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Granted, you are now floating in space right into the mouth of the planet-eater Unicron.
I wish for a free meal consisting of a cheeseburger, some fries, a side of coleslaw, plate of fried chicken, bacon pancakes, a slice of watermelon, a serving of flan, orange sherbet, a caesar salad, smoke salmon on rye, pasta puttanesca, roast beef, chocolate fudge, cold cucumber soup, soft chicken tacos, tuna ceviche, and a several tall glasses of root beer float to wash it all down.

Granted, plus this:

I wish for fluffy towels.

Granted, but you won't able to use it.

I wish that Avdol would come to my house and play Scrabble with me.

Granted, but I intercepted him/her on the way and came instead

I wish call of duty wasn't so bad

Granted, they released a game so bad it makes Call of Duty look good in comparison.
I wish I was a mahou shojo.

Granted, but you will turn in a witch instantly.

I wish that Snoop Dogg would be buff as Armstrong.

Granted, Neil Armstrong.

I wish for a sheet of plywood.

Your wish is granted, however every time you touch it, you'll get splinters in your hands.

I wish Chris Chan would finally grow up and start acting like an actual person.

Granted. He's much worse now that he knows much more about the world.
I wish to be in New Maymay Island

Granted, but it is now under the protection of the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea
I wish for a hamburger

Granted. The hamburger also came with nuggies and you lost your appetite before you could eat it.

I want to know what love is. I want you to show me.

Granted. Your lover gouges your eyes out to demonstrate that love is blind. Then you fuck.

It's boring.

I wish for my youthful innocence.

Granted, but you will die young.

I wish that Nui Harime was a good girl.

Granted, but Ryūko still kills her.
I wish that this wish would remain uncorrupted.

Granted, but you don't get anything from this wish. You wasted it. Nice.
I wish I could be taken seriously.

I wish for a stapler.

Tough shit.

I wish I was less cynical and bitter about everything.

Granted. You're now positive towards someone who killed your entire family.
I wish for a legal gun.

You get a Bubble Cannon 9000, but no fluid with which to blow bubbles.

I wish all my friends from my first year on KYM were still regularly active.

Granted. All they do is shitpost badly.

I wish I was kawaii.

Granted, but you will be physically weak.
I wish that I had a Stand.

You get a stand for your bike, but it's too short, and your bike still falls over.

I wish to weaponize charity.

Granted, it's no match for weaponized sarcasm.

I wish for something high in antioxidants.

Granted, you die from it.
I wish Monty Oum wasn't dead, or a zombie should he come back to life.

Granted. Every update for TF2 means another update pushed back for HL3.

I wish for 3 more wishes.

You missed the second part of my post.
Granted, GabeN destroys one, so you only have two.
I wish for Techforcer to be viable on Death Wish.

Granted, but I have no idea what that means so I can't provide a clever corruption.
I wish someone would corrupt Cipher Oblivion's wish.

Granted. Someone (who's not me) does such a bad job of it that it gives everyone who reads it cancer to the point that the Admins have to permanently delete this entire section of the Forum.

I wish for The Source

Granted. You get sauce instead.

I wish for an epic Doom and Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover.

Granted. It's too epic, neither franchise can continue because of it.

I wish for a rubber band ball.

Granted. But it's very worn.

I wish Colin Wyckoff wasn't dead.

Granted, the internet explodes.
I wish to be meme'don

Granted, however you cannot go to any other website besides KYM now.

I wish I had a real life Gravity Gun from Half-Life 2.

Granted but it's fake and HL3 will never Come out

I wish I can speak and understand German And Japenese fluently but still speak and understand fluent English

Granted, you can't think in German, Japanese, or English anymore.
I wish for a second pre-order copy of GTA V

Granted, but you have to give it to someone you hate.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

Granted, but you have to give it to someone you hate.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

Granted, but you have to give it to someone you hate.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

Granted, but you have to give it to someone you hate.

I wish for this wish to be corrupted.

Granted, but then you die because its four corrupted wishes.
I wish you would realize you fucking quadposted.

Granted, but you will both burn in the files of Internet Hell, Witty Username because he quadposted, and you because you did not respond with some variation of C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

I wish for Tommy Vercetti

Granted, You get a life size cardboard cutout of Tommy Vercetti.

I wish for a remake of Xenogears.

granted, nobody pays attention to it because its part of xenoblade/xenogears
i wish i for an M1911

It's horribly outdated, and everyone mocks you for it while showing off their M2015s

I wish that people could flicker their nipples on and off like fireflies, whenever they wanted to.

Granted, however you can no longer use any electronics that use a light-based element (like a screen) anymore.

I wish I had a working, real-version of the Incinerate! plasmid from the game BioShock, with refillable EVE.

Granted, but you accidentally set yourself on fire, and you burn to death

I wish my girlfriend was here with me.

Granted, but you were fapping to NSFW images when she showed up.

I wish that I thought twice before posting in Downvote This Thread.

Granted. You posted in the cringeworthy gallery instead.

I wish kemonomimi were real.

Granted, but they will never be attracted to you.

I wish for Lucky Charms.

Some leprechaun steal them 5 minutes later.

I wish that this wish is useless.