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(So I've finally gotten around to doing it and by God I think I've accidentally created a masterpiece in shitposting.)

(That video makes me wonder what would happen if you made your own version of LSD Dream Emulator. Because it feels like something from that game, but STALKER-themed.)

(I feel that surrealist / absurdist comedy to be one of my strong suits, as most of my projects tend to end up feeling like a bad trip anyway once I get to the end of them.)

(You could just make it shake violently or spin rapidly instead. If you started doing proper animations, then that would mean I'd actually have to start trying again 😨)

(I guess what I'm saying is that it might help to come up with something that gives you a little bit of urgency to encourage you to work on something.)

(Like, because I'm mostly doing sound design at the moment, I was able to turn a brain fart I had an hour ago into reality, because I didn't want the idea to slip away.)

(Sometimes you've just got to seize the moment instead of putting it on the backburner with everything else.)

(King once more with the flawless space lesbian shitposts)
(Wonder if he's tried Crow Country?)

(I've watched Manly Badass Hero's LP of it.)

(It's an interesting game, but it came across as being far, far too easy to be a survival horror game. I'd say it's more like the original RE4 and is just a spooky action adventure game with the amount of ammo and health that is just lying around everywhere with an infinite amount of pistol ammo just lying in the boot of your car which you can access at anytime outside of boss arenas.)

(at least check out the story, those are shenanigans that are worth seeing)

(I was thinking of designing some Shirleyist plasma weapons and an explanation as to why they look radically different to Shitbot plasma weapons.)

(My idea was that Shitbot plasma weapons work by venting partially ionized plasma from the magazine into the bulb and then rapidly heating it and magnetically charging it with the bulb's filament, making the plasma fully ionized and then expelling it through the lens on the front with magnets, focusing it into either a projectile or beam and the projectile's own magnetic field maintains it's cohesion temporarily, which is why plasma projectiles fizzle out of existence over relatively short distances. Also, Shitbot plasma is neon-mint green because it contains mercury and copper.)

(But Shirleyist plasma weapons work by having an internal chamber filled a mixture of inert gasses that's then charged and ionized by a laser and a Tesla coil and then forced through the barrel by magnets and is formed into longer, bolt-like projectiles that aren't as explosive as the Shitbot plasma projectiles, but move faster and farther and have better penetration. Kind of in between Shitbot plasma (all blast, poor penetration) and Shitbot Phlogiston projectiles (all penetration, poor blast) in terms of performance. Also Shirleyist plasma contains Argon and Aluminum, giving it a violet-purple color.)

(I want different factions' weapons to be different but similar. Soup King seems to be found of wacky & chaotic short-range & melee stuff, which I think is a good contrast to my strong preference for the relatively uncomplicated strategy of "shoot them from as far away as possible with as big of a gun as possible." I mean, it's even reflected in my two favorite melee weapons being the Halberd and longer, more Meteor-Hammer-like Flails that basically keep the user as far from their opponents as possible.)

>at least check out the story, those are shenanigans that are worth seeing

>I was thinking of designing some Shirleyist plasma weapons and an explanation as to why they look radically different to Shitbot plasma weapons.

(This does sound like a really cool idea to help distinguish between the two factions in a fire fight, as they tend to be quite similar in the range department for the most part.)

(In my mind, the effects Shitbot Plasma weapons are the same as Covenant Plasma weapons in the Halo books, where a negligent discharge into the floor will melt your lower legs off and about three inches of concrete as it splashes on the ground.)

(I'm picturing the Shirleyist Plasma weapons as being more refined and more like the plasma rifles from Fallout.)

>I mean, it's even reflected in my two favorite melee weapons being the Halberd and longer, more Meteor-Hammer-like Flails that basically keep the user as far from their opponents as possible.

(Foolish heretic!)

(Clearly the patricians choice of melee weapons is the electrified brass knuckles, because if the enemy isn't getting a broken jaw, second degree burns and involuntarily making Murloc sounds when you punch them in the face, can you really say that you've hit them?)

(Backed-up by the Swiss Army knife of melee brawls, the folding steel chair, your pointy sticks and weaponised farming instruments will be parried away and you will get rushed down.)

(Unless we're formation fighting.)

(If we're doing that, then pointy sticks all the way.)

(In order to prevent this thread from dying, you should all tell me your favourite cream cheese and why it's Breton Garlic and Herb.)

(I swear, this is the second time you've tried to derail the thread to talk about about cheese.)

(Imagine derailing your own thread.)

(Imagine not having a deep love for cream cheese)

(It's my culture.)

(A fridge isn't full unless you have a minimum of three different cheeses in it for multiple occasions.)

(I have three separate blocks of cheese in my fridge but they are of the same kind)

(Off-topic but, since Soup King is our resident Dead Space nerd, I've got a major question about the Markers.)

(If the Marker signal affects all organic tissue in it's AOE, how come the trillions of bacteria living all over the Human body and also every surface hospitable to life doesn't automatically or quickly succumb to the Marker and try to kill/assimilate all the multicellular organisms in the area that take longer to be affected? Even if it only affects dead cells, there's still plenty of dead bacteria literally everywhere, there would very quickly be a giant Necromorph bacteria blob squishing down through the hallways gobbling up everything that hasn't been turned yet.)

(I understand why from a story and gameplay perspective it doesn't, because everyone instantly getting killed by a sudden bacterial revolt would be a pretty lame game/story, but from a lore standpoint, why doesn't the Marker signal immediately make all the gut bacteria automatically perform a pro-gamer move and stop breaking down your food and bodily waste, start trying to kill the Human body and combine to form a Necromorph inside your colon?)

(Haven't played the games, so if it's explained somewhere in-game, cool, but all I can find on this online is other people asking why this doesn't happen.)

(It does, and that's what the biomass that lines the halls and blocks the doorways is made off)

(Most of the lore comes from the OG Dead Space in audio logs that didn't carry over into the Remake as far as I'm aware.)

(The engineers of the Ishimura and on Aegis VII had to keep cleaning it out of the vents and machinery to stop it causing mechanical breakdowns.)

(It's just a very slow process and it is actively being fought against by your bodies own immune system, as well as all the other bacteria in the area as well. The only time rapid transformation occurs is when an Infector deposits a large amount of Necromorph Bacteria directly into a corpse which overruns all of the other bacteria inside of it and takes over.)

>why doesn't the Marker signal immediately make all the gut bacteria automatically perform a pro-gamer move and stop breaking down your food and bodily waste, start trying to kill the Human body and combine to form a Necromorph inside your colon?

(This is exactly what happened to the Feeder Necromorphs in Dead Space 3. They were starving SCAF soldiers that tried to eat Necromorphs and it killed their entire digestive tract and then proceeded to transform them from the inside out, with them being driven insane from starving beyond the point of death, but being able to biologically die as they were half necromorph at this point.)

(It's possible they still have some cognitive function, as they seem to be the only Necromorph that eats instead of just tearing things to pieces and leaving the remains scattered around the floor.)

>Even if it only affects dead cells, there's still plenty of dead bacteria literally everywhere, there would very quickly be a giant Necromorph bacteria blob squishing down through the hallways gobbling up everything that hasn't been turned yet.

(There was something like that in one of the books that just acted as a slime that slid through corridors eating everything, including other necromorphs, it came in contact with.)

(In game, this is what those giant tentacles and blob bosses are made from.)

(My levels of disappointment or admiration will depend on which cheese you have.)

(I hope it's not 3 1kg blocks of mild cheddar.)

(Go figure, the books 75% of people aren't going to read answer the question.)

(Oh, I just remembered: One of the Elemental Powers I listed a while was Bacteria.)

(Meaning someone with Bacteria Z could actually just use their powers to launch a microbiota coup-d'etat against a person. Imagine watching someone get immediately digested inside-out by their own gut flora until there's nothing but a puddle of biofilm with assorted globs of bacterial colonies in it.)

(Huh, I guess this wasn't as off-topic as I initially thought.)

>Go figure, the books 75% of people aren't going to read answer the question.

(Ironically, they just straight up tell you this in the first game. First time with a audio log that is sitting in plain sight, glowing like the sun, in a place where you have to travel through, and secondly as your about to fight the first boss, Kendra calls you over the phone and tells you this as well.)

(I can't recall if the doctor tells you this in the Remake or not.)

>Imagine watching someone get immediately digested inside-out by their own gut flora until there's nothing but a puddle of biofilm with assorted globs of bacterial colonies in it.

(A more interesting application to me is that you could potentially use this to clone anything organic and getting the bacteria to form together in a rough proximity of it.)

(You could use it to make spies that would be very hard to detect unless you put them under a microscope and if they get caught, they can just break themselves down and return to their base colonies.)

(Or you could have them digest organic matter into Hydrogen, contain it inside an airtight biofilm at an internal pressure higher than atmospheric pressure and you've got an all-organic incendiary tripmine.)

(Archaea could do something similar with Methane.)

(Do Shitbots dream of riveted hull sheep?)

(I like to think there's only two toughts on an average shitbot's mind, the Holey One and cheese)

Nobody:

Shitbots:

(Status Update: I have finished one tiny measly Height Chart, which is only a small part of a much larger Height Chart. Only I-Lost-Count Left to go!)

(Now to figure something out for Halloween and also figure out where on Earth Soup King went so I can force him to watch terrible B-Movies synchronized to Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon album until he capitulates to my demands of American English being the definitive form of the English Language.)

(…Electric Torch my ass, it's not even on fire!)

(I'm unironically planning on creating my own analogue horror series, but that will probably be done in November when I have a lot of time free.)

(Since Dark Side of the Moon is an album by an English Prog-Rock band, the only way you can change my mind about the superior version of English would be if you could somehow synch up SLAXX to Dire Straits Walk of Life, Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark and other American funk classics.)

(Not only would it convince me that American English is the best form of English, but I reckon such a masterpiece could easily get people to vote for you as president, give you a leading share in all major corporations and allow you to be the deciding factor of who lives and who dies in the grand arena known as a waffle house car park.)

>I like to think there's only two thoughts on an average shitbot's mind, the Holey One and cheese

(This is mostly correct. the only over thing they hear is the blissful sound of white noise blaring at 120dbl occasionally broken up by random radio stations because having an aerial is a massive fashion faux-pas and makes you look incredibly old-fashioned.)

>Do Shitbots dream of riveted hull sheep?

(We're not primitive savages, you know.)

(We dream of cast hull sheeps with neon connecting joints.)

Was Akhenaten the OG Circle Cultist?

We just know Kaijin would argue in favor.

In other news, my angel’s class is “Übercharged Orb of Hyperdeath and First Guardian”
I learned a new summon: I can now summon the Handmaid from Homestuck.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: BREAK GLASS

She knows how to destroy any doomed timeline, in case this thread ever gets too off-the-rails again.

Think of it this way: we just got a witch for Halloween.

(I mean, to be technical it really depends on what we mean by "Magic" like, how does it work? Are we going by Harry Potter rules and there's just people that are inherently magical and are going to use magic anyways since it's basically an extension of their body? Or are we using a magic system where everybody can use magic without having to have magic in their bloodline or anything like that? I mean, I agree with the statement, but only in the same vein that the arguments against washing your clothes on a Tuesday also don't apply to buying penny stocks through the Internet.)

1.Draw three circles to form a color wheel.
2.Choose one or more shades to make your color.
3.Use alchemy to improve weapons and whatnot.
4.Repeat.

The clergy build is an interesting one:
This class has very high spiritual power stats, but was given the hypocrisy debuff by the devs.

- TierCrew

>Was Akhenaten the OG Circle Cultist?

(I think sun worship precedes him by some bit, definitely older than Shirley worship though.)

>I mean, to be technical it really depends on what we mean by "Magic" like, how does it work?

(I often ascribe magic to being a kind of science, because I have yet to meet a spell or magical being whose performance could not be improved by threatening to beat them savagely with a hammer.)

(Oh, I made a cursed disco for Spooktober this year because it seemed like a fun thing to do for testing out a more long-form video.)

>COLORING RUBRIC: TARDIGRADE TONGUE

The tardigrades make quick work of the language barrier while keeping the glass intact.

>olors: be future AA

You are now future aa. Outside of the glass. In the past.

>ENTER NAME

Your name is DAMARA MEGIDO.

You are one of the most powerful magic users in this world. Solicitations for your service are numerous in quantity. Compensation, temporal. It is an unseasonably warm autumn evening. You are feeling particularly pissed off tonight.

What will you do?

>Future AA: Retrieve wands from the past.

Your wands are in the present, dumbglobes!

>Future AA: Retrieve your grimoire, there are Undefinables to be slain!

You are quite positive there has never been a grimoire in your weapons slots, and never will be. Frankly, the notion strikes you as idiotic and quite silly.

>Present AA: Break through glass with fist.

That was incredibly stupid of you. Great, now your hand is broken from the punch. I hope you're happy.
The angel dutifully restores your hand.

>Future AA: Break glass to free present AA.

You just decide to use a lightning spell to pry open the door. You wonder why you didn't try that sooner.

>Present AA: Become Future AA.

A bunch of stuff happens that we already saw.

>Damara: Explore cult city.

You get bored and go back to the Circle Cult Church.

>Damara: trolors the angel.

No matter how hard the tardigrades tried, that pun didn’t work in English.

Hello?
hello orb guy
i escaped
Good. That means you passed the test.
the what now
Come on, we both knew you would eventually escape.
that was too easy. try something harder and tighter
Tighter as in more confined?
How are you this good at messing up the translation sounds?
it takes practice. the key is to be as unabashedly derogatory as possible.
it even works on my friends
Huh. Interesting…

there is one person who perfected my sentences. he can even blast off like you
What’s his name?
peter pan
You’re kidding me.
the talkers are joking with you. i meant the rouge of breasts
Okay something is seriously wrong
You aren’t making any sense.
he can summon monsters. a summon her if you will.
The Summoner?
yes
Like, from Terraria?
wrong game
Which game?
fiddle spawn
Pokémon
Oh, of course! Duh!
summoner from pocket monsters
That sounds really useful.
we could invite him
ill see

Hm. A summoner…

AA: i cast: Face Reveal!

Be not afraid.
It is I, the angel.

AA: uh holy shit
AA: you're a First Guardian.
AA: no wonder why you were able to save me

That is correct. I am a First Guardian.
But I'm the guardian of Universe F.
Which neither of us are in right now.

AA: at least your powers seem to work
Not all of them.
Some are missing.
Many of th em became corrupte d over time.
But if you're wondering if I'm okay, yes I am.

AA: thats good
AA: it would be bad for me if you died
AA: i'd lose access to this world
AA: and you would lose access to your life subscription.

You do realize I have the power to manipulate karma, right?
I'll be fine.
And you'll be fine, too.

so
whats with the golden psychic effect?

Oh, that.
That's the Holey One, the deity that the Circle Cult worships.
The Circle is very shy, and refuses to talk to strangers. Sorry.

i want to join
please please please

I'll send in a good word.
yay ┌ (i_i) ┐

Did you
Just try to emote with your ram-shaped horns?

affirmative ⌐._.¬
that works

That's the best the tardigrades can manage.
Good luck on the cult application!

whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. story of handmaids tale

you read that story?
olors
what…
i am the handmaids tale
wow, really?
huh
you dont sound surprised
because it’s kind of obvious, when you think about it
if its so obvious, then why did you choose to save me?
there was nothing you could do to stop it
and that universe was knocking on deaths door anyway
because…
Because I can.
I mean, think about it.
Did you really expect me to just float there and watch you suffer?
When I had already planned to save you?

im gonna have to take some time to process this
could you just…
sort of, punt me into next week…
with cans?
Yes, but only if you promise to never use punt and cans in the same sentence again.
no promises. fingers crossed
That was a joke. Here, say ha.
ha
Now say ha again.
hah

LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER
Incorrect.
See you soon!

>Future AA: Be present AA

The Angel punches you into next week.

Today is now Halloween, you’re favorite time of the year, since it’s a lot easier for you to blend in with the humans. If you wander far enough around, you may even get some treats. If not, then you have plenty of tricks up your sleeve.

It’s going to be a long night.

>Future Damara: Return to the past.

You return to the past. Which is currently the present moment.

im back
it took five days for them to process my application
but im now a full member

Five days!? Normally, it only takes three days at the slowest.
Now I’m worried. I think that, by the time Halloween arrived in the future, the librarian became jealous of you.
the librarian?
oh yeah, her.
what was her problem?
I already told you.
oh yeah

so, what kind of powers do you have
It’s really complicated and no one seems to understand.
I have these color modes where different colors give me different abilities.
sounds familiar
Oh ok. FINALLY someone else understands my powers!
you remind me of my old boss
except not evil
That’s pretty funny.
You should try to travel through history and observe my history with the Circle Cult.
Who knows? Your future history-faring self might have been the reason I joined the cult in the first place.
casual spoilers
This is all speculation.
no, that feels like something i would make people do
Oh
Sorry.
You can catch up to me after you travel through history up to the present moment.
Goodbye!
goodbye, olors

>AA: go to the past

She leaves the present.

>Angel: Check savestates.

The angel makes a savestate in the present. Looks like all your other saves are still there.

>Angel: Reload test save.

Reload failed.

The Angel tries and tries again. No matter how much he wants to, the Load feature cannot work.

But then he realized.

The angel no longer has the highest determination of this dimension.

The Handmaid does!

I’m just like Flowey for real.

(Soup King and Kaijin can now play as ♈️ The Handmaid!)

Minecraft seed worldgen. (In case the image gets lost.)

(The image was then immediately lost.)

The CoC librarian looks at the Handmaid’s application. She does meet many of the requirements, and her skillset is in high demand, since the only other person she knows that has time powers is the Angel.

Speaking of whom, the Angel is listed as one of her references. Why would he want her to join, the librarian wonders.

The librarian decides to do the mature thing and ask the Angel why he chose to recommend her.

I’m relieved you asked, actually.
“But why her? She’s clearly not going to get along with the other members.”
The shitbots will help out on that front. Knowing them, they might even be amused by her enrollment.
“And? How about her time traveling abilities? Last I checked, I don’t think the city has a time police.”
But since you told me, that means the time police would be founded in the future and get posted across various checkpoints throughout the timeline, making it so they already exist.
“I… yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Just make sure you remember to get that started. Don’t want to cause a time paradox or anything.”
Of course.
“Also, why are key details about her missing, like birthday or home address?”
Damara was born in a different universe.
As someone who also isn’t native to this dimension, I understand how finding details like that can get tricky.
“I see, I see.”
“I guess the main reason why she rubs me the wrong way…”
phrasing
“Did you say something?”
Nevermind. Continue.
“The problem I have with her, is that she reminds me of the soldiers from the rival organization, the Shirleyists.”
“In fact, I’m surprised she didn’t join them!”
If I wasn’t the one to save her from her original universe, she most likely would have joined them if she arrived here via some other means.
If I had to guess, the Handmaid seems to feel indebted to me.
Like she has to follow me to keep her end of the bargain.
Throughout my travels, I had encountered many beings who share that mindset.
“Well, I’m glad you talked to me.”
“I need some time to think about all this.”
“See you later!”
Goodbye.

“Oh, wait! There’s something I forgot to ask you!”
Yes? What is it?
“You’re not gonna let her join the Inner Circle, right?”
What? No! I don’t trust her! We’ve seen what she’s like. She can’t handle the kind of power we can handle.
The whole reason I saved her was to not let her be the one to ruin her universe’s history.
…
Does that clear things up?
“Yes it does. Thank you for clarifying.”
You’re welcome.

>Past Damara: Get sent to next week

You get sent from last week to next week, which is to say, you end up in this week currently.

A Circle Cultist notices that you are outside the CoC, even though you are very clearly inside.

The cultist dials BADTIME on the phone.

“Hello, this is the time police. When are you?”
“Halloween 2024, afternoon. Someone we recognize is both outside and inside. She’s got yellowish eyes, candy corn-like horns. Grey complexion.”
“Are you sure this individual isn’t in costume? We get a lot of those…”
“No, no! She’s the real deal!”
“You don’t say…”
“We, er- I DO say! The one outside is past her, while the one inside is future her!”

“Well it doesn’t sound like she’s breaking any time laws and that she just made a wrong turn. We can help get her back to the correct point in the timeline and get things sorted out. Good as new-- complete. Good as complete.”
“Past her didn’t get hired by us, but present her did.”
“Don’t you worry. We’ll send her back, safe and sound. Or rather, as safe as current her is.”
“Alright, bye!”

The cultist hangs up. It seems that you lost track of her.
Unbeknownst to you, she just teleported behind you.
AA: nothin personnel, kidd.

You are now Damara.
You just knocked someone unconscious. Serves them right for trying to snitch.
What will you do?

>AA: Explore factory complex.

You explore the city’s industrial district. There seem to be a lot of military equipment being produced around here. You couldn’t find any multi-wheeled devices shipping them to other cities though. Strange…

>Damara: Time Travel

You remember to change the settings to "Read-Only" before you REVERSE. The last thing you want is people getting on your case for going on a trip that you could always return from at the exact time they want you to. That way, everyone wins!

You return to when you last left off, exactly when you're supposed to return. You decide it would be for the best that you wrap it up and catch up with the selves you've yet to become so you can continue solo until further notice.

>AA: Commune with Angel.

Hello.
sup
How was the trip?
so you were in perpetual, futile conflict.
Yes.
let me kill them.
Wait, what?
so we can end this once and for all.
You do realize that would upset the balance of power, right?
im restoring it.
Then again, I also have the power to shake things up.
but youre not going to.
thats what makes us different. you and i.
we both want change. i have action. you have words.
That, that does make sense…
so let me kill them.
Right now?
its now or never, olors
take them on when they least expect it.
Who exactly are you referring to?
the people fueling this conflict.
Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?
ill narrow them down.
No no no. This is too much.
im going to restore the timeline.
You JUST entered this universe, and you're already planning on making sweeping changes.
sweeps are only two years and a sixth. i can cause things to happen within shorter timescales.
much shorter timescales.
But can you please wait for everyone else to catch up?
yes. okay. fine.
Thank you.
I'll see you later. When you're ready.
goodbye.

>Damara: Introduce yourself to the congregation.
In the midst of the congregation, she walks up the platform, acting like she’s about to deliver a long speech in a public area. Here’s what she says:

AA: こんにちは、下等な人々。私は邪悪です。

The shitbots murmur amongst themselves. A few congregants repeat her speech into google translate: (actual link.)

The angel reveals his latest revelation to the congregation:

Upon the completion of this cycle.
The world is to reinvent itself anew.
Upon one cycle around his surface, etched by the master of clockwork,
the dawn of a new world approaches. A world that is the same, yet different.
Same city, same cult, same people,
different roles, different history, different birth years.
The angel who brings new life, brings new opportunities for my people.
Drawing upon his equator, he will be set free. My promises to you shall be fulfilled in due time.
It is from the end of a decaying state that new beginnings are brought forth.

Upon figuring out the meaning, the Angel realized that his days were numbered. Concerned, he consulted with the Inner Circle. They express grief in advance, expecting him to return to the astral plane from whence he came.

No, the Circle didn’t say what I would become.
The Holey One said I would be “set free.” Leaving my future destination up to me.
Do you know what this means?

“Not really. What do you want to become after the new year?”

The angel speaks discreetly:

Upon showing myself as unselfish, truthful, and brave. On that day, I will be a real boy.

(I plan on resetting my character back down to Level 1.)