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This includes SCP-001, destroying our dimension as we know it.

I wish I had a pizza.

Granted, but since you weren't specific about it, you get an anchovy, cinna-stix, and raw meat pizza.

I wish I was a professional Diver

Granted, you're now this guy

ผมอยากพูดอังกฤษ
(google translate it)

That wasn't a wish
Although it's nice to know you speak english
….I wish the RNG god didn't hate me

That wasn't a wish
Although it's nice to know you speak english
….I wish the RNG god didn't hate me

Granted, he instead strongly dislikes you and does not wish to do any good to you as he is not very happy at the moment.

I wish I could pretend to have Tourettes syndrome and shout "FUCK, SHIT, ASS DICK COCK" in the middle of class and be excused for it, as I have a disorder.

Thats a wish that mean "I wanna speak English"

Granted, You're now psychopath

I wish i have more battery, or infinite battery.

Granted, but your battery starts leaking and it won't stop. If you drop it you'll lose your infinite battery and will be beaten up by hippies endlessly for being a dickbag.

I wish for crystal weed.

Granted, weeds made of crystalssprout in every garden, lawn, backyard, forest, jungle, etc.
They suck the nutrients out of the planet, killing all other plants.
I wish the KYMstal gems was a thing.

Granted, but they are worthless but are pretty dank.

I wish for a giant edible, delicious, pepperoni pizza.

Granted, but the pizza is cardboard, and the few slices of rotten pepperoni get you sick but they taste good. The cardboard, however, tastes like shit. You have to eat it all. You eventually choke on the bits of cardboard and die.

I wish for a dragon little eating spastic.

Is this the Tourettes you were talking about?
Anyway, the dragon eats you.
I wish I didn't have to fight so much on the internet.

Granted. Now you get to fight irl, you were conscripted by the (enter country here) military!
I wish for no entropy.

Wish granted, all the french lose their awards.

I wish I didn't go on https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/shock-sites and click the links ;c

Granted, but instead you go on (NSFW) https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Offended and slowly scroll to the bottom, memorizing each and every image.

I wish this wish is denied.

Wish granted, but this causes a paradox , and the entire universe is destroyed

I wish I had a chainkatana from Warhammer 40K

Granted, You dont know how to use it and it kills you

I want to 420 qwikscope noscope dankritos dew 360° noscope skrubz

Granted. You shoot yourself.
I wish I had a (non-chaos$ space marine as a loyal body guard/secondary father figure.

Granted, he's only semi-competent as a bodyguard and as a father he can only make dad jokes.
For example:
You: I'm bleeding.
Him: Hi bleeding, I'm Dad.

I wish for a foot rub.

Someone magically appears to rub your feet against their will, as they are being forced to do so through magical means, and all their fingers have been recently broken in a freak tabletop gaming accident. You can practically feel the fractures as they weep pitifully, massaging your feet to the best of their abilities with what little they have left.

I wish I had a wooden pencil approximately eight inches in length.

a wooden pencil appears in your heart. literally. You were stabbed in the chest with an eight inch wooden pencil.
I wish my space marine was more lore-friendly to 40k

Granted, but speaking of space marines…

I wish I was the neatest motherfucker ever to live.

Wish granted, you are now have severe OCD.

I wish I had a pizza!

Granted, you get a child named pizza
I wish I knew where that DAMNED fourth chaos emerald is.

Granted, everyone else knows too.

I wish for 400.000$ to fire that gun.

Granted….for twelve seconds.

I want to ride my bicycle while dark overlords praise me.

Granted, but a bunch of Nuns burn you alive.

I wish I could make ASCII art.

Granted, everything you make gets fucked up by glitches of all kind.

I wish to become a Techpriest.

Granted, now the Tech atheists are shouting blasphemy at you.

I wish to become the commander of the Normandy SR1

Granted. You blow up with it.
I wish I was groot

Granted. You were groot. Were.

I wish for a dispenser here!

Granted. However, the Engineer leaves it at level 1.

I wish to become the King of all Calradia.

Granted, but a french style revolution happened and your head is slashed from your neck

I wish for Christmas in December

Granted. Christmas still takes place on December 24th. Have fun waiting.

I wish for a natural 20.

Granted. However, you waste it on a kobold. Now you lost your die charge.
I wish the darkness was my ally

Granted. However, you waste it on a kobold. Now you lost your die charge.
I wish the darkness was my ally

Granted, you are now in a insane asylum due to the fact you believe that a word used to describe lack of light can be sentient and aid you :)

I wish for a corn dog

Granted, Its corn made of dog
I wanna go to Los Santos

Granted, but you walk too close to a cop and you get wasted.

I wish Mountain Dewritos was a thing.

Granted. Nobody buys them and production is stopped after a few months.

I wish for Warhammer 40k to brighten up a little.

Granted, now in the grim bright future, there is only brones and furries shooting rainbows at each other.

I wish for medium-rare steak

Granted, the chef cook the medium-rare water monitor steak

I wanna plane ayy lmao

Granted, you get some weird ass alien in a plane, but the alien hi-jacks it in order to find his planet and it crashed

I wish for a gravity fruit blender to make super smoothies to be super smooth with sally,

Granted, but supernov- [SIGNAL LOST]

I want to poop on lolo

Granted, you get beaten up in an alley later. You're then diagnosed with AIDS.

I wish I could make a plot that makes sense when I write instead of rushing everything halfway through.

Granted, but it's boring and predictable.
I wish that every pork chop was perfect

Granted, the pork chop now shoots laser, causing anyone to stop eating pork chop.
Except for you.

I wish there's zero gravity on Earth.

Granted. With no gravity, the earth is no longer held together and breaks apart.

I wish I was best waifu.

Granted, but now you don't exist and hundreds of people will get aroused by you.

I wish that I would own an airforce.