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Wish granted, you get a 2 year old packet of good stuff and you get class 2 diarrhea.

I wish for a new best friend

Wish granted, he's garbage can

I wish for GTA V

Granted. You can't afford shark cards.

I wish for world peace.

Granted, but hippies begin to start wars over weed shortage.

I wish GTA V was released today.

Granted, but you are tossed into an alternate universe where GTA doesn't exist.
I wish Virtual-Reality Gaming (As in no use of the Morpheus thingy Facebook bought, as in actual conscience in a digital landscape) becomes a thing while being unhackable and unable to BSOD while someone is playing.

Wish granted, but it has a major glitch that makes it s you can't exit the game, and the bug can't be fixed. Have fun being stuck in virtual reality forever!

I wish that I wasn't uncomfortable with my body

Granted, now you're super comfortable with your body, especially at inappropriate times.

I wish I were the Merry Model of a Modern Major General.

Granted, you did become the Merry Model of a Modern Major General thus people became jealous and assign you to a base in the middle of nowhere.

I wish to explore all of the Galaxy.

Granted, but you run into a small pebble in space and lose cabin pressure.

I wish GTA V wasn't buggy as fuck right now.

Granted, all BF Injections and Dune Buggies are erased from the game world, but the game bugs are still in there.

--

I wish I was the sexiest man alive.

Wish granted, and since you are so hot, you will never be alone again, even when you want to be alone.

I wish I could
*Draw really good
*Program video games
*Make music
*And be funny

granted, but:
*you forgot to set a standard so you're on par with DeviantArt OC artist
*work for a Dev under the parasitic shadow of EA
*can only play the recorder they made kids learn in grade school
*you're a now funny due to a prank video and everyone is mocking you

I wish for power to crush all who oppose me

Wish granted, but you receive untraceable anonymous hate mail for every person you crush per day for the rest of your life.

I wish for an evil underground lair the likes of which the world has never seen before.

Granted but it explodes the moment you enter it, gruesomely killing you.
I wish I never become a mod on this sit or have a Riff-Raff fanbase either. I want to stay a normie.

Granted, but everyone vote you to be president

I want a nuke

Wish you granted, you get a copy of Duke nukem

I wish for a plasma screen TV

You get a Team Plasma TV and all your pokeymans are stolen by hippies.

I wish I was a magical girl.

Granted, you're now sexually abused all day and become a living cum bucket, just like the hentai out there.

I wish I had better eyesight.

Wish granted, instead of being Doge you are now bugs bunny and you have a PTSD related carrot addiction

I wish for a cuppa' joe

Wish granted, but instead you get a literal cup of your friend, Joe.

I wish I was friends with Don and Shadman

Wish granted, but you need to donate to 12 years old kid to enable access to Don and Shadman

I want ultra mega exa hishspeed internet

Wish granted, but you're capped at 2Gb's a month.

I wish my boobs were bigger

Wish granted, but it comes with a midget living between 'em.

I wish for a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Granted, but do you know why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch? No. You're not a kid. How could you possibly understand the love that goes into every square, the love that can only be known by a child whose innocence has not yet been corrupted? How can you ever enjoy the delicious taste of cinnamon toast crunch? You can't because you're goddamn poser. You're not cool. You're not hip. You're not edgy, or with-it. You're just a chump who is holding onto a fantasy. The fantasy of one day being able to relive the days of cinnamon toast crunch. Those days are over for you. It's time to enjoy grown-up serial for grown-ups. Like grape nuts.

I wish I could turn invisible.

Wish granted, but only the things you touch will turn invisible.

I wish for yelling_into_the_void to be put into the deep dark void for being an asshole and giving me bad karma for forgetting to make a wish. :(

Granted, however:

I wish for a tennis ball.

Granted, one of your testicles is now a tennis ball.

Good luck with the dogs.

I wish I had more tuna so I can make tuna sandwiches.
Mm.

Granted, your house is now made of tuna.
I wanna be the very best

Wish granted, but someone already was the best before you.

I wish to become the Mother of Dragons

Granted, and thus you are beheaded.

I wish this wish won't be corrupted.

Granted, but it doesn't make anyone happy.

I wish for milk and cookies.

Wish granted but santa feels all your cookie and drink all the milk.

I wish Hitler did nothing wrong

Granted. Turns out, Hitler was just a puppet for the real people behind the scenes, and with his death, spurred an Axis counterattack that defeats the Allies, turning the world into a Wolfenstein-esque dystopia.

--

I wish there was a Juiced 3. a good Juiced 3.

Wish granted, it's a very good Juiced but instead of driving cars, you drive fruits and the finish line is a juicer.

I wish to undo all the bad things I've done

Granted, you become a woefully idealistic and naiive person from the inexperience of failure. Cue Madoka Magica-tier mind breaking and world weariness immediately.

--

I wish one of my independently made games gained viral levels of internet popularity.

Granted, but your fanbase is filled with dumbasses, 4chaners, SJWs, and 8-year-old spoiled brats. Furthermore, at least 60% of them have a weird fetish for whatever is in your game
Because of this, outside of your 1 million fans, no one likes your game(s)
I wish I was more proactive

Granted, but you fail each time you prepare for something.

I wish I could un-see some things on /b/.

Granted, but you saw the equivalent of what you unsaw in /b/, in /mlp/
I wish my last wish wasn't granted

Granted, but you saw the equivalent of what you unsaw in /b/, in /mlp/
I wish my last wish wasn't granted

Granted, it was not granted. But still your wish is granted.

I wish to end world hunger

Granted, but you misclicked and choose to kill cancer (sauce)

I want to make new OS named DonOS

Granted, but every computer that has it suffers blue screen of death within a week
I wish I was a SPESS MAHREEN

Granted but get pulled on as a Janitor.

I wish to destroy the patriarchy.

Granted, but Matriarchy moves in.

I wish Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory was real.

Granted, you're now a part of experimental chocolate named Объект 531

I want to stop my boner

Granted, you stopped it… For now…

I wish that nuggets were spiral

Granted, nuggets now summon whirlpools and kill everyone upon being bitten
I wish Kyubey died

Granted, nuggets now summon whirlpools and kill everyone upon being bitten
I wish Kyubey died

Granted, but a new one replaces the old one.

I wish for every single myth, urban legend, folklore, conspiracy theory and creepypasta to become real for one day.