Notes:

> be me
> be free true American citizen
> constantly scan radio for signs of global problem
> hear that Israel may have bombed Syria
> Four of my five chins wobble in slight panic
> Go to /pol/, the last bastion of true news
> oh my God
> /po/ has been shut down
> start to panic
> take 30 minutes to rise from my chair
> legs straining under 500lbs of weight
> grab my emergency kit
> cheetos
> doritos
> dew
> l----- p--- I printed off the internet
> BB gun to scare people
> start towards the basement
> oh wait
> I'm already there, suckitnewfags.jpg
> take defensive position
> start crying
I may never see my little pony again
> belly rolls start to jiggle in fear
> door basement opens
> openfire.png
> hit the k--- muslim f---
> f--- yeah
> "What the f--- anon?!"
> Oh it's mom
> "Sorry mom"
> Start crying
> Mom asks if I want hotpockets
> S-- so hard I s--- myself
> She sighs and says something about abortion
> Load up an conspiracy Youtube video about jews
> masterbate into hotpocket until I fall asleep
> WWIII averted for another day