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penceyprepofficial: when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like "lol k" and while they were gone tHE F------ FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like "no need to apologize, turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong" and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder First

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mysharona1987 Follow Sep 9, 2024 Connie @iamthedunce Replying to @Gavin_F_Brewis Vampires don't live in castles, Count Dracula lived in a castle because he was a count, not because he was a vampire. iamnmbr3 Follow 3d ago this feels like a sensitivity training for how to not commit micro aggressions against vampires in your workplace 47,810 notes

vangObus Follow gameshow called 'pride or prejudice' in which the contestants are presented with a gay joke and have to guess if it Iwas made by a queer person or a homophobe e-the-village-cryptid Follow the contestants are all vaguely liberal straight people who are desperately uncomfortable with the entire concept

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so I suck into his car

sifhappens: lheard my brother say he was going to dairy queen so l suck into his car and he has no idea I'm in here he asked his friend what he wanted and I popped up from the floor 'I was thinking about a milkshake' I have never heard two teenage boys scream louder

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The same can also be said if you remember someone who pissed you off long ago and now have an urge to punch someone in the face.

!http://40.media.tumblr.com/65c86a764faef0b4eadb98c7fed3f816/tumblr_nq1r9wxeCH1s5b5tzo1_500.jpg!

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when you unsuspectingly see your best friend at the store

suctioning aciddd-angel: suctioning when you unsuspectingly see your best friend at the store why the f--- would this be my reaction You must not have a best friend

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Hell is other people. And Tumblr.

"source":http://recovery-equals-happiness.tumblr.com/post/121687623475/well-thats-me-sorted-then

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Tumblr in a nutshell

6omble Cocoune dic+ ds scremig the sitehas drug Porble s

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Fuck

moosekingofhell: homovikings: two words sixteen letters guaranteed to make any student cry thesis statements i just got nauseous and i've been out of school for three and a half years. Source: homovikings

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Kinda feels like that since parents usually overreact to those 2 words.

what i actually said: i forgot what my parents heard: i hate you and i am determined to fail at life, go to prison, and bring dishonor to this family. i care about nothing except my computer and tv shows and you can just go burn in hell for all i care. also i'm pregnant Source: arfakita

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"You can't separate the term "faggot" from homophobia."

The edgy is strong in this one.

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It really does feel like that.

Foo Fighters 'Rickroll' the Westboro Baptist Churchh 10:45 AM Monday Aug 24, 2015 psychoticrambling: meladoodle: This headline looks like it's been created by some sort of pop culture meme generator POLITICS Deez Nuts Speaks: Meet Brady Olson, The 15-Year-Old Candidate for President Donald Trump: As president, I wouldn't even have time to comb my hair the way I comb it' this entire year looks like it was created by a s----- online meme generator Trending Source: meladoodle

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You could also add "silverware/certain pieces of food stuck in the garbage disposal" to the list.

aintnobodygotmoneyfodat: loudest noises -dad sneezes -mom yells -trying to get a pot out of the pot cupboard -dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower -flushing the toilet at 3am in the morning -IMAX

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Why would anyone watch this show instead of porn?

iahfy nikoniko808+ starweilder: trying to figure out someone else's shower NAKED Source: starweilder #fav 368,770 notes

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I don't know, that sounds like something out of Jojo to me

outofcontextjojo Thinking on it now, the first dude to look at semen through a microscope must've been like Yoooooo0 #PFFFT #wrong blog #non-jojo 150 notes

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+120

Tumblr - Agent 47's career beginnings

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

penceyprepofficial: when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like "lol k" and while they were gone tHE F------ FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like "no need to apologize, turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong" and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder First

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Diceyed Liam

Diceyed Liam

Aug 30, 2015 at 09:07PM EDT

"Tell me, Mr. Papshmir, in all the world, who is the most effective assassin?"

"Well, I would think ANYONE who manages to conceal his identity as an assassin."

"Yes, but there is even a more ideal assassin – one who doesn't KNOW he's an assassin."

+66

Dan21734

Dan21734

Aug 30, 2015 at 08:53PM EDT in reply to Mudoon

Well apparently taking care of it was too much work so I doubt the owner would go through the trouble of finding another owner.

+29

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