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Biggus Dickus - Transcription

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The scene in Pilate's chamber from "Monty Python's Life of Brian" Transcribed 6/21/86 by Dwayne A. X. E. E. ( CS107124@YUSOL ) **** **** **** **** It is big and impressive, (Brian is hauled into Pilate's audience chamber. although a certain amount of redecorating is underway. The Centurion salutes.) Centurion: Hail Caesar. Pilate: Hail Caesar. Centurion: Only one survivor, Sir. Pilate: Thwow him to the floor. Centurion: What, Sir? Pilate: Thwow him to the floor. Centurion: Ah! (He motions to the two Roman guards, who throw Brian to the ground.) Now, what is your name, Jew? Pilate: Brian: Brian. Bwian, eh? (trying to be helpful) (The Centurion cuffs him.) The little wascal has thpiwit. Pilate: Brian: No, *Brian*. Pilate: Centurion: Has what, sir? * THPIWIT*. Centurion: Yes, he did, sir. Pilate: Pilate: No, no, thpiwit...bwavado...a touch of dewwing-do. Centurion: (still not really understanding) Ah. About eleven, sir. (to Brian) So you dare to waid uth. (rising to his feet) To what? Stwike him, centuwion, vewwy woughly. Pilate: Brian: Pilate: Centurion: And throw him to the floor, Sir? Pilate: What? Centurion: THWOW him to the floor again, Sir? Oh, yeth. (The Centurion knocks Brian hard on the side of the head again and the two guards throw him to the floor.) Now, Jewith wapscallion. I'm not Jewish Pilate: Thwow him to the floor. Pilate: Brian: I'm a Roman! Pilate: *WOMAN* ? Brian: No, *ROMAN*. (But he's not quick enough to avoid another blow from the Centurion.) Tho, your father was a *WOMAN*. (proudly) He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison. Pilate: Who wath he? Brian: Pilate: Oh. What was his name? Brian: Nortius Maximus. (An involuntary titter arises from the Centurion.) Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison? Centurion: Well...no, sir. Pilate: You sound vewwy sure...have you checked? Centurion: Well...no, sir. I think it's a joke, sir...like...Sillius Soddus, or...Biggus Dickus. What's so funny about Bigguth Dickuth? Pilate: Centurion: Well,...it's a...a joke name, sir. Pilate: I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Bigguth Dickuth.

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