavaragorn, Gainli, and Legdaylas push them off.) >Thébroden son of Thengel. Too long have you sat resting on the bench. Harken to me, I release you from this plateau. (Gainli puts his foot on Grima's chest, stopping him from getting the bar up.) >I would read the sticky if I were you. >Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here Gaindalf the Whey. (Thébroden is still laughing, suddenly Gandalf takes off the gray hoodie, revealing the ripped abs that he now wears. Thébroden screams.) >I will draw you Jannyman, as your mother draws c-- from my c---. (Thébroden slams back against the bench, Gandalf gets closer pointing his barbell at Thébroden.) >If I go, Thébrodens progress dies. > You could not outlift me, you will not outlift him. >This gym is mine! >Be gone! (Thébroden screams and lunges (Imao) at Gaindalf, he hits Thébroden with a sick pump. Jannyman slides across the threads on /fit/.) >I know your face. Gaindalf? >Breathe the free air again my bro. >Weak have been my lifts of late... >Your fingers would remember their strength better, if they grasped your barbell. Anonymous >>76061670 (OP) # >6000 calories... 04/11/25(Fri)11:45:19 No.76061979 >Less than half of what I had hoped for

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon is a recruiter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 166 KB JPG some reason 08/09/23(Wed)15:27:43 No.74324943 >be recruiter for mid-sized company >have to review applicants' resumes whenever we have an opening >company has an opening for an entry level software developer position >this type of position always seems to bring in the absolute worst resumes for >one guy's resume has the entire job history portion empty, except for listing his current job as "cryptocurrency trading expert (self employed)" >one guy who dropped out of high school, and who's sole job experience is 2 months of burger king in 2019, wrote "proficient internet user" in the skills & qualifications section >one guy's job history is filled with nothing but the discord servers he moderated. he listed each one individually as if they were separate jobs >some old guy with a decade of experience as a welder says he is a qualified software developer because he "knows a thing or two about computers" >one guy listed his 3700 hours in team fortress 2 as a certification >there was a resume that was only a single line of text that said "i am a good person" >one resume was just a printed out picture of patrick bateman

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Anon is a Migrant | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Settings Mobile Home Anonymous (ID: 31QxRNqY) | 02/22/25(Sat) 17:34:25 No.498328901 697 KB PNG >Be a migrant >Wake up in free hotel room at the crack of dawn (11am) >Put on balaclava because its le cold outside >Walk to outside of cafe with other migrants >Stand around silently and death-stare at passerbys for 4 hours >Get on bus >Talk on speaker phone loudly in bunga bunga >Take a s--- and smear it everywhere >Alight the bus >See a woman >I recognise her from the grang-r--- last week >Slaughter her for having sex before marriage >Take that you f------ w---- >Go into womans bathroom >See an unaccompanied child >Shwing.gif >Make sweet r--- to her >Leave >Log onto Deliveroo to make da cash >Steal a bike >Ride to McDrive >Wait for order while death scowling at customers >Take order to apartment building >Recipient opens the door >What a f------ p------------ >Proceed to murder his entire family >Steal his TV >Ride back to hotel where there is a riot going on >Turns out that the free internet is too slow >UNGA BUNGA!!! >Those f------ crackers cant provide us with good free internet? >First they colonise my country 200 years ago, and now this? >Proceed to burn down the whole building >Set fire to some cars >Government officials apologize >Your damn right your sorry >Get moved to a new free hotel >Go back to sleep >Repeat.

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Thomas the Tank Engine could get pretty dark... | /r/Greentext

File: latest(1).jpg (1.5 MB, 1440x1080) Anonymous 03/24/25(Mon) 18:55:10 No.209613809 >Henry was a right little c--- and I think he deserved his punishment, don't you? Jesus christ Ringo

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Anon lives in Marvel New York | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/21/24(Thu)00:25:08 No.146441128 maxresdefault (11).jpg 91 KB JPG >>146438710 (OP) # >Park your car in a parking lot >Punisher has to do his edgey skull >Now have to deal with insurance because your var was set on fire. >Older car, they give you the blue book price, but please I replaced various parts can't I get more >Have to drive around in a rusty dark red ford Taurus T-thanks punisher.

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>new mexico >is neither new nor mexico | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/10/22(Wed)21:27:51 No.69753565 >liverpool >not a giant pool full of livers

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Anon has a fetish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1233 KB PNG 19.4.2025, 12.49.42 No.52084602 I AM GOING ON A SEX TRIP TO THAILAND! have saved $10K up from three months of work and hope to live like a king! Ideally with a new 18 year old woman each day! I get so horny watching videos of mothers in Thailand offering White men like me their adult daughters for marriage! I can't wait to travel the Thai countryside! Even when you go to a restaurant as a White man in the countryside you get 5 women to keep you company, all competing for you to spend the night! I am SOOO excited for all the wonderful sex I will be having. I have even begun training in the gym to lower my body fat, running to increase endurance, and increase the power of my thrusts! I AM SO F------ HORNY BROS, IMAGINE MY 6'6 250LBS FRAME CRUSHING THESE TINY THAI WOMEN AS I GO FULL BEAST MODE!!! AAAUUUGA!!!! I F--- THEM LIKE A CONQUERING LION!!

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The King of Kringe | /r/Greentext

☐ Anonymous (ID: oF7aoZAY) 04/03/25(Thu)19:00:09 No.502189124 ► >>502189166 >>502189213 >>502189680 File: karl jobber1.jpg (418 KB, 1536x2048) >Hello, you absolute legends >Unfortunately, I have lost the case against Silly Bitchell and have been ordered to pay $400,000 in damages. >Billy may think he has won this round, but here's the thing >*produces gun* >He can't take money from a dead man >Thank you so much for watching, you legends, I hope you're having a fantastic day, and I will haunt you in the next video >and remember to use code #LEGENDS for 5% off Displate

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Anon is enraged | /r/Greentext

File: 1375065675555.jpg-(62 KB, 173x231, 12fere4e4w2.jpg) ☐ Anonymous (ID: Z5U+rL4b) 07/28/13 >Fapping one night >Dog keeps looking at me >Getting annoyed >Yelling at him while fapping >Just lowers his head and squints >Throwing things at him while fapping >Still watching me sideways from corner >Rage fapping >C-- while looking at him and yelling >Orgasm ruined >Came all over my legs in anger >Really annoyed >Get up, start cleaning >Notice utility worker on pole outside window >Immediately drop to the floor >Starts laughing his ass off >Crawl to light switch, turn off light >Still hear him laughing >Crawl into hallway >Still hear him laughing >FML

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Anon hates being fat | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 13 KB PNG 03/19/24(Tue)02:03:28 No.76834159 I hate being fat so much. I'm so f------ fat I need clamps to spread open my asscheeks every time I spew liquid diarrhea into my perpetually clogged toilet every night. I'm sick and tired of it and there's literally nothing I can do. I f------ hate this cold, unforgiving, gay earth with every fiber of my body.

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Remember to maintain eye contact | /r/Greentext

>>45160329 (OP) # >me, at uni >enter the bathroom >open the first booth i see >see teacher s------- there 17 KB JPG >not being prepared for it, i autistically stare at him >he silently raises his hand, as in, "close the door you imbecile" >i shake it

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Never had man milk before | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Is my dad autistic? 22 KB JPG 12/18/21(Sat) 19:32:21 No.66613728 >be 28yo >live alone, but with dogs >dad comes to visit me from several states away >meets my male german shepherd for the first time >shepherd rolls onto his back, dad asks what those weird lumps are >I say they're his n------ >dad asks "why does he have n------ if he's a boy?" >I say "why do you?" >dad immediately shuts up and walks away it's been 3 hours and he hasn't spoken to me since. please help, he's here for a week

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Anon visits Amsterdam | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 68 KB JPG 04/13/15(Mon)23:31:25 No.609857223 I'd like to tell a story >be me last summer >not too beta but spend all time inside on computer (also virginfag) >vidya, animu, p---, etc. >parents cool with lifestyle but dad always tries to get me out of my shell >offers to pay for a flight to Europe >i'm not too interested (murica f--- yeah) but figure its a free trip >fly into Munich >reenact german invasion (train to Poland, Denmark, Norway, France and Belgium) >pretty uneventful, just go to lame tourist traps and sometimes local bars >want to lose virginity >decide to go to Amsterdam my last two days Anonymous 579 KB JPG 04/13/15(Mon)23:34:04 No.609857553 >>609857440 >stay in hostel, first day just walk around, notice some clubs and brothels >figure I'll go to club and try to talk up a girl, and if that fails I'll atleast hit up a brothel >night cometh, go to closest club >can hear music from outside, no line just a bouncer outside >this guy is f------ ripped, has 3 inches on me atleast (im 6'2) >long hair >long beard >beard braided to a point >nordic blood flowing strong >a f------ viking blocking my entrance to the club >get up to door expecting to be turned away >what a twist, lets me in no problem >>609857883 # Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:36:07 No.609857850 873 KB JPG >>609857515 >typical club, lots of bros and rave chicks >get a drink and look around at the girls >see one fine ass girl, long blonde hair with flower hairband, pierced nose >dancing by herself, figure she came alone or her friends are away >go up to her and start dancing >we dance a little, I ask her where shes from >"sweden" >ask her name >"Sky" >doubt its her real name, f------ hippies but shes so hot >we dance and I buy her a few drinks >asks me if I want to do molly >never done anything but pot, but hey this may go somewhere >>609857980 # >>609858074 # 205 KB JPG >get hard >>609857883 That would be hard >we keep dancing, she starts grinding on me more and more >please dont get hard please dont get hard >after about 20 seconds of grinding on my hard d--- she turns around >big smile on her face, puts hand on the front of my pants >I put my arms around her and we kind of sway to the music while she strokes >she stops >"follow me" >she leads me away from the pit and bar to the mens bathroom >ohgodthisisit >a guy is coming out as we go in, just smiles at us >some stalls are closed and a guy is washing his hands but doesnt see us go to the last stall >she unzips my pants >drops to her knees, starts going as if my d--- is rotting fish or whatever the f--- they eat >I c-- in less than a minute >s--- happens >she kind of giggles and swallows >unzips and takes off her pants Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:39:55 No.609858305 73 KB JPG >>609858074 Aye Aye captain >bends over the toilet >I've gone soft, start to eat her out >shes loving it, though I have no idea what I'm doing >a few minutes into it she turns around >Rim my ass >pokerface.jpeg >never thought I'd do something so nasty but I'm pretty buzzed and horny >start to rim her ass, shes moaning loudly >all of the sudden hear a knock at the urinal >"open the door" >oh s--- >get up from the floor >open the door >>609858392 # >>609858560 # >>609858579 # Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:41:36 No.609858487 >>609858330 >I'ts the f------ nordic bouncer >"what do you think you're doing in here?" 280 KB JPG >I stumble over words, "I uhh we were just uhh >he pushes past me, I see girl is still bent over >he gets on the floor >what the f--- >bouncer starts eating her ass >shes moaning even louder than before >I'm f------ frozen in awe >finally get courage and speak up >"what the f--- are you doing?" >bouncer turns to me and says >"Skys rim belongs to the nords" Reinvented by Fracati for iFunny :) ifunny.co

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Greentext Stories - Lord of the Lifts: The Fellowship of the Gyms | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 953 KB PNG 04/11/25(Fri)08:48:46 No.76061670 >I cannot allow you before King Thébroden so swole, Gaindalf Wheyhame. By order of Grima Gainsgoblin... Your PWO (Gaindalf nods to the others and they all start handing their straps and belts over to the Edoras gymbros.) >Ohhh... You would not part an old gymbro from his stack? (Gaindalf winks at Anavaragorn.) >My lord, Gaindalf the Whey is coming. He's a herald of cardio. (The doors close behind them.) >The opening hours of your gym is somewhat lessened of late, Thébroden king. >His membership is expired >Why... should I let you enter, Gaindalf Gymbro >A just question, my liege. Late is the hour, in which this frauder chooses to appear. Chickenlegs I name you, s--- form is a s--- guest. >Be silent, keep your weak lifts off my IG feed, I have not passed thru legdays to bandy crude words with a manlet. >His PWO. I told you to take his PWO! (Grima backs away. Gymbros come rushing forward. Anavaragorn, Gainli, and Legdaylas push them off.) >Thébroden son of Thengel. Too long have you sat resting on the bench. Harken to me, I release you from this plateau. (Gainli puts his foot on Grima's chest, stopping him from getting the bar up.) >I would read the sticky if I were you. >Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here Gaindalf the Whey. (Thébroden is still laughing, suddenly Gandalf takes off the gray hoodie, revealing the ripped abs that he now wears. Thébroden screams.) >I will draw you Jannyman, as your mother draws c-- from my c---. (Thébroden slams back against the bench, Gandalf gets closer pointing his barbell at Thébroden.) >If I go, Thébrodens progress dies. > You could not outlift me, you will not outlift him. >This gym is mine! >Be gone! (Thébroden screams and lunges (Imao) at Gaindalf, he hits Thébroden with a sick pump. Jannyman slides across the threads on /fit/.) >I know your face. Gaindalf? >Breathe the free air again my bro. >Weak have been my lifts of late... >Your fingers would remember their strength better, if they grasped your barbell. Anonymous >>76061670 (OP) # >6000 calories... 04/11/25(Fri)11:45:19 No.76061979 >Less than half of what I had hoped for

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