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BZZT
OI, YER A CHEEKY FOCK, YA BZZT POPPYCOCK.

505ERROR: ACCENTPROGRAM.EXE HAS CRASHED. RESTART?

Y / N

uh
this isn't working
X now stands for John Madden

uh
this isn't working
X now stands for John Madden

I WILL NOW PLAY A SONG ON MY SPACE GUITAR. BEGINNING WITH CHORDS A, E, I, O, U.

Today's game on Steam is 66% off. Hopefully it'll be worth the weight. Thanks, and have fun.

If I told you yes in a vicious and diabolical manner, would you believe me?

Stop creating hats for Team Fortress 2 and release the third installment of the crowbar-wielding-scientist once at all, you greedy bastard.

Also look out for that humanoid fox, Intel reports it uses similar tactics that those employed by Prince Kassad cobra cell.

Yes he's right: Less hat more crowbar-wielding-scientist in TF2! Wait, what?!

that's a little better
it's a very familiar tune
i think i once was in the crater where the video was filmed while on a lunar mission
but i don't think I, O, or U are actually musical notes
hold on let me check
[Downloading data…]
yeah no they aren't

it doesn't matter what tone or manner you say "yes" in, as i am not properly calibrated at the moment to detect tone or manner in voice
but if you type your sentence on my built-in keyboard, i can do a quick analysis of your sentence and determine if i believe you
[POP]
here you go

"Any one want to buy a watch? Snake Oil? The Statue of Liberty? "

due to your link and your personality, i have now learned the definition of "Con Man"
thank you for your contribution to the "Mocha Initiative For Intelligence"

Okay I buy The Statue of Liberty, but if it will be a giant Weeping angel, again………..

I neither want a watch nor the Statue of Liberty. And assuming that your oils actually work, which they don't, they will always pale in comparison to my cure, which is now helping in creating a new form of human life.

Statue of… liberty? What?

"Creating a new form of human life." This reminds me to somebody or something…….It's………GODDAMNHELL! You are SCP-049! Quick I must call them!
(Picking up the SCP cereal box)
Their number must be here……. Ah! Here it is: 642 [Data Redacted] 198…………Well fuck.

wait
the SCP corporation have their own cereal?
i did nOt aNtICIpAte thIS DatA

1. It's Foundation.
2. Yeah they have and it tastes damn good.
3. PROFIT!

i am intrigued now
what flavor is it

Come on Commander Kori, this creepy guy is only a minor concern in GDI agenda. A simple squad of Zone Troopers could easily neutralize him.

c'mon, Porygon, let's induce some seizures across all of Japan!

…What is THAT thing?

Reseacrh Notes No.3

I have finally done it! All the flaws that were hampering my cure have finally been removed! I must let my excitement get the best of me I must first describe the other subjects that haven't mutated as well as the select few that are making me glow in pride as a doctor.

The first of the new mutated subjects appear to be powerful creatures, built with durable, obese bodies, stubby and thick legs, powerful arms, and jaws broken into three separate parts. The fact that these creature have decimated yet another platoon of soldiers along with the environment I'm half tempted to call them "Juggernuats". They are also able to create tall ebony spikes from the ground, I have no idea what they do to create this? Might have to research that when I have the time.

These next ones I just simply call "Flyers" since all I did was experiment what would happen if I gave my modified cure to birds, surprisingly (or alternatively unsurprisingly) the modified cure had an effect on them. The birds now have a pinkish flesh, scraggly feathers, and have partial bat like wings under there falling feathers on both set of wings, and gnarled faces. Their wingspan is approximately two meters and they have enough sufficient bulk to knock a helicopter out of the sky. They resemble the appearance of vultures. Which I found odd since I used city birds (i.e. pigeons, crows, starlings).

A very few ( about three I think) changed into vaguely humanoids, though larger than a building of several stories. They appears to lack skin on most of its body, displaying they're bare musculature, Their faces are also severely lacking in skin, which will give them an almost skeletal look. Noticeably, all four of their limbs are in different proportions. they moves surprisingly fast, with oddly-angled back legs and front arms like a massive gorilla. To say that they are goliaths is an understatement.

But now for the ones that will help change this world. There is no other way but for me to describe them other then they are now back as regular human beings, at least at first glance. For in truth these chosen few display abilities similar to Alex Mercer, the one who has helped my research to where it is now. Right now I'm performing a bit more tests on them to see if there's way for me to spread this have every single human being on the planet evolve just like them.

This is getting out of hand Brave 2 refuel and proceed to target zone immediately. We're gonna send this guy's ass to stratosphere.

Here comes the rain of terror!

Mmm-mm-m-m-m-mm… The bombs bursting in air! Heheheh

[drugs pilot with spiked punch]

Ha!

[Back flips into ruined church]

Now ain' so hard General, right?

It's time to call a friend of mine.

Vanilla, this is what the box says (What does the box say?!) Anyway as their marketing slogan says: Eat SCP cereal every morning and you start your day with a bigger chance to survive a containment breach! Now with collectible SCP action figures, collect them all!

This is getting a bit out of hand…

We definitely need to work together to stop that impending threat!

Sword appears, and looks for signs of the impending abominations.

I'm serious, these things explode into shit!

wait
i just realized
i can't eat anything
…
shit

Go home Jesus, you are drunk.

#Hey! Give those back!#
grabs the bag using one of the tentacle things

quoteth my fellow internet citizens, "I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going"

Here is me, (not)Toph, kicking all your asses.

And this-- this is my final form.

Cower in fear of the Melon Lord's power!

i can not cower or fear, as i am a robot
instead, have this gif
displaying image "2edgy4me"

An Earthbender! Bad thing you can't reach my aircraft! hehehe…

Sir! look at this kitten that i found near the airfield.

A kitten? Kitten..? IDIOT Eject immediat…

i told you about the "Espurrs", general
i told you "Bro"

You are always surprise me.

Geomancy? This is not good!… I have GOT to get some earth- resistant equipment at some point. Or at least learn Null Earth Once.

Research Notes Final Page

It would seem that Dr. Clef of the SCP Foundation will be paying me a visit, no doubt to capture me and place me back in one of the foundation's contaminant units. For the most part I will not fight against this, my work is done now, even though I wish I still had enough time to iron out a few things within the virus. Also it would appear that the red biomass that was clinging to the infrastructure of my laboratory has now spread to other buildings where I am currently staying.

Also true to the cure's viral roots it has spread among the population that live close to the bio-masses, creating more mutated subjects. I wish I found a way to get rid of that grotesque ability of the cure that turns most into monsters but at least within the parade of monsters there lies a few who have reached a new stage of human evolution.

E.V.A: Alpha-6, Bravo-17, and Foxtrot-3 Rapid responsing units had been dispatched to the area, collaborate work with Mobile Task Force Epsilon-11 "Nine Tailed Fox", and Beta-7 SCP units. Infected area being cleared, GDI secret project has been deployed.

running off with the bag of espurrs
#Now to find link.. ufufufu!#

Nomnomnomnomnonmnm fish!

Pillow fight!!!

We can't

She ruined it.

That must be a robot! I can disassemble it and make cash off of the scrap metal!

Ugh…