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I asked this question on TV Tropes Forums but the stupid mods kept taking them down, so I’ll ask here.

What would you post if you got access to all of Nintendo’s social media accounts before giving the reigns back and leaving Nintendo to do damage control? I’d say stuff like…

• We would like to announce that we will stop issuing DMCA takedowns if Luigi’s Day Out from hotdiggetydemon can get more views than Racist Mario which inspired us to issue takedowns.

• Starting with Mario Kart Wii, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, Super Mario Bros 35, and ARMS, select Nintendo titles will be brought to Steam

• Super Mario Bros 35 will also come to Xbox Game Pass as well.

• Fire Emblem Three Houses will now have a new DLC route revolving around the Golden Deer, Black Eagles, and Blue Lions uniting under Spamton

• Illumination’s Mario movie will have a special feature for the Blu-Ray where you can play Super Mario Bros Deluxe, the Mario Advance series, and Super Mario 64 DS if played in a PlayStation 4/5 or Xbox One/Series X/S

• Nintendo Switch Online members will now be able to play Pokemon Clover along with Newer Super Mario Bros DS

• Emperor Zurg has violently murdered Darth Vader and Palpatine, send help.

• Mother 3’s fan translation will be available for $9.99 on the Switch eshop later today.

• Be sure to check Cartoon Network for they will air a marathon of every episode of Kirby: Right Back At Ya!

• Should Sakurai break the Video Games only rule, he states that he’d add Popeye, Po, Sally Acorn, and Tanjiro first.

• We plan for any rerelease of Smash Wii U, 3DS, and Ultimate to replace Corrin and Byleth with Bandana Dee and Klaymen

• Metal Sonic is actually Sonic.EXE after being turned into a robot, Sega is lying to you all.

• Super Mario Maker 2 will now receive paid DLC starting at $40.

• We will be porting characters, karts, wheels, and gliders from Mario Kart Tour to Mario Kart 8 for free

• Pokemon Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl will receive an update adding Hisuian forms, select Pokemon from Gens 5-9, and even new Sinnoh variants along with an extra save file.

• What Pokemon from Clover and Uranium would you want to see appear in an official game?

Imagine the disappointment from many when Nintendo has to do damage control.

What would any of you guys post if you had access?

MisterZygarde64, you just gave me a plethora of bad ideas. I’ll do something like:

1) We're proud to announce the fan favorite character, Bowsette, will be featured in the Super Mario Movie. Voice by none other than Emilly Vasquez.

2) We partner with Bad Dragon to release a new selection of Nintendo center characters items, starting with Dragnux, Bowser, King K. Rool, and Charzard.

3) Orc Massage will feature an exclusive slime girl character later today on the Nintendo eShop.

4) Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze will have a new DLC where you can play as Lanky Kong with new exclusive levels to test your –style and grace.–

5) To celebrate the release of Steam Deck, we include Splatoon 3, Breath of the Wild 2, Xenoblade 3, and Mario Odyssey as purchasable games on Steam.

6) Mario Odyssey 2 is not in development, please stop asking us.

7) Stay tuned for our exclusive Paper Mario NFTs. featuring physical paper cut outs of all your favorite characters (80% of them are just slight hue variants of toads).

8) Announcing a Nintendo Direct which only shows rereleases of Devil’s Third, Aquaman, Drake of the 99 Dragons, Backyard Wrestling 2, Beastly, and Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale. And that's it.

9) Announcing a remake of Chibi Robo: Zip Lash on the Nintendo Switch.

10) We are aware of the allegations involving the unionization disruption in NoA. We apologize for the non-transparent communication compared to NoJ to the international regions.Well start to improve our workplace for our employees. That's all we have to say right now, no need to sugarcoat or publicity stunt. What are we, Activi-Blizzard? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"We deeply apologize for our abuse of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and as a gesture of good faith and to show how important the history of video games are to us, we will be sending copies of the source code and hardware schematics for all of our discontinued console to the members of the emulation community who have worked diligently over the years to preserve the experience of discontinued consoles for generations to come."

Just imagine the chaos. Especially from the "Emulation is Illegal" crowd that Nintendo's mostly responsible for propping up.

"We have finally decided to release all Nintendo game soundtracks from the original Donkey Kong to the upcoming Mario Strikers Battle League to Spotify and Apple Music. Enjoy the beloved, iconic soundtracks anytime, anywhere.

Plus, we also decided to create a Nintendo Music Youtube channel containing all the soundtracks. More soundtracks will be added over time. Stay tuned."

If only…

"Nintendoes what PlayStation doesn't"

I don't know what kind of rivalry the industry has these days, but that should be about right.

"Waluigi fucks."

Post Peach and Daisy's bra sizes and see what new chaos I've brought among waifu wars.

You know what's the best part of these suggestions? There'd likely still be people who would defend these tweets.

Have a few more ideas

• We're proud to announce a My Hero Academia game by HAL Laboratory that will play like Kirby Star Allies and Kirby Planet Robobot

• Happy to announce the inclusion of characters from Fire Emblem Three Houses in the newest Sonic Riders game alongside characters from Persona 5 and My Hero Academia

• Should Microsoft sell them to us. We'll make Banjo Kazooie and Conker alongside their supporting cast and the characters from Diddy Kong Racing part of the Mario universe

• Question would you rather we do a Guilty Gear Tour with Sol, Jack-O, and Ky or a Smiling Friends Tour with Charlie, Pim, and Glep in Mario Kart Tour?

• The first three Paper Mario games are now part of a new RPG series called Mario Story, separate from Sticker Star onwards.

• We are happy to announce that characters from these series will be featured in future events in Mario Kart Tour and as DLC in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe.
  Proceeds to show logos of Mario and Luigi, Paper Mario, Shrek, Despicable Me, Animal Crossing, Doom, My Hero Academia, Demon Slayer, Assassination Classroom, Food Wars, Shaun the Sheep, Wallace and Gromit, The Owl House, Amphibia, Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty, Undertale, Deltarune, Undertoad, Inverted Fate, A Hat in Time, Shovel Knight, Yooka Laylee, Hollow Knight, Rivals of Aether, Brawlhalla, Pizza Tower, Anton Blast, Friday Night Funkin, Parappa the Rapper, A Koopa's Revenge, Psycho Waluigi, Toad Strikes Back, Super Mario Bros Z, Spy x Family, King of the Hill, Beavis and Butthead, Clone High, Blaster Master Zero, ToeJam and Earl, Banjo Kazooie, Conker, Adventure Time, SpongeBob Squarepants, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, Gravity Rush, Halo, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Mega Man, Street Fighter, Digimon Ghost Game, Digimon Adventure, Pokemon Anime, Pac-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog, The Neverhood, Croc, Guilty Gear, Smiling Friends, Spider-Man, Batman, Pokemon, Shin Megami Tensei, Persona 5, Persona 4, The Looney Tunes Show, Mickey Mouse 2013, Kill la Kill, Little Witch Academia, Fire Emblem Awakening, Fire Emblem Three Houses, Vinesauce, Oneyplays, and many more

>As of today, Pokémon is now open source and public domain.

I think that statement alone would cause whatever platform it was delivered on to melt, along with DeviantArt and potentially several other art websites.
Replace Pokémon with almost any other one of their franchises they've got and get similar results.

We are working on a Pokémon Dating Sim game. (With a bonus adult DLC)

"We're proud to announce that after almost 30 years of fans asking, we'll be releasing The Super Hornio Brothers I & II on Blu-Ray, remastered in 4K."

Friendly reminder that Nintendo owns the distribution rights to said porn parody, making them the only ones capable of legally releasing it.

That was a prank. We only said that because we know you guys are morons.
The REAL announcement is that we're flushing down this zombified joke of a franchise forever.
Cry yourself to sleep pokewhales.

don't take this seriously imao