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: Anonymous (ID: JL5Dj5ct The Rosauers Incident ROSAGERS $5900 & AD FOOD R 1.84 MB PNG 04/30/24(Tue)11:22:35 No.20168267 > Be me > Be in University > GF (now wife) and I just finished mid- terms > GF and I proceed to bar-hop to blow off steam > Drink an entire fishbowl myself among numerous other beverages > feelsgoodman.wmv > Blissfully unaware of the day of reckoning about to take place > Crack of noon arrives > Wake up with blistering hangover > GF and I go to mall together > GF and I eat S----- Wok in a vain attempt to stave off hangovers > Lather it with copious amounts of chili sauce, because why the f--- not > impendingdoom.zip > GF complains of gastrointestinal discomfort and demands to be taken home > Drive GF to her apartment > Doesn't even kiss me goodbye as she sprints to her apartment at Mach speed > foreshadowing.avi > Begin to drive back to my place > Guts aren't in distress quite yet > calmbeforethestorm.rar > Pass gas station before I turn on to highway > Just my luck, upon turning on to highway, my colon starts the burning of a thousand suns > These cramps are contractions for the unholy abomination I am about to birth > The Battle of Stalingrad wages in my colon > SOS > White knuckles grip the steering wheel > Begin the mantra of "hold it" > "Hold it!" > My fedora-tipping edgelord ass suddenly becomes religious > hailmary.exe > A beacon of hope appears on the horizon > Rosauers Supermarket to the rescue > Race to parking lot > Ever seen how a penguin walks? > Spoiler alert: not fast enough > Pray to any deity that will listen to spread their mercy on that bathroom > "I'm gonna make it" "I'm gonna make it!!!" > Dear reader, I, in fact, did NOT make it > Simple_Plan_Untitled.mp3 > What can only be described as lukewarm runny instant mashed potatoes proceed to run down my pant leg > A shame I've never felt engulfs my psyche > I stand before the sliding glass doors of Rosauers a broken man : Anonymous (ID: JL5Dj5ct 04/30/24(Tue)11:24:01 No.20168277 > Panic sets in > Need to act fast > Remember my gym bag is in the back my car > Waddles to car > March_Of_The_Penguins.wmv > Get in back of car > Put shirt on window in attempt to hide my shame > Use sweaty clothes and towel to clean up mud bath > Shoes even become a casualty > A contest of pungent odors is being waged in my vehicle > I now need to dispose of the evidence > Kick s-----, sweaty clothes out of my car near storm drain I parked by > RIP Pennywise > Climb into driver's seat > The ghost of Dale Earnhardt possesses me as I peel out of Rosauers parking lot > Begin the trek home > Questioning my life's choices > existentialcrisis.exe is successfully installed > Sigh heavily > Then suddenly burst out in laughter over sheer absurdity of situation > Arrive home, rinse off rancid remnants, go to work > Purchase pine tree shaped air freshener > ff to Sunday night > GF and I enjoying the company of friends in the neighboring town > For some inexplicable reason, I decided to recount my harrowing tale > What can only be described as a hyena's howling is being directed at me > My identity as the phantom s------ has been revealed > laughtohidethepain.avi > GF and I begin the drive home > Curiosity gets the better of us > Decide we need wine and snacks from... three guesses where... > Return to the scene of the crime > The glimmer of neon athletic socks appears like a lighthouse on a stormy sea > Well... SURE AS S---...the clothes are still there > Pun absolutely intended > notasinglefuckgiven.wav > GF and I laugh over wine and snacks and horror movie > Ever drink Bailey's from a shoe? >>20168421 #

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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The White Wizard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 55 KB JPG 04/30/24(Tue)11:59:49 No.77325919 >parents took me out of school >parents didnt let me have a gf or a phone before 18 >parents fed me goyslop my whole life so all I know is eating >parents didnt enforce me to brush my teeth at a young age >parents didnt let me have a car or drive >been a neet my whole life, and now am a wizard the only thing I have going for me is I am white. I dont think people realize how badly strict parents can ruin your life. not allowing your children to do stuff due to your own insecurities and fears is child abuse.

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Um is it still about censorship guys? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/24(Tue)22:00:41 No.674992054 >order a white car 1697679151445774.png 218 KB PNG >white car with black stripes arrives >erm this isn't what i ordered >why do you care? it can still be used to go from A to B, the interior is the same, the engine is the same, it's still the same car : Anonymous >>674992054 (OP) # >order a white car 04/30/24(Tue)22:02:34 No.674992228 >white car with black stripes arrives >refund said car and order another white car from a company who actually doesnt ship white cars with black stripes I hope you understand where im going with this... >>674992387 # >>674993132 # >>674993327 # >>674993751 # >>674995823 # >>674996760 #

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anon goes to target | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 68 KB JPG 04/30/24(Tue)13:55:49 No.77325887 >be me today >go to target >need to get some new underwear >go to men's underwear section >looking at my options, seeing what's good >see all the packaging with models wearing tight briefs showing off their big bulges >start to get boner Is this normal? I'm straight btw Anonymous Before Alter Closet Transformation 134 KB JPG 04/30/24(Tue)14:15:51 No.77326089 >>77325887 (OP) # >>the gayest s--- you'll ever hear >"im straight btw"

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Anon has a crush | /r/Greentext

誓 19 KB JPG > Be me, entering a very hard subject on uni, first day of class see a beautiful girl in the first seat > Go to class just to admire her and gain some courage to talk to her but can't because she's always with somebody > Still go to class and become more participative just to impress her. Lose the awareness of what am doing and just do things to impress this girl. > Time goes by and the semester is ending. Final work is making our own economic model that can be applied to the real world. I make an actualized version of the Ricardian equivalence, really put a lot of effort into it. > I take a haircut, buy a nice sweater and some pants to look good on the day of the presentation. That day comes comes, see that she didn't come to class. Still present my work and get a good score but get bummed because she couldn't see my presentation > next semester find out through a friend of hers that she had a breakdown cause she couldn't do the model and abandoned the subject, now she's reappeating it. Is wild what this girl did to me with just her presence. I'm recently just becoming aware of how pathetic it was of me to go this far to gain her attention instead of just talking to her. Still have to thank her for being my inspiration to put some effort i guess.

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Anon watches Predator. | /r/Greentext

xxTheChildPredatorxx lepon O friend requests Anonymous 255 KB JPG 03/02/22(Wed)16:08:57 No.873686677 >watch Predator for the first time when I was 10 >think the predator is badass >get Xbox live >think of cool gamer tag >XxTheChildPredatorxx >nobody adds my friend requests >haven't the slightest clue why The fear I must have invoked in the hearts of parents when I sent their kids friend requests was probably astounding

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Supirior tactics | /r/Greentext

151 KB JPG >daughter says she's trans (9th grade) >wtfdo.jpeg >confess I'm trans too >she's confused >dad no you're not >stop being a bigot Charlotte, let's do this together >wear dress and makeup next morning >daughter is angry, tells me to stop faking >no, I'm trans honey. now get in the car and let's go to school >she's horrified, asks to be dropped off a block away >nope, walk her in, wave to front desk >she's fuming >wife can't stop laughing >pick up daughter, in skirt and heels. s----- makeup, glitter on cheeks. skip your to her and her friends >DAD STOP ITS NOT FUNNY >demand she use my pronouns, call her a bigot >next morning she's done with the whole trans thing, begs me to stop Is being trans now just the 90s version of goth? Definitely not cool when your parents do it. Lean into it and shame them out of it

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Anon is enlightened | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.84 MB PNG 04/30/24(Tue)12:28:02 No.917662821 > be me, an average Joe, just got into meditation > heard it helps with stress, why not give it a shot > start meditating daily, feeling pretty good > one night decide to go deep, real deep > lights off, complete silence, sitting on the floor in lotus position > minutes turn into hours, or maybe seconds, can't tell > suddenly, it hits me like a ton of bricks > a chilling realization creeps in > "what if when you die... it's just you, in eternal nothingness, forever?" > heart races, but body too relaxed to show it > keep diving deeper into the thought > start to feel the emptiness, the void that awaits > no light, no sound, just endless, aware nothingness > panic internally, but too deep in meditation to stop now > the thought becomes a monster, gnawing at the edges of my consciousness > imagine dying and just being conscious in a void > aware of nothingness, unable to escape, eternal loneliness > try to pull back, but the meditation has a grip on me > finally manage to snap out of it > heart pounding, sweat everywhere > can't shake the feeling that I've glimpsed the afterlife > too scared to meditate ever again > lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering if that's all that's waiting >mfw I realize eternity might just be a never-ending meditation session with myself

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Anon does some home improvement | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/29/24(Mon) 16:07:28 No.10893334 CAT 224 KB JPG >lose job, broke and landlord raises my rent >forced to vacate apartment >landlord says I need to fix holes in wall where ex- roommate put shelves >was where i kept my retro gaming consoles >landlord says it will cost him $200 to fix >but says i can just do it myself with filler and paint >go to a Home Depot for first time ever >elderly man with grinning chipmunk face speaks to me >"so is it interior, exterior? You need primer or undercoating? Is it drywall, wood or brick? You think you will need caulk or sealant? Flobba dob flib flob flabnla ajaj weokammakakama" >tell him i dont even have a paint brush >"well, your gonna need a roller, brush, plastic sheeting flobbib flannibabd ajjdjkdododkdkdod" >feeling of existential dread overwhelms me >immediately turn around and walk out store >sell my original NES console to pay for wall damage F--- life. Its GG bridge time.

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Anon is in a happy relationship | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/23(Sat) 14:15:21 No.660124978 My wife only plays Stardew Valley but hates doing the caves because she hates combat s--- so she has me clear it for her. She claps and cheers every time I finish those sections for her and makes me whatever I want for dinner after. It actually makes me feel genuine happiness when she does this. >>660125178 # >>660125319 # >>660125683 # >>660125732 # >>660125845 # >>660126729 # >>660126772 # >>660126872 # >>660126898 # >>660126959 # >>660127026 # >>660127159 # >>660127443 # >>660127591 # >>660127634 # >>660127764 # >>660127778 # >>660128186 # >>660128605 # >>660128665 # >>660128735 # >>660128782 # >>660128785 # >>660129014 # >>660129396 # >>660129443 # >>660129539 # >>660129575 # >>660129681 # >>660129747 # >>660129868 # >>660131032 # >>660131659 # >>660132005 # >>660132680 # >>660132957 #

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Probably the most realistic greentext in a long time | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 142 KB PNG 04/29/24(Mon)23:31:28 No.77316310 >haven't cleaned room since november >8 garbage bags resting in room >about a dozen piss bottles under my bed >haven't showered in months

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Anon makes the most out of it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 8 KB JPG 12/17/23(Sun)08:04:12 No. 910936344 > go to therapist because I keep getting harassed to > talk about it > no body who f------ begged me to go asks how it was > therapist has some nice t--- > go to therapy to look at t--- and it's free because it's state issued The state can suck my mouldy penis

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Anon is so depressed that he wishes he lived in the fallout universe | /r/Greentext

FT 29 KB JPG >be me >20 year old wageslave who's sick of living in mom's basement and is saving up to move out >decided to work for Amazon because of the $15/hour >work 10 hour shifts walking around a warehouse picking items off shelves and putting them in totes >f------ sucks >one day, pop in earphones and put on the New Vegas radio soundtrack >pretend I'm the Courier walking back and forth to complete missions >pretend my scanning gun is a .357 >pretend to go into VATS whenever I see my manager in the distance >manage to get through the day a lot quicker >Feeling a lot cooler about myself Anyways, can one of you guys recommend me the quickest way to kill myself, it felt so good acting so retarded that I know there's no more hope for me and I need to end it fast before I turn into even more of a full on retard.

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Greentext Stories - The phantom shitter | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous (ID: JL5Dj5ct The Rosauers Incident ROSAGERS $5900 & AD FOOD R 1.84 MB PNG 04/30/24(Tue)11:22:35 No.20168267 > Be me > Be in University > GF (now wife) and I just finished mid- terms > GF and I proceed to bar-hop to blow off steam > Drink an entire fishbowl myself among numerous other beverages > feelsgoodman.wmv > Blissfully unaware of the day of reckoning about to take place > Crack of noon arrives > Wake up with blistering hangover > GF and I go to mall together > GF and I eat S----- Wok in a vain attempt to stave off hangovers > Lather it with copious amounts of chili sauce, because why the f--- not > impendingdoom.zip > GF complains of gastrointestinal discomfort and demands to be taken home > Drive GF to her apartment > Doesn't even kiss me goodbye as she sprints to her apartment at Mach speed > foreshadowing.avi > Begin to drive back to my place > Guts aren't in distress quite yet > calmbeforethestorm.rar > Pass gas station before I turn on to highway > Just my luck, upon turning on to highway, my colon starts the burning of a thousand suns > These cramps are contractions for the unholy abomination I am about to birth > The Battle of Stalingrad wages in my colon > SOS > White knuckles grip the steering wheel > Begin the mantra of "hold it" > "Hold it!" > My fedora-tipping edgelord ass suddenly becomes religious > hailmary.exe > A beacon of hope appears on the horizon > Rosauers Supermarket to the rescue > Race to parking lot > Ever seen how a penguin walks? > Spoiler alert: not fast enough > Pray to any deity that will listen to spread their mercy on that bathroom > "I'm gonna make it" "I'm gonna make it!!!" > Dear reader, I, in fact, did NOT make it > Simple_Plan_Untitled.mp3 > What can only be described as lukewarm runny instant mashed potatoes proceed to run down my pant leg > A shame I've never felt engulfs my psyche > I stand before the sliding glass doors of Rosauers a broken man : Anonymous (ID: JL5Dj5ct 04/30/24(Tue)11:24:01 No.20168277 > Panic sets in > Need to act fast > Remember my gym bag is in the back my car > Waddles to car > March_Of_The_Penguins.wmv > Get in back of car > Put shirt on window in attempt to hide my shame > Use sweaty clothes and towel to clean up mud bath > Shoes even become a casualty > A contest of pungent odors is being waged in my vehicle > I now need to dispose of the evidence > Kick s-----, sweaty clothes out of my car near storm drain I parked by > RIP Pennywise > Climb into driver's seat > The ghost of Dale Earnhardt possesses me as I peel out of Rosauers parking lot > Begin the trek home > Questioning my life's choices > existentialcrisis.exe is successfully installed > Sigh heavily > Then suddenly burst out in laughter over sheer absurdity of situation > Arrive home, rinse off rancid remnants, go to work > Purchase pine tree shaped air freshener > ff to Sunday night > GF and I enjoying the company of friends in the neighboring town > For some inexplicable reason, I decided to recount my harrowing tale > What can only be described as a hyena's howling is being directed at me > My identity as the phantom s------ has been revealed > laughtohidethepain.avi > GF and I begin the drive home > Curiosity gets the better of us > Decide we need wine and snacks from... three guesses where... > Return to the scene of the crime > The glimmer of neon athletic socks appears like a lighthouse on a stormy sea > Well... SURE AS S---...the clothes are still there > Pun absolutely intended > notasinglefuckgiven.wav > GF and I laugh over wine and snacks and horror movie > Ever drink Bailey's from a shoe? >>20168421 #

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